We drive for about an hour before Goldie gestures off road. Great. Civilisation is just getting further and further away. I'm starting to get nervous. I mean, what do these guys want? If they're looking for my leader, he's about 4000km south-east. Do these guys even know where we're going? Do they know how dry it is out here and how easy it is to die? And what the heck are their plans for me? They don't really look like the anal probe type. Which is good, except they look more like the carnivorous human-eating type. I'm running the contents of my esky through my head and hoping they don't get hungry anytime soon.
Another hour of bush-bashing and a whole lot of dust and Brownie jabbers something to Goldie and Goldie gestures off to the left. Maybe they want a pit stop? I pull into the shade of a pile of red rocks with a few scraggly eucalypts. Brownie hands his gun to Goldie and hops out. And then he climbs the rocks. No kidding, he's like a monkey. Must be all that muscle. And what do you know? He's got a funny metal tail. I sneak a peek at Goldie's tail, but no, it looks like flesh. I wonder what happened to Brownie that he got a metal one? Maybe they're cyborgs or something, and he lost the skin covering? I'm getting nervous again; that's the worst of having an imagination. Maybe I can get to the boot and get that trank gun.
"Hey, look, I have to, uh, get something out of the boot, ok?" I smile at Goldie, without teeth, and hope he doesn't think it's a threat gesture. I open the door. He's looking at me, but not doing anything. Ok. I ease outside. He's looking wary. Not that I would know, but I'm guessing here. Okay, think quick.
"Woman's trouble," I say, pointing to my belly. His eyebrows go up under his hair. Okay, maybe that will convince him. God only knows what he thinks I said, but it seems to work. I edge around and open the boot. Quickly slip out the trank gun. Car door is opening. Trank vial in the slot. Hope it's enough. Footsteps. Look up. He's got the gun pointed down. I fire straight into his belly. That'll go down fast.
He grunts and looks down, then grabs my arm. And it hurts. He's strong, and he's being none to gentle with those claws. He wrestles the gun out of my hand, but he's definately going down! Yes! He's swaying. Unfortunately I'm going down with him because he's not letting go. Ow. I fall onto his chest as he drops and wrench at his fingers. It's like a steel grip and I can't even budge them a little. But finally he goes limp and I wriggle free. Whew. I rush to the front of the car and look for Brownie. No sign of him. Great! I have the gun and one of them is unconscious. Ok. I am in control. I repeat, I am in control.
I rush back and grab the ET gun. I also load another trank into my gun in case Brownie gets ructious. Ok. I can get Brownie to load Goldie in the car, and then I'll tie him up in the back and drive to the Alice. No problems. I grab some of the winch rope out of the back and cut off a few hanks. A few half-hitches and Goldie is all trussed up. Lovely. Time for a drink.
I've got my head in the boot when I hear some rocks come down. I carefully put myself on the other side of the car. Brownie comes down and sees Goldie and rushes towards him. Just as I planned. He leanes over him and feels at Goldie's chest. Now.
"Okay Brownie, hands up!" I say boldly, stepping out from behind the car. Brownie whips around. Boy is he fast. His eyebrows go way up when he sees that I've got the gun. I smirk. It's hard not to. I don't like being abducted by strange men, especially strange aliens. Not that I ever have been before. But you know what I mean. I gesticulate with the gun.
"Hands up!" Brownie eases them up slowly. He's craning around to look at something on the gun, I can't figure out what. Then he grins and stands up, and starts walking towards me. @#%$! I press the trigger. Nothing happens. Can you believe it, the thing has a safety catch and I have no idea where it is. I drop the ET gun, whip out the trank gun and pop off a vial. I'll say it again, he can move! His eyebrows go up again but he's gone before I even fire almost. Where the hell is he? I turn around but he's already there and I'm now without any type of gun and he plops me on my butt in the dirt. Well! I'm up like a jack-in-the-box but I shouldn't have bothered, because he just plops me right back down again, then puts a foot on my chest and examines the gun. How humiliating! I struggle, but then he puts a little weight on and I decide not to, because I get the feeling there's a lot more where that came from. So I just lie there.
He fiddles with the trank gun and then pulls out the other vial. He breaks it open and has a sniff. "Why don't you try eating it?" I say sweetly. He looks at me and flicks his ears, so I know he heard, but of course, witty repartee is lost on him. And then he laughs. He laughs! That just makes me even madder, and it doesn't help when he stoops down, grabs me, and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of grain. I kick and bite and try and punch him in the kidneys, or where I think his kidneys might be, but I stop pretty quickly. It's like punching a horse.
Brownie plops me down against the rear tire and reaches into the boot. I take the opportunity to run like a rabbit. I know, I know, why bother? But there is such a thing as pride, you know. So I get about 10 paces before Brownie catches me and carries me back. He's got some of that winch cable in his hand. The bugger! That was my idea.
He's pretty talkative while he's trussing my wrists, and I have to say, in retrospect, that it's a pretty language, all sibilants and accents and soft growls. But I'm not in any mood to appreciate it at the moment and so I start giving him some back. "I suppose you think you have the right to just come down here and truss up innocent people, huh? You bully! This better not be some sort of alien macho thing, because I'm going to be very pissed off, and anyway, I'm not your type!" It wasn't the greatest of speeches, and I'm really glad Stoker can't remember what I said, now that he can speak english. It's better for me if he doesn't know. Less for him to tease me about. But I digress.
So the infuriating bugger finishes trussing me up and pats me on the head. He's still smiling. Then Goldie starts to stir. I knew I should have given him a double dose. A fully grown Red Kangarro is big, but not as big as these guys. I make a mental note to knock them out more, if I ever get the chance. Brownie walks over to Goldie and crouches down beside him. I plan all sorts of dire revenges over the next few minutes while Goldie twitches and comes around. Brownie slaps him on the cheek, none too gently I might add, and he's grinning like a maniac. Goldie wakes up and looks at him and says something, and then looks at the rope on his hands and says something else, and then Brownie is laughing out loud and talking and I just know from the look on Goldie's face that he is getting the ribbing of his life.
Anyway, he chats back to Brownie and then Brownie unties the rope and they stand up and Goldie staggers around a bit. Then they go on the longest ET jabber-fest I have yet heard; gesticulating and pointing into the distance and finally crouching down in the dirt and drawing some sort of map. I'm guessing that's what it was because I leaned over and it looked like wiggly lines and lumps and such which is all a map ever is. Brownie sees me looking and comes over. He pulls me too my feet and leads me to the map. Then he starts talking to me and pointing at the map. I have no idea what he's talking about. So I wave my arms and say "jabber jabber!" at him. Ok, that wasn't the most mature thing to do, but I wasn't in a good mood. And my butt was really hurting from being plonked on so much.
I think he got the hint because he grinned again and said something to Goldie, who scuffed out the map with his boot. Then he lead me to the car and put me in the back seat. Oho, so you're going to drive the car, hey? This should be interesting. I smirk for a moment then remember that it's an automatic. Damnit. And of course the keys are still in the ignition. Fabulous. Why didn't I hide them? And I even left it in park for them! I'm a lot better at this "enemy agent" stuff now, but at the time, it was my first abduction. So you'll have to forgive me for being a bit naieve.
Anyway there's a brief argument about who gets in the drivers seat but Goldie wins and hops in. He turns the key and of course, she starts like a dream. It takes him about 2 seconds to figure out the pedals and another few for the gears. We go backwards briefly but any fool could work that out and we're off before you know it. I guess if you can pilot a spaceship you can drive anything.
I sit up and put my seatbelt on. Heck, if we crash, I want to be the one to walk away. And the way this guy drives, crashing seems to be a real possibility. He's going much too fast for the terrain and he obviously doesn't believe in going around things when he can go over them. I'm really getting thrown around in the back here and I'm glad I've got my belt on. But my gear is going to be ruined. Every time we go over a bump I'm sure I can hear something else breaking.
So we drive like this for ages before he finally stops. I'm so mad I release my seatbelt, open the car door, jump out and slam it really hard. I'm about to go into full yelling mode when Brownie dashes up behind me and slaps a hand over my mouth. "Ey't'ena jssaa'aat". I have no idea what he said, but he's speaking really quietly, so I'm guessing there's someone around here that Brownie wants to keep hidden from. But that doesn't mean I want to keep hidden from them. I nod, and he seems satisfied that I mean ok. He takes my arm and follows Goldie, who leads us up the slope. Near the top Goldie and Brownie drop to the ground, and I get pulled down too, but not too hard, which is a relief, because I'm really starting to ache now. We crawl to the top and look over. And I swear to you, those unbelievers who think we're alone in the galaxy, not only are we not alone, those ET's are living among us. I had proof of that when I looked down that slope and saw the Southern Plutarkian Base for the first time. I didn't know at the time that's what it was called, but that's what it was. The biggest aggregation of aggressive alien species in the southern hemisphere. I got a shiver up my spine then, like someone was walking over my grave, and though it was easy 38 degrees, I was freezing cold. There were aliens in the middle of Australia, and by the looks of it, they had been there a long time. I'm not a catholic, but I made the sign of the cross, just in case.
Another hour of bush-bashing and a whole lot of dust and Brownie jabbers something to Goldie and Goldie gestures off to the left. Maybe they want a pit stop? I pull into the shade of a pile of red rocks with a few scraggly eucalypts. Brownie hands his gun to Goldie and hops out. And then he climbs the rocks. No kidding, he's like a monkey. Must be all that muscle. And what do you know? He's got a funny metal tail. I sneak a peek at Goldie's tail, but no, it looks like flesh. I wonder what happened to Brownie that he got a metal one? Maybe they're cyborgs or something, and he lost the skin covering? I'm getting nervous again; that's the worst of having an imagination. Maybe I can get to the boot and get that trank gun.
"Hey, look, I have to, uh, get something out of the boot, ok?" I smile at Goldie, without teeth, and hope he doesn't think it's a threat gesture. I open the door. He's looking at me, but not doing anything. Ok. I ease outside. He's looking wary. Not that I would know, but I'm guessing here. Okay, think quick.
"Woman's trouble," I say, pointing to my belly. His eyebrows go up under his hair. Okay, maybe that will convince him. God only knows what he thinks I said, but it seems to work. I edge around and open the boot. Quickly slip out the trank gun. Car door is opening. Trank vial in the slot. Hope it's enough. Footsteps. Look up. He's got the gun pointed down. I fire straight into his belly. That'll go down fast.
He grunts and looks down, then grabs my arm. And it hurts. He's strong, and he's being none to gentle with those claws. He wrestles the gun out of my hand, but he's definately going down! Yes! He's swaying. Unfortunately I'm going down with him because he's not letting go. Ow. I fall onto his chest as he drops and wrench at his fingers. It's like a steel grip and I can't even budge them a little. But finally he goes limp and I wriggle free. Whew. I rush to the front of the car and look for Brownie. No sign of him. Great! I have the gun and one of them is unconscious. Ok. I am in control. I repeat, I am in control.
I rush back and grab the ET gun. I also load another trank into my gun in case Brownie gets ructious. Ok. I can get Brownie to load Goldie in the car, and then I'll tie him up in the back and drive to the Alice. No problems. I grab some of the winch rope out of the back and cut off a few hanks. A few half-hitches and Goldie is all trussed up. Lovely. Time for a drink.
I've got my head in the boot when I hear some rocks come down. I carefully put myself on the other side of the car. Brownie comes down and sees Goldie and rushes towards him. Just as I planned. He leanes over him and feels at Goldie's chest. Now.
"Okay Brownie, hands up!" I say boldly, stepping out from behind the car. Brownie whips around. Boy is he fast. His eyebrows go way up when he sees that I've got the gun. I smirk. It's hard not to. I don't like being abducted by strange men, especially strange aliens. Not that I ever have been before. But you know what I mean. I gesticulate with the gun.
"Hands up!" Brownie eases them up slowly. He's craning around to look at something on the gun, I can't figure out what. Then he grins and stands up, and starts walking towards me. @#%$! I press the trigger. Nothing happens. Can you believe it, the thing has a safety catch and I have no idea where it is. I drop the ET gun, whip out the trank gun and pop off a vial. I'll say it again, he can move! His eyebrows go up again but he's gone before I even fire almost. Where the hell is he? I turn around but he's already there and I'm now without any type of gun and he plops me on my butt in the dirt. Well! I'm up like a jack-in-the-box but I shouldn't have bothered, because he just plops me right back down again, then puts a foot on my chest and examines the gun. How humiliating! I struggle, but then he puts a little weight on and I decide not to, because I get the feeling there's a lot more where that came from. So I just lie there.
He fiddles with the trank gun and then pulls out the other vial. He breaks it open and has a sniff. "Why don't you try eating it?" I say sweetly. He looks at me and flicks his ears, so I know he heard, but of course, witty repartee is lost on him. And then he laughs. He laughs! That just makes me even madder, and it doesn't help when he stoops down, grabs me, and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of grain. I kick and bite and try and punch him in the kidneys, or where I think his kidneys might be, but I stop pretty quickly. It's like punching a horse.
Brownie plops me down against the rear tire and reaches into the boot. I take the opportunity to run like a rabbit. I know, I know, why bother? But there is such a thing as pride, you know. So I get about 10 paces before Brownie catches me and carries me back. He's got some of that winch cable in his hand. The bugger! That was my idea.
He's pretty talkative while he's trussing my wrists, and I have to say, in retrospect, that it's a pretty language, all sibilants and accents and soft growls. But I'm not in any mood to appreciate it at the moment and so I start giving him some back. "I suppose you think you have the right to just come down here and truss up innocent people, huh? You bully! This better not be some sort of alien macho thing, because I'm going to be very pissed off, and anyway, I'm not your type!" It wasn't the greatest of speeches, and I'm really glad Stoker can't remember what I said, now that he can speak english. It's better for me if he doesn't know. Less for him to tease me about. But I digress.
So the infuriating bugger finishes trussing me up and pats me on the head. He's still smiling. Then Goldie starts to stir. I knew I should have given him a double dose. A fully grown Red Kangarro is big, but not as big as these guys. I make a mental note to knock them out more, if I ever get the chance. Brownie walks over to Goldie and crouches down beside him. I plan all sorts of dire revenges over the next few minutes while Goldie twitches and comes around. Brownie slaps him on the cheek, none too gently I might add, and he's grinning like a maniac. Goldie wakes up and looks at him and says something, and then looks at the rope on his hands and says something else, and then Brownie is laughing out loud and talking and I just know from the look on Goldie's face that he is getting the ribbing of his life.
Anyway, he chats back to Brownie and then Brownie unties the rope and they stand up and Goldie staggers around a bit. Then they go on the longest ET jabber-fest I have yet heard; gesticulating and pointing into the distance and finally crouching down in the dirt and drawing some sort of map. I'm guessing that's what it was because I leaned over and it looked like wiggly lines and lumps and such which is all a map ever is. Brownie sees me looking and comes over. He pulls me too my feet and leads me to the map. Then he starts talking to me and pointing at the map. I have no idea what he's talking about. So I wave my arms and say "jabber jabber!" at him. Ok, that wasn't the most mature thing to do, but I wasn't in a good mood. And my butt was really hurting from being plonked on so much.
I think he got the hint because he grinned again and said something to Goldie, who scuffed out the map with his boot. Then he lead me to the car and put me in the back seat. Oho, so you're going to drive the car, hey? This should be interesting. I smirk for a moment then remember that it's an automatic. Damnit. And of course the keys are still in the ignition. Fabulous. Why didn't I hide them? And I even left it in park for them! I'm a lot better at this "enemy agent" stuff now, but at the time, it was my first abduction. So you'll have to forgive me for being a bit naieve.
Anyway there's a brief argument about who gets in the drivers seat but Goldie wins and hops in. He turns the key and of course, she starts like a dream. It takes him about 2 seconds to figure out the pedals and another few for the gears. We go backwards briefly but any fool could work that out and we're off before you know it. I guess if you can pilot a spaceship you can drive anything.
I sit up and put my seatbelt on. Heck, if we crash, I want to be the one to walk away. And the way this guy drives, crashing seems to be a real possibility. He's going much too fast for the terrain and he obviously doesn't believe in going around things when he can go over them. I'm really getting thrown around in the back here and I'm glad I've got my belt on. But my gear is going to be ruined. Every time we go over a bump I'm sure I can hear something else breaking.
So we drive like this for ages before he finally stops. I'm so mad I release my seatbelt, open the car door, jump out and slam it really hard. I'm about to go into full yelling mode when Brownie dashes up behind me and slaps a hand over my mouth. "Ey't'ena jssaa'aat". I have no idea what he said, but he's speaking really quietly, so I'm guessing there's someone around here that Brownie wants to keep hidden from. But that doesn't mean I want to keep hidden from them. I nod, and he seems satisfied that I mean ok. He takes my arm and follows Goldie, who leads us up the slope. Near the top Goldie and Brownie drop to the ground, and I get pulled down too, but not too hard, which is a relief, because I'm really starting to ache now. We crawl to the top and look over. And I swear to you, those unbelievers who think we're alone in the galaxy, not only are we not alone, those ET's are living among us. I had proof of that when I looked down that slope and saw the Southern Plutarkian Base for the first time. I didn't know at the time that's what it was called, but that's what it was. The biggest aggregation of aggressive alien species in the southern hemisphere. I got a shiver up my spine then, like someone was walking over my grave, and though it was easy 38 degrees, I was freezing cold. There were aliens in the middle of Australia, and by the looks of it, they had been there a long time. I'm not a catholic, but I made the sign of the cross, just in case.