Legolas Wanted: Dead or Alive
I was in a weird mood when I wrote this. I was really bored and had just gotten done watching some of the Fellowship. The idea popped into my head when I decided I needed to pick on somebody. Poor Legolas. What have I done? No offense to and Legolas lovers, I'm one myself. He's just too easy to pick on. forgive me. Anyhoo, it's nothing personal, one of those blonde things. He and I are both living a blonde life. Fortunately for him, his looks make up for his dumbness…oh my. Let's get started.
Summary: Legolas is practicing archery when he becomes distracted and shoots an arrow through the window to Lord Elrond's window. It hits Lord Elronds' look alike manikin, and it falls out the window wearing Lord Elrond's (well actually Arwen's') favorite dress. Legolas, being the blonde he is, thinks it's actually Lord Elrond and runs off with it, trying to find somewhere to bury it, before someone catches him. Lord Elrond sees Legolas running off with it and thinks he's stealing his dress. So he sends his troops to retrieve the dress. Legolas thinks they're after him for killing Lord Elrond. So Legolas goes on a journey, dodging guards, Ringwraiths, Arwen, Aragorn, and the hobbits, all the while looking for a place to bury Elrond…
Legolas was outside shooting at a target, practicing his archery. He had just fired another one perfectly into the bulls-eye when he heard singing from above. He looked up at a window to see Lord Elrond busy with another person. Why he was singing, baffled Legolas so he continued shooting. He suddenly decided to fire his last arrow as hard as he possibly could. He had just aligned the shot when a squirrel with fangs jumped out of a tree and landed in front of him.
Legolas let out a loud, girly shriek and his arrow was sent flying towards the tree, where it ricochet and was sent back at him. He didn't notice, though, for he had bent down to pet the squirrel, so the arrow whizzed over him. It kept flying until it went through Lord Elrond's window and hit his look-alike manikin square in the back. The manikin was dressed in one of Arwen's purple dresses that Lord Elrond had borrowed and Lord Elrond didn't even notice as the manikin fell out of his window.
Legolas suddenly heard a thud behind him and turned around to see a body lying in the bushes.
"Me Abdollen!" Legolas shrieked, running over to the body, thinking it was Elrond. "Lord Elrond! Are you alright?"
He shook the stiff body and pulled the arrow out of his back.
"Oh dear! I've killed Lord Elrond!" He gasped, tears coming to his eyes. "What am I going to do?"
He looked at the body, hard and pale, and its eyes stared back. "His body has already hardened! And he's already gone cold! This is horrible!"
Legolas suddenly heard a shriek coming from the window and he picked up the body and ran, trying to think of a plan.
Lord Elrond turned around to find that his manikin was nowhere to be seen. And it had his favorite dress! He yelled out in horror, realizing he had lost the dress. What was he going to tell Arwen? And what was he going to wear to the council meeting? He looked out the window just in time to see Legolas running away with a body flung over his shoulder. His manikin with the dress! Elrond realized that the elf must be jealous of his beauty and good-looking dress, so he climbed up the terrace and stole the manikin! That way he would stay the prettiest! Bloody elf! Lord Elrond summoned his troops and told them to hunt down Legolas and bring back the manikin unharmed.
Legolas heard shouts from within Rivendell as he took the body into a tall tower to hide it. He laid the body on the ground and covered it with a white cloth, and watched the streets become swarmed with troops looking for him. Legolas figured they were after him for killing Lord Elrond. He was playing with a yo-yo, when he suddenly lost control of it, and it fell out the window, knocking one of the guards unconscious. Legolas stared wide-eyed in horror as another guard looked up and saw him in the window. Next thing he knew, he was pushing himself against the door trying to keep the guards out. The elf never noticed the locks on the door, and he ended up pushing tables and chairs against the door. When the door was blocked, Legolas took the body and tossed it out the window. A local was under the window, when the body fell on top of him and everyone started to point at him and scream. Legolas went to his door, and trying to make his voice sound like an old lady, he yelled, "No one in here but me! A different elf has the dead body down on the street! It's his, not mine. And don't you dare accuse me of being easily distracted and firing arrows at people in windows."
"Legolas, open this door!"
"I'm not Legolas!" Legolas yelled back, his voice suddenly holding a British accent. "I'm Eggo Greenleaf! You've got the wrong person!"
"We know it's you Legolas! Now, open up!"
Legolas pouted. "How did you know it was me?" He asked opening the door.
As the guards charged in, he realized his mistake, and ran back down the tower to the streets, where people were starring at the manikin, thinking it actually was a dead body. Legolas looked at them and yelled, "Does anybody want to bury him for me?"
The crowd started to scream and run as the guards emerged from the tower.
Legolas picked up the body and started to run again. "Come on along, Ron. I'll bury you."
Legolas soon found himself running along a stream of rushing water where he eventually spotted a romantic Arwen and Aragorn standing on a bridge. He ran faster, thinking he could loose the closely pursuing guards in the 'crowd'. So he ran and jumped in-between Aragorn and Arwen, knocking something out of Aragorn's hand. Arwen yelled in horror as she saw her Evenstar necklace get swept away in the water. Aragorn jumped into the stream and splashed around, trying to get it. More guards were closing in, making it difficult for Aragorn to get anywhere and he kept slipping and falling. Arwen started to yell at Legolas, when she noticed the guards and the body flung over Legolas' shoulder.
"Who is that? And what are you doing?" She demanded.
Legolas only bit his lip and turned around and started to run. Arwen notice the purple dress, and she caught a glimpse of the face of the body under the sheet. She yelled out in rage and horror and started to chase after him. Legolas then ran into another building where the hobbits where staying. He saw Frodo fingering a ring and he had an idea. He ran past Frodo and grabbed the one ring out of his hand. Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin yelled out in surprise and watched in shock as Arwen followed by groups of guards ran after Legolas. Wanting the ring back, they all started after him as well.
Legolas was in a better mood for now he ran with the ring of power in his hand. He thought that since he had the ring in his hand, that no one could see him. Stupid blonde didn't think to put it on. When he got to the place where they keep the shards of Narsil, he set the body down to take a breather. Suddenly, he noticed Ringwraiths were running through town. He figured they wanted the ring, so he put it on a statue's finger.
He had just picked up the body, when all the hobbits, the guards, the Ringwraiths, Arwen, and Aragorn appeared. Legolas, though, had another idea. So he pick up the shards of the sword and chucked them at the people, they jumped back in surprise, but it didn't hurt them. Legolas watched as the shards landed in a line between the groups and him.
"Ha! I dare you to pass those!" He mocked thinking some sort of harm would come to them.
He watched as Aragorn smirked and took a step over, then motioned for the others. Legolas' only reaction was to scream, turn around, and run. And run. And run some more. Until he had ran all the way up mount doom, with everyone still behind him. There he skidded to a stop right before the lava. But the groups behind him were coming fast and had to also skid to a stop.
All the while Legolas kept mumbling, "I must bury him! I must bury him!"
Of course, the others were coming to fast and hit him.
"That'll work." Legolas mumbled, watching as the manikin fell into the lava, below.
Actually they all watched, and when it was done, the guards simply shrugged and walked away. The Ringwraiths yelled out something about a stupid blonde elf, then turned and rode away. Legolas watched in surprise as they paid him no attention. Arwen cried a few tears before walking away, and Aragorn said a little prayer.
Legolas was so shocked that he fainted right then and there, and had to have Aragorn carry him back to Rivendell, where he was soon told the whole story. When he saw Lord Elrond, the real one, alive, he screamed, "I see dead people!" And collapsed in a heap on the ground.
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Comments? Do more like this? This is a first-timer for me. I'm too use to writing the Secret Adventures. (Have you read them? Let me know what you think!) I thought I'd try something new. Credit is due to Tolkien and to Cassandra Claire as well. Both are amazing people with brilliant ideas. These characters are not mine, I'm sure you all knew. I also owe a thanks to Nárie o Ithilen. She is a great help. So, if you comment, remember to thank her! Thanks! So…comments!!! Please!!! IDEAS! SUGGESTIONS! I'm open for anything!