Female Intuition
"No, Rae, we can't both go and leave Eliana with Michael, one of us has to stay here with her instead." Jesse was standing in the doorway to the master bedroom, his arms folded and a determined look on his face. Rae was still in bed, but she was equally determined.
"We haven't been out for ages. We'll only be at Bob's and it'll be a practice run for when we go to the Benefactors Ball." Rae smiled as she thought about the two tickets on the notice board in the kitchen. Some of the money from the Ball was for the paediatric ward at Community General, and, after Eliana had spent two months there, both Rae and Jesse wanted to do anything they could to help them increase their revenue.
"No, Rae, I'm not talking about it any more, my mind's made up, we are not going, end of discussion." Jesse turned round and left the room, and Rae, who had no intention of leaving it as it was, got out of bed, slipped her feet into her slippers, and began the slow journey after her husband. He had the definite advantage over her because he was fully mobile as soon as he got up, Rae; on the other hand, had to give her body about an hours notice before she could do anything more than shuffle like an old woman.
"Jesse Travis, don't you walk away from me, I haven't finished with you yet!" Rae finally arrived in the kitchen where Jesse was making himself his first coffee of the day. He handed Rae an herbal tea without a word and waited for her to speak. "If you want to stay here, then ok, you go ahead and do that, but you are getting seriously antisocial. I, however, will go to Bob's tonight, and I plan to stay for more than twenty minutes. They are my colleagues, and I miss them. I'm a cop not a housewife, Jess; I don't just want to go… I need to go."
"And it doesn't worry you to go out and see everybody?"
"No, why should it? Because I am crippled at the moment, is that what you mean?" Rae looked at her husband, and saw him shake his head, and then slowly light began to flicker in her brain. "Because of what happened? Jesse, I'm not scared to leave the house, I never have been, I'm free, and I intend to enjoy my freedom. I was in jail, Eliana was in the hospital and in both instances it was a situation that couldn't have been avoided. Maybe in my case it should have been anticipated, but we can't stay shut up inside these four walls forever because of what happened, we have to carry on with our lives." Rae's tone was soft as she looked at Jesse.
"And if I can't?" Jesse turned away from his wife's gaze. Suddenly he felt as if she could see right through him.
"Then you have to go and see Lauren, because there is more to life than work and home. Jesse, I want to take Eliana to the beach, to the park…"
"No! No, Rae, you can't!" The panic in Jesse's voice was evident now, and Rae put her mug down and took her husband's hand. Slowly she pulled him closer to her and then she put her right arm round him.
"Jesse, come and sit in the living room, Eliana is still in her crib, and she will be fine." Rae began to move out of the kitchen as she spoke, and they finally sat together on the sofa. "Jesse, we have to live our own lives. We can't let Levington or Willis dictate to us what we can and can't do. Eliana is almost ten months old. She should be going to a play group, she should be able to sit on the beach and feel the sand, or go to the park and watch the squirrels. I will not let that be taken away from her or us."
"Rae, no, it's too dangerous, anything could happen, to you, to our baby. I wish that I could afford to stop working so that I could be with you all the time, but I can't. So I have to know that you are here, safe and sound while I am away. Promise me, Rae, promise me that you won't take her anywhere without me." Jesse was grasping Rae's arm now, and the desperation in his voice almost broke her heart, but slowly, and she hoped with some compassion she ignored her own pain, and shook her head.
"No, Jess, I can't promise you that. I will not keep her locked up in this house, so that it becomes her prison. She is a normal, happy, healthy little girl, and she needs to be brought up in a normal, happy, healthy environment. We moved to a gated community so that we would be safe I don't plan to do anything more than that."
"But she got in. Louise Willis got in here; she took your jewellery and the knife that she used to kill two people and stab Mark with, how safe is that? Maybe we should move. There are other places we could live. You wanted to go to London, maybe we could do that."
"Jesse, stop it. I don't want to move, I love living here. I don't want to go back to London, and if you started thinking rationally, you wouldn't either. Ok, she got in, but only because I left my purse at Bob's, and then the day that Texas was here, I left the patio doors open and she was able to enter that way, but the house is more secure now than it was then, it won't happen again."
Jesse ran his hands through his hair. He knew that the discussion was going to go nowhere, because he didn't agree with Rae, not one little bit. The thought of his daughter going to the park or the beach sent waves of panic through him. He was glad that Rae couldn't drive at the moment, at least that way she was dependent on him, and could only go places if he took her, or someone came and picked her up.
As Rae watched him she could see him thinking, and worrying and she knew that she hadn't reached him at all, and that she was going to have to compromise. "Jesse, will you take Eliana over to see Mark and Michael, drive me to Bob's, come in, have a drink and see the guys, then you can head back to Texas's place, stay there, or come home it's up to you. Steve will run me home, or somebody will when I am ready to leave… And don't say I won't be safe, I will be surrounded by homicide cops."
"Rae… I'll think about it, ok?" Jesse tried a smile, but just then they both heard Eliana begin to stir, and Rae knew that there would be no more conversation for a while.
There hadn't been many jobs that needed doing and so while Jesse was playing with his daughter Rae had got out the file that Steve had given her, and making herself comfy on the sofa had begun to look through it. She had quickly learnt that if she held any pieces of paper or books in her left hand she could use her right hand to turn the pages or, even though she was naturally left handed, mark down any notes she needed to make. Her writing, once neat and small was now appalling, but she had always written everything down, and that hadn't changed.
Rae read through everything, and then slowly a smile crossed her face. She knew that her immediate thoughts were usually worth noting down, and so she began to write. When Jesse came in with a cup of tea a little while later, Rae was still writing, although it was slow going, because she had to use her right hand.
"What are you doing?" Jesse hadn't realised that Rae was working; he had though she was just relaxing.
"Looking over the case that Steve gave me yesterday. He thought I might be able to help, and I think he was right." Rae looked up and smiled. She couldn't believe the difference working, actually working and contributing to a case, was making to her. "I have a few ideas, and I can talk to Steve about them tonight. I think that I have found the link that he was looking for. Would you like to see?" Rae hoped with all her heart that Jesse would say yes, but she saw him shake his head, and turn to leave the room.
"No, thank you, I have to go and get the lunch ready. I will heat up your lasagne from last night, and make a salad, that'll be ok won't it?"
"It sounds lovely, give me five minutes and I'll come and help you." Rae put her notes inside the folder, and with a sigh she carefully got to her feet. She had a feeling that it would be a long time before she got her happy and carefree husband back, and even longer again before Steve had him tagging along on cases once more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
By the time it got to half past seven that night Rae was changed and ready to go for an evening with her friends and colleagues. She had made up the diaper bag for Eliana's trip to stay with Michael, and Jesse was grudgingly putting the little girl into her car seat.
The drive to Beverley Hills was very quiet. Rae knew that Jesse was hating every minute of it, and part of her wanted to give in, let him turn the car round and head for home, but she knew that if she did she wouldn't really be helping Jesse in any way. By the time they arrived outside Texas's house Eliana was fast asleep, and Jesse carefully took her out of the car, and then as Michael opened the door, straight into the house.
It took Rae ten minutes to get Jesse back out onto the driveway, but she had allowed herself twenty, so that wasn't a problem. What was a problem was the fact that by the time they arrived at Bob's Jesse hadn't spoken a word apart from calling out to Michael that he had his cell phone on him as they had drawn away from the house.
Rae got out of the car, and couldn't believe how excited she was over an evening at a barbeque restaurant with a bunch of cops.
Jesse came round the car and looked at his wife. He could see the life in her eyes, and for a moment he was glad that they had come. Rae moved a little closer and then she leant towards him and kissed him gently on the lips. "I love you, Jesse, and I want to be with you as well as my friends tonight, please."
"I'll try, Rae, but I just feel so … powerless when Eliana isn't with me, I need to know that she is safe every minute."
Rae moved her hand up and ran her finger down Jesse's face. The movement was very painful, and she had to will herself not to show too much of it in her eyes, but she needed to have some sort of physical contact to make him realise that she was there for him.
Jesse carefully took Rae's hand and lowered it back down so that he could hold it in his own, and they walked slowly into Bob's.
Jo was sitting at her normal place at the counter, an almost empty glass of wine in front of her. Rae smiled and together they moved over towards her. "Rae, Jesse, I am so glad that you could make it. How is every little thing?"
"Not too bad, we just saw Mark when we dropped Eliana off, and I thought he looked much better than yesterday."
"He has been fine all day. Maybe he was right, an' Steve's chilli was to blame after all. Jesse, Honey, how are you tonight?"
"What, oh, ok. Yeah, I'm ok." Jesse had been miles away; in fact Rae knew exactly how many miles. As she went to speak she saw him check his watch.
"Jesse, we have been here less than five minutes. Now, maybe you could buy me a drink. Steve is just up there. I will have a mineral water, please."
With a shake of his head Jesse moved a little further up the counter and waited to be served. Rae and Jo both looked on expectantly to see whether either man would talk to the other, but another employee came over, obviously eager to serve his boss, and then the two friends each felt the other deflate. Rae and Jo had talked at length on the phone about the fact that Steve and Jesse were avoiding each other, but neither had been able to see any solution to the problem. They knew that forcing the two of them together wouldn't work. Rae had told her friend that Jesse had gone to see Steve, but that although he had said nothing very much about it, she was sure it had been a disaster. Since the court case had finished Jesse had been avoiding social contact with everybody except his immediate family, and Steve was just avoiding contact with Jesse.
There was a huge black man sitting at the counter, and although he was obviously a cop, Rae didn't recognise him. She saw Steve begin to talk with him, and then turned her attention to her friend.
The man's name was Don Werner and Steve had known him for years. They had been in vice together when Steve had just made detective. When Steve had been transferred to homicide ahead of Don, in spite of the other man's seniority, Don had been a really good sport about it. Steve had appreciated the man's good will, but he had always had a niggling feeling that Don was bitter about it. So he felt a little awkward about what he was saying. "I know that it's full of cops, it's the homicide cops night. I hold one every now and then, if you want one done for vice, let me know… but…it's a private party, Don, that's why the closed sign was up. Everybody kicked in a few bucks, and it just wouldn't be fair … So …"
"So now I have to leave?" Don looked at him and shook his head.
"I'm sorry. Do you mind?"
"Do I mind? Do you feel guilty asking me to leave? I guess the answer to both questions is no. But, will I return? Have you lost a customer? I guess the answer to those questions is, you'll have to wait and see." He got up then and with a smile turned and left the restaurant.
Rae watched as Jesse placed the drink order, and then she turned to Jo. "Texas, we have to do something about this, I want my husband back. He is hurting so much, and I just can't get to him. This morning we got a little closer, but nothing was solved, and I know that talking about things didn't help Jesse, not one little bit. In the past he has always had Steve to talk to, and this time he hasn't."
"Honey, we will get there, Steve misses him, I know he does, but I think that he is waitin' for Jesse to come to him. I have to say that Steve didn't do anythin' to cause this, an' he feels that Jesse should make the first move. Partly, I think, because he has no idea what reaction he'll get if he tries himself."
"Texas, I don't know what reaction he'll get either, but sooner or later one of them has got to make the first move, their friendship is too precious to the both of them for it to be lost." Rae stopped talking as Jesse came back towards them. He had the mineral water for Rae and a soda for himself, but he had nothing for Jo. Rae couldn't believe what she was seeing, and she knew that something had to be done to get her husband back before he was lost for good.
Jesse lasted another fifteen minutes, and by the time he began to shuffle Rae just wanted him to go home so she could relax and enjoy herself. She turned with a forced smile and began to speak. "Jesse, you can go, I won't keep you here, but please, just go and say Hi to Steve first."
"No, Rae, I need to get home, and he is awful busy. I'll call him in the week. Jo, I'll see you soon, you look after yourself."
"You too. Jesse, we are all worried about you, if you need to talk you know where I am, an' more importantly where Steve is, we will always listen, you know that too, I hope." Jo put her hand on Jesse's arm, and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I do know, and thank you, but I'm fine, everybody seems to think that there is something wrong with me, but there isn't, I just want to keep my family safe." Jesse put his glass back down on the counter, kissed Jo and then Rae on the cheek before walking out of the restaurant without a backward glance, and Rae knew that his mind was already on his daughter and getting her back home.
Steve watched Jesse's back as he left the restaurant, and he put his order pad down and went out to the rear of the restaurant for a few minutes to get some air. He had been so sure that tonight, in the relaxed atmosphere of Bob's, Jesse would have at least spoken to him, but he hadn't even made eye contact, and Steve realised with an aching heart that he was witnessing the death of the best friendship he had ever had.
Steve stayed in the cool night air for longer than he had planned, but for a while nothing mattered to him but the things he had lost. He would be the first to admit that when he had first met him, Steve had thought Jesse was more of a nuisance than anything else, but gradually he had begun to look forward to his visits, to value the things that he said, and by the time they were trapped together in the ruins of Community General hospital he knew that his life was fuller because Jesse was in it. And now it was emptier again because Jesse wanted no part of his life any more and as much as Steve wanted to go and speak to him and try to get it back to where it used to be, he just knew that Jesse would turn him down, and the hurt that he felt from everything that Jesse had said when Eliana was missing would just be multiplied until Steve would be unable to see his goddaughter or Rae unless it was by accident.
Steve could still see Jesse's anger and hear the venom in his words if he shut his eyes. How could he have thought that he wasn't doing everything he could to get the little girl back? He loved her as if she was his own, and he had thought Jesse knew that. Steve turned round and kicked out at the nearest thing to him and a metal trashcan flew across the yard and hit the sidewall. Then with a grunt he moved over kicked at it again, and moved back inside the restaurant.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
For a little while Rae stayed chatting with Jo, but then she spotted somebody that she really needed to see, sitting towards the back of the restaurant, and she excused herself and made her way to the table in question.
Cheryl watched as Rae came towards her and wished that she were near the fire exit. Then she shook her head. Rae was her friend, or had been, and she needed to know if that was still the case. Martin was sitting next to her, and he placed his hand over hers, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Cheryl smiled at him, and then moved her hand away. They hadn't told anybody that they had begun seeing each other outside of work, and it was so fresh and new right now that they had no intention of sharing it with anybody.
Martin stood up as Rae approached and helped her to slide in next to Cheryl. Rae smiled at both of them, and then she put her left hand, which was resting on the table, over Cheryl's. "Hi, I guess we need to talk, don't we?"
"Yeah, I guess we do. Rae, I am so sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt, and to not be able to do all the things you can't do any longer, I was just doing my job…" Cheryl swallowed hard.
"Shhh. I know you were, and that was what scared me the most. You're a good cop, Cheryl, and so am I. I knew that the evidence was piled up against me, and I knew that if it went to trial I would get convicted. But I never, ever blamed you, or anybody else at the precinct for, what was happening to me."
"But, Rae, look at yourself, you can't move your left arm, you walk so slowly and painfully that it hurts to just watch you, right now, you are disabled…"
"Do you think that I don't know that?" Rae interrupted her friend, but her voice was soft. "Every day when I finally manage to get out of bed I see myself in my dressing table mirror as I move across the room, I can't brush my hair or my teeth, and I am totally reliant on other people to get around, but there is nothing that I can do to change that, and life is way to short to hold a grudge. If people didn't hold them, then I would still be whole." Rae could feel a lump forming in her throat but she managed to push it back down. She knew that her eyes were shining with unshed tears, but she also knew that they wouldn't fall.
Martin leant across and put his hand over Rae's. "What happened to you was wrong, Rae. Even though you were a cop and in jail, it shouldn't have happened. You need to do something to get recompense for that."
"Yeah, Gilbert said that, and maybe I will, but right now, my family is more important to me, and my friends. Cheryl, I get the feeling that you have been avoiding me, just a little, am I right?" Rae had called the station a few times to ask to speak with her friend, and the calls had never been returned. In the end Rae had realised that she would need to speak with Cheryl directly, and when Steve had mentioned this evening she knew her chance would come.
"Rae, have you ever arrested the wrong person, and had them sent to jail?" Cheryl moved her hand from under Rae and Martin's and waited for a reply.
"I don't know. I have had people found not guilty, so I guess I have, but I have never arrested anybody who I thought was innocent, no. But I think that now, if I ever get the chance, I will be even more careful."
"Well, that makes two of us. Rae, you saved my life when we were working the docks, you are a very good cop, and you are truthful and respected. I knew all of those things, but I couldn't see beyond the evidence, Martin could. He kept telling me that you couldn't possibly have killed or hurt anyone, whatever the evidence against you, but I wouldn't see it. I am truly, truly sorry." Cheryl was aware of the tears behind her own eyes now, and she willed them not to fall. She looked over at Martin and was relieved to see him smile at her.
"I know that, and we will get past this. You need to get rid of the guilt, and not see my disabilities every time you look at me, because until you can do that I don't think you can let yourself be friends with me. Cheryl, I don't look at you and see someone who is responsible for who I am right now, but when you look at me you do feel responsible, don't you?" Cheryl just nodded, and Rae continued to talk. "Well, I think that between you and your new young man, you should be able to get over that, right, Martin?" Rae smiled and it turned into a laugh as the two people sitting either side of her just gaped at her. "Hey, I'm still a detective, I know these things." Rae enjoyed the moment, and then owned up. "I saw Martin holding your hand as I came across; I guess you don't want people to know, huh?"
"No, not yet, it's too soon. Rae, you are a better friend than I deserve, thank you." Cheryl eased Rae into an embrace and Rae returned it gratefully. As they hugged, and she knew nobody else would hear her Rae began to talk again.
"Don't let this affect you too much, Cheryl, your instincts are good, you need to go with them."
"Thank you, Rae. I don't think I could be as generous." Cheryl pulled back then, and looked into the eyes of the woman in front of her.
"Sure you could, now, I have to go find that partner of mine, and help him solve the drive bys. I'll talk to you later."
"You have an idea? He's been climbing the walls on this one. Have you found the link?" Martin looked at Rae, and this time he knew her eyes were shining with excitement and the feeling of belonging.
"I think so. Of course, it could be just so obvious that he has already dismissed it. He gave me no indication of any of the things he has already come up with. The timeline was easy, that I saw straight away, and then the other link just followed on. But I'll tell him first. That way if he laughs at me, you two will never know about it!" Rae winked at them both then and waited while Martin got up and gently helped her to her feet. As she began her slow journey across the room Cheryl took a deep breath. Every time Rae was inactive, even for a short time it was apparent that she had to get used to moving once again. Martin looked at her and, realising that she too was hurting, pulled her close to him.
"I don't think I care who sees, you need a hug."
"Yeah, I do, and partners hug, look at Rae and Steve; he even calls her honey and gets away with it." As Cheryl gratefully accepted the arms of her new boyfriend, she watched Rae reach where Steve was standing. She gently touched him and he turned, his face breaking into a warm and affectionate smile as he saw who it was and then Rae too was taken into a strong and loving embrace.
Steve moved back from hugging Rae and smiled at her again. "Rae, can I get you another drink?"
"That would be nice, thanks, then I need to speak with you about drive bys." Rae couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face, and she watched her partner carefully as he began to realise what she meant.
"Really? You've found something haven't you, something that I missed, that we all missed? Hey, George, Dennis, you got a minute?"
George Bannister was sitting with Campbell and his wife. Rae smiled a slightly sadder smile. She had known that his partner wouldn't be with him tonight. She still couldn't remember his name, but any departmental get together, and George always came alone.
"Dennis, I never knew his first name, well, there you go, he doesn't look a Dennis does he? That was the name of our dustbin van in London."
"What?" Steve looked at Rae; sometimes she was so far out of the loop that he worried about her. "The name of what?"
"Our dustcart, was made by, I don't know who, but it had Dennis on its bonnet, sorry, its hood. I guess I went off at a bit of a tangent there didn't I?"
"I would say so. Hi, fellas, listen, Rae thinks she may have something on these drive by shootings."
"It doesn't involve dumpsters does it? Only I have had it with trash." It was Campbell who spoke, still remembering how long he'd had to spend in a dumpster recently, and for a moment Rae looked at Steve, and he at her, and they had to stifle the laugh that was desperate for escape.
"Ah, no, no, not rubbish. I think that if you list the locations you get all the ingredients for a special date."
"A what? A date, somebody is killing people because of a date?" Steve's voice was incredulous, and he knew that if Rae was right, he would never have thought of it.
"Just hold on a moment, ok? Let me finish what I was going to say. I have been thinking about this all day, and I need to get it right. I don't think it would be just any date, but a special one. There was a jewellers involved remember, and Mario's isn't just any pizza place, I called it today, it's quite pricey. You have a dress shop, a shoe store, a taxi place, all the things you would need for a special date. Even a florist for flowers, or a corsage, or whatever. I think that it is a special date gone bad. It must have gone bad because …" Rae stopped talking, she suddenly realised that George was looking quite ill. "George are you all right?"
"No, suddenly I feel quite light headed; I think I need to go sit for a while." George backed away from them and sat at the nearest table, and Rae moved across to him.
"Did you eat today?" Rae suddenly remembered the name of George's partner. "Do you want me to call Joseph and get him to come take you home?"
"No, no, I was busy at the station until six, and I knew I was coming here, and well, you know how good the ribs are, but I'm still waiting for my serving to come. Rae, I'm sorry, you need to carry on talking, I can hear you from here."
Rae looked up and saw Steve bringing over a bread roll, split and buttered, which he gave to George, and then Dennis came over as well, and suddenly they were all sitting round a table, rather than standing at the counter.
"I have to say, Rae, that I think you might have cracked it, but why a date gone bad?" Dennis looked at the English woman sitting across from him. He had the utmost respect for her, and was delighted to be working with her, even in this limited capacity.
"Because, if it hadn't gone bad why kill people? I don't know if the perp was aiming to kill people, or just shoot up the places on the list, but she sure succeeded."
"She? You think the shooter is a she?" Once again Steve's voice showed his amazement.
"Oh yeah, no doubt about it. Steve, look at Texas, she has a wonderful deep cherry red top on, do you know where she bought it?"
"Do I know where she bought it? No, I have no idea." Steve shook his head.
"Dennis, your wife is wearing a navy blue velvet dress; do you know where she got that from?"
"Nope, not a clue." Dennis looked across, he hadn't realised that his wife was in blue tonight. As he brought his attention back to the matter in hand he saw Steve begin to smile and knew that he realised what Rae was getting at.
"I bought this shirt last time Jesse and I went shopping. He stood in the shop with Eliana while I went and tried it on. He would have no idea where I got it. It has to be a woman because a dress shop was targeted. Gentlemen, I rest my case. I have no idea who did it, but I know why." Rae smiled at the three men with her, George was still grey, but he was slowly eating his way through the roll, and she knew that he would be ok soon.
"What about the timeline, why that pattern?" Steve looked at Rae, and found that he was enjoying the discussion almost as much as she was.
"Why not?" Rae would have shrugged her shoulders if she was able. "It got you trying example after example. None of them worked because there was no pattern to the stores and businesses, they were all part of an occasion, and so she just had a little fun with the days of the shootings, which had you jumping at shadows as far as location was concerned. Which is another reason why it has to be a woman, no man would have ever come up with that." Rae stuck her tongue out at her companions and then sat in satisfied silence while they all took in what she had said.
"And now you are gonna go home, and leave us to solve it, right?" Steve looked at his partner, knowing full well that that wasn't going to happen.
"Oh no, I need to get my case solved figures up, you can e-mail me everything that you have and I will go over it with a fine toothed comb. But you will have a problem finding out the name of the shooter, because very few people pay for a cab with a credit card, maybe she doesn't even own a card and pays everything cash; if that's the case then there will be no link. Also, we have no idea when the date happened, so you will need to go back a fair way. But we will find her, we, Lieutenant, because I intend to be right there, even if it is only in spirit, when you arrest her."
Steve looked at his partner once again, and knew that unless he wanted his life to be hell for the next six months, he had better keep her fully informed. "Yes, Ma'am."