Important Information

Once Rae had persuaded Jesse that he should work his shift and leave Eliana with Texas they'd chatted until his pager beeped at him, and then she had been left alone in her hospital room, which was the same as all the other hospital rooms she could remember. For the first time in a few days she let the constant pain she was in begin to take over her senses. She felt that if anyone was with her, then she had to keep up a false front and hope that they would be fooled by it. So far it had seemed to be working. If Jesse knew just how much every movement cost her he would never let her out of bed in the morning, not that the nights were any better, but at least with the mild sedative that she took each evening she did get some sleep, but she had asked Jesse to lessen the dose as soon as she had found out about the baby, she didn't want to have another premature child. She didn't know if that was the reason Eliana had been born early, but she didn't want to risk making it happen again if she could possibly avoid it.

As Rae lay there she heard a light tap on the door and, expecting to see Lauren, she looked up, to find a complete stranger standing there.

"Detective Yeager? May I come in? My name is Doctor Tammai, I believe that Doctor Collins may have mentioned me, I specialise in brachial plexus injuries of the type you have sustained."

"Yes, I guess so, I'm sorry, I was expecting someone else."

"I know, and I won't be here for very long, but I just wanted to see you before our meeting tomorrow." He could see his patient looked puzzled. "You didn't know we had a meeting tomorrow? Oh, well, let me just explain. In normal circumstances you would have had a consultation with a pain management team as well as occupational and physical therapists, an orthotist and your own physician, who is a Doctor Martin I believe? However, yours weren't normal circumstances, and so we let you go home with your husband and daughter for a little while, but now we really need to concentrate on getting you some quality of life back."

"And you didn't think to tell me that I would be coming back for further tests, and that you could do things to make this easier? I have been coming for physical therapy almost every other day since I left the hospital, but I have also spent the entire time in constant pain. I have no idea what an orthotist is, maybe he was supposed to tell me all that?" Rae let the anger that was also a constant companion have full rein just for a moment. "I am married to a doctor, but he wasn't in a fit condition to be chasing through medical books to do the job someone else was supposed to be doing, and neither was I. Do you know what I would be doing right now, if I wasn't here?" Rae waited, and finally Doctor Tammai realized that it wasn't a hypothetical question, and he was supposed to answer, and shook his head. "I would be at home, dictating, because I can't write neat enough for anyone to be able to read it, dictating my letter of resignation to the police department. But now, you are saying that you can improve my quality of life, well, I would like to know by how much before I throw my whole career away." Rae was exhausted by her outburst and closed her eyes. She hadn't let anyone how much she hurt before, and now she had told this man, all Rae wanted him to do was get up and leave, so that she could compose herself before Lauren came.

"Detective Yeager, it is regretful that you feel this way, and I am truly sorry that you haven't been given any information, but some of the blame must be laid at the door of your own physician who does have more regular contact with you."

"Ok, did you read any of my details before you came to see me?" Rae opened her eyes and stared at this man she had already decided she really didn't like.

"Detective Yeager, I have read your file, I know about your shoulder injuries, and your knees, although they aren't really my field, and I have also read about your other stays at Community General so that I could familiarize myself with your general state of health. I am not based here, you understand."

Thank goodness for that. "I am sure that somewhere in there it said that I was for a little while under my husband's care, and then Doctor Collins took over. That is because my physician was stabbed in the chest, right in front of me, when my daughter was taken, and only came back to the hospital to see any patients this morning. He didn't have much time to fill me in on the availability of treatment before he was receiving it himself!" Rae was shouting now, but she was so angry she didn't care, and the pain that she was feeling was almost secondary to the fury coursing through her.

As Doctor Tammai was about to reply to his patient's latest tirade there was a quiet knock on the doorframe.

"Rae, is everything all right?"

Rae turned her eyes in the direction of the sound and saw Lauren Yung standing in the doorway, a concerned look on her face. "Hi, Doctor Yung."

Rae tried to put a smile on her face, but she was so tired now from shouting and the exertion of her time with Alex that she found she was unable to do so.

Doctor Tammai stood as he saw the young councilor standing waiting to enter, but did not wave her in. Instead he spoke, "I have a couple of tests I need to undertake on my patient, if you could just wait outside for a moment or two."

"Of course, but I do have other patients to see myself, in a short while." Lauren smiled at Rae and then she moved one of the chairs in the hallway so that she could sit out there, but still be in plain sight of her client, and waited.

Doctor Tammai stood up, walked over and shut the door, and then he returned to Rae's bedside. "Now, Detective Yeager, I need to do a test called a sensory examination. If you could give me your left hand please."

Rae lay back on her pillows and stared at the doctor in front of her. She didn't say a word, but just waited, and for about thirty seconds they looked at each other before with a sigh Rae began to speak. "Do you think I am going to slip up and move my arm? The one I haven't been able to do anything with since the accident? My left arm is paralyzed, and my right arm is extremely painful, but I could probably give you my right hand."

"Ok, we will start with the right one then." The doctor watched as slowly Rae moved her arm so that her hand was in front of him and then he carefully picked it up, and once it was resting across his left palm took the thumb between his own thumb and index finger. "Now, I hope that this is going to hurt." Doctor Tammai pinched hard on the nail base of Rae's thumb and then pulled the digit outwards.

"Arghhh, stop, please, yes it hurts, ok?" Rae felt the tears rush to her eyes, as pain flooded her arm, it seemed as if her hand were on fire, but instead of doing what she asked him, Rae saw him take hold of her index finger and repeat the procedure.

By the time Rae's whole hand had been tested in this way she was crying openly, "Please, please, don't do that any more," she felt her hand being lowered to the bed, and then to her horror the left one was picked up. Rae braced herself for more pain, because when Alex had done the same test just after her accident her left hand had hurt too, but none came. Although Rae could use her left hand, the rest of her arm was useless, and so she just lay back and waited for both the examination to finish and the pain on her right side to diminish. Finally when she could catch breath she began to speak again. "Why do you have to do that? It just hurts so much."

"Because it tells me what you can and can't feel, and it will need to be done again and again because these things can change. Now, I can blind you with science and tell you what each finger means, but the fact that you can feel pain in every finger of your right hand is very encouraging because that shows me that all the nerves are working. I am a little concerned by the lack of feeling in your left hand, but there was a slight movement even though you didn't seem to be aware of it, so I am still hopeful. Is that enough information for now?"

Rae smiled a little, she still wasn't crazy about his bedside manner, but Doctor Tammai did seem to know what he was talking about. "Yes, that's fine for now, thank you."

"Ok, Detective, that is all I will do today. There will be four of us meeting with you at ten in the morning, I will arrange for a nurse to come and get you at about ten to the hour and take you to my examination rooms. I can introduce you to the other members of your team then."

"Thank you, but I doubt if I will need a nurse. My husband will bring me down."

"Ah, Detective Yeager, I would prefer if your husband didn't accompany you. He can, of course, bring you to my rooms, but I would rather see you on your own."

"Have you met my husband, Doctor?" Rae was rewarded with a shake of the head. "Mm, well, you may have trouble dissuading him from staying!"

"And you, do you want him to be there?"

"I have put him through so much lately, that I just want him to be happy. If that means he comes into the room with me, then that is what will happen."

"I see, well, I think that your lady doctor is getting a little restless, so I will leave you now. Good afternoon, Detective Yeager."

Rae smiled, even though she didn't feel like it and for a second felt his hand against her right one, and then he turned and was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve looked at Amanda and then leant back against the wall, grateful for its support. "I beg your pardon?"

"I said that it is a male arm. It's from another body!"

"Oh great! But the MO is the same?"

"Yep, the officer who found it was checking the number plate, and saw that the car was reported stolen, he noticed that the trunk wasn't shut and so he lifted it up, he is over there by the garbage bin if you need him."

"Well, I haven't had a chance to eat much today, so I guess you better show me." Steve moved closer to the car and waited as Amanda stepped away. Just like the previous crime scene, there in the trunk, was the upper part of an arm. This trunk however, wasn't as clean and empty as the previous one, which Steve knew could cause a few problems, but Amanda would know which items would be relevant to the case. Steve could see that this was as definitely male as the other one had been female. It was covered in dark hairs, had more defined muscle and was much larger. "So now I am looking for two missing people. Probably known to each other, hopefully known to the person chopping them up. Do you know what they are being chopped up with yet?"

"No, not exactly. But they are clean cuts. No concern about not severing it easily. Ten years ago I would have said someone with some sort of medical or veterinary knowledge, but today you can probably get illustrated instructions on how to dismember someone on the Internet."

"Oh, well, that narrows it down for me! Thanks so much!" The sarcasm was oozing from Steve now, and Amanda smiled and shook her head.  "Jeez, I have a runaway cop, a jilted lover out for revenge and now someone who is chopping up not one but two bodies at the same time. I also have a partner in the hospital, again, and a best friend who isn't speaking to me. Oh my life is just wonderful at the moment!" Steve raised his eyes to the heavens and ran his fingers through his hair.

Amanda moved a little closer and placed a hand on his arm. "Steve, listen, you can't do anything on this today, but by tomorrow I can tell you the height and weight of both bodies, and you can get started on your missing person files. Why is Rae in the hospital?"

Amanda was surprised to see Steve turn away shamefaced and mumble into his hands. "Steve, what's wrong? I can't hear what you're saying."

"She is in the hospital because she came out to interrogate someone last night and then when we got home and I carried her up the stairs, I dropped her."

"Oh, Steve, is she all right? No silly question, did she have to go straight to the hospital, what part of herself did she land on…?" Amanda could see that she was just making matters worse. "Sorry, I'll stop."

"No, she didn't go right away; she was still in bed when I came in this morning, and I dropped her, because Jesse startled me, and she landed on her left knee."

Amanda moved over and put an arm round her friend. He looked so shamefaced that she felt incredibly sorry for him. "Oh, Steve, look, I know you are rushed off your feet with your caseload right now, especially after what happened yesterday, but I think you need to go see Rae, and then maybe Jesse, get that sorted out, and, if you go back to the station, don't stay all night, ok?"

Steve smiled at Amanda's words, and then watched as she moved back over to supervise the removal of the limb from the trunk. This vehicle was a light blue Volvo, and not as nice as the previous one had been. Neither of them appealed to Steve any more.

Steve finally moved back to his own dark blue, regulation issue sedan, climbed into the driver's seat and for a minute just sat there and tried to compose himself. Finally he pulled away, at almost the same time as Amanda and they headed off in the same direction, together.  About ten minutes from the hospital Steve saw the store that Rae used to buy her British magazines from, and pulled over. He asked the lady which were the most current issues and bought three for his partner, then he grabbed a copy of the LA Times and went back to the car. The picture on the front page was of the scene that had greeted him when he had arrived at the precinct the previous day, and for a moment he was back there once again. With a shudder he put the magazines over the top of the distressing photo and pulled back into the traffic.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had been working in the ER for just over four hours before he got a chance to go back up and see how Rae was. It was dark now, and although he had a feeling that she would be asleep he just needed to go and see how his wife was doing. As he neared her room he could see that she wasn't alone, and knowing that no one should be in with her he ran the rest of the way.  He moved just inside the doorway before he spoke. "What are you doing in here?"

The young woman turned in surprise as she heard a voice and Jesse saw that it was one of the nurses that he had seen many times around the hospital. The nurse came over towards him, and then, so as not to disturb her patient she walked out into the hallway and Jesse followed.  "I'm sorry, Doctor, but she seemed restless so I came to check up on her."

"Was she given her medication?" Jesse could see through the door that although Rae was asleep her face wasn't peaceful and she didn't look at all comfortable.

The nurse went back into the room, and when she returned to Jesse she had the chart in her hand and she nodded. "Yes, about a half hour ago. I … I heard shouting from this room a little earlier in the evening, when she had one of her visitors, and then crying later when Doctor Yung was here."

"Who came to visit with her? I didn't think anybody was coming except Doctor Yung." Jesse could feel his anxiety rising and he took a deep breath.

"I have the name written down at the nurse's station, we always keep a note of any visitors that our patients receive. If you would like to come this way, Doctor?"

Jesse looked at Rae for a couple more seconds and then followed the young woman up the hallway. Written on a piece of paper were three names, two that Jesse recognized and one that he didn't.

"Lieutenant Sloan stopped by and left some magazines for your wife, and I said I would make sure she received them in the morning, she was already asleep when he arrived. The doctor was called Tammai, and he was in with your wife for just under the hour I think. Doctor Yung was there for almost two hours."

"Two hours?" Jesse was amazed, he knew that the doctor was very busy, and he had thought himself lucky to get her to agree to pop in for a half hour chat. He hoped that the visit had done Rae some good, but he could tell from the way she had looked when he had been in her room that she wasn't any calmer than before, in fact she had looked worse. As Jesse was about to turn to go back to see Rae his pager bleeped at him, and with a sigh he had to make do with a quick peek round the doorframe before he headed back down to where he knew he was needed most.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had arrived home the house had been in darkness. He had gone into the kitchen, and Michael, in his ever efficient way had left him a bowl of chili, with some rice and instructions to show how long to heat it up. Steve shook his head and smiled. He knew how to warm up his dinner, but he also knew that Michael would always leave a note with instructions on it; it wasn't in his nature to do otherwise.

As he sat in the living room, resisting the urge to channel surf so that he wouldn't wake everybody up, he saw a piece of paper on the coffee table with telephone numbers and dates written on it. Steve picked it up and he could see that Jo had been calling round various places to try and arrange things for the wedding, and he saw at the top of the page the words Easter Saturday crossed through. The realization that she had scored through what was supposed to be the happiest day of his life made Steve almost drop his chilli. He moved back out to the kitchen, his hunger forgotten, left the bowl on the counter and hurried up the stairs. He knew that he shouldn't really wake Jo, but he just had to know why she had crossed out the date.

Steve had a feeling that he would have woken his fiancée anyway, because she was fast asleep corner to corner across the bed, and there was no way for him to get in without disturbing her. Steve carefully sat on the side of the bed, and before he woke Jo up he just looked at her. The beautiful dark brown hair that he loved so much was spread out across the pillow and framed her face, she was completely at peace and he watched her sleep for a few moments and just enjoyed the feelings of love that overwhelmed him, as they normally did when he first saw her, any day. Then he leant over her and kissed her very gently on the lips and waited for a reaction. First of all there was none, and Steve felt guilty for being there. She was still recovering from her brush with depression, which once again they had been able to pull her back from the edge of. The relief that he felt every time he saw her functioning normally again was still with him, and he hoped that he would never again see the haunted look in her eyes as he had that evening as she had withdrawn into herself.

Steve shook himself out of his meanderings and kissed her again as he began to gently speak her name. He knew he should leave her sleep, but he just had to know whether or not she had cancelled their wedding.

"Jo, Honey, wake up. Jo." Steve placed his hand on her shoulder and was just about to give her a tiny shake when she began to open her eyes.

"Steve…? What … is everythin' all right?" Jo's senses returned to her all at once, and she tried to sit up. "Is it Rae, or Eliana?"

"No, no, nothing like that, but I need to talk to you, about the wedding." Steve stopped talking; his heart was beating so loudly, that he was sure his father could hear it clear across the hallway.

"Well, get into bed first then, because I need to talk to you about that too."

Steve took one more look at Jo and he could see that now she was troubled, and so he pulled off his clothes and left them in a heap on the floor, then he moved round to his side of the bed and climbed in. To his relief Jo moved straight over and into his arms, and he felt the softness of her skin against his chest as she cuddled up to him.

"What is it, Jo, don't you want to get married any more?"

"Of course I do, whatever would give you that idea?" Jo looked up at the handsome face of the man she loved and she could see pain and uncertainty in his eyes. "Honey, I would marry you in a tatty bus shelter down town if it meant we could always be together, I thought you knew that."

"Well, I did, but I found the piece of paper with the date crossed through, and I thought that … I thought that maybe you changed your mind."

"No, darlin' never, I will never change my mind, but it seems that most of LA is plannin' on gettin' married that day. Some churches are even havin' weddin' blessin' marathons for people who want to renew their vows. I haven't booked anythin' yet, I am gonna check with everybody an' try to find a day that they can all come. Do you think that it will be ok with your family if I don't have a set day right now?"

Steve felt his heart begin to get back to a normal beat and he buried his head in Jo's hair and took a deep breath of her wonderful scent. "That will be fine; any time will be fine with me." He looked down just as Jo looked up and running his fingers through her hair he pulled her towards him and began to kiss her with a passion that was stronger even than the panic he had felt just moments before.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Jo had spent the rest of an undisturbed night together in each other's arms until Eliana had woken up just after seven. The little girl had been delighted to see her Uncle Steve come in and take her out of her crib, and by the time she was snuggled up in the big warm bed between him and her Aunty Jo she was ecstatic.

Jo looked down at the little soft brown haired child and smiled, then she snuggled up a little bit closer to Steve and the three of them just lay there - for about thirty seconds - before the little girl decided that she wanted to move and started wriggling about under the covers and squirming around.

"I guess we're getting up then?" Steve looked at the little figure that was now lying on her tummy pulling at the pillows. Eliana didn't sleep with one herself, and so she was fascinated by them. She pushed herself up on her arms and then plunged her head into the soft feathery mass. Steve chuckled to himself but he lifted her up as he did so and turned her over on to her back once more. Eliana looked at him, it was the look that made his heart do somersaults, then she rolled and kicked until she was on her stomach and did the same thing again. "Yep, we are definitely getting up." Steve picked up his goddaughter and clambered out of bed. He put her down on the floor, and moved over to get some clean clothes out of the basket. When he turned round she was gone.

"Where did she go? Jo, do you have her?"

"No, darlin', but the door is closed I'm sure you will find her real soon." Jo had no intention of getting up until she absolutely had to.

Steve turned round and there behind him, going through his clothes from the day before was Eliana. She had moved across, then sat and begun pulling at the pile of discarded pants, shirt and top. "I keep forgetting she can crawl now." Steve didn't really want to think about that. It was another thing that Jesse hadn't told him. He knew that before the argument his friend would have either been on the phone right away telling him of his daughter's latest achievement, or, more likely, bringing her over so they could see for themselves, but he had found out by accident, when he had seen her crawling across the carpet when Rae had come over for a visit a little while ago. Steve was brought out of his dream by the sound of crying, and he saw Eliana with his badge in her mouth.

"Oh, Honey, no that is sharp, and probably filthy." Steve took it from her, and although he couldn't see any blood on her gums he wasn't taking any chances. "Jo, go get me some water and a wash cloth, in case she cut herself on my badge." Steve picked up the little girl and tried to calm her down, but she was scared by what had happened to her, and for a minute or two he thought that he may not be able to stop her tears.

Jo handed Steve the washcloth and he gently cleaned round her mouth. A little pudgy hand came up and grabbed the material and then she was sucking at the cloth that was in her mouth. The tears slowed and eventually disappeared, and then Eliana let go of the soggy mass and it fell, straight onto Steve's bare foot.

"Oh, thank you. Why don't you go to Aunty Jo, while I dry my foot and put my socks on?"

"Well, if you had put them on first, you wouldn't have that problem." Jo smiled, she was glad he hadn't, she found something incredibly sexy about her lover when he was fully clothed except for his socks.

By the time Jo had got up, washed, dressed and then done the same for her goddaughter Steve was ready to head in to work. He kissed the little girl and then he kissed Jo on the lips. He smiled as he moved back and Jo grinned at him. "What are you smilin' about?"

"Oh, nothing really, I was just wondering how long before we will be doing this with our own child, I think I could get used to this real quick."

Jo just smiled, and then watched as Steve walked out to his car, she shook her head and then looked at the little girl in her arms. "I guess we are gonna have to talk about it, but he has too much on his mind right now."

"Mama, mama." Eliana reached a hand up and touched Jo on the face and she took it, and kissed the little fingers. Jo was surprised to feel the prick of tears behind her eyes and for a second she shut them and willed herself to cheer up.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve pulled into his parking space and walked thoughtfully into the station. He had so many things that he needed to do that he wished he had a secretary. As he walked an idea formed in the back of his mind, but he didn't have time to explore it and so he filed it away for later.

Alison was on duty at the desk and Steve realized with a guilty pang that he was already getting used to seeing her smiling face when he arrived. He walked over and waited as she finished taking a phone message.

"Hi, Alison, anything for me?"

"Oh, hi, Lieutenant Sloan, yeah, I have a couple of messages for you, I was just about to try and persuade someone to take them upstairs for me."

"Only two, I'm hurt! What do you have then?"

"Ah, let me see, a Doctor Bentley called and said that she had some information for you on the dismembered bodies case and Detective Yeager called to thank you for the magazines and to say that she was real sorry she missed you last night.

"I'll go see her in a little while, actually I have to go and see Doctor Bentley, so I can do both things at once, ok, thank you. If anybody needs me I'm at Community General."

"Ok, I'll remember that. Detective Yeager also asked me when Sergeant Mills's funeral is going to be. Could you tell her that it is tomorrow afternoon at two, please? I'll see you later, Lieutenant."

"Yes, I'll do that, and you can call me Steve, ok?"

"All right, I'll see you later, Steve."

"Bye."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The early morning rush hour traffic was still heavy and it took Steve longer than usual to get to the hospital. He arrived just before a quarter to nine, and so decided to go see Rae first, as Amanda would still be doing the school run. He walked in through the ER, hoping to see Jesse, but the place had an almost unnatural quietness about it, and although he saw Shannon on duty and waved to her and noticed Wil Collins in a trauma suite there was no sign of his friend. Steve got into the elevator and leant against the back wall. He was already mentally tired and he hadn't started his day yet. With a shake of his head he waited for the doors to open and then he moved down towards Rae's room.

Rae was sitting quietly in bed, one of the magazines next to her, but her head was leaning back on the pillow and she had her eyes shut. Steve could tell from her whole demeanor that although was quiet she was not relaxed.

"Rae, can I come in?" Steve saw Rae's eyes fly open, and then she nodded, just slightly. "I would ask you if you're all right, but you're not, are you?"

"No, not really, I had a tough day yesterday and today isn't gonna be much better." Rae paused and then forced a smile. "I'm sorry, Steve, but sitting in here gives me time to brood, and that is definitely a bad thing."

"Rae, I am so sorry that you are in here because of me. I really didn't mean to drop you, you do know that don't you?" Steve took Rae's right hand in his, and was alarmed as he felt her gasp and let go of her hand almost immediately. "Rae?"

"It's ok, my new improved specialist came to see me yesterday and did some test or other on my hand, and now my fingers are painful… Steve, I know you didn't mean to drop me, I would never think that you would do that to me on purpose, you have always treated me with the utmost care and respect."

"Thank you, but I did hurt you didn't I?"

"I'm afraid so, my left knee is painful again now, but I'll get over it. I have a meeting at ten with this specialist guy who is an expert in my kind of shoulder and arm problems, so hopefully I will find out a little bit more… Steve," Rae paused and looked at her partner.

"Yes, Honey, what is it?" Steve had a feeling that whatever it was Rae was about to say he wasn't going to like it.

"Yesterday, before I realized that I couldn't actually use my leg, I was going to write my letter of resignation. I can't do my job any more; I guess I just needed to see for myself that I can't cope out in the big world anymore."

"Oh, Rae." Steve paused for a minute, knowing the importance of finding the right words. "Look, maybe this guy can help you, don't write it yet, wait a while, see what he has to say, then if he suggests any treatment wait until that has been done too. There is no hurry; it's only been a few weeks."

"Steve, did you know that I'm expecting another baby?"

"No, no I didn't, oh, Rae … you're not happy about that are you?" Steve looked at his partner's face and saw the fear and anguish in her eyes.

"I am Steve, but I'm scared … and I know that Jesse is too, but I can't talk to him about it, he is so protective, he doesn't know how much everything hurts, I just can't tell him. I wanted more freedom, and now I'm not gonna get it, and …" Rae stopped talking as tears threatened her; once she was in control again she started to speak once more. "I'm sorry, Steve, I'll shut up, there is nothing you can do about it anyway." Rae shut her eyes for a moment, and felt Steve's hand on her arm, and as she opened them again Steve was looking at her, the concern evident in his face.

"Honey, are you seeing that lady, the one who replaced Brian?"

"I saw her yesterday, for a half hour chat which turned into a two hour session, Steve, I'm just so mixed up and confused right now. She is coming back with me after our session with Doctor Tammai so we can talk again… I'm scared, Steve, everything I have worked my whole life for is gone, because of something that happened to me, that I can't even remember."

"You don't know what happened?"

"No, I asked Jesse, but he didn't know either."

"I had no idea, would you like me to tell you?"

"Yes, please, because I can't understand how I can be so badly injured, and that makes it harder to accept that maybe I will always be this way." Rae carefully put her right hand back into Steve's and was instantly comforted by his touch.

"How much of your time in jail do you remember?" Steve was glad of the feel of her hand in his; it made his tale a little easier to tell.

"I saw the doctor when I first went in, and he kept me in the hospital wing overnight, but then when I woke up he was gone, I didn't see him again. I remember seeing Mr. Sholte and Alex, and going to court, but nothing after that."

"You went for breakfast in the cafeteria, which should never have happened, you should have been placed in a secure wing and had your food brought to you, but we can deal with that later. From what the security film shows you were on your way to a table, all the other inmates were banging on the tables with their cutlery and you were just ignoring them. Then you fell, but I think you were tripped, and another woman or maybe the same one, just laid into you."

"Which is how I got what, the cracked ribs?"

"Yeah, I guess so, they pulled you to your feet and then you were slammed into the wall and punched until you fell. You were on the ground for the rest of the attack, but you could be seen on the monitor, and you were kicked, repeatedly, definitely in the body, and Alex said that you had bruises on the back of your neck that came from being kicked there too. I don't know how much of this you know, is it all new?"

"Yeah, but there's more, isn't there?" Rae was glad that she had a hold of Steve's hand, because the fear as she listened to his tale was just as real as if it was happening to her right now.

"There is. It was a couple of minutes; at least, before someone came to your aid, an officer grabbed you by the arm and just pulled you. One of the inmates kept kicking at you as you were pulled along the floor; she got in a few good ones before she was restrained."

"They hated me, Steve, I knew they would, but it was terrible, I don't think I could have stood another day in that place, not another day."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I don't remember a lot, but I do remember that everywhere I went people shoved me, and spat at me. And whispers, I heard whispers all the time." Rae shuddered, "But maybe the worst thing was that the prison officers were just as bad. I had to wear manacles everywhere I went, and they pushed and shoved me just as much as the inmates. I fell a few times, and when I did I was even more scared."

Steve moved a little further up the bed and put his arm around Rae, being careful not to hurt her. He could feel her shaking in his arms and he pulled her towards him. "Are you ok, I'm not hurting you am I?"

"A little, but your arms feel nice. I've never told anybody all that before, but if I shut my eyes I can still see the people, hear the voices. 'Cop, cop, cop,' that's what they said, when I walked past, or sometimes, 'death, death, death.'" Rae was really shaking now, and Steve just sat and held her close. He had known about the chanting of cop, but not of death. He knew that Rae was a strong woman, but that would get to anyone. Thank God they had been able to find the evidence to clear her.

"Steve, what brings you here?"

Both Rae and Steve jumped at the sound of Jesse's voice, but this time Steve kept a firm hold on his partner. "I came to see how Rae was, and you, Jess, how are you?"

"Tired, but ok. Rae, Honey, we have a ten o'clock meeting with Doctor Tammai." Jesse desperately wanted to talk with Steve, but now wasn't the time.

"Steve, I have to get ready, but thank you so much for coming and listening, I left a message for you at the station, about the magazines, I will read them, that was so kind of you."

"Oh, Rae, Bob's funeral, it's tomorrow at two."

"Jesse, can you take me? Or I could go with Steve?"

Jesse thought for a moment and then replied. "I could take you, but I guess you will want to stay and chat, and I'm on nights, so I don't think I could do that. If you go with Steve you can stay as long as you want."

"I don't know where I'll be, Steve, so I will call you later, is that ok?"

"Of course, I'll see you soon. Jesse." Steve held out his hand, and to his utmost relief Jesse took it. Then with a much lighter heart he headed down towards Amanda's pathology lab.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda was hard at work, dictating into her little hand held recorder and so Steve tapped lightly on the glass, and then waited just inside the door. Knowing that her friend would wait for her to finish, Amanda continued until she came to a natural place to break off and then clicked the machine, and turned with a smile.

"Hi, how are you this morning? Did you get home at all last night?"

"Yes, Mom, I even got some sleep, until Eliana woke us up this morning." Steve smiled at the memory, but then brushed it away and turned to the main reason he had come to see his friend. "So, arms, what can you tell me?"

Amanda moved round and sat at her desk. She picked up two thin manila folders and opened the top one. "Ok, we will start with the Jane Doe. Fair skinned, early twenties probably, fair hair too. Weight about 126 lbs and height five feet, roughly. This isn't an exact science, but that is close enough. John Doe, obviously much bigger, thicker set with dark hair and tanned skin. This time about 179 lbs and touching six feet." Amanda smiled at him and waited for him to bite.

"Ok, it's a long time since I had a dismembered body, thank God, so what do you use to get this information?"

"Well I use my eyes for the skin pigment and hair colour." She smiled and waited, knowing full well that wasn't what Steve meant at all.

"Oh, funny, come on, Amanda, give."

"Ok." Amanda knew when to stop joking and get back to work. "We were lucky in that we got the upper arms first. By measuring the length of the humerus I was able to extrapolate the height and weight of the victims. To get the height you measure the humerus and multiply that by five. Once you have the height then the weight is easy."

"What if the person was seriously overweight or underweight for that matter?"

"Then the arm would be too. If we just had the bone then yeah, you would have point, we wouldn't know. But because we have the flesh, in both cases, we can tell that the man is muscular, and so may weigh more, the woman is tiny, so may weigh less, but as a general guide those figures are sound."

"Thank you, Amanda. I guess until the next parts turn up I go back to trying to find George Bannister and Sandra Breth."

"Who are they?"

"George is a detective at the precinct, who has run off, and Sandra Breth is the woman responsible for the drive bys."

"A woman, oh, Steve, that's terrible. I mean it was all terrible, but somehow a woman doing all that, she must be a real good shot."

A broad smile spread across Steve's face. "Amanda, don't tell Ron, but I love you! Thank you so much." To her surprise, Steve moved across kissed her quickly on the cheek and turned and left the room. She stood there, a little shell shocked, her hand resting where her friend's lips had left their mark, sometimes; even though she had known him for many years, he still had the ability to amaze her.

"Well, ok, I won't tell Ron."  With a chuckle Amanda turned back to the body on her table, and picked up her Dictaphone. She ran the tape back a little way, listened to her last words, and began again, without a pause.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jesse had pushed Rae to the rooms allocated to visiting consultants she was feeling very nervous. She hadn't said anything to Jesse about staying or not staying, but she wasn't surprised when he wheeled her into the consulting rooms and then sat in a chair next to her. The rooms were empty, but the secretary in the outer office had told them it was fine to go on through, and now they sat, hand in hand, waiting.

"Jesse,"

"Yes, Sweetheart, what is it?"

"What if he says that I'm never gonna get any better, that this is as good as it gets? What will we do then?"

"We'll cope. Honey, we know how bad it is now and we'll just adapt our lives ourselves to make things easier for you. I know it is gonna be hard with Eliana and another baby as well, but we're a team, together we will manage, I promise you that."

"Thank you."

Before Rae could say anything else, the door opened and three complete strangers, two friendly faces and Doctor Tammai appeared.

"Detective Yeager, this is Doctor Burns, who is the doctor who will be helping you with your pain relief. Doctor Goodman who is the orthotist and Doctor Morton who is an occupational therapist, Doctors' Yung and Martin you know, and also there is your physical therapist, Mandy Ryan, but she had an appointment she couldn't alter unfortunately. And you must be Doctor Travis."

Rae, who had asked Jesse what an orthotist was, and discovered that he would be the person who would normally deal with the support and bracing of weak or ineffective joints and muscles, looked at the tall thin man and wondered what he would make of Alex's brace. As she was thinking this through Jesse let go of Rae's hand and stood up. "Yes, Doctor Tammai, I have heard a lot about you, how do you do?"

"I'm well, thank you. I understand that you have been working all night, maybe you would like to rest for the two hours or so we will be with your wife."

"I would rather stay, if you don't mind."

"Jesse, go get some sleep, Alex and I can fill you in on everything later. I just want things to run smoothly." Rae lowered her voice, and as Jesse had crouched in front of her, she was pretty sure she couldn't be heard. "I will be fine, I promise. But if I'm not I'll just get Alex to take me out, ok?"

"Well, if you're sure." Jesse kissed Rae gently on the cheek, and then with a last look at Doctor Tammai and a half smile at Alex he moved towards the door.

Rae watched as Jesse left and wished with all her heart that he had stayed. She was scared and she wasn't sure if she could stand another session like the one she had spent with Doctor Tammai the previous day. Suddenly she knew she needed him. "Jesse, please, stay with me." As he turned to face her Rae knew that she had made the right decision, the look on his face was one that she hadn't seen for a long time, he was just happy.

"Detective Yeager, I did say yesterday, if you remember, that this meeting was for you, not your husband."

"Yes, I know you did, but I said that if he wanted to stay then that was what would happen. So, we are ready now."

By the time Doctor Tammai had given details of the tests he had undertaken the day before, and read from the notes that Rae's physical therapist had left, over half an hour had already past. Doctor Burns moved over so that he was standing closer to Rae and Jesse, and smiled at them.

"Detective Yeager, have you been keeping a pain diary?"

"No, Sir, and please, I would prefer if you called me Mrs Travis." Rae felt Jesse's hand over her own, and knew that once again she had done the right thing.

"Ok, I need you to keep a pain diary, for about two weeks, and from that we can get an idea of what type of pain relief would be suitable for you. I personally think that transcutaneous stimulation is the best way to go because it doesn't involve the use of drugs but if that doesn't work then we can try various medications which have a relatively high success rate in treatment of cases similar to your own."

"I have no idea what trans … transcut … Jesse, do you know what that is?"

"Yes, it stops the pain signals from being sent, but it's my understanding that it can take a long while to begin to work, it certainly isn't anything immediate."

"That is correct, Doctor Travis, but I was working on the fact that your wife doesn't wish to take any pain medication during her pregnancy. There are many drugs that she could take that would reduce the level of pain she suffers and which would work far quicker."

"How would you want me to keep the diary? Rate the pain out of ten say, or just write down how I feel, which actions each day cause me pain and which ones don't?" Rae decided that she would intervene; she didn't want Jesse to start discussing the merits of different painkillers right now, as she had no intention of taking them unless she really had to.

"Yes, that is the general idea. I would say that for the first week write down how the pain effected you, what activities, if any, made it worse, what things you could do relatively pain free. Then the second week you could compare back and so then yes maybe marks out of ten would be sufficient, as long as some detail was still included."

"I find writing difficult, so do I have to write lots of detail down, or can I use a sort of shorthand?"

"Det… Mrs Travis, you can do the diary however you are happy to do it. On the computer, by hand, even dictating into a cassette recorder is fine, just so long as we have a record of how you are feeling and coping with your injuries. Once we have that we can start you on a course of treatment and hopefully provide you with some relief. Obviously, we would have to take you off the pain meds you are currently taking."

"I'm not taking anything at the moment, except a mild sedative at night, and I have cut that down as much as I can."

"Oh, I see, so you are not in pain then?" Doctor Burns looked at his patient, and he could see the pain in her eyes. It was a sign he recognized, and he realized that so far she wasn't getting the back up she should be.

"I'm in pain, but after I left the hospital I wasn't offered anything, apart from at night, and once I found out that I was pregnant then I tried to stop taking that too, but I just couldn't sleep so I had to start taking it again. It doesn't stop the pain, but it makes me drowsy and then for a little while sleep gets the better of me. Sometimes if I have had a rough day then I do sleep for quite a while."

Jesse had been sitting just listening to the discussion, but now he spoke up. "I have been looking into the possibilities for surgery in cases like Rae's. Do you think that it would be suitable for her?"

Doctor Tammai took the lead in answering Jesse's question. "Yes, yes, I do, but as she has herself said she is pregnant at the moment, and we wouldn't want to undertake surgery, especially in the early stages. I also think that you should be aware that the residue pain from this type of operation can last up to eighteen months."

"Are you talking about both arms or just the right one?"

"Maybe both of them, we would have to do a lot more tests before I could make that decision. However, at the moment a prognosis on your left arm and hand is more difficult to make. If what you are suffering is a neuropraxia then you have an excellent chance of a recovery without surgery, we will just have to keep doing sensory tests and hope for an improvement."

"How long for? The test I mean?" Rae looked at Doctor Tammai; even talking about the test scared her.

"A neuropraxia can continue for up to six months, so unless you yourself feel an improvement you will be tested by either Doctor Martin or one of your team on a regular basis, maybe every other week."

"And the right arm? I get the feeling that although I have more movement in that arm you are suggesting surgery for that one."

"I am suggesting that we see how things improve over the next few weeks, but yes, I would suggest surgery on your right arm, you already have feeling in it, and we may be able to get it back to a reasonably normal state, however, although I realize that you must feel like you have been in pain for ever, it is still very early days and with specialist care and attention things may improve without any surgical intervention."

Rae and Jesse looked at each other, and for the first time in a long while they could see hope in each others' eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve got back to the precinct it was almost half past eleven, and he was in need of food. He went into the deli that was just down the block, and then walked back into the station two sandwiches and can of soda in his hands.

Alison wasn't on the desk, it was the young officer who usually replaced Bob, and who, Steve had imagined, would have taken over his position permanently.

As Steve walked past and up the stairs he heard his name being called and he looked up to see Alison standing at the top waiting for him, a letter held in a gloved hand.

"Sir, this just came for you." She held the object out and Steve fished around in his pockets for the gloves he knew kept there, pulled them on and took it from her. It was a single sheet of paper, and Steve began to read.

Lieutenant Sloan,

I thought I would just deposit my collection of limbs around LA until someone worked out what I was doing, but then you got involved in the case and I decided to play. Is there any way you can beat me? I doubt it. Is there any way you can stop me? I doubt that too, but you are welcome to try. I will even give you a clue. One of the bodies is known to you.

S. Todd