Uncertain Future

Rae finally returned to her room just after one o'clock. The two hour meeting had turned into a three hour one that included another trip through the open ended coffin as Rae had a further MRI on her knee. Even though the meeting had initially been about her shoulder Jesse had asked some questions on how best to deal with the additional problems Rae had suffered when she had stood for too long, and as the MRI had been free, a visit there had been included in her consultation.

"Jesse, I know we both have a lot to think and talk about, but Lauren is here now, and you need to go and get some sleep."

"This time, I don't think I can argue with you, I'll see you later. I'll go and crash in the sleep room, there isn't much point in going home, and this way I'll get an extra hour's rest." Jesse kissed her lightly on the lips, and then with a smile made his way out of the room.

Delighted by the fact the Jesse wasn't rushing back to Eliana, but being sensible instead, Rae watched as her husband walked away. Then, letting a sigh escape her as brought herself back to why she was now in a hospital room with her therapist, Rae looked at Lauren and waited for her to begin speaking. "So, Rae, do you want to talk to me now, or did you want to think things through first?"

"No, I think I'd like to talk now, if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind, I had scheduled you some time today, after yesterday I figured that you would need to talk to me again."

"I do, but I don't know where to begin." Rae looked at the young woman in front of her. As much as she had felt at ease with Brian, and he had understood her, she felt that talking to a woman was sometimes a little easier than a man, especially as Lauren was married with a small child of her own.

"Ok, let me give you a little push start. We had quite an intense meeting today, you had to discuss your condition and your feelings with complete strangers, and I know that you will have found that difficult. Maybe you should concentrate on that?"

For a minute or two Rae just sat and Lauren knew that she was getting her thoughts in some kind of order, and then with a small sigh she began to speak. "You're right, I didn't like talking to them, they don't know me, or what I'm like, and I guess that I'm used to dealing with doctors that I know and love. I realize I'm lucky in that regard, but it felt strange. I think that part of it is that Mark, Alex and Jesse are always very concerned with my feelings when they tell me anything, but they were just giving me the facts."

"And you didn't feel comfortable with that?"

"No, I was scared before I arrived, and now I am even more so. Maybe my left arm will get better, my right too, and without surgery." Rae stopped talking for a moment, and gathered herself again. "I went down there thinking that I had no chance of a normal life again, but now, I can see it, it's just out of reach but I can see it, and that scares me even more. I can hope for recovery now, which was more than I could before, but the possibility of surgery still exists and that alarms me, so now I have twice as much to be frightened of!"

"I know, and I can understand you being that way, I think I would be too, but you don't have to make a decision right now, the pressure is off, for a little while at least."

"No, the decision is already made. Until my baby is born, I don't plan to have the operation. If I can still have it afterwards then maybe, but I won't put my child at risk."

If Lauren was surprised she didn't show it. "I see, and if by then nothing can be improved, are you prepared to live as you are now?"

"No, I'm not, but I don't think I'll have to. There seem to be a lot of things that can be done to make our lives easier. It's not just the new baby and me, but Jesse and Eliana as well." Rae's hands rested naturally over her stomach. It wasn't really obvious yet that she was pregnant, but the baby was never very far from her thoughts.

"So, do you want me to arrange for you to go to the Willows?"

"Yes, please, as soon as you can, but after tomorrow, I have a funeral to attend then, and I think I'll need to go for about a week, maybe longer." Rae looked at the lady in front of her and slowly moved her hand towards her.

"That's not a problem; I can call and get that arranged for you. It really is the best rehabilitation center for your type of injury. But it might not be possible to get you in there right away, it's very popular, and you'll need to be there for a while. Also …" Lauren paused. "It's very expensive, Rae, I think you need to check what you will be covered for."

"I hadn't really thought about either of those things, I'll get the insurance sorted out, and well, I'll just go when they can have me. I know it's a long way to go, but I think it's the right thing to do." Rae took a breath and winced.

"Rae, you said yesterday that you would tell me how you felt all the time when you had the words to describe it. Have you got the words now?"

"I tried to think about it after you had gone, and I feel lots of things, things beside the pain, but also because of it, if that makes sense?"

"I think so, try me."

"Ok, I feel frustrated that I am so helpless, and I want desperately to be able to do the things I used to, but I can't. Sometimes the pain is like a bubble, it encompasses everything that I am and everything that I do. I guess because my legs are damaged as well there isn't anything, any movement, I mean, that is possible without pain, but maybe, once I get some treatment, that will change."

"Do you feel angry today? Yesterday you were very angry."

"Yes, I'm still angry, but since seeing Doctor Tammai I have to admit to being hopeful too, but the anger is still there, because of what happened to me, and why. It's not fair, and it shouldn't be, that makes me feel helpless, and I don't like that."

"Helpless? Why is that? You don't mean helpless because things hurt do you?"

"No, I mean because Steve came in this morning, and told me how I got injured. I knew it had happened because of who I am, but … but they just laid into me, and punched and kicked me until they had to be physically restrained. They wanted to kill me, and … that makes me feel … I don't know, sad, scared for the future, but mostly I just feel that there is no reason to bother any more, because the whole point of who I was and what I did, was, in the end, the reason I was injured." Rae stopped talking for a moment to catch her breath.

"I can look at every time I've been here in this hospital and it has been because of who I am and what I do. If Doctor Tammai is right and I do recover, maybe enough to go back to work should I even bother? Or will somebody else just try to eliminate me? If that's the case then maybe there isn't any point in trying to get better, because there isn't any point in me being a cop anymore." Rae had tears running silently down her cheeks, and she just let them flow. She could no more reach to wipe them away than she could touch the moon.

"So you are just going to give up and let the bad guys win?" Lauren was concerned by what she was hearing, but not surprised.

"Yeah, I could easily do just that. Why not? They've won anyway, so let's give them credit and move on to the next disastrous thing that's gonna happen to me!" Although the tears were still there they were slowing now, and Lauren could hear the anger in Rae's voice.

"And what will you tell your husband and your daughter? Sorry, but I'm going to let the world go on around me, you go and do your own thing, I'm just going to sit here and wallow?"

"No … yes … I don't know. I can't think straight right now. Jesse or Texas is almost always with me, so I don't get a chance to think very often, and when I'm on my own the pain is so overwhelming that thoughts, rational ones at any rate, are just not possible. And it's not fair, I was set up … set up because of some creep who decided he wanted me and no-one else was going to have me. He nearly killed Jesse, and she nearly killed me … she took my baby, and because of her … I am sitting here unable to move my arms or leg … why the hell shouldn't I wallow? I have been attacked … drugged … raped, and almost murdered since I've been in LA. I've caused grief, pain … and worry to those that I love the most … and all because I try to uphold the laws of a land that isn't even mine. I have to tell… you, wallowing … seems like a … darn … good … idea … right … now." Rae leant back in her chair, her breathing was coming in shallow breaths, and Lauren was getting very concerned about her.

"Rae, listen to me, look at me and listen." But Lauren could see that Rae was past the stage where she could listen, her breathing was way too fast, and not deep enough, and after pressing the call button, Lauren knelt down in front of her client, and just tried, through quiet words, to bring Rae back to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had been sitting looking at his note for about twenty minutes when he heard a sound and raised his head to see Cheryl standing in front of him. "What are you doing here? You should be home; it is way too soon for you to be back."

"No, I have to find the person responsible for this, for the deaths and injuries. Steve, I spent all day sitting by Martin's bedside, he didn't move, he just lay there, I can't sit again, I need to know that I am doing something for him, and for the others who weren't as lucky as he was."

"Cheryl, I'm going to take you home, and then we can talk, ok? I know who did this to you, to Martin, to all of them, but not here, I can't talk about it here."

"Steve, if you know who it is then we have to find him, before he does it again, and why can't you talk about it here?"

"No, Cheryl, now just stand, or even better, sit there, and wait for me." Steve turned before she had a chance to say or do anything other that what was requested of her, and he headed towards the captain's office. He knocked, and, receiving a wave of acknowledgement, entered.

"Yes, Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, Detective Banks has come into the station, but she really should be home. I would like to be able to take her there, fill her in a little on what is happening and then come back to follow up some leads I have."

"Very good, Lieutenant, I've had a doctor's note come through from Community General signing her off for a week, with a suggestion that we get one of the police department shrinks to go visit with her. Could you let her know that I don't expect to see her for seven days?"

"Yes, Sir." Steve turned to go.

"And, Lieutenant, make sure she has a good lunch."

Steve smiled, "Yes, Sir."

With permission to stay longer than the twenty minutes or so he had mentally allowed himself, Steve headed back towards his old partner, then taking her by the arm, he directed her towards the stairs, and they walked off together.

Alison was back on duty at the desk and, after a quite word with Cheryl, Steve headed over towards her.

"Hi, Alison, I'm just taking Cheryl home, can you do some digging for me? I need the names of all the local gun clubs, and by local, I mean local to LA …" Steve could see the look of dismay on the sergeant's face. "I know, it's a rotten job, but someone has to do it, just leave them on my desk, if however, you are stuck for something to do, could you call a few, find out if they have a Sandra Breth on their books?"

"Sandy?"

"For now this is confidential. Please, don't tell anybody why you are doing this.

"Ok, Steve, I'll see what I can do but I won't say anything."

Steve moved back over towards the exit, and took Cheryl's arm again, but as they got to the door she stopped and began to back away. "Oh, God, Steve, no, I … I can't, I can't go out this way!" She turned and leant into him, and Steve placed an arm around her, and for a minute he let her stay where she was, her head leaning into his chest. He shook his head as Alison began to walk towards them and she returned to her desk. Cheryl was shaking, and it seemed to be getting worse, not better, so, with a deep breath, Steve knew he had to take the situation in hand.

"Cheryl, look at me." At first nothing happened, but then, slowly, she looked up at him, and he could see the horror etched in her face and eyes. "I know that this is really hard for you, and it would be real easy for us to go back and leave through the exit by the lockers, but if we did, what would happen when you came in next week, or the week after? You can't spend your whole life avoiding this part of the station."

"But I can see it, if I shut my eyes, I can see them laying there, Martin, and Bob, and the others, and the blood, Steve, please, help me."

Steve could see that talking wasn't going to be enough, but he knew that if he gave in to her, it would be even harder for her to leave through the main exit the next time. And if there was an emergency and they had to leave this way she may never be able to do it. "Cheryl, do you think it is going to happen again, if you go through these doors?"

"No, I don't think so." Cheryl wasn't sure; right now she wasn't convinced that she was safe wherever she was.

"And you say you can see it all when you shut your eyes, well, we are going to walk through, you and I, and we will both have our eyes wide open, ok?"

"Ok … I think."

That was all Steve needed. He took Cheryl by the hand and steered her towards the doors. He could feel her shaking, and dragging her feet, but he didn't stop, or turn to look at her, he just kept walking. Steve pushed the door open with his free hand and walked, a little quicker than usual, out across the parking lot to his car. Once he got there he stopped and turned Cheryl so that she was facing him. "There, I know that was hard for you, but you did it, next time it won't be such a big thing, all right?"

Cheryl just nodded, and then she flung herself into his arms and sobbed on his shoulder. There were no other cops around, and so, for a few minutes, Steve stood there and waited while she let some of her pain and anguish go, then, when she began to calm herself, he opened the passenger door to his truck and helped her inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex had come up to see Rae when Lauren had pressed the buzzer, and after the two doctors had consulted for a few moments he had entered Rae's room and taken the therapist's place.

"Rae, come on, you need to relax, you aren't going to do yourself or your baby any good if you carry on this way."

Rae was sitting in her wheelchair, her head leaning back on the special headrest that had been placed there to help her neck and shoulders. Alex could see that Rae had retreated into herself, and was either not hearing him, or not wanting to hear him, but he wasn't sure yet which it was. Both her hands were held in fists, which was, Alex knew, a very painful thing for her to do. He could tell that Rae was breathing just deep enough to keep herself conscious, but she wasn't taking in any information from the world around her. "Rae, do you want me to go wake Jesse? Maybe it would help for you to talk to him."

Still there was no response, and Alex knew that whatever he did, Rae wasn't going to respond. He needed to get her into bed, then he could give her a mild sedative, which would hopefully send her to sleep, she should wake up naturally and he would help her to come to terms with whatever it was that had sent her into her own nightmare. He hadn't planned to come in to the hospital the next day, but now he knew that he would. Pressing the button for the nurse Alex moved over and prepared the bed so that it was just a case of gently placing his patient into it, and then he waited for someone to answer him.

The nurse who came into the room was tiny and Alex realized that he wasn't any better off than he had been before. "Hi, could you get me an orderly up here? Only I need to move Mrs Travis into the bed, and she isn't able to respond right now, so she will be almost a dead weight."

"Yes, Doctor," the nurse left the room, and Alex moved back over to Rae. There had been no change in her condition, except he could see that a tear had stolen away and run down her cheek. Somehow this made her condition seem even worse, and he wanted so to be able to wave a magic wand for her and make her whole again. Shaking his head to get rid of the fanciful notion Alex turned to see a far more suitable member of staff walking down the hallway. The young man stopped and waited at the door.

"Doctor Martin?"

"Yes, that's me, I need your help …" Alex checked his badge, "Justin, to get this patient into her bed."

"Of course, Doctor."

"The problem is that she has injuries to her shoulders, arms and knees, which make moving her very difficult. Normally she has a hydraulic lift, but I wondered whether it would be possible, just this time, to get her into bed without that."

Justin moved over to where Rae was sitting and eyed up the situation. "Well, I could just lift and lie; if I was quick it would be over in just a few seconds." Seeing Alex nod the young man crouched down by the side of the chair. "Once I have her can you move the chair back?" Alex nodded once more, and the next thing he knew Rae was in the orderly's arms, "Now." The chair was moved away and Rae was on the bed before Alex could really think about it, he knew that under normal circumstances, even as quick as it was, the movement would have hurt her, but there was no reaction at all.

"Justin, thank you. I appreciate your help."

"Hey, it's not a problem, Doc; any time, just call me." With that Justin moved away back down towards the room where he had been working. He smiled as he went, knowing that he had carried out his instructions to the letter. He had been helping Doctor Collins with a patient three doors down the hallway when the call had gone out for an orderly to help Doctor Martin, and he had been sent with express directions not to let the young doctor do anything that might put a strain on him, but also not to let him know that was what he was doing. Yep, just as I was told. Justin smiled again, sometimes his job was great.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had stopped at a grocery store on the way to Cheryl's house and bought some pasta and a ready made sauce, which he had heated up in the kitchen and then he sat, his own plate of steaming food in front of him and watched as Cheryl moved her fork round and round in her meal without actually eating any of it.

"Now, I know I don't do much cooking any more, ok, I never did much cooking, but this is something I can handle all by myself, it is edible you know."

Cheryl smiled at her friend and ex-partner, but she still didn't eat any food.  "Cheryl, you have to eat, you will feel worse if you don't."

"No, Steve, I don't think it is possible for me to feel any worse than I do right now. Somebody opened fire at the precinct, killed people I had known and worked with for years, put a man I care for, a lot, in the hospital, and now you tell me that you know who did it. Steve, I just want to get the case solved and closed so we can try to get some of our lives back to normal, not me, but us, the division, the station. Who is it? We can work together, your partner is still off sick, mine is in the hospital, you and me, we could solve this, if you think you know who this creep is, just tell me and we'll nail him." Cheryl's words got faster and faster as she spoke.

"It's not a man, it's a woman." Steve waited.

"What? A woman killed all those people, seven in the drive bys up to our one, and then six cops, no, Steve, how can it be a woman?" Cheryl seemed even more shocked by that piece of news than any other.

"Rae worked out the link between the shootings, and they related to a date, a special evening, which went bad. The places were all used before a date that ended in an engagement, but when the relationship fell apart the woman left LA, well, now she's back and has taken revenge on her ex-fiancé and the places they used to go together."

"But why the station…? He's a cop isn't he … was he one of those killed or injured?"

"No, he wasn't there that day, he was … elsewhere." Steve took a breath. He wasn't sure how much he owed to George Bannister, he would have kept his secret for as long as humanly possible if he was still here, but now he had run and Steve didn't know just how long he could keep the main reason for the killings quiet.

"So, Rae told you, when? No, wait, I know, she mentioned something about it that night at Bob's, and you worked out a link then, right?"

"Yeah, sort of. I don't know if you knew that George had taken ill and had to leave early, but he did. Well, that was because he knew who the gun … woman probably was, and the whole situation swamped him for a minute. He went back home to … think things through and then the next day I visited with him and he told me. I didn't have a name when you called me, but I had a lot of information."

"But now, now you have a name?"

"Yes, I have a name, and Alison is looking for some information for me right now, and I plan to hunt this woman down … as soon as you have eaten your lunch."

Cheryl regarded him for a moment and then very hesitantly took a mouthful of her lunch. A small smile spread across her face. "You're right you know, this is edible."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jesse woke up for his shift Rae had been asleep for about three hours, he found a message from Alex placed carefully by his head when he woke, and surprised that his young friend was still in the hospital Jesse hurried to find him.

Alex was sitting in the doctor's lounge a pile of paperwork in front of him and two boxes by his feet. He looked up as the door opened and smiled.

"Hey, Jess, do you feel better for your sleep?"

"Yeah, sort of, I dreamt about consultations, and strange doctors, but at least I slept. You left a message for me?"

"I had to sedate Rae … no wait, Jesse; I'll tell you what happened."

By the time Alex had finished explaining the situation to Jesse, he was ready to rush up to his wife's room, but Alex managed to keep him where he was a little longer.

"Jesse, I don't think she'll know that you're there, she certainly didn't know I was, and when I mentioned your name there was no response. I think she was just mentally exhausted, she was put through hoops this morning, and the shooting at the precinct affected her, even though she hasn't worked there in a while, you heard her today, the pain is with her constantly, and she's pregnant, Jess, I'm surprised she hasn't done this before. She has been so up, there had to be a down, and this may last a while."

"Yeah, I'm surprised too. I kept watching and waiting, y'know, and I guess I just got so used to her being her normal self, that I stopped … watching and waiting. After she got scared at Amanda's nothing else happened, but today, well Doctor Tammai gave her hope, maybe in a funny way that was just too much for her to cope with?"

"It might be. She could be so used to being negative, and then suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I guess she couldn't process all the thoughts at once, and she shut down. Jesse, I know that you want to be with her, but she will sleep all night, and I have already left a note on her file that if she does wake up you are to be called."

Jesse nodded, and then after checking his watch looked back at his friend. "I'll just take a stroll past her door on the way to the ER, but I won't go in."

Alex smiled to himself, he had never thought of the fourth floor as a quick way to the ER, but then, Jesse had been a doctor here much longer than he had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had been busy almost all day, but throughout the entire time thoughts had been running through her head. The wedding had been postponed, and it looked as if it would be June or July before she could book everybody she wanted to make their special day go smoothly. David had removed the date from his diary, and she had postponed an appointment that had been made for her and Steve to see Gilbert. She hadn't mentioned it to Steve yet, but she would, Jo didn't really want the meeting to go ahead, but she knew it had to. As she stopped for a coffee break Jo sat on the patio and thought back to the meeting that she and Steve had had with Gilbert a little while after they had got engaged.

"We're going to do what?" Steve had been driving his truck with Jo beside him, and couldn't believe what she had just said.

"We're going to go see Gilbert about a pre-nuptial agreement." Jo hadn't said anything further. She knew Steve would be angry about it, and so until that moment Steve hadn't had any idea where he was taking her.

Steve had pulled into the first parking lot he had found, and once he was safely parked had turned to her and Jo could see not only anger but hurt in his eyes. "You think I'm marrying you for your money?"

"No, darlin' not at all, but I am the majority stock holder in a major corporation.  Everythin' I do has the potential to affect a lot of people's lives, hardworkin' people in my company; older people who are countin' on their stock dividends for retirement, people need to know that this marriage won't affect the business.  The best way to give them that assurance is to have an agreement on record that details specifically what our involvement with each other's finances will be. I know you love me, an' that is why you are marryin' me, or will be marryin' me, but, but this just has to be done. I think Gilbert might stand up in church otherwise."

Jo had watched as Steve began to speak, but she cut across him, wanting to get her point made. "You know my friend Guy Mackeson?" Steve nodded his head, he had heard of the man, but never met him. "He was married to a, I guess you would call her a trophy wife. Gillian her name was, an' when their marriage broke down they had no agreement, an' so she got half the company. Tri-Mark Plastics, they were quite a big firm, an' employed … well, I don't know how many people. She got half the company in their settlement, an' she just kept bein' as difficult and contrary as she could until she had bankrupted her ex-husband. Trouble is she put people out of work, an' Guy wasn't the only person she ruined." Jo stopped for a moment and saw the horrified look on Steve's face. Hurriedly she tried to appease him. "I'm not sayin' that you are gonna do that, I know you aren't, an' David an' Gilbert do too. But I have shareholders to think of, an' I need to keep them happy. This way, that will happen."

Steve shook his head. "Ok, I guess I don't have any choice but to go through with this, I know how wealthy you are, and it makes no difference to me. If you lost everything tomorrow I would still be here, still wanting to marry you. But that isn't enough is it?"

Jo had leant into him and kissed him, deeply and with a passion that was probably out of place in a parking lot, but she was touched by what he had said, and she hurt for him. When they separated she looked into his eyes and then smiled. "If it was the only way to be with you, I would give all of it away, right now, you are more important to me than any money, or family business or any ol' piece of paper that we have to sign. But once it is done, we can forget all about it."

Steve had just nodded his head and then started up the truck and moved back out into the traffic, a little appeased, but still wanting to be any place other than where he was.

Now that a date for the wedding had been set they would need to go and update all the forms they had signed, but Jo knew it could wait until after the ceremony. The first set of papers would be fine until then.  With that decided Jo walked into the kitchen, rinsed her cup and put it in the dishwasher. She tried to bring her mind back to the plans she was making, but Jo knew that she had to talk to Steve, not about anything that had ever been mentioned before, and she had to push her fear down so that before she finalized everything she could let him into a part of her life that only one or two people had any knowledge of. The morning she had thought she would wait awhile, but now she knew she couldn't, she had to tell him now, tonight. Finally she had spoken to Michael and Mark and they had agreed to go off to another part of the house, with Eliana, and leave her and Steve to spend a quiet evening together.

Jo had given Michael permission to let Mark know what the problem was, and so with a heavy heart she set about making a quick and easy meal for them. As she prepared the salad her mind went back to their first meal together in this house. Michael had been given the night off, and she had prepared all sorts of different starters because she hadn't known what Steve would like, then they had eaten steak and there had been a chocolate meringue desert which had never been eaten. The whole relationship had nearly floundered that night, because of the intensity of Steve's feelings for her, and now she knew that it could flounder once again.

Steve had called just after five to say that he had to visit a gun club on the way home, which shut at seven, so he would definitely be home by seven thirty. The meatball dish was waiting for its seven o'clock visit to the oven, and so, as organized as she could be, Jo headed for the morning room and tried to work out what she was going to say.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve arrived at the gun club at twenty past five and walked into the office, there were two people working in there, and the walls were covered with certificates and photos of people in various poses, all carrying firearms. A large glass fronted cabinet covered one entire wall and inside it Steve could see large cups and shields, all with engraving on their surfaces. He could also see that someone called Carlos Fernandez was this year's club captain, and an Aniline Middlemass was the ladies captain.

By the time he had taken all this information in one of the people behind the counter was waiting for him to approach, and so taking his ID in his left hand he moved over towards him.

"Hi, I spoke to a Mr. Bartholomew on the phone; I'm Lieutenant Sloan, LAPD."

"Oh, yes, if you would like to take a seat, Lieutenant, Mr. Bartholomew will be free in just a few moments. He has someone with him right now."

When Amanda had mentioned about Sandra Breth being a good shot Steve had known that she was right. All of the drive-bys had been accurately carried out. No other stores had been in the firing line, and then, at the station, the hit had been undertaken with precision shooting. The woman had to practice somewhere and, if it took him forever, he would find out where. Ten minutes later Steve checked his watch and stood up, he moved back over towards the counter just as a large and extremely well dressed black man came towards him. "Lieutenant Sloan, I am so sorry to keep you waiting, my name is Ethan Bartholomew, won't you please come into my office?"

"Thank you." Steve followed the man into a dark mahogany dominated room which had rifles on the wall and a set of hunting pistols displayed on his desk.

"Sir, I'll get right to the point, I'm investigating a series of drive by shootings, and we have reason to believe that one of your members, or a guest of one of your members, is on our list of suspects."

"I see, Lieutenant, and you know this how? Our membership list is only available to me, the club secretary and our accountant, now, I didn't speak with you when you called, and neither the secretary nor accountant is in the club today."

"How the information was discovered isn't really important right now." Steve had no idea how Alison had known that there was a chance Sandra Breth had shot at this club, and so he hoped that Mr. Bartholomew would let him move the conversation on. "The name of the person I require information on is Sandra Breth, and I do have a warrant, Sir."

"Good, good, I'm sure you do.  Lieutenant, I imagine that you can understand, maybe more than most because of your position, that the world is full of people who are sure they have the right to take up arms against those they feel slight them, we try to police …" Mr. Bartholomew slightly bobbed his head to let Steve know he appreciated what he had just said, "all potential members, and so far we have had no problems with our membership, but that membership does include a right to privacy for every man and woman who pays our fees. I'm sorry, what was the name again?"

"Sandra Breth." Steve waited; he could tell that the man in front of him hadn't finished what he needed to say.

"The name doesn't immediately bring anyone to mind, but as this is such a serious crime, I will search our database for you personally. Am I right in suspecting, Lieutenant, that this has something to do with the terrible happenings outside the station in North Hollywood earlier in the week?"

"Yes, Sir, that is correct." Steve sat and waited while Ethan Bartholomew called up information on his computer, and he could see him tapping words in on the keyboard. Finally with a shake of the head the large man stood up.

"There are clubs that have had, shall we say, an image problem, but we have always prided ourselves on our open minded but strict admissions policy. I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I have checked back over the last month and there is no one of that name in our files. We keep a note of the names of all the guests that we have here, admittedly for security reasons, but also in the hope that we may persuade them to become members themselves. I imagine that it would be common practice for this to happen in most clubs in this area."

"Well, thank you for your time and assistance. If she does try to register here, could you take her on and then contact me?" Steve took a card out of his top pocket and passed it over to the man now standing next to him.

"Yes, of course. I wish you luck in finding the person responsible for that horrendous crime, Lieutenant. Most gun owners are quiet, law abiding people who use them for sport only, as I said this kind of thing gives us a bad name."

Steve turned and moved over towards the door. He wasn't really interested in the type of reputation that the gun clubs had, he just wanted justice for his fallen colleagues.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse walked up towards Rae's room after half of his shift to spend a few minutes sitting with her. Alex had left him a note of what Lauren had told him and so he wasn't expecting to find anything other than his wife, fast asleep in bed, protected from her nightmare situation by the medication she had been given. He was relieved to see that her face was peaceful, and her body relaxed, and so sitting to the right side of the bed Jesse took her hand.

"Rae, I don't know if you can hear me, I hope not, because then you are getting some of the sleep your body needs to help you through the next few days and weeks, but I just had to tell you how proud I am of the way you have coped with all of this. I know you felt that your life, in some respects, was over, but now maybe we have hope that it really isn't. But whatever happens, we can still have a happy and productive life together, I have never ever loved anyone the way I love you, and I will do everything I can to make your life complete. I'm sorry that I get so paranoid about what you are doing, whether you can cope with it, with Eliana, but I know that everything you do is hard for you, and I just worry for you. Honey, I have to get back to work, but I just wanted you to know, that whatever has happened, and is still to come, nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever stop me from loving you." Jesse leant over and kissed Rae gently on the forehead, and then stood and turned to leave the room, as he got to the door he heard a sound and stopped.

"I love you too, Jesse." The words were low and slurred by sleep, but with a smile on his face Jesse returned to duty.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve arrived home to the smell of Italian food cooking, and the sight of his fiancée standing looking out onto her garden. She seemed lost in thought, and he was able to move right up behind her and gently encompass her in his arms before she even realized that he was home.

"Oh, Steve, you made me jump. How was your day?"

"Difficult, but I think every day will be like that for a while. Bob's funeral is tomorrow at two. I said I would take Rae. It's the first one; I have another four to attend yet."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jo looked into his face, and wished that she could postpone her disclosures.

"No, I'll be there in an official capacity, I wouldn't be able to be with you, I think that it will be better if I go alone, but thank you."

"Official capacity as in bein' a cop?"

"No, I spoke to Mrs. Mills today, and … and she asked me to be a pall bearer. Seems that most of Bob's family live back East and may not even be at the funeral, she said that Bob had talked about Rae and me, and she would be grateful if I could arrange the other pall bearers, and be one myself." Grateful, Steve shook his head, the woman had just lost her husband in an incident that he should have been able to prevent, and she felt grateful to him. "Sorry, Jo, I didn't want to bring this home." Steve leant in and kissed her on the lips. She seemed to move back from him, and, surprised by her actions, he stopped and moved away himself. "Jo, Honey, is there something wrong?"

"No, I just need to talk to you about somethin' but it can wait until after we have eaten."

"Actually I'm not hungry right now, and I think I would rather hear what you have to say first." Steve's heart was thumping in his chest, and he could tell by Jo's face that what she had to tell him was not going to be pleasant. "Something has happened hasn't it? It can't be Dad, or Rae, because you would have called, so it is something that has happened to you."

"Yeah, somethin' that happened to me, but not today, nor yesterday, but a long time ago, it needs to be talked about now." Jo paused for a moment and took a deep breath, and then sighed as she felt Steve take her hand in his and move closer to her. His arm went around her and he pulled her into his embrace.

"Honey, whatever it is, I'm sure we can face it together, so just tell me, and then we'll take it from there."

Jo nodded her head and then began to speak. "This mornin' when Eliana an' I were watchin' you go off to work you said about us doin' the same thing. Steve, I know that you want a family, an' probably straight away, but I don't think I can have children."