Love Means Letting Go

Ben Chapman re-holstered his gun, and Steve realised, belatedly, that the young man had at least gotten a couple of shots off at the disappearing vehicle.

Sam looked at her boss and with a shake of the head began to speak. "I only saw that it was a California plate with 13 as its last two numbers, sorry, Sir."

"Hey, you both achieved more than I did." Steve tried to stand straight but the pain in his side grabbed at him once again and he staggered slightly. Taking a hesitant breath he tried again, and this time succeeded.

Nicholas Potter came rushing out of the building and across to Steve, "Did you get her? Lieutenant … are you all right? You're bleeding!"

Steve looked down, now that he was standing up a red stain had spread across a small patch of his white shirt. "Oh, great. No, Mr. Potter we didn't get her, and I'm fine, just a scratch. I think we need to go back inside."

It was another hour before Steve finished at the gun club, he'd arranged for a police guard on the place, at least for the next few days, and after he returned to the precinct, written up his report and left it on the captain's desk it was after seven o'clock, Steve was beginning to feel a little nauseous and he knew that he needed to get home so that he could have his dad take a look at him. He walked carefully down the stairs and out into the parking lot, noticing as he did so that there was another bouquet of flowers that had been laid by the main entranceway. The funeral of the rookie cop had taken place that day, but Steve hadn't been invited to the service. He imagined that the flowers were in response to that. Somehow the death of that young man had captured the imagination of the press more than the other officers killed.

Steve pulled the seatbelt round himself, wincing as he did so. There was no way he was going to be able to hide what had happened, but he realised with a smile that an evening of being taken care of was quite appealing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae and Jesse had arrived home the effects of sleeping sitting up in chairs, coupled with the fact that Jesse had just come off a shift of nights, had reduced them both to a level of exhaustion that meant they needed to go to bed. Eliana was also tired after her exciting morning crawling around the floor with the other babies at the mums' group, and so Jesse was able to feed her and put her in her crib knowing that they would get a couple of hours sleep before she woke again. Before he left the room he opened the cupboard where the diapers were kept and took out a new, soft and, for now, dry, soggy giraffe and gave it to his daughter. Jesse shook his head, he still couldn't believe his luck, but when he had gone into the local toy store, where he often got things for Eliana, they'd had the giraffe on sale, and he had bought four of them. She had no idea that the original made a trip through the washing machine at least once a week, but he felt much better about her sucking it now he knew they were able to keep it reasonably clean.

By the time Jesse got back to their bedroom Rae was sitting on the side of the bed taking her clothes off. He moved over to help her but stopped as she began to speak.

"I'll do it, Jesse. When I go to the Willows, nobody is going to help me with this; at least I hope they aren't. It used to be something that I loved you to do, slowly take my clothes off and then make love to me, but now it's turned into a chore you have to do because I am unable to. I want that to change, I want to feel that tingle when your hands touch my shoulders, and when you run your fingers over my back it should be because you want to, not because you have to undo my bra so I can get in the bath." Rae had been slowly undoing her trousers as she spoke, and now she stood up and they slid down her legs. She had lost so much weight that nothing fitted her properly, but that was an advantage, at least for the time being.

As she began the buttons on her shirt, starting at the bottom, because that was the easiest way for her to do it, she suddenly felt Jesse's hand cover hers. He placed a hand on either arm, and then he began to kiss her tenderly on the mouth. For a second Rae didn't respond, but then she started to kiss him back, and she heard a moan as it escaped him.

Not wanting to cause his wife any discomfort Jesse carefully sat her back on the bed, and then he began to undo the buttons of her top himself, he started from the neck, kissing the newly exposed skin each time he moved his hands down to the next fastening.

Rae found that the anticipation was so strong inside her that she wanted Jesse to stop being slow and tender, she wanted to tell him to rip the shirt off and just make love to her immediately, but she knew that he wouldn't, and it would be selfish of her to mention it.

The shirt slipped off her shoulders and joined her trousers on the floor, Jesse looked at the arm brace and then up at Rae's face, and saw her nod slightly. He undid it without a word and then as he discarded it on a chair he felt Rae's right hand in his own as she cautiously stood up and moved closer to him.  With a smile Jesse stripped himself down to his shorts and then he began to kiss Rae once more. She carefully moved her feet until Jesse was the one closest to the bed, and she leant into him until he sat and then lay on the mattress.

Rae could see that he was as anxious now to make love to her as she was to let him, and as he raised his hips she pulled at his shorts exposing his manhood as she did so. Rae positioned herself so that she could take his erect penis into her mouth and then she began to play her tongue around its tip. 

"Oh, God, Rae," Jesse could hardly speak; he had missed her so much. Just as he thought he wouldn't be able to hold out any longer he felt Rae move away from him, and then she lay on the bed next to him.

Jesse straddled his wife, undid the front clasp on her bra, and as her breasts fell free from their restraints he cupped one in each hand and began to gently run his fingers across the nipples, this time it was Rae who felt as if she was about to explode, and she watched as Jesse began to place small kisses on them, and then down her skin until he reached her panties. Jesse quickly put a finger in each side of them and removed them without a sound, soon the kisses were being placed on the curls between her legs and he felt her lift her body up towards him.   As he continued kissing her there Rae's hand ran through his hair, and then she grabbed hold of some and pulled gently on it. He moved back up and saw the love and emotion in Rae's eyes, the feelings of longing and of needing were there too, and as he leant over to kiss her again he heard her begin to speak.

"Take me, Jesse, now, I don't think I can wait for you."

Jesse didn't need to be asked twice, and positioning himself so that he could enter her but still see her every reaction he began to move in a deep steady rhythm inside her. As Rae's body began to move in time with his he saw a flicker of pain in her eyes, he knew that she wouldn't want him to stop and as their passion began to rise together Jesse felt her body tighten around him, and suddenly almost without warning they both released everything together, and he felt himself falling, falling into her waiting arms.

Jesse rolled straight off Rae and onto the bed, not wanting to hurt her, but the look on her face told him that he needn't have worried.

"I love you, Jesse, I love you so much."

"Shhh, I know, and I love you too, now can you come here?" Jesse knew Rae would understand, and he watched as warily she moved so that her head was on his shoulder. Jesse put his arm around her, and then, completely spent, they fell asleep together, just like they used to.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve pulled his truck into the driveway and as close to the garage as possible. He knew that he would be the first one leaving the house in the morning, and so it was ok to park it just where it was. Gasping slightly as he climbed down, he locked the vehicle and then headed for the front door. Steve knew that Michael would be there before he could ring the bell, and just as he expected the front door was open as he placed his foot on the step.

"Good evening, Sir, I hope you had a pleasant day."

"Hi, Michael, it was busy and frustrating, and I'm glad to be home. I think I'll just go and change, but thank you for asking." Steve found as usual his interest genuine and touching.

"Very good, Sir, I'll tell Madam that you have arrived. She is with your father in the morning room when you are ready to join her."

"Thank you, Michael." Steve kept his jacket on, not wanting the Englishman to see the blood on his shirt. He hadn't looked closely at his side yet, but he knew that it wasn't anything more than what he would call a scratch.

Once he had deposited the stained shirt in the laundry Steve stood in the shower and let the water sooth his aching side. The bruise from the large wing mirror on Sandra Breth's car was already livid and there was a tear in the skin in the middle of it. Steve touched it gingerly, and moved his fingers back almost immediately. He gently probed the area around the bruise and had a feeling that it would be sore for a few days. With a sigh Steve got out of the shower, turned the water off, and getting dressed in a pair of clean jeans and a loose t-shirt made his way back downstairs.

Jo and Mark were sitting together on the sofa, and Steve could tell that they had been talking, probably for quite some time. There was a plate of cookies on the occasional table by Jo's hand, and the coffee pot and some small sandwiches were on the tea trolley.

"Hi, guys." Steve put a smile on his face, and moved into the room. Jo jumped to her feet, hurried across the room and took him into a warm embrace.

"Steve, darlin' what's wrong?" Jo moved back quickly as she felt Steve tense up and heard a gasp.

"Nothing, it's ok, I … I got hit by a car."

Now his dad was on his feet too. "You did what? Steve, Son, you should in the hospital, not here at home."

"No, Dad, I'm fine, it was just a wing mirror, I'm a little bruised and tender that's all." Steve moved across and sat down on the sofa, he half wondered whether he had done more damage than just a bruised side and ego; the pain had been sharp when Jo had hugged him.

His dad had left the room, but now he returned his bag in hand. "I'm gonna check you out, whether you like it or not."

"It doesn't matter whether he likes it or not, I insist, an' this is my house, you can sleep in the laundry room if you don't agree!" Jo stood, her eyes glinting and her arms folded. She was worried about him, but she wanted to keep the situation light.

Mark placed his bag on the table which had been hastily cleared of its plate of biscuits, "Stand up, Son, and then I can just have a look and a listen." Mark pulled up Steve's top and couldn't stop himself from commenting.  "Oh, Steve, that looks nasty, how fast was the car going?"

"Mercifully, not very fast. It knocked the wind out of me, and just sort of tossed me aside, but nothing more. Arghhh!" Steve let out the involuntary cry as his father's fingers moved around the bruised area.

"Mmm, I see. Ok, take a deep breath in." Mark put the stethoscope on his son's chest and listened intently. "Again." Steve did as he was told, and was relieved to realise that it wasn't as painful as he had feared. "Once more for luck." Mark smiled as he spoke, and then continued listening. "Turn round then, I'll just listen to your back too." Steve went through the whole procedure again and then relaxed as his father moved away and he was able to let his shirt fall back into place.

"Well, Mark, what is it?" Jo looked over, the worry clearly visible in her eyes. Steve moved towards her and put his arm round her shoulder.

"Honey, I'm all right, honestly, aren't I, Dad?" Steve looked at his father as he put his stethoscope back in his bag and took out a small bottle of pills.

"Yep, just bruised, and you have an abrasion, but I don't think it needs covering up. These will help with the pain, and I would suggest you take a couple with you to work tomorrow. I don't suppose I can persuade you to take a day's rest?"

"Dad, it's a bruise, I can't call in sick with a bruise, but I'll take the tablets with me, ok?"

Mark nodded, and then picking up his bag left Steve and Jo together.

"Steve, are you sure you're ok, it's not just an act you're puttin' on for your dad?"

"No, I'm fine, a little sore, but I'm fine, I've been hurt far worse than this." It wasn't the right thing to have said, and Steve knew it immediately. Jo's eyes filled with tears, and she turned away from him.

"Honey, what? What is it?" Steve carefully moved Jo over towards the sofa and sat down with her, keeping his arm around her shoulder the whole time. As they sat together Steve realised that she wasn't actually crying, and he used his finger to gently turn her face towards him. He could see the tears standing in her eyes, but none of them fell. "Jo, what's wrong, why did you look like you were gonna cry?"

"Steve, if we get married …"

"If, what d'you mean if we get married? No, Jo, don't do this to me, not again, don't leave me again." The panic rushed up in Steve's chest, and he found that he was unable to swallow it down. For a brief instant he was on the beach telling Jesse he didn't think he could marry her, and he knew that he had been wrong, it was more than that, not only did he have to marry her, he couldn't live without her.

"Let me finish, you asked what was wrong, an' I have to tell you, now." Jo looked at him and saw him nod. "If we get married how can I go ahead an' try for a baby knowin' that one day you might go out, just like today, a normal day, an' not come home? You know how frightened I am of gettin' pregnant anyway, an' if you add that to this, I don't know if I can take that kind of pressure every day. I'm sorry." Jo stood and went to move away, but she felt Steve's hand go round her arm.

"Jo, listen to me, I know you're worried about me getting hurt, I would worry about you if the situation were reversed, but is that all it is? Sweetheart, I'm not gonna leave you, if we do have a baby, and I know you have a problem with how you feel about that, I will be with you the whole way. I'm not Wayne, I would never treat a woman that way, and it disgusts me that he did. But it isn't gonna happen to you again, do you understand that?"

"Steve, you were right, if I had a baby … another baby, it would be different, an' I think, I'm not sure, but I think that I would try because of all the back up an' help I would get, but every time I stop an' think more worries come to mind, an' it's not just the pre-eclampsia anymore. Steve, I know you wouldn't hurt me, not deliberately, but if someone decides to … take you out … you won't be responsible for what happens, I can't believe that doesn't worry you."

"Of course it worries me, I wouldn't be human if it didn't, but if I let the worries take over I would never leave home in the morning. Honey, I can't explain this to you; I don't think I can make you understand, but maybe Jesse can. Let me have a word with him, I'll give them a call, and we can go see him and Rae."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse and Rae had slept in each others' arms until the noise of their daughter floated out through the baby monitor and gently woke them. Rae smiled up at the face of her husband, and watched as the murmurings of their little girl gradually filtered through and his eyes began to open.

"Mmm, Rae? Oh, I guess I'd better go get her, huh?" Jesse climbed off the bed, grabbed his shorts, and, pulling them on as he walked, he headed towards his daughter's nursery.

Rae lay back, alone in the bed and waited, and almost immediately the listener sprang to life again.

"Hey, Sweetie, did you have a nice nap?"

"Dada, Dada, aiii."

"Hi, did you say hi?"

"Aiii." There was a giggle, and for a moment Rae wasn't sure if it was from her daughter or her husband, and then they were both in the doorway to the bedroom.

"Did you hear her? She said hi." Jesse was grinning; his day was just working out so well.

"I heard, hi, Sweetie."

"Mama, mama." Eliana was sat on the floor where her father had placed her, looking up at her both parents.

As Rae carefully got off the bed the little girl moved over towards her, a big grin on her face and Rae realised just how pleased she was to be home.

By a quarter past eight Eliana was back in her crib, and all that could be heard from the nursery was the sound of her steady breathing. Jesse had cooked the dinner and Rae had, to her immense satisfaction, loaded the dishwasher after the meal. They were now just relaxing together in the living room, enjoying the prospect of a quiet evening together.

"Jess?"

"Mmm."

"I want you to understand why I need to go to The Willows." Rae felt her husband tense slightly as he heard her words.

"Part of me does understand, but it's so far away, and you will be alone, no-one will look out for you like I do … I know I haven't been very successful at it, but I want to be with you the whole time, please, don't go."

"I have to go, and that isn't what I want to talk about, I want you to understand how I think it will help me, and you if I do go… " Rae paused, she thought that Jesse was going to speak, but he remained silent. "Mandy has helped me a little bit with the physical therapy. Definitely my knee is better than it was, and she thinks that I will be fully mobile again in the next month or so. My arms though are a bit beyond her, she has helped and I can move the right one more than I could, but I need to go somewhere and get specialised help. From here to the border that is the best place, Jesse, I want to get my life back, our life back; I won't be able to do that if I don't go."

Jesse looked at her, the passion in her voice was something he hadn't heard for a while. "What will I do without you for a whole month?"

Rae didn't say anything, she just smiled and leant into her husband and began to kiss him.  She felt his hands begin to run through her hair, and the passion of the afternoon began to return. As she moved slightly away to look into his eyes the phone began to ring.

"Oh, great timing, if it's my mother or yours, I'm getting the number changed!" Jesse sat up on the sofa and reached out for the phone. "Hello, Doctor Travis … Hey, Steve … no, no, that's not a problem, it'll be nice to see you … yeah, ok… bye." With a smile Jesse began to kiss her again, but Rae moved away and looked at him.  "Oh, that was Steve, he and Jo want to come over and see us."

"Really, wonderful, it's been so long since they have done that. Oh, did I tell you, Alex and Shannon are coming to dinner tomorrow night?"

"I'm working tomorrow, until six, I won't be able … Oh, you're doing the cooking aren't you?"

Rae just smiled at him, and then she got to her feet, kissed her husband as she passed him and then moved towards the bedroom to try and make herself a little more presentable without any help.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo and Steve sat in his truck, the atmosphere between them tense and stilted. Steve knew that he should try to break the silence before they arrived at Rae's house, but he didn't know what to say.

The guard had been notified by Jesse that they were having visitors, and the gates swung open as Steve drew up to them, he smiled at the young man on duty and guided the car through and up to the Travis house.

As they walked up the path the door opened and Rae and Jesse stood waiting for them, smiles on both their faces. "Hey, Steve, Jo, this is nice … I'm sorry we haven't been able to do it for so long." Jesse felt ashamed that his behaviour had cost them the contact with their friends that all four of them needed.

"It's over, Jesse; don't worry about it, ok?" Steve saw him nod, and then they shook hands.

"Hi, Texas, what's wrong?" Rae looked at her friend, and she could see the strain and worry in her eyes.

"Nothin' I hope, but I just need to talk with Jesse."

Rae looked concerned, "I thought Mark was your doctor." The comment raised a smile, and although she had no idea why, Rae was heartened by having being able to do it.

"No, I don't need to speak with him as a doctor."

"You don't need to speak to him on the doorstep either, come on let's go into the lounge." Rae moved back into the house and the four friends walked together into the large airy room that they had become used to being called by its unfamiliar name.

Rae and Jesse sat together on the sofa, Rae leant back into her husband's arms, and Steve and Jo looked at each other and smiled. They were, whatever their own concerns, glad to see that the Travis's were happy with each other.

"So, what else could you want my husband for? Can't be culinary, he burnt the carrots this evening…"

"Rae!" Jesse grimaced, he hated spoiling the dinner, especially when it was something easy like vegetables.

"He's not bad at gardening, but you do that way better than him … and I'll shut up now." Rae smiled an embarrassed smile and then rested her hand over that of her husband.

"Jesse, how do you cope with Rae bein' a cop?"

If Jesse was surprised he didn't show it, but he knew that this was an extremely important question from Jo. "How do you mean cope? I have only ever known her as a cop, so I guess I just got used to it. I don't like it, if that's what you mean." Jesse watched his best friend, as well as Jo and waited.

"I know you don't like it, but how do you cope, she's not workin' right now, but she will be again, I know she hopes that, an' so does Steve, if that happens how will you be able to let her go, leave the house each mornin' knowin' that she might not come home again?"

Jesse took a deep breath. He had thought that his friends were coming over for maybe a beer, or a glass of wine and a pleasant evening, but this was heavy stuff, and he had a feeling that there was a lot riding on what he said. He was just about to begin speaking again when a cell phone began to ring.  For a second they all looked at each other, and then with a sigh Steve picked up his jacket that he had placed over the arm of the chair and took his phone out.

"Sloan here… Ben … what, oh, great, no … no, I'll come right over, don't let anyone touch it, did you call Doctor Bentley…? Ok, what was that address again…?" Steve listened intently and then with another sigh disconnected the call and turned to his friends. "I guess you know what that call means … Honey, can you get Michael to come and get you, or would you like me to drop you on the way."

"Texas, stay here tonight, you can drive home in Tom in the morning, he hasn't had a run in ages." Rae looked at her friend with expectation in her eyes.

"Honey, I'll stay, I have never been offered the chance to drive that little car before, I can't pass it up, now can I?" Jo was trying to be relaxed about the fact that Steve was heading off again, to who knew where, just proving the point of her argument, not that she had even had time to make it yet.

Rae looked over towards where Steve was getting his jacket on, and saw him wince as he shrugged himself into it. She quietly got up off the sofa and moved across to him, her concern evident in her voice as she spoke to him.

"Steve, are you alright? You look in a bit of pain."

"Yeah, I got clipped by the wing mirror of Sandra Breth's car this afternoon, it was all I got, she sped off."

"Did you just have a call to a sighting of her?" Rae knew the answer before he spoke, as his shoulders drooped a little.

"No, this is another case I'm working on, body parts; so far I have two upper arms, and some blonde and brown hair.

"Blonde and brown?" Rae began to think, "could be from different parts of the body … if you know what I mean." She smiled, a little, and then hurriedly continued talking. "Could be highlights, it's not highlights." Rae saw Steve shake his head, and she began to think again. "Some people have a white streak in their hair, like a lightning strike type of thing, could be like that I guess … dammit, Steve, stop just shaking your head and tell me what you have." Rae was surprised that instead of doing as she asked, her partner moved over and kissed her very gently on the cheek.

"I've missed you, Rae, look, I have a few minutes, can we talk this over?"

"Yeah, you want to go in the family room?"

With a nod the two officers headed towards the small room just across the hallway, leaving Jesse and Jo alone together. The two friends sat there, neither really knowing what to say to start the conversation going again, and although the silence wasn't uncomfortable, both of them wished that Steve and Rae would return.

Rae listened to Steve's explanation of the body parts case, and what had happened with Sandra Breth, only interrupting a couple of times to ask pertinent questions. Once Steve had finished, and promised to send a copy of all his files over to her in the morning he stood and watched as she got to her feet herself without the usual grimace that accompanied such actions.

"You're getting better aren't you?"

"Yeah, a little I think, but I'm not there, not yet. Maybe the Willows will help me, I don't know, but I do know that when you got that call I wanted to be getting up and heading for the car too, I wanted to be a part of your case, our world, again."

"Good, I was thinking that maybe you had given up on it. Look, Rae, I have to go, see what piece of what person I have this time, but what you just said, it ties in with the problems Jo has, talk to her, she'll listen to you and Jesse, try to help her understand why we do what we do… please, Rae."

Rae put her hand on Steve's arm and gently squeezed it. She was encouraged by the reduced amount of pain the action caused her, and then she stood on tip toe and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll try, I'm not sure it's something that can be explained, but she used to be a cop, that'll help. Now go, before your body part gets fed up and goes home."

Steve followed Rae out into the hallway, and, as she entered the living room, Jo stood and came out to where he was standing. "Jo, I'll see you tomorrow. I have no idea how long this is gonna take, so I'll just go home and sleep once I'm done. I'll call in the morning before I go back to work. I have a funeral at ten, but I don't know what after that, ok?"

Jo just nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She leant up and kissed him gently at first, but then with more passion than she had planned. Then she placed a hand on his cheek and smiled at him. "You take care of yourself, Cowboy, y'hear?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Steve smiled at her, and then with a final wave to Jesse and Rae he was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took him just over half an hour to get to the bus station where Ben Chapman had called in from. The area by one of the banks of lockers had been cordoned off, but Steve could see a television news reporter and her camera man laying in wait for him, and so he cut round to the back of the lockers and then ducked under the tape from there. He smiled to himself as he heard the reporter turn to her colleague.

"I told you that we should have stood someplace else, we are seen too easily here."

Steve signalled to Ben to move over so that the cameraman didn't get an uninterrupted view, and then he spoke to his friend as she crouched down in front of an open locker. "Hey, Amanda, what do you have for me this time?"

"What would you like me to have?" Amanda looked up at him, she was finding this case extremely distasteful, and wondered whether that was why she couldn't carry herself in a cool and professional manner, but had to be smart.

"A hand, or better two hands, one from each, then I can run the prints, and move on. You don't have a hand do you?"

"Nope, I have a foot. Male, quite large, it has been severed at the ankle, and again it's a clean cut. I don't know if he's still alive, or whether he was when this was removed, but I can tell you that later. Probably about lunch time tomorrow."

As Steve looked at the offending article a thought struck him. "Amanda, if he isn't still alive, wouldn't he be … well, smelly by now?" Steve pulled a face; this was getting more disgusting by the minute.

"No, look, bend down here, and I'll show you." Steve crouched down to where the foot was resting in a locker two tiers up from the floor. "Pull these on, and then just rest a finger gently on the foot."

Steve did as he was told, and was surprised to find that the foot was almost icily cold. Suddenly realisation dawned. "Frozen, this was frozen… So somewhere there is a freezer full of body parts?" Steve managed to keep his voice down, as he could see the reporter hovering, just outside of the police tape.

"Steve, look at this." Amanda had the foot in her hand now, and she had turned it over, he could see that on the sole was a powdery residue.

"What's that?" Steve pointed to what he knew Amanda meant, and then looked at the floor of the locker. There was a little residue there, but only on a small area. Whatever it was, it had been transported in with the foot.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had put the coffee machine on before she went back to sit down, and she looked across to where Jo was sitting in Tony's chair, as she snuggled herself back next to Jesse.

"Texas, come and sit with us, you look like you are waiting to be interviewed, or executed, I'm not sure which."

With a grateful smile Jo got up and moved across, Jesse and Rae moved along and then she sat next to Jesse the other side to her friend. He didn't know why but Jesse slid his arm around her too, and felt her relax into him.

Rae knew that Jo had a problem that had the capability to overwhelm her again, and so she moved a little and smiled before she began to speak.

"Texas, do you have trouble coping with Steve being a cop?"

"Yeah, an' I don't know what to do about it. He … he means so much to me, an' I really do want to be married to him, but I'm scared, all of a sudden I am more scared than I have ever been in my life." Jo felt herself move a little closer to Jesse, and for a second wondered whether she should or not, but he didn't push her away, in fact she felt him tighten his grip on her, and she realised that she was finding comfort in his presence.

"That's because you love him, more than you have ever loved anyone in your life. Texas, I know that Jesse worries about me, far more now that we are married and have Eliana and another baby on the way, and if I could give it up I would, but I can't even with all that has happened to me I want to go back and be a cop again. I know you don't want to hear this, but Steve couldn't give up his job either, not even for you, and he loves you every bit as much as you love him." Rae looked across at her friend. She knew how she handled pressure, and she didn't want to add to her worries, but Rae also knew she needed to try to get her to see it from Steve's point of view, just a little bit.

"So, how do I get over the pain in my heart an' the dread, the worry, every time the phone or the door bell rings an' he is workin'? I know what bein' a cop is like, but I don't think that I ever felt about it the way that you an' Steve feel."

"Jo, I don't know that I can help you very much, but part of being a team, of loving someone so much that you want to spend your whole life with them is accepting them as they are. Even the bits that you have a problem with." Rae shook her head slowly, remembering. "Tony couldn't handle it in the end, and for a while Jesse couldn't either, but we needed each other, and finally that was the stronger emotion, and Jesse came back to me, thank goodness." Rae snuggled herself in closer to her husband, she knew that it was a strain for him to be married to her, and she loved him even more because of it.

"Jo, I don't know if I can tell you what you need to hear, but I do know that if you leave now you will be the loser." Jesse could feel the tension in Jo's back and shoulders as she leant against him, and the warmth and love emanating from Rae, he turned to his wife for a second and smiled, just to let her know that he was glad he came back too.

"Jesse, I don't know that I can stay."

"You need to think it through, really think it through. I split up from Rae because I couldn't stand to see her get hurt all the time, it was the worst thing I could have ever done. I need her in my life, and if it has to be on her terms, then I'll go with that. I know that she could leave here one morning and not come back, I know that there is a chance it will be me at the hospital when she comes in, but I can't change who she is, it would finish our marriage, and so I accept it. I don't have to like it, but I accept it." This time it was Rae who felt herself swell slightly with the love and commitment that was being shown to her.

"I still don't know if I can." Jo's voice came out as a soft and sad whisper.

"Texas, is there something that has happened, something that you aren't telling us?"

"No, not to do with this, I don't know why it has suddenly come to a head right now, maybe because I don't have anythin' else to worry about, I have a weddin' to plan' I am gonna marry one of the kindest, most wonderful men I have ever met in my entire life, an' I am scared for him, for me, which is selfish I know, but Rae if he gets killed, or if you do, it's finished, you don't suffer any more, but Jesse an' your kids, they are left behind to mourn an' have their lives ruined. I don't think I can have that in my future."

Rae felt the tears form behind her eyes, but she felt her anger rise too. "Do you think that I don't know that? Do you think that when I get called to a dangerous situation I don't wonder whether it will be the day I don't come home? We aren't gun toting, brain dead idiots; we are professionals, trained to go into dangerous situations to protect those who can't do it for themselves. But I never, ever forget that I have a husband and a child at home waiting for me, and every day that I make it back to my own front door I breathe a sigh of relief and give a prayer of thanks that I am where I should be once again."

"Rae, Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to …"

"No, Texas, you just listen for a minute. Try to see it from my point of view, or from Steve's. He has been injured, badly, a couple of times, so have I, but there is something inside of us that pulls us back to the job, to the danger that accompanies it, because it is who we are. I wanted so badly to go with him tonight, when he got that call, I know that I could never settle for anything else as a job, I want to be back out on the streets, with him, doing the job I am good at, and I love. If you can't let him be who he is, and do what he does, well, maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do."

"Rae! That's enough." Jesse turned to his wife, horror on his face.

"No, Jesse, it's not, not really, but I'll stop, I need to go and check on Eliana and then I'll go to bed. She doesn't really need to hear my point of view anyway; it's you who has to live with me. Texas, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, or upset you, but you have to see it from Steve's point of view, because I know he would try to give it up for you, and in the end it would destroy him." Rae got to her feet and then without another word she turned and left the room. For a moment neither of them knew what to do, but finally Jo could keep the tears in no longer and she turned into Jesse's shoulder and began to cry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had given a short almost no comment interview to the television reporter, and then watched as she began to pack her things away. Once he was sure that she was actually leaving he turned back towards Amanda, another question forming in his mind.

"Amanda, if we hadn't been told about this … this foot until, I don't know, maybe tomorrow, it wouldn't have been cold anymore would it?"

"No, it would have warmed up a little, just from the temperature in the locker."

"Yeah I thought so. I've sent down to missing persons for information on males six foot in height, 179 pounds, and women five foot in height, 129 pounds, but well, this is LA, we aren't short of those types of people, even with the hair it doesn't help, not much anyway."

"Oh, yeah, the hair, the blonde hair, that's natural, not coloured, so that might help. So's the brown, but somehow you don't expect a man to colour his hair… What? What did I say … Oh, sorry." Amanda laughed, the first grey hair Steve had found had sent him running to the nearest drug store, and resulted in him having day glo hair for about a month before it began to quieten down a little. She knew he must still colour it, or he would be as grey as his dad, but maybe now wasn't the time to pursue it.

"Mmm, thank you. It won't help that much, we only ask for hair colour, not whether it is natural or not but thanks anyway." Steve looked round as Ben came over with a scared looking elderly lady. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Amanda nodded, and began to put her things into her bag, Steve moved across and smiled as he did so. "Hi, my name's Lieutenant Sloan, can I help you, Ma'am?"

"Steve, this is Mrs Murray, she is the lady who found the … the foot."

"Why did you go to this locker, Ma'am?"

"Because it had a key in it. I came over to put my bag inside." Steve looked down and he could see that Ben Chapman had a small suitcase in his right hand.  "I opened the door and, and … there was a foot in my locker… Oh my."  Mrs Murray began to lose all her colour, and Steve turned, calling out as he did so.

"Amanda, Amanda, could you come here for a minute, please?"

Amanda shut her bag with a snap and hurried across to where Steve was now guiding Mrs Murray to a seat.

"This is the lady who found our … our part, could you just have a little look at her? Ma'am, this is my friend, Doctor Amanda Bentley, she will just make sure you are all right."

"I … I saw you looking in the locker, at that … that thing."

"Yes, Ma'am, I'm a county coroner, but I'm a doctor too, now just take a couple of deep breaths."

By the time Amanda had decided that Mrs Murray would be fine, as long as Ben took her home, Steve was ready to head back to the station, file yet another report and go home to bed. Steve could see his truck now, he had been lucky enough to be able to get a parking space right by the main doors, and so he didn't have far to go before he could get moving and get a little closer to a good night's sleep. His side was aching again, and he guessed that the pain killers his dad had given him were wearing off. Pulling two out of his pocket he put them in his mouth, and swallowed them down, he dropped the container into the trash and carried on walking.

Steve wondered, as he made his way to the exit, just how Rae, Jesse and Jo had gotten on with their conversation. The thought of losing her scared him, more than anything had in a very long time, but he was a cop, he couldn't imagine not doing the job he loved, any more than he could imagine living without the woman he loved. Shaking his head Steve pushed all the thoughts back into the recesses of his brain, and then made his way towards his truck. He saw Amanda as she put her gear in the trunk of her car, and then as he opened his door something in the back caught his eye.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda had just fastened her seatbelt when she heard her name being called. She undid it again and climbed back out of her car.

"Amanda, Amanda!"

"Steve, what is it? Are you all right?" She locked her car and ran across to him. He was an extremely shaken looking shade of grey, and she was concerned that he was going to either throw up or pass out. She was about to ask again what the matter was, but as she looked where he directed her gaze she no longer needed to. There in the back of his truck, in a jar, were the private parts of, she presumed, their male corpse.