Ariel looked at him with such sincere warmth that he looked away, and she thought she saw a slight flush on his face. Time to give him an escape route. She feigned a little laugh. "No, Logan. I'm not. Would you like me to be afraid of you?" Her eyes sparkled mischievously and she made a little inquisitive purring noise at him, waiting for him to catch up to the teasing.
"No." He blinked, and did a double take at her. "Well," he said, dropping back into the game he normally began, "maybe later." His smile slowly turned from a joke to something quite sincere, and he exhaled as if he'd been holding his breath for some time. "So we're okay."
"We're fine. But I owe you this… the reason I was so upset yesterday was because I was afraid I might not help you, I might just make it worse."
"Ariel, I -"
"But," she said, cutting him off, "I talked with the Professor, and I've had some time to meditate on it." She tapped her fingertips on the oak table absently. "You're not a child. If you choose to work with me on this, it's because you really want to."
He looked off towards her desk, and his eyes caught the vase of tiny blue flowers. "Yeah. I want to try."
She smiled. "I think, though, that it may be easier to do as friends."
"Friends? You don't think of us as…"
"I do think of us as friends, and that's a bit of trouble for me with the ethics board," she said, tapping her head. "Are you comfortable thinking of me as a friend with good insight rather than a counselor?"
He stared at her for a few moments, then snorted and looked away. "Gee, I always hoped that was what a friend was. Someone with good insight who you could talk to, that could give you good counsel. Of course, I haven't had many friends, so I could be wrong."
Ariel looked at the flowers on her desk and shook her head. "Why do I have this feeling that you never saw me as a 'counselor' anyway?"
"Maybe because I have deep seated trouble with authority figures and refused to see you as one because I knew you could help me?" He stroked his chin in a good impersonation of the Thinker. That made her laugh out loud, and she extended her hand. They shook solemnly on it.
"Alright. Now, about the memory you shared yesterday." She watched him carefully. This moment would tell her a lot. He shifted uneasily on the couch, then looked straight at her.
"I thought it was…unnerving."
"Unnerving?"
"Yeah. To find out that there's things I believe about myself that aren't quite true." He gave her half a grin. "And I almost lost my nerve. Or I got on someone's nerves. Or …" She grinned back at him.
"Fine. Unnerved it is." She opened her notebook on the small table and wrote something down. "I suppose the important thing is; do you still feel that way?"
"Unnerved?"
Ariel looked at him seriously. "No, Logan. Do you still wish you were dead?"
There was a long silence while he stared at the floor. She waited. He looked up, stared at the wall for a while, and she saw his eyes glance toward the flowers on the desk. He took a deep breath. "No." Frowning, he looked into her eyes. "Why does that surprise me?"
"Could be that you've never felt as comfortable as you do here."
"Maybe. But I'll always be the …" He trailed off, shaking his head.
"The what, Logan?"
"I don't know. The weird one. The scary one." Making claws of his fingers, he gave an exaggerated growl. "The one people can't quite trust." Dropping his hands, he sighed, and she felt a pang in her heart. She smiled softly as he focused down at the backs of his hands.
"Logan, can I ask you a question?"
"Just did. But go ahead."
"Who do you suppose the most respected, admired person in this house is?"
"Easy. The Professor."
"Why?"
"He's earned it. He takes care of people. He's got the power, but he only uses what he has to. He's put himself on the line for the rest of us. He …cares."
She nodded, and he glanced back at her as she jotted down notes, wondering where she was going with this. "And who would be next, on the most respected list?"
"You doing research or something?"
"In a way. Humor me."
"Okay." His eyes grew thoughtful, then darkened. "I would have said Jean… but now… I don't know. Scott?"
"Why Scott?"
"He's the leader, after the Prof."
"So everyone respects him…"
"Well… I wouldn't say everyone." He grimaced at her. "But he does his job. I can't hold that against him."
"Hmmm."
"What?"
"And as for admiration?"
"Well… I don't know. I wouldn't say people exactly admire Scott. Storm gets more of that."
"I see that, especially with the young women here. She's an excellent role model. But I'm curious."
"About?"
"Do you see where you fit in here?"
He frowned at her. "Where I fit? I'm part of the team."
"Yes. But I don't know if you realize, Logan. After the Professor, you're the most respected and admired adult here."
"Yeah, right."
"Logan…" She stopped, shook her head. "Alright. Let's move on to something else."
"Wait a minute. Why would I be on that list."
She smiled, put on her reading glasses, and looked at her notes. "You've earned it. You take care of people. You've got the power, but only use it when you have to. You've put yourself on the line for the rest of them. You care." She looked back over her glasses at him, and waited to see how he would respond. He looked painfully contemplative.
"Ariel."
"Yes?"
"I…"
She took off her glasses again, and gave him a gentle smile . "Go ahead."
"I don't see any way around that. But I don't quite believe it …yet. And I don't know if I want that kind of responsibility. But I seem to have taken it already…"
Ariel's sigh caught his attention. "That's good, Logan. I'm impressed."
"Glad you are. You just don't like letting me sleep, do you." He grimaced at her, and stretched out on the couch. "Cripe."
"Still having trouble sleeping?"
"Eh. The nightmares still happen. I thought that once I knew more, they'd be better. Now they're just more… confusing."
"Would you like to try to look at something closer to that time?"
His eyes popped open. "You kidding? I thought you said it wasn't time yet."
She nodded. "I know. But you're showing a lot of … poise. I believe I can leave it more up to you than I thought. There are other things we should certainly discuss, but when you feel ready to go back to that time, let me know." She patted his foot that was on the arm of the couch near her, and he stared at her.
"Maybe later."
She smiled broadly at him. "Alright, your call."
"So… what do we discuss today?"
She leaned over slightly and looked more serious. "Your intimacy issues."
He sat up abruptly. "I beg your pardon?"
"You seem to approach women that you know are unavailable… Jean would be a good example. Certainly Mystique picked up on that. And you tend to use innuendo in large amounts whenever you get nervous, which is a lovely way to distance yourself."
He frowned at her. "You sure I can't change my mind about doing the memory thing now?"
Ariel laughed and nodded. "Your call."