Laying a Ghost

"Well?" Jo felt her stomach tie itself in knots as she looked across at Steve. He was standing staring out at the countryside, but she had a feeling that he saw none of it. Finally after what seemed like an eternity she saw him run his fingers through his hair and turn back towards her. "Honey, I can't believe that … that somethin' as simple as the number of people at our weddin' is puttin' you off, when we still have to talk through how you feel about my fears of havin' a baby, an' me bein' worried about you workin' as a cop. But if you want to deal with this first, then ok, it's a crisis that is simply solved, an' then we can get on with our other problems."

"Jo, I need to explain some things to you, to let you know why I feel the way I do. Maybe then you will understand."

"Steve, just tell me, does what I said work for you, will you marry me in a small service?" Jo felt her voice become louder and a little shrill, and she tried to swallow down her fear that she might lose this man.

"Shhh, listen, ok?" Steve had walked back across to her side, and he sat and put his arm around her. Feeling a little more confident because of his presence Jo nodded her head and did as she was asked.

"Jo, first of all, I love you, I feel I have waited my whole life for someone as wonderful as you, someone who cares for me like you do, who will let me, with difficulty sometimes I know, be who I am and what I am. If there is no other way of doing it, I will marry you with all those people there, but I just know that I will hate it, and it isn't how I want it to be."

"Then we don't do it that way. This is our weddin' not those business men an' women in their smart, starched suits, we both have to be happy with the arrangements."

"I've been in relationships before, I was even engaged once a few years ago, and I have fantasized a little about getting married…" Steve paused, he felt embarrassed to admit to his ideas and dreams, even to Jo.

"Go on." Her voice seemed suddenly strained, although Steve had no idea why.

"I always imagined getting married at the beach. Out on the deck, just Dad and Jesse, Amanda, real close friends, I hate even going to big weddings, they seem wrong; it should be an intimate, quiet service… I'm sorry, Jo, if you want a big wedding, I know the day is more for the bride than the groom, then I'll go with that, but I had to tell you how I felt." Steve stopped talking and looked around him, the air was full of the sounds of bees, as they buzzed their way from flower to flower, and the occasional call of a bird, but apart from that, they could be the only beings on the planet.  "There must be something about this place though, because I didn't plan on telling you all that."

"Mmm, it does seem to spring a few surprises doesn't it?" This time there was no mistaking the icy tone that had crept into Jo's voice.

"Honey, I will marry you any way you want, I said that, why are you mad at me?" Steve could see that something he'd said had upset her, but he wasn't sure what.

"Maybe you would like to tell me about this woman you were engaged to before."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae carefully manoeuvred herself away from Joseph Logan and sat with her head on her knees. Cheryl could hear her talking, but her voice was muffled, and the words indistinct.

"Rae, raise your head a minute, look at me." Cheryl had already checked to see how the man lying at her feet had fared, and although she had called 911 she knew that there was no longer any hurry. "Rae."

"I'm all right, Cheryl, a bit dazed, I think I hit my head on the ground, but mostly I'm just angry. Stupid, stupid man, why the hell did he have to run in the first place?" Rae began to rise to her feet, but Cheryl saw the pain as it crossed her face and put a hand on her arm, drawing it away again instantly as she heard Rae gasp.

"Rae, stay where you are, you're obviously hurting and I'm not gonna be the one to tell Jesse I let you get up and walk into the ambulance, you need to stay right there, and arrive on a gurney. No arguments, ok?"

Rae nodded her head and wished she hadn't, "Yes, Ma'am. And Joseph, I'm guessing from the fact that you are over here, and he is over there that I didn't push him out of the way quick enough."

"No, I'm sorry, he's dead. But I didn't even realise there was a shooter, what did you see, Rae?" Cheryl pulled her notebook out of her pocket as she spoke.

"What did I see…? I, I saw a blue car, I'm not good on cars, it was a dark blue coloured station wagon, quite new, and the window was down, then I saw a glint, like sunlight on metal, and I just knew what it was. But I wasn't quick enough, so I guess it doesn't matter what I saw does it?" Rae put her head back on her knees, the realisation that she had failed hitting her as hard as the bullets had hit the man behind her.

"Rae, listen, you can't save everyone. I can hear the sirens, I want you to do as you are told, go get yourself checked over and then get Jesse to come and take you home. I'll sort this out, and I'll come see you in the morning, we can go over what happened, and what we are gonna do now." Cheryl had placed her hand on her friend's back, and she could feel her shaking.

"Cheryl, get a search warrant, we need to look in his Filofax and his laptop. Somewhere there will be an address for George Bannister, we have to find him and we will need to check his house too, because if we don't more people are gonna die, innocent people."

"I will, now you hush, ok?" Cheryl watched as the first ambulance drew up, and she waved them over. Rae was carefully helped onto a gurney, and as she lay down she closed her eyes, and Cheryl knew that, just for a little while, she needed the support she would receive in the ER, and later at home with her family.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve looked over at Jo, and the hurt in her eyes shocked him. "Jo, I'm sorry, I … I don't talk about her very much."

"I gathered that, but like you said there is somethin' about this place, so come on, tell me, an' then I promise you can forget her, for always."

Steve looked at Jo again, the hurt was still there, but he knew that what he had to say wouldn't drive her away, or change her feelings for him and so with a deep breath he began to talk.

"Her name was Ellen, Ellen Sharp and she was a reporter for the National Scoop. I met her when she became involved in a case I was working, and, well, we fell in love, it was as simple as that." Steve paused for a moment, if he shut his eyes he could still see her face but he hadn't thought about her or done so for a long time.

"She had a chance to move to Chicago and work for a paper there. A daily, one with a much better reputation than the National Scoop, and she had decided to take the job. I realised that I didn't want her to go, and so I asked her to marry me."

"An' she said yes?" Jo looked at her fiancé, and she could already see the pain in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, she said yes, right away too, and for a while it was wonderful, but then one afternoon, we were sitting on the sand and it all changed." Now Steve could see the whole scene laid out in front of him, and as he began to speak again, Jo could imagine it too, hearing the voice of the woman Steve had loved, as clearly as she could hear his.

"We hadn't seen much of each other for a couple of weeks, I had pulled a set of nights, and for some reason they really knocked me out, and I slept for almost two days when I finished them. We had met for dinner at Bob's the night before, and she had been cold, distant, and I was worried. So I suggested that we spend an afternoon at the beach."

Steve paused and it seemed to both of them that Ellen's voice filled the air.

"This is nice, but why do you always sit on this bit of sand?"

"Why? I don't know, I guess I feel that it's … it's mine almost. Do you want to go someplace else?" Steve had been lying on the sand, his head resting against a dune, and Ellen was leaning companionably beside him.

"No, it doesn't matter, here is as good as anywhere else."

"Ellen, Sweetheart, what's the matter? You were awfully quiet and, I don't know, remote last night, and now you seem bad tempered. Is there something wrong?"

"No, no not really, I'm just … just a bit … Steve, why did you ask me to marry you?"

"What? Why?" Steve had spluttered out his reply, not knowing what to say. "Because … because, I love you, Ellen, and I want to be with you, always."

"Oh."

"Oh. That's it, oh? Ellen, I don't understand, don't you want to marry me any more? Do you want to wait a while? If you aren't sure, we can postpone the ceremony, I'm certain that Father Jenkins will be ok with that. But why, Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I guess I was just feeling a little unsure of myself, a bit scared. Pre-wedding jitters, no, leave everything as it is, I'll be fine, but I need to go home now, Steve, is that ok?"

"Yeah, as long as you're really all right. I can run you home, you can leave your car here, and come get it tomorrow, or you can go for a sleep here, if you're tired."

Ellen had put a finger over his lips to stop him talking, and he had grasped her hand and kissed each finger in turn.

"I love you, Ellen."

"I know, now come on, let's go up, and I'll head home."

With a shudder, Steve came back to the present. "I picked up the rug, and we walked, hand in hand, up the sand and into my apartment. Ellen grabbed herself a drink of water, and then with a quick kiss on the cheek she left… I haven't seen her, or talked with her since."

"Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry, why, what happened next?" Jo took hold of his hand, and held it tightly. He still had his arm around her and she leant into his body, hoping that her presence would help him as much as his had helped her.

"I called her apartment the next morning, and I got her answering service. She had thirteen beeps, and then you left a message. She didn't call me, so in the afternoon I called again. This time I got fifteen beeps, and I left another message. By the time I gave up leaving messages I was getting twenty seven beeps." Steve shut his eyes for a moment, all of that had hurt, but not as much as the next part.

"About four days after we had spoken I got a envelope in the mail, inside it was a letter, it just said that she needed some time to think, some space, and that she would be in touch. I didn't know what to do. I had been round to her apartment, banged on the door, and her neighbour told me that he had seen her leaving with suitcases." Steve hung his head and Jo, instantly concerned, began to speak.

"Steve, Honey, are you all right?"

"I didn't know what to do, Jo, I loved her and she wasn't there. I … I got a search warrant for her flat, and when we opened it everything was gone, all her clothes, shoes, furniture, everything that was hers, but on the mantelpiece were the … the three pictures she had of me. Those she hadn't taken."

Jo didn't say anything, she couldn't begin to understand the hurt he must have felt, but she imagined that it came pretty close to hearing that you had been the object of a bet and not love.

"I didn't understand what was happening, I couldn't eat, sleep, I just missed her so much, but she couldn't have loved me, not and done that, could she?" Steve looked at Jo, desperately wanting her confirmation of what he had just said.

Jo, still not wanting to speak just shook her head and waited.

"I didn't know where she was, and I could hardly put an APB out on her, she had, after all, left of her own free will. I know that Dad and Jesse were worried about me, Amanda too, but I was just too upset to let them help me. Then about another week later I had a thought, and I punched her name in on a search engine, and there, on the Chicago Herald, was her by-line… She had gone, after all that she said; she had gone and taken the job. But I would have moved with her, if she had asked, I could have transferred to Chicago, hell, Rae did it, I could have done it… But she didn't ask, and then four months after she left I got another package, there was no note in it, nothing, just the engagement ring I had given her. It arrived the day we were supposed to get married."

Jo watched in dismay as a single tear stole down Steve's cheek, and then to her surprise and relief he pulled her to him, and she could feel him desperately trying to get himself back under control. Jo knew that he was an immensely proud and strong man, and the fact that this woman had brought him to his knees, and still had the ability to upset him so much made her really angry and she wanted to hit something or someone. But she knew that Steve needed her, and so forcing a smile onto her face she began to gently rub his back, and speak in soft tones to him.

"Honey, shhh, it's over, she can't hurt you any more, an' now that you have told me, you can't be hurt by your memories any more either. Rae would tell you that everythin' in this life happens for a reason, an' I agree with her. If Ellen hadn't left you, we wouldn't be together, an' if you had gone to Chicago you wouldn't still be with your daddy, an' you wouldn't have met Rae, or me. Let her go, she can't affect your life any more, you have me, an' I have no intention of leavin' you, not ever." Jo felt his breathing come under control once more, and as she continued to rub circles on his back she knew that whatever happened about babies and the danger he put himself in every day, this was the man she wanted to be with, and nothing or no one would ever change that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex, who had come into work, after promising Mark he would be careful, and would be spending most of the day with Shannon, had been filling in some patient information sheets for Rae to take with her to The Willows' when he was informed that she had been involved in a shooting and was being brought into the ER. With a deep sigh he gathered all his paperwork together, put it back into the file, and, grabbing that and his coat from the chair in the doctor's lounge, which doubled as his office, he rushed down to wait for her.

"Nurse, could you file this away for me, please?" Alex handed over Rae's folder as he moved along the hallway. "Did they say how long they would be?" Alex was talking and running along at the same time, his voice coming out in tight gasps.

"They just drew up, Doctor." As the nurse finished speaking the gurney was brought through and Alex watched in horror as it was wheeled straight past him, the patient already in a body bag, but then the feelings were replaced with relief as he heard his name.

"Hi, Alex, I'm sorry about this, but Cheryl insisted, and why are you here? You should be home."

"Rae, oh, thank God, I … I."

"You thought that was me? Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry." Rae slid off the gurney before anyone could stop her, and Alex was instantly horror struck again as he saw her shirt. "It's not mine, Alex, I promise, none of it is mine."

The young doctor was finally able to pull himself together, he grabbed the wheelchair which was sitting just beside him and indicated for Rae to get in it. "Could you contact Doctor Travis please, and ask him to come into the hospital? Make it clear that his wife isn't badly injured." Rae looked a little sheepish, and he could see her mouth sorry as he pushed her into the nearest trauma suite. As Alex went through the doors the nurse heard him speak again. "I'm here just doing paperwork, but I'm fine, and more than capable of treating my favourite patient."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had been relaxing with his daughter when the phone rang, and for a while he thought that he was being plunged into a nightmare once again, the nurse on the other end of the phone had assured him that his wife wasn't seriously hurt, but that she would need to be picked up and taken home, and could he please bring a clean top with him. Even so he didn't waste any time getting to Community General, and he and Eliana arrived there half an hour after he had received the call.

Alex and Rae were still in the trauma suite when he arrived, but only because the ER wasn't all that busy and maternity was and so they were talking until they could move up to the fifth floor. He knocked on the glass and Alex beckoned him in.

"Honey, are you all right?" Jesse's eyes travelled to the blood on her clothing, but the doctor in him knew that she wouldn't be sitting looking at him if it belonged to her.

"I'm fine, a little shaken up, and I have a headache but I'm ok. Joseph Logan was killed, I couldn't push him out of the way in time. Dammit, Jess, I shouldn't have gone, maybe he would still be alive if it had been Steve and Cheryl who went to see him."

"Rae, you don't know that, you told me you believed in fate, that if it was your time to die then nothing would change that. I guess it's easy to say when you are trying to persuade me of something you want to do, but not so easy when somebody dies on your watch. Honey, let it go. You were trying to help, and you have to remember that above everything else."

Rae just nodded and Alex cleared his throat. "Jesse, I have arranged for Rae to have an ultrasound, just to make sure the baby is ok, and I want to check her arms and shoulders, she should be ready in about an hour, but you can come with us for the scan.

"Alex, are you sure you're ok to be here?"

"I'm fine, Jesse, I was scared yesterday, I'll admit that, but Shannon is gonna be ok, and I am too. Like I said, I am fine."

With a smile Jesse handed Rae a glass of water and she groaned, then Alex and Eliana left the room while he helped her into a hospital gown. Once Rae was no longer covered in blood she saw Jesse's arms outstretched for her, and she leant into them and held him as tightly as she was able.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had finished talking about Ellen the sun was gone and the air was chill. Jo shivered in his arms and he realised that they would have to be leaving before long. Suddenly he didn't want to go home, not to her house or any other, he wanted to stay out in the open, away from the world, just for a little longer. Jo must have read his thoughts because she turned in his arms and smiled, then she stood up and walked over to where the picnic things were and returned with another blanket. As she opened it up Steve could see that it was big enough for both of them and soon they were wrapped up inside it, the warmth from their bodies more than enough to ward off the night air.

"Mmm, this is nice; I guess you weren't planning on going home any time soon then?" Steve kissed her gently as he finished speaking.

"Nope, I want this to last as long as possible. Steve, I'm glad you told me about Ellen, an' I'm real sorry that she hurt you, but please, no more secrets, you don't have any more fiancée's in your past that you haven't told me about do you?"

"Well, there was a math teacher from New Mexico, who was real nice, and ooh yeah, a lady who taught Spanish, now she was fun …" Steve looked at her, his eyes twinkling and he laughed. "No, no, there is nobody else hiding in the shadows waiting to jump out, I promise you that, now come here, I don't want to talk any more."

Jo smiled at him, and pulling the blanket tighter around them began to kiss the man who she knew she would marry, maybe not in the way that she had planned, but that didn't bother her, she knew that however it happened it would be the way they both wanted, because she had finally found somebody who shared his life with her in the same way as she wanted to share hers with him.

They had been lying together, gently exploring each other's bodies as far as they could within the confines of the blanket for a little while when Steve's phone began to ring.

Surprisingly neither of them was that disappointed, they'd had a wonderful day, and if reality was going to intrude then now was as good a time as any for it to happen. Steve stood up, making sure that Jo was still covered with the blanket, and he could feel her eyes on him as he did his shirt back up and picked up his cell.

"Sloan here… Hi, Michael… ok, I'll call her right now… no, we were just … just packing to come home anyway … that would be great, bye." Steve turned, "I need to call Cheryl, something happened on the drive by's, and Michael says he will have some soup and toast ready when we get back." Steve smiled and shook his head.

"An' you're surprised? He always knows just what we need, before even we do." Jo smiled and then began to pack up all the empty food containers, and fold the blankets. She had never yet left any indication of her presence in this glade, and that was the way it would always be. Steve sat on the edge of the tree stump and keyed in the familiar number.

"Hi, Cheryl, it's Steve." Jo sat next to him so she could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Oh, hey, Steve, I'm sorry to disturb you on your day off, I almost got through the whole day without having to call you."

"That's ok, it's not a problem, what happened?" Steve found that although he had only been away from his cases for a little under a day he did feel refreshed and ready to return to them.

"Steve, Logan is dead." Cheryl's voice was quiet, and Steve could hear the guilt in it.

"Dammit, how did that happen?"

"We went to see him, to try to get him to tell us where Bannister was, maybe make him understand that by keeping quiet he was condemning others to die."

"We, who is we? … No, don't tell me, Rae." Steve smiled fleetingly. "I guess she worked something out from the notes I left her, and called you, huh?"

"No, actually she called the Captain, Rae never does anything by halves, and he assigned her to me. But she had it all worked out, why Breth is doing this, who else she thinks will be targeted, and I have to say, Steve, I think that she is pretty much on the money. She was right about Logan, and if we'd hurried maybe we would have got the guy away. I am gonna get a search warrant in the morning to check through his house, but I'll check his laptop and his Filofax, Rae reckons that the address for Bannister is there somewhere and I think she's right."

"So, he did know where he was?" Steve sounded incredulous, but he was angry at himself for not pushing things a little harder.

"It appears so. Steve, I have to go, but I'm gonna go see Rae in the morning, I don't think they'll admit her, and we can go over all of this, did you want to meet me there?"

"Hold on, admit Rae, was she hurt?" Steve felt Jo grab at his arm as he spoke.

"She pushed Logan out of the way, banged her head, and she looked in pain to me when she was waiting for the ambulance, but I don't think she was hurt any more than that."

"Cheryl, she's pregnant, did you know that?"

"No, no, I didn't, maybe they will keep her in then, I don't know? Steve, I'm sorry, I have to go, but I'll be in touch in the morning, about nine."

"I'll give Jesse a call when I get home, and find out where she's gonna be. Bye, Cheryl." Steve looked at Jo and smiled, "One more call and then we'll head back to reality, ok?"

"Mmm, I guess, we need to find out how Rae is, don't we?" Jo was concerned, but the day was still theirs and before Steve could find the next number to call, she wrapped her arms around him and, pushing him down onto the tree stump, began to kiss him again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Alex, please, don't do it any more." Rae's voice was full of tears, and her pain was evident.  Jesse had his daughter in his arms and he was moving away down the hallway, he couldn't do anything to prevent her hurting and that was making him feel awful.

"Rae, ok, take a deep breath, I have to do the other two fingers, I'm sorry, I don't like doing this to you, but it's the way it has to be done."

Rae nodded, and took a deep breath. Alex took her hand in his again and began to press hard and deep under the nail bed of one of her fingers, pulling it backwards as he did so. Although she tried, Rae couldn't stop herself from crying out again, and Alex had to harden his heart and, as he released the pressure on the finger he had been working on, he immediately lifted her little finger and started once again.

"Ok, Rae, I'll stop for a few minutes before I do the other hand, can you show me how far you can move your right arm?" Alex's voice showed the relief he felt at having finished testing her hand, but he knew that he still had her left one to do.

Rae nodded her head, she was feeling very sick now, and just wanted to go home, but she knew that Alex wouldn't let her leave until he had finished checking her over, and so she carefully lifted her arm up into the air. Gradually she moved it higher and higher until just before it was level with her shoulder she had to stop. "I can't move it any further, Alex, I'm sorry, and I need to go to the bathroom." Rae stood up, turned and moved into the cubicle at the back of the room they were in, and Alex, knowing the amount of water she had drunk before her scan, took the opportunity to put his head round the door and check on Jesse.

As the two doctors were talking together quietly, they heard the unmistakable sounds of Rae being ill and Alex rushed back over to her. "Rae, Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were feeling like that, come and sit back down, I'll get you some water."

"Alex, I'm all right, and I have had enough water to last me a lifetime. I guess it's just a combination of things, please, don't do the other hand, let me go home. There hasn't been any change, even though Doctor Tammai thought he felt something, I still can't move it, or do anything with it, please."

"Ok, I'll let you go, but if you feel dizzy, or are sick again I want you back, I know you're married to a doctor, but if there is any pain that you don't normally have, or anything out of the ordinary you get him to bring you in." Alex looked at his patient, and he could see that he had gotten through to her. "Rae, your baby is fine, the scan showed that it is more than happy right where it is, but you know you have to be careful."

"I do, and I will be wrapped in cotton wool and put to bed as soon as I get in, I can promise you that, but you need to do the same thing, go home and let Mark look after you." Rae moved her right arm again, and the pain crossed her features once more.

"Rae, I know you moved that real well for me, but it hurts, a lot, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does, Alex, but I landed on it, and I think that is probably why. Don't do or say anything, I'll get it looked at when I go to The Willows."

Alex just nodded, and watched as she left the room and joined her husband and child in the hallway, but he was concerned, concerned that she was pinning way too much hope on what they would be able to do for her once she got to the rehabilitation centre.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jo and Steve had arrived home and eaten their late supper they were both ready for bed. They climbed the stairs, hand in hand and parted company to take separate showers, promising to meet under the covers in ten minutes.

Steve had called Rae as soon as he'd got in, but there had been just the answer phone to greet him. He had left her a message saying he would call in the morning, and then he had left work and all its problems behind him again. Now, he let the water run over the bruises he still had from Sandra Breth's car, and then he moved around a little so that the water played over the sore muscles from his day's exertions. When he had finally gotten off his horse in the stable yard, he had felt fine, but by the time he was climbing out of the car at home he felt about ninety, and as stiff as a board. Finally he turned the jets to cold, hoping that it would shock some life back into him. He was tired, but he knew he would be busy over the next few days, and he needed to talk with Jo tonight, while they had the chance to still be alone together. He grabbed a clean pair of boxers and then headed back down the hallway and into the master bedroom. Jo was already in bed, a cream silk lacy shawl across her bare shoulders.

"An' there I was thinkin' I took a long time in the shower."

"But you didn't have as far to walk back as I did."

Steve slid into bed beside her and was pleased that she immediately snuggled herself down next to him. She didn't waste any time beginning to talk about the things that were still on her mind.

"Rae was hurt today, ok, maybe not badly, but she isn't even supposed to be workin' not officially, Steve, help me understand how I can cope with the worry of you bein' a cop." Jo didn't look up as she spoke, but she felt her lover take a deep breath in before he began to speak.

"I don't know if I can, but it's who I am, Jo, if I gave it up, did something else with my life, I wouldn't be the Steve Sloan you fell in love with, oh, I'd try to be, but being a cop is such a huge part of who I am that I just know I'd fail, dismally."

"Steve, when you found out that I used to be a cop how did you feel?"

"It's not the same thing, Jo, you aren't a cop any more, the feelings I had then have nothing to do with the ones I have now, now that you are asking me to give up my job."

"No, I'm not askin' you to do that, because I know that what you are sayin' is true, an' I love you for all that you are an' all that your life has made you, but it scares me, Steve, an' I don't do well with bein' scared. If anythin' happens to you, how will I cope, how will I be able to carry on without you?" Jo blinked back the tears that had come into her eyes, and felt Steve hold her a little more tightly.

"Honey, there is a problem with marrying me, I come as a package, it might just be you and me most of the time, but you will never ever need to be alone unless you want to be. I don't plan to be killed on the job, but if it ever happened, you would have Dad, Jesse, Rae, Amanda, you would cope, and …" Steve paused a moment, knowing he was about to bring up their other difficult subject. "And you would have our children too."

"Steve, don't." Jo closed her eyes, sometimes their problems seemed insurmountable. "I can't go through that again; you can't understand the helplessness, the feelin' of failure that loosin' David caused me."

"Jo, if you don't want to have a baby then we won't. I can't lie to you, I will be bitterly disappointed, but in the end you are the one I want to marry, and I know that it is you who would have to carry it and have far more worry than I would. But like I said before, you wouldn't be alone, please, Honey, please think about it some more, go and see Dad, or Jesse, they can keep a close eye on you, I can't tell you it won't happen again, but I can tell you that you will be watched, every step of the way, whether you want to be or not."

Jo leant up and kissed him gently on the lips, and ran a finger across his chest. She felt him shiver, and she moved away just a little bit and smiled at him. "We could always adopt or foster. There must be loads of youngsters out there who we could help."

"Oh, yeah, instant walking talking trouble. No preamble straight in at hormones, late nights and their own car!"

"See, they would have someone waitin' for them at home who was careful, considerate, an' understandin' what more could a needy child want!"

"Honey, I'm not trying to be hard or unfeeling, but I don't think that this is something that we can just talk about and solve instantly. It's like my job, we are gonna have to agree to disagree and stay together because we want to, because nothing else matters as much as that. Big problems like these we can try to overcome, or if not at least accept as a couple. I want to marry you, if you decide not to try for children I will still want to be married to you, we can talk about it again later and see how you feel in say six months time. I know that I wasn't very sympathetic when we talked about it before, but I was shocked. I have thought about it some, and it's you I'm gonna marry, not any children that may come from the marriage. If you had told me that you couldn't have children at all then I would still want to be with you… does that make sense?"

Jo looked at him and smiled. He had said a great deal, more than he usually said about things this serious, and she was touched by his words. "Yeah, it does, but it doesn't sound like you to just joke about adoption an' then dismiss it out of hand like that."

Steve looked at her, she hadn't moved back into his arms again after she kissed him, and he wanted her too. Slowly he began to think about what she had said, adoption, he had never seriously considered it, or fostering either. He had helped kids out at the Never Say Die Gym, given them a break whenever he could, but to take them into his home and his life, no, he had never thought about it. For an instant the face of Tommy Anders came into his mind. He was a good kid, and he worked full time at Kelly's gym now. In fact he was taking a management course at a local college, he was dating a lovely young girl who also trained at the gym and Steve knew that he'd had a part in turning Tommy's life around for him. It was a good feeling, and he hoped he would have the chance to do it again for more kids, but to adopt them, or even foster them like Amanda had done? He'd mentioned it, but not really with any intention of doing it, would he want a family that wasn't his?

"Steve, Honey, what are you thinkin' about?"

"Sorry, Jo, I was thinking about what you said." Steve looked away from her, he felt ashamed of his feelings, as if he was somehow less caring because of them.

"I've said quite a lot of things today, which one?" Jo moved back against his chest, suddenly aware that he needed her there to give him a little courage.

"About adoption. I don't think that I could do that. Not in place of my own children, maybe as well as, but not instead of. If that makes me selfish I'm sorry, but some of those kids are hard work, I do my bit, I help where I can, but I never saw myself as a foster dad."

"Ok, like you said we can work on that too. Honey, the most important thing is that I want to be married to you, an' you want to be married to me. Do you want me to arrange a small private weddin' at your daddy's place as soon as I can?"

Steve looked down at her, this beautiful woman who was willing to put her fears aside to marry him, and he nodded. "I would like that very much, very much indeed." Steve ran his fingers into her hair and then his lips found hers, and as they began to kiss, and move against each other he knew that whatever problems they faced, together they would always deal with them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae and Jesse arrived home she was feeling very sleepy and just wanted to go straight to bed, she had slept almost the entire journey from the hospital to her house, and needed it to continue, Jesse however, had other ideas.

"I am gonna put Eliana to bed and then check you over again, I know Alex sent you home, but before you go to sleep for the entire night I want to make sure you're ok."

Rae had just nodded her head and slumped, or as close as she could get to it, down on the sofa in the living room, closing her eyes and letting the world go on around her.

Jesse had finally got Eliana to stay quietly in her crib, but she hadn't wanted to go to bed at all, and had cried and screamed for at least twenty minutes before she had succumbed to the pacifier and her soft dolly and slipped into a peaceful but exhausted sleep. Jesse left the nursery as silently as he could, and then after getting his medical bag from the bedroom had returned to the living room. He wasn't at all surprised to see Rae fast asleep in front of him, but he knew that he needed to check her over, if only for his own peace of mind.

"Rae, Rae, come on, wake up, then I can do this and put you to bed."

It took him a while, but Jesse checked her over, and decided that she probably had a mild concussion, and was a little shocked. Added to that the fact that Alex had done that awful test on her, and she was pregnant, it wasn't surprising that she didn't want to make conversation, and kept falling asleep. A little over fifteen minutes after Jesse had left his sleeping daughter he was gently leading his wife to her bed, and making sure she was comfortable and safe under the covers, he drew the curtains and climbed in beside her, glad to have her safe and sound and with him once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the morning Amanda had a small pile of information for Steve, Cheryl and Rae, and the afternoon off to help a certain FBI Agent move into the City of Angels.  The foot hadn't really produced anything new, but the analysis on the residue which had been left on the floor of the locker had now been returned, and it opened up a few possibilities. Joseph Logan had been killed by the same gun that had killed the officers from Steve's precinct. Amanda wasn't surprised, and she knew that neither Cheryl nor Rae would be either.  After she had called through to Steve to let him know what she had, she called a police courier and had the information taken to the station for Steve, so that he could check it when he arrived at work.

Ron had arrived the night before, and had arranged to take the boys to school, and get the grocery shopping, so that they could then spend the afternoon together moving his stuff into the small apartment he was renting. It wasn't very big, just a kitchen, living room and bedroom with a shower room off that, but it didn't need to be any bigger. Amanda hoped that it was only going to be somewhere to keep his things until they decided that they really did want to be together and then be married and he could move into her house with her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse and Rae had been woken by their daughter, as they usually were, just before eight, but something had upset the little girl, because she was sobbing uncontrollably when Jesse went to get her, and nothing he could do or say would calm her. Rae had moved as quickly as she could to the nursery, and taken her, a little stiffly, into her own arms and almost instantly the intensity of the crying had changed and Eliana had begun to calm down.

"So, what did you do, that I didn't?" Jesse was cutting up some toast into fingers for the little girl as he spoke. Eliana was happy again, although she was quiet, and her face still showed that she had been crying.

"Nothing, sometimes children just want their mum. It's not uncommon, and all three of mine used to just want me at times, normally times when I wasn't there, which was a bit of a pain for the childminder, or for Tony." Rae leant over and took one of the pieces of toast and popped it in her own mouth with a smile.

"Hey, I can make you soldiers too, if you want, but taking food out of the mouth of your child, you cruel woman, and she wanted you over me. I don't know." Jesse smiled at the two ladies in his life, and got beautiful smiles back from both of them. "What did Tony or your childminder do about it? I didn't think she was gonna stop at all this morning, and I worry about her chest when she cries like that."

"In the end they just run out of steam, and you have to hope that they feel better and don't start up again. John and Patrick were similar to each other, John would cry and cry, and be inconsolable, and then suddenly he would stop. No warning, no settling down, nothing, he would just stop, shut his eyes and go to sleep, but it could take ten minutes or an hour, there was no way of knowing, and Patrick was almost the same, but he would calm down slightly, ball his little hands into fists and rub at his eyes, and then you knew you were on the home run."

"And Mara…?" Jesse looked at Rae and she raised her eyes to the heavens. "I don't want to know, do I?"

"She was horrendous. I've told you before that Tony and I didn't sleep in the same bed for six months, well, when she started nobody or nothing could stop her, except me. Which was great if I was home, I could get her sorted out quite quickly, but if I was working, well, Tony had her cry for a whole eight hour shift once. He even phoned me and begged me not to do a moment's overtime, but to come home as soon as I could."

"And then what happened?"

"She looked at me, smiled, curled up in my arms and went to sleep." Rae chuckled at the memory, "I felt so guilty, poor guy, he was beside himself, and I did absolutely nothing, and it was solved."

"I have a lot of sympathy for your ex-husband; I should definitely have compared notes with him before I married into the Yeager clan!"

Rae stuck her tongue out at her husband, and then sighed as the entranceway phone began to ring. "Sometimes I loathe that security phone." Slowly she got to her feet, and Jesse was reminded that she had only yesterday been in the emergency room once again. He sat there, gazing at his daughter, who was looking intently at him, and poked his tongue out at her. To his horror she did exactly the same back, and then laughed.

"We have got to stop doing that." Jesse reached out and stroked her face, and her little hand came up, trapping his fingers, and she just beamed at him. "Yeah, and that doesn't work, I am hardened to your charms, but I guess just this once a kiss wouldn't hurt, huh?" He leant over and kissed Eliana on the cheek and this time she wrapped her arms around him, and he was besotted all over again.

Rae waited at the front door to her home, and smiled as first Jo and then Steve climbed out of their cars and came towards her. "Don't you two ever travel anywhere together? It's like the Royal Family not travelling on the same plane."

"Oh, ha ha, I see someone recovered quickly, no, I'm working and Jo is going home again. It could be worse, she could have had Michael drive her, then you would have three of us descending on you."

"That would have been nice, I haven't seen Michael in a while, and he's the only one of you who talks properly."

"You know, sometimes I wonder why we come an' visit with the Travis's, although I have to say the doctor is a real nice man, but I have a lot of trouble with his wife!" Jo smiled at her friend and carefully hugged her. "Honey, are you all right? You need to be careful, what with the baby an' all."

"Yeah, Texas, I'm ok, a little sore and very annoyed, but I'm ok really."

Steve came over and smiled at the two women as they stood together, "Rae, I hope you don't mind, but Cheryl is gonna come here, we need to talk over what happened yesterday, and what we can do now, and I want you to look at the body parts case too, have you read the file on that yet?"

"No, I thought it was more important to look at the drive by's first. Look, we don't need to stand in the hallway, go into the living room and I'll put the coffee on and join you."

Jesse came out with Eliana as the three friends came into the house, and the little girl seeing her Uncle Steve began to bounce and get excited. With a smile the big detective took her into his arms, and she seemed all at once to shrink in size. Although she was now almost a year old, Eliana was still small for her age, and was wearing a jogging set that was aged 8 to 10 months.

Steve went into the living room, his precious cargo held carefully in his arms, and sat down on Tony's chair and began to play horsey with his goddaughter, the case and all its problems forgotten just for a while. Rae had put the coffee on, and as she came into the room she turned to Jo and smiled, "Think he'll be able to bounce one child on each knee, or maybe more than that when you have your children? This house is gonna be crawling with little Sloan's and Travis's."

Rae turned back to see how her daughter was enjoying the game, and so didn't see the pained look that crossed her friend's features. As Rae sat watching she felt Jo's hand on her arm, and turned back to see that she was now smiling, and looking excited.

"What? You have got a plan for something, come on, give, details, remember, I need details, on everything."

"Are you workin' with Steve, or was yesterday just a one off, for a while at least?"

"It was a one off; I'm not ready to go back to work, not in any shape or form. I thought I could help but all that happened was somebody got killed. I don't plan to do anything but give my opinion, not for the foreseeable future." Rae closed her eyes for an instant. She still felt incredibly guilty over the death of Joseph Logan, and although she had yet to do so, she planned to take full responsibility for his demise when she wrote her report.

"So you would have time to help me arrange a weddin' then?"

"What?" Rae's eyes shot open and were instantly as large as saucers. "Why, I mean when for? Whose wedding, yours?"

Jo was laughing, and enjoying her friend's reaction, and so for a moment all she did was nod, but then with a glint in her eye she began to speak. "Yes, my weddin', an' I want it to happen before you go to The Willows, I thought maybe next Wednesday or Thursday. It won't be a big weddin', I need to arrange a priest, an' Michael will sort out the food, but you an' I we can do the rest can't we? Only trouble is, well, what I know about weddin's could fit on the head of a pin and still leave room for the angels to dance. "

Rae's laughter burst from her as she listened to her friend, "Girl, what did you do on that picnic? I thought you were getting married at Easter." Rae's eyes were sparkling now, and Jo could see that not only had she piqued her friend's interest, but that she was already arranging things in her mind.

"Steve doesn't want a big weddin', an' I don't really, I just felt I had to. But I can have a party any time an' we can invite all the people who would have been comin' to the weddin', an' raise money for the hospital, or somethin' similar instead of havin' loads of presents we don't need anyway. So, what do you say, are you in?"

"You try and stop me. Where are you going to have the service? I think the beach house would be lovely, the sand doesn't get too crowded at this time of year, and it would be so romantic with the sea crashing down behind you." Rae's mind was working fast, she could think of all sorts of things to do and say, "What about bridesmaids, do you have any cousins, or anyone that could do that for you? And I guess David will come up to give you away, what are you going to wear? You won't be able to get a dress made by next week!"

"Ok, in order, I think. We called Mark this mornin' an' yes, the service will be at the beach. I don't have any family, except David, an' Michael I guess. I would like you to be my bridesmaid. An' as for what to wear, well, we will go shoppin' you said you needed stuff for The Willows, so we can go joggin' bottom and weddin' an' bridesmaid dress shoppin' this afternoon, how about it?"

Rae had begun to smile as soon as Jo had said about her being a bridesmaid. "I think that I would be called a matron of honour, and I would be delighted to do that for you. As for the shopping, well those two departments are always so close together in the stores! If you're sure you really want a dress off the rack, then I would love to go with you this afternoon. What about Steve, what will he wear?"

"I guess he will wear his dress suit," Jo lowered her voice to a whisper, "To be honest I hadn't thought about what he would be wearin'."

"He can go shopping himself, maybe Jesse could go with him. He has the dark blue suit that he wore when we went off for our honeymoon, I just love him in that, but he could do with a new suit." Another thought suddenly came to Rae.  "Honeymoon, what are you going to do for a honeymoon?"

"We haven't talked about it yet, but I thought we could just go down to the ranch for a few days, an' then have a proper vacation after the party or whenever Steve can fit some leave in. I saw an advertisement for a tropical island, just a small one, with a beautiful house on it. Maid service, an' no other people, no TV, nothin' but you an' the sun, sea an' sand. I think I could cope with some of that around April or May time."

Rae looked at her friend, and smiled at her. "It sounds lovely; you know you seem more at ease now. How do you feel about him being a cop? It's not going to change, and I know you are scared about it, will you be ok?"

"I have to be, Rae, I love him, everythin' else pales into insignificance when I realise that. I will worry about him every time he leaves the house, but I will always be there when he comes home again, because in the end that's where I want to be, an' if that means waitin' at home for a cop then I'll do it."

Rae smiled, leant over and kissed her friend. "You'll be ok, he's careful, Texas, I've worked with a lot of different cops over the years, and he is the most careful of them all, and he loves you, he wants to come home, and that makes a lot of difference. I think you will enjoy being Mrs Sloan, almost as much as I enjoy being Mrs Travis."

The two friends laughed and looked across the room, Jesse and Steve were both now sitting on the floor, a pile of blocks on the carpet between them, and they were showing Eliana how to build a tower, and both Jo and Rae knew that whatever happened in the future, they would survive, cope and thrive, because of the two men playing building bricks.