Peer Pressure
The next few days were routine for Steve and Rae, Amanda had checked the DNA from the eyeball, and it was from a male victim. As there was a letter with it both Steve and Rae were completely satisfied that it was from the same person who was now minus an upper and lower arm, a foot, hair, a fingerless hand, an ear, both lower legs and, as Rae called them, 'his bits'.
The letters had been causing Steve concern, so much so that he found them invading his sleep. Jo had woken him up the night he found the eyeball, when he had become restless, and afterwards he had remembered that there had been accusatory letters and personal recriminations coming at him from everybody he knew in his dream, and they were all related to the Todd Case as he called it. He refused to call it the bits and pieces case, however much Rae goaded him into it. The pieces were unpleasant enough; the bits just threw him totally for a loop!
Martin had returned to work and found to his dismay, although not his surprise, that he was no longer working in the hallowed halls of homicide, but in the dank dark regions of vice. Cheryl had watched him empty his desk with a heavy heart, and although she knew that he would be safer where he was going, she also knew that he would probably find it quite hard to deal with at times.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Steve and Rae had taken the call, just after eight, on a vagrant that had been found dead in a dumpster outside a building site and it was while they were returning to the station, after spending the best part of three hours going through the two other dumpsters which were in the same location, that they began to talk. First of all it had just been inconsequential about things, like why they were the ones who had to work their way through smelly dumpsters for evidence far more often than anyone else in their department, but gradually the conversation turned a little.
"Rae, can I ask you a question?" Steve looked across, they were both in Tom, and Steve's seat was further back than his partner's.
"Mmm, of course, anything, you know that." Rae hadn't turned her eyes from the road, but Steve knew that she was listening intently to him.
"When you were home, the last week or so before you came back to work, when you weren't hurt, were you tempted to give it all up and just be a mom and wife, or did you need to come back?"
This time Rae's eyes did leave the road for a second but then they snapped back. "This is Texas we're talking about isn't it?"
"Yeah, I'm happy with her being home, but when we first met, when I found out, well when I found out how wealthy she is, she said that she tried to live on what she earned not what she actually had. Then Worthington shut his laboratory, and she hasn't worked since, but she hasn't really had time to even consider it, not with everything that has been going on."
"But now she is?" Rae was negotiating her way around a parked truck, and Tom slowed a little as she waited for the traffic to clear in the next lane before speeding back up to move out into the flow of traffic once again.
"We actually had breakfast together this morning, which is a novelty in itself, and she was circling jobs in the employment section." Steve smiled for a moment, it had been nice, just the three of them and Michael, eating breakfast and talking, he wished every day could start that way.
"And you don't want her to?" Steve knew that it was concentration that made Rae's replies short and to the point, not disinterest.
"No, I don't. Is that wrong? My mom was always home, I used to wonder about it when I was Daniel's age, but now, now that I'm in the same position as Dad was, I can see why she did it, and our childhood, Carol's and mine, would have been very different if she had worked, Dad's life too."
"But the decision is, first and foremost, hers. If she stays home because you want her to then she will resent it, and ultimately you too."
"She has more money than she can ever spend, why would she want to work?" Steve ran his hand unconsciously through his hair, trying to understand the woman he loved and what made her tick.
Rae was silent for a moment as if she was making a decision about something. "Steve, although I didn't say anything to anybody, and neither did Jesse, I sued the prison service for what happened to me. They settled out of court, and I don't need to be here either, but that isn't sufficient reason for me to stop working, or to even think about stopping. Steve, it's kinda different, I need my job, I am a cop, I don't ever want to be anything else, not entirely. I want to be Jesse's wife, and Eliana and Anneya's mum, but not at the expense of my career. I don't think that Texas is looking for that, but she may be looking for an identity."
"An identity?" The puzzlement was evident in Steve's voice.
"Yes, an identity, she doesn't want to be just Steve's wife, or Michael's boss, or even Daniel's mum, she wants to be Jo Sloan, secretary, or Jo Sloan admin manager, I don't know, but something that is hers and hers alone. I guess that now Daniel is all settled in she is thinking about it seriously."
Steve hadn't had a chance to answer as the radio crackled into life, spouting forth a location that was only two minutes from where they were. Steve acknowledged that they would attend and the subject was dropped.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The day had taken an extremely distressing turn after that, as both Steve and Rae witnessed a seventeen year old high school student blasted to death by her roommate in front of them. The other girl had then turned the gun on herself, and blown the back of her head off. It had taken a while to secure the scene, which had been just in front of their dormitory on the campus of The College of Saint Augustus, and then they'd had to go and break the news to two instantly devastated families.
By the time Steve got home, the scenes he'd witnessed were beginning to affect him strongly, and he knew that Rae had been feeling the same way as she had dropped him off at the station before getting back into Tom and driving home to be with her family. He locked his truck and instead of going straight into the house he went through the garage and out into the part of the garden that was directly behind the morning room. It was where Rae and Jesse had held their wedding ceremony, and he also knew that it was Jo's favourite part of the grounds.
For the first time since he'd been married, Steve didn't want Jo to know that he was home. He wasn't in control of his feelings, and was finding it difficult to switch off. The two girls had been so young, and even though they hadn't been able to see it, they'd had their whole lives ahead of them. He would make sure that he never put any pressure on Daniel to succeed as he got older. With a start, Steve realised that he was already considering that the boy would be with them for the rest of his childhood and hopefully beyond. As Steve stood there looking out over the gardens, his mind wandered back to the meeting he and Jo'd had with the social worker, and Daniel himself before deciding to foster him.
Steve had been quiet and withdrawn on the drive over to the care home where Daniel had been staying, and Jo, after trying unsuccessfully to engage him in conversation, had retreated into silence herself.
The home had been no more than a large house, but not as large as the one the Sloans lived in. They had stood in the hallway hand in hand waiting for Karen Stonely to come and meet with them. She had been of average height, blonde hair pulled severely back, and looked about thirty years old. Steve had watched her walk towards them and wondered what life experiences she could pass on to these children, but then he had realised that this was LA, and life's experiences were intruding every day.
"Good morning, Mr and Mrs Sloan, I'm pleased to meet you, won't you come through?" Karen Stonely had shown them into a bright and airy office, where they had sat together on an ancient dark brown leather sofa and waited for the young woman to speak.
"I understand that you are both good friends with Doctor Alex Martin, who himself has been a real good friend to Daniel Upton, and that you are considering fostering this young man."
"That's right. We've both known Alex for years, an' he has taken a real interest in Daniel. He can't foster him himself, because of his job, but he knew that we had considered it, an' asked us if we would be interested in helpin'." Steve couldn't actually remember if they had mentioned fostering to Alex, but Jo seemed happy with what she was saying.
"I understand from the forms you left with my office and the investigations that have been carried out that you don't have any children of your own, and I wondered whether this is a factor in your decision to consider fostering." Miss Stonely wasn't wasting any time getting down to business and Steve decided that he would answer this question.
"No, we haven't been married that long, but we do plan to have a family of our own. I have experience with teenagers, especially troubled teens, through my work, and certain activities I pursue on my own time." Steve had a feeling he sounded like he was reading from cue cards.
"Yes, I understand that you are a police lieutenant, that's a very stressful job, looking after these children, who have had traumatic lives so far, is also a very stressful job, do you think you will be able to combine the two?"
"I don't know, but I'm willing to give it more than a practice run. We've discussed this, and Jo knows that most of the time it will be her that Daniel has to come to about any worries he may have. Most of the time though, I am there at night, it might be late, but I get home. We also have a very close knit network of friends and family, who will welcome him, Alex is one of them."
"I understand that you have ties to the Never Say Die gym, which is a wonderful place." Karen smiled as she spoke.
"I don't, but Steve does." Jo smiled, and Steve had too, but he had known that if the woman said that she 'understood' once more there was a chance he would scream.
"Daniel has shown quite a good attitude towards getting his grades up, and his teachers at his last school were very pleased with him, but we would only consider a long term place for him now. He has been moved around a lot, and we wouldn't want that to happen again. He needs security both in his home and educational life." Karen was looking very earnest now as she spoke.
"Yes, we realise that, an' neither of us are in this just for the fun of it. We have discussed it an' as we said we have a very good backup system, not just for Daniel but for us too."
"I'm sure you understand that we have looked into both your backgrounds, and I do need to ask you some questions." Steve had felt Jo grasp his hand tightly. She had been worried about her time spent in a psychiatric institution, and whether it would jeopardise their chances with Daniel, or any child for that matter.
"Lieutenant Sloan, as I have said, you have a dangerous and stressful job, but there are no problems that we can see which would prevent you from becoming a foster parent. Mrs. Sloan." The social worker had looked at Jo as she spoke, and Steve felt the grip on his hand get even tighter.
"Yes, Ma'am?"
"You have had a lot of medical problems in the past, but everything seems to have been fine for the past few years."
"Yes, Ma'am, I don't have any problems like that any more, an' I don't take any medication or anythin' like that."
"Mmm, I understand though that you were hospitalized for a long time before you moved to Los Angeles."
"Yes, but as I said, I don't have any problems like that any more." Steve could tell from Jo's voice that she was getting fed up with this woman, but he also knew that she wouldn't lose her temper; it was way too important.
"We have also looked into your financial situation, and, um, well, um, obviously there is no problem there." The young woman had become extremely uncomfortable for a moment, it was, as Jo said later, a reaction she was used to, but Steve felt himself cringe inwardly, and was embarrassed momentarily by his wife's wealth. "We do pay a monthly allowance to foster carers to help with the cost of taking a child into their home. This isn't means tested and you will still receive it. Any allowance that you wish to give Daniel, should you be approved, above what is suggested, would have to come out of your own pocket."
The interview had carried on in very much the same vein for another hour before Miss Stonely had left the room to go and get Daniel. Jo and Steve had looked at each other, and then without a word had just hugged. They were still sitting close together when the door opened and Karen had returned with the young man who, the last time Steve had seen him, had been holding up a store.
"Daniel, this is Mr and Mrs Sloan, they are friends of Alex, and they're interested in fostering you."
Daniel had held his hand out and both Steve and Jo had shaken it. Then they had sat down and the talking had begun again.
"Steve, Honey, are you all right?" Jo's voice brought Steve back to reality with a start, and he jumped as she spoke. "Hey, Baby, it's all right." Jo could see straight away that her man was in a lot of pain, not physical but emotional pain and she moved closer to him as she spoke, and gently took his hand in hers.
Suddenly Steve didn't want to be alone, he didn't want to be out in the garden thinking about things that had happened months ago, just to push today's events out of reach, Jo would understand, she always did, and with an almost strangled sigh he turned to her and began to hug her to him, finding release as he did so.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rae had arrived home to find that Jesse and the girls were all out on the deck. Jesse had finished work at lunchtime, and was starting again at three in the morning. She had changed her clothes, and then, for a while, not knowing she was almost mirroring her partner, Rae stood in the kitchen, not wanting to be noticed or talked to. She had seen a lot of things since she had moved from London, but today had been too horrific to even contemplate. Rae made a cup of herbal tea, and leant back against the counter for a moment trying to gather herself together. She could hear the sounds of her happy family floating in from the yard, and she stood and listened, trying to get a grasp on a gentler reality than the one that was insulting her senses.
Although he didn't know it, it was ten minutes before Rae went out into the garden and let her husband know that she was home.
"Hey, beautiful, did you have a good day?" Jesse looked round at her, love shining in his eyes, and then Eliana and Anneya spotted her too and joined in the greeting.
Rae swallowed hard, and shook her head. "No, not really, but now isn't the time to talk about it. How about you? I guess you've had a nice afternoon at least… Hi, Sweetie, how are you?" Rae crouched down and tickled Anneya's little feet, she was ten months old now and she loved her mother's attention. Rae turned to face her eldest daughter who was playing happily in the sand. "And you, did you have fun with Sally today?"
"Es… peeze. Yana did rawing." Eliana smiled and Rae despite her day had to laugh.
"I guess she'll get there." Rae picked up a spade, "Can I help you?"
"Es … peeze." Eliana was bouncing now, she didn't get much of a chance any more to play with her mommy and she was getting very excited, but she didn't want to leave the sand.
For the next hour Rae and Jesse played with their daughters, although Anneya, as Eliana had been, was quite content to sit and watch the action, and take occasional swipes at the plastic people strung across her seat. Sand castles were made and demolished. They buried Eliana's feet in the sand, and then pretended they couldn't find them, Rae patted the sand flat and drew circles, and encouraged Eliana to copy her. It was already apparent, much to Rae's disappointment, that her daughter was left handed, and although the shapes the little girl made weren't circles, they were shapes, and they had a wonderful time.
Jesse had crept inside so that Eliana didn't spot he was gone, and had returned with the video camera. The scenes he captured were beautiful, and, he recalled, so much happier than the last time he had used it when Rae had been unable to do any of the things she was doing now.
By the time that the evening meal had been eaten, and both girls had been bathed and put to bed Rae was exhausted, and Jesse was feeling the effects of getting up at two in the morning, so they decided that bed was the best place for them, and they had retired early. Jesse read for a little while until he felt his eyelids begin to get very heavy and he dropped his book to the floor and let his dreams take him over.
Rae had watched him with a smile. There was something very reassuring about watching the man she loved slowly succumb to sleep, and for a while Rae's mind was filled with nothing else, but then she snuggled herself down under the covers, and closed her eyes.
"No! Oh God, NO!" Rae's voice suddenly broke into Jesse's slumbers and he was jolted awake, he saw Rae sitting up beside him, and she seemed to be shaking all over. Slowly he slid his arms around her, not knowing what had happened, but just wanting to help her in any way that he could.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Steve had sat with Jo in the morning room, somehow watching the garden through the glass was more acceptable to his mood now. Slowly he had begun to talk, haltingly at first, and Jo had listened, just as he had known she would.
"We were just in the neighbourhood and we took the call, that's why we were there, and the only other cops were two officers in a black and white, they weren't much older than the … the victims." Steve swallowed down the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him, and Jo waited quietly for him to continue.
"When we got there the first girl was on her knees outside their room, although we didn't know it was theirs then. I saw her friend raise the gun …" Steve's whole body seemed to shudder for a moment, but he continued speaking. "Rae called out to her, she was the only woman there, and she figured maybe they would listen to her, she said she would help them, that whatever was happening, killing someone wouldn't solve it, but that maybe talking it through would. The girl with the gun looked over at Rae, and she just very sadly shook her head, and then … she … she shot her friend… For a minute, I think we were all just too stunned to do or say anything, and then I saw Rae take her gun out and lay it on the grass. She held her hands out in front of her and began to move closer to the other girl. I could hear her, saying calmly and slowly, 'Let me have that gun too, I'll put it with mine, then we can talk.' But the girl just shook her head again, and before Rae could stop her she … she put the gun in her mouth." Steve stopped. He couldn't say anymore. Couldn't tell Jo that Rae had called out in horror, that her clothes had been covered with blood and brains in the splatter patterns caused by the bullet, or that after she had changed into the clothes she always kept in Tom's trunk, but before they had to go speak with the parents, they had sat in the car, in silence, with Steve's hand resting on top of Rae's, not being able to say or do anything else.
"Why did they do it?" The voice came from the doorway, and Steve and Jo looked up to see Daniel standing there.
"Daniel, Honey, you shouldn't have heard that." Jo got to her feet and moved over to the boy, but he came into the room and sat down next to Steve.
"Do you know why they did it?"
Steve nodded his head. "Yeah, there were two notes inside the room addressed to their parents, that's how we knew where they lived so quickly. We couldn't separate, so Rae and I did both sets of parents together. Oh, God, Jo, it was just awful."
"An' the letters, did they tell you what had happened, what was so bad that they couldn't see any other way out? That was no cry for help, Steve, they wanted to die." Jo had positioned herself so that she could hold hands with both Steve and Daniel and to her relief the young boy hadn't pulled his away.
"They wanted to train to be … doctors, but their grades weren't good enough. The letters said that they were sorry, but nothing else mattered apart from that, and they had let themselves and everybody else down, but …" Steve swallowed, he could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes, "but they loved their families and … and were sorry. Oh, God, Jo, they were seventeen years old." This time Steve couldn't contain the tears; one escaped and ran unhindered down his cheek. For an instant Daniel looked on in shock, following its tracks and then he spoke, his voice heavy with emotion.
"And you care, don't you? You really care."
"Of course, I do." Steve rubbed at his eyes with the knuckles of his hand and then looking straight at Daniel, he continued. "We failed those children, those young adults, whatever you want to call them. Life shouldn't just be about what damn grades you get! Whether society considers you are a success or a failure shouldn't be so important that it's worth dying for. I'm a cop, I try to keep people safe, put the bad guy away, but I can't fight that, there is no way I can succeed against parental pressure, society pressure, or peer pressure that strong and it's wrong." Steve stood up, he couldn't talk any more, he stalked from the room, heading down the hallway to where he had turned a room into a mini gym, and Jo knew that for the next hour or so, she wouldn't see him, nor would she interrupt. He needed to beat the living daylights out of something, and it was best that it be his boxing punch bag rather than the next person he arrested.
Daniel watched him go and then he turned to Jo. "You used to be a cop too, didn't you? I was wrong, these things, they do affect you, him, he's not just a pig, I'm sorry." And then following Steve's lead, Daniel stood up and hurried from the room. A couple of minutes later Jo heard his music come on and she flopped back on the sofa. She was sorry that her husband had had to suffer but glad that the events of the day had affected Steve the way they had. If he'd come home and been completely blasé about them, then it would have been time for him to stop being a cop, to admit that he was hardened to the events that surrounded him. Somehow she had a feeling that would never happen and Daniel, well, he had learnt a valuable lesson tonight, she just hoped that he remembered it.
As she went into the kitchen to get a drink, Jo saw the daily paper sitting on the side, and she picked it up. The jobs that she had ringed earlier in the day were staring up at her but she knew that whatever vacancy she had gone for none of them would have been as fulfilling, as necessary, or as rewarding as doing what she was right now. She was a wife and a mom, and that was more than enough for her.