Okay, so far the ff author cast is this: Snape- noodletwin, Draco-
IDesireIceSucky, Fred/George- Aldrea, Quirrell- Devilish Kurumi, Neville-
RekiChan, Scabbers- Saje of the Extreme. I'm still accepting authors who
want to be characters besides these and the ones that have already been
introduced. Just tell me your name, appearance, where this chapter's not-so-
hidden cameo occurred, what character you would prefer to be and anything
else I might need to know. I don't own these characters or the song
"Without Me". The only character I own is Tim the Stalker. *sniff* And he
is so alone because I was too lazy to think of more original characters.
Now, on with the second chapter!
The Vanishing Grass
Somewhere, at some time a farmer with missing teeth called to his wife, "Selma! This here grass is vanishing!" Under his lawn, there was a colony of grubs plotting to take over the world. No, this doesn't have anything to do with the story.
Almost ten years after the Creepers had found Squeegee on their doorstep, not much had changed on Mulberry Street. Except that one night when Mr. Creeper ate a possessed doughnut and Satan appeared. Normally he would have taken Mr. Creeper straight to Hell, but since his plan to launch an army of mindless, untalented clones on the music industry (boy bands, Britney, Christina!) was going so well, Satan just made the Creepers take care of his son, Pepito for a while. To keep Satan happy, the Creepers always gave Pepito everything he wanted while making little Squeegee miserable. All he could do in self defense was turn them into frogs once he grew up, anyway. And the Creepers had always despised little Squeegee for something he didn't even do, those many years ago. They blamed him for a lot of things. They blamed him when the house was struck by lightning and then burned down and then when the remains were flooded and then when the flooded remains froze into a glacier and made an isolated ice age. Squeegee had no idea that he was a lizard, I mean wizard but it just HAD to be his fault and not that of Satan's son who knew of his powers all too well. At least that was the way the Creepers' minds worked. Has anyone noticed that this entire chapter has been focused on making child abuse seem funny? Well, except for the part about the farmer and his grass and the grub who is the reincarnation of Napoleon. No one noticed? Good! Anyway, Squeegee had been locked in his broom closet next to the drooling monkey's cage and under the stairs for the past six months. Pepito and the Creepers jumped on the stairs' creaky, unstable boards every morning to wake Squeegee up and in hopes that this would be the day that the stairs would finally give in and crush him. Of course, they completely ignored the fact that they would go down with the stairs, should that ever happen. But they had other methods of attempted murder planned.
As sunlight crept in through the cracks in Squeegee's broom closet even though there were no windows anywhere near there, Mrs. Creeper stomped on the stairs above him. "You! Uh, whatever your name is! Wake up and make us breakfast!"
She then locked the front door, let the drooling monkey loose and ran for cover. "Oh dear, must they always set that drooling monkey loose in the morning?", Squeegee thought to himself as he ran from the drooling monkey, into the kitchen. "Damnit! Why don't you just get eaten by that drooling monkey?!", Mr. Creeper said, greeting Squeegee. The floor and walls then shook violently, announcing the arrival of Pepito.
"Good morning, Pepito! And happy birthday!", Mrs. Creeper said. He then went over to the pile of presents in the living room and surveyed them.
"But there are only 135 presents here! There were 136 last year!", he shouted from the living room, very displeased at the difference in one out of over 100.
"We'll buy you two more presents on the way to the zoo, okay?", Mr. Creeper pleaded, quite fearful of the flames of anger rising around Pepito.
A knock at the door was heard. It was Pepito's friend, Tim the Stalker. Tim was obsessed with all things anime and stalked famous people. I don't know why a 16 year old would want to hang out with the 11 year old son of Satan, but he did. Tim is very odd, if you couldn't figure that out from the above paragraph. Or normal in this story.
In the car on the way to the zoo, someone with a nametag that read "Hello, my name is Jhonen and I'm a lizard, I mean wizard" (Yes, the same one from ten years ago.) was riding a motorcycle. He was also laughing maniacally and waving at Squeegee. But he should have been paying closer attention to the road, which he still hadn't realized he was on the wrong side of. Somehow, squished motorcyclists don't look that good plastered to the front of trucks.
"Stupid motorcyclists.", remarked Mr. Creeper.
"I had a dream about a motorcycle once.", Squeegee said. "It was flying."
"I had a dream too.", said Martin Luther King Jr., who somehow was reincarnated in the Creepers' car.(Happy MLK Day, everyone! ()
"I thought you were dead?"
"Oh yeah...", he said as he disappeared again.
"MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!!!!", Mr. Creeper yelled.
"But Jhonen's motorcycle flew.", Tim said. "Right into the front of the truck!" As they pulled up to the zoo, Tim ran off somewhere, presumably to go stalk Jhonen again. That morning, Squeegee, Pepito and the Creepers went all through the zoo. After throwing someone with a nametag that read "Hello, my name is Roman and I'm a lizard, I mean wizard" in with the alligators, swimming with the sharks and letting the penguins loose in the monkey cage, Pepito was bored with the lack of possibilities for chaos in the reptile house.
"Hey! Snake! Move or I will come down on you with all of Hell's wrath!", Pepito yelled threateningly at the sleeping snake. He tried to tie the snake in a knot, but his powers were worn out from the day's previous events. The snake waited until Pepito was gone to stare at a five year old while blinking its eyes rapidly causing the child to have a seizure. Wait, snakes don't have eyelids. Oh well, they do now. It then whispered something to Pepito.
"Biiiitttte meeeeeeeee." But Squeegee seemed to be the only one that could hear. "Were you talking?", Squeegee asked the snake.
"No shit, Sherlock.", the potty-mouthed snake replied.
"I was just asking, you don't have to be so rude about it!"
"Look mommy! That lizard is talking to the snake!", said the five year old who had just recovered from their seizure.
"Out of the way Todd! I want to see the snake!", yelled Pepito as he pushed Squeegee onto the floor. But then something happened that he didn't expect. The glass in front of the snake's tank disappeared and the snake was sliding across the floor.
"Thankssss, Squeaky." , it hissed to Squeegee before sliding out the door, right past the sleeping security guards.
Ten minutes later, Squeegee was once again locked in his broom closet.
"But I don't know how the glass disappeared!", he tried pleading with Mr. Creeper through the door.
"Yeah right! You and your lizard, I mean wizard powers did that!", Mr. Creeper retorted. "And have a nice summer, you'll be in there for a while!"
That night, Squeegee dreamed about a green light and a burning sensation on his forehead. The Creepers had always said that his parents died in a car crash and that's how Squeegee got his target shaped scar. Although it looked like they were trying not to laugh whenever they told him this. But they were compulsive liars, like everyone else he knew. He had no friends at school because all the kids laughed at his stories. Even the ones that couldn't read. Aw, shit. He's starting to sound like me! And that's not good! Meanwhile at a truck stop, the truck that Jhonen was still stuck to pulled into a rest stop. "Excuse me, but would you mind peeling me off this?", Jhonen asked the driver as he got out of the truck. As the driver went off to get a spatula, Tim the Stalker finally arrived. "Oh no, not you!"
"Yes! Guess who's back! Back again! Stalker's back! Tell a friend! Jhonen pulled himself out of the truck's ventilator and ran away from his stalker who had absolutely no rapping ability.
I've created a monster! Cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more, they want Shady, I'm chopped liver! Well if you want Shady this is what I'll give you! A little bit of me mixed with some hard liquor! So doctor can jump start my heart when I'm not cooperating! When I'm rocking the table while he's operating! Hey!................
A/N: I knew all the words at one point, but my mind hasn't been working right lately. To anyone else whose friends dared them to be in this story, just spot Jhonen and Roman's not-so-hidden cameos and either send a review or an e-mail (pyrple_punk77@hotmail.com) with the information at the top of this chapter. Later! (
The Vanishing Grass
Somewhere, at some time a farmer with missing teeth called to his wife, "Selma! This here grass is vanishing!" Under his lawn, there was a colony of grubs plotting to take over the world. No, this doesn't have anything to do with the story.
Almost ten years after the Creepers had found Squeegee on their doorstep, not much had changed on Mulberry Street. Except that one night when Mr. Creeper ate a possessed doughnut and Satan appeared. Normally he would have taken Mr. Creeper straight to Hell, but since his plan to launch an army of mindless, untalented clones on the music industry (boy bands, Britney, Christina!) was going so well, Satan just made the Creepers take care of his son, Pepito for a while. To keep Satan happy, the Creepers always gave Pepito everything he wanted while making little Squeegee miserable. All he could do in self defense was turn them into frogs once he grew up, anyway. And the Creepers had always despised little Squeegee for something he didn't even do, those many years ago. They blamed him for a lot of things. They blamed him when the house was struck by lightning and then burned down and then when the remains were flooded and then when the flooded remains froze into a glacier and made an isolated ice age. Squeegee had no idea that he was a lizard, I mean wizard but it just HAD to be his fault and not that of Satan's son who knew of his powers all too well. At least that was the way the Creepers' minds worked. Has anyone noticed that this entire chapter has been focused on making child abuse seem funny? Well, except for the part about the farmer and his grass and the grub who is the reincarnation of Napoleon. No one noticed? Good! Anyway, Squeegee had been locked in his broom closet next to the drooling monkey's cage and under the stairs for the past six months. Pepito and the Creepers jumped on the stairs' creaky, unstable boards every morning to wake Squeegee up and in hopes that this would be the day that the stairs would finally give in and crush him. Of course, they completely ignored the fact that they would go down with the stairs, should that ever happen. But they had other methods of attempted murder planned.
As sunlight crept in through the cracks in Squeegee's broom closet even though there were no windows anywhere near there, Mrs. Creeper stomped on the stairs above him. "You! Uh, whatever your name is! Wake up and make us breakfast!"
She then locked the front door, let the drooling monkey loose and ran for cover. "Oh dear, must they always set that drooling monkey loose in the morning?", Squeegee thought to himself as he ran from the drooling monkey, into the kitchen. "Damnit! Why don't you just get eaten by that drooling monkey?!", Mr. Creeper said, greeting Squeegee. The floor and walls then shook violently, announcing the arrival of Pepito.
"Good morning, Pepito! And happy birthday!", Mrs. Creeper said. He then went over to the pile of presents in the living room and surveyed them.
"But there are only 135 presents here! There were 136 last year!", he shouted from the living room, very displeased at the difference in one out of over 100.
"We'll buy you two more presents on the way to the zoo, okay?", Mr. Creeper pleaded, quite fearful of the flames of anger rising around Pepito.
A knock at the door was heard. It was Pepito's friend, Tim the Stalker. Tim was obsessed with all things anime and stalked famous people. I don't know why a 16 year old would want to hang out with the 11 year old son of Satan, but he did. Tim is very odd, if you couldn't figure that out from the above paragraph. Or normal in this story.
In the car on the way to the zoo, someone with a nametag that read "Hello, my name is Jhonen and I'm a lizard, I mean wizard" (Yes, the same one from ten years ago.) was riding a motorcycle. He was also laughing maniacally and waving at Squeegee. But he should have been paying closer attention to the road, which he still hadn't realized he was on the wrong side of. Somehow, squished motorcyclists don't look that good plastered to the front of trucks.
"Stupid motorcyclists.", remarked Mr. Creeper.
"I had a dream about a motorcycle once.", Squeegee said. "It was flying."
"I had a dream too.", said Martin Luther King Jr., who somehow was reincarnated in the Creepers' car.(Happy MLK Day, everyone! ()
"I thought you were dead?"
"Oh yeah...", he said as he disappeared again.
"MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!!!!", Mr. Creeper yelled.
"But Jhonen's motorcycle flew.", Tim said. "Right into the front of the truck!" As they pulled up to the zoo, Tim ran off somewhere, presumably to go stalk Jhonen again. That morning, Squeegee, Pepito and the Creepers went all through the zoo. After throwing someone with a nametag that read "Hello, my name is Roman and I'm a lizard, I mean wizard" in with the alligators, swimming with the sharks and letting the penguins loose in the monkey cage, Pepito was bored with the lack of possibilities for chaos in the reptile house.
"Hey! Snake! Move or I will come down on you with all of Hell's wrath!", Pepito yelled threateningly at the sleeping snake. He tried to tie the snake in a knot, but his powers were worn out from the day's previous events. The snake waited until Pepito was gone to stare at a five year old while blinking its eyes rapidly causing the child to have a seizure. Wait, snakes don't have eyelids. Oh well, they do now. It then whispered something to Pepito.
"Biiiitttte meeeeeeeee." But Squeegee seemed to be the only one that could hear. "Were you talking?", Squeegee asked the snake.
"No shit, Sherlock.", the potty-mouthed snake replied.
"I was just asking, you don't have to be so rude about it!"
"Look mommy! That lizard is talking to the snake!", said the five year old who had just recovered from their seizure.
"Out of the way Todd! I want to see the snake!", yelled Pepito as he pushed Squeegee onto the floor. But then something happened that he didn't expect. The glass in front of the snake's tank disappeared and the snake was sliding across the floor.
"Thankssss, Squeaky." , it hissed to Squeegee before sliding out the door, right past the sleeping security guards.
Ten minutes later, Squeegee was once again locked in his broom closet.
"But I don't know how the glass disappeared!", he tried pleading with Mr. Creeper through the door.
"Yeah right! You and your lizard, I mean wizard powers did that!", Mr. Creeper retorted. "And have a nice summer, you'll be in there for a while!"
That night, Squeegee dreamed about a green light and a burning sensation on his forehead. The Creepers had always said that his parents died in a car crash and that's how Squeegee got his target shaped scar. Although it looked like they were trying not to laugh whenever they told him this. But they were compulsive liars, like everyone else he knew. He had no friends at school because all the kids laughed at his stories. Even the ones that couldn't read. Aw, shit. He's starting to sound like me! And that's not good! Meanwhile at a truck stop, the truck that Jhonen was still stuck to pulled into a rest stop. "Excuse me, but would you mind peeling me off this?", Jhonen asked the driver as he got out of the truck. As the driver went off to get a spatula, Tim the Stalker finally arrived. "Oh no, not you!"
"Yes! Guess who's back! Back again! Stalker's back! Tell a friend! Jhonen pulled himself out of the truck's ventilator and ran away from his stalker who had absolutely no rapping ability.
I've created a monster! Cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more, they want Shady, I'm chopped liver! Well if you want Shady this is what I'll give you! A little bit of me mixed with some hard liquor! So doctor can jump start my heart when I'm not cooperating! When I'm rocking the table while he's operating! Hey!................
A/N: I knew all the words at one point, but my mind hasn't been working right lately. To anyone else whose friends dared them to be in this story, just spot Jhonen and Roman's not-so-hidden cameos and either send a review or an e-mail (pyrple_punk77@hotmail.com) with the information at the top of this chapter. Later! (