Careless Whispers
Disclaimer: This is a purely non-profit story written for entertainment purposes only. All characters of Gundam Wing belong to their respective owners. The song Careless Whispers is sung by George Michael, and it also belongs to its respective owners.
Summary: [One shot songfic; yaoi, 1x2; angsty fluff] The never-ending dance is the one that hurts the most… and the one where it's hardest to say goodbye.
~*~*~*~
The high arched ceiling echoed the sounds of delighted laughter and music as the sound of feet tapped on the expansive marble floor. The terrace doors had been thrown wide open, and a cool breeze weaved through the many people, a touch of fresh air on the flushed cheeks of dancers. Up above, the crystal chandelier twinkled merrily, casting its illuminating light on the gathering. Beside the wide marble staircase, an orchestra played various songs, with a sultry blues singer providing the vocals. Long linen-covered buffet tables and comfy chairs lined the other walls, and a bar was open to order drinks.
The semi-upbeat music died at last, and he disentangled himself from the crowd of girls surrounding him carefully, using a distraction so as to get away unnoticed. He had been dancing for almost the whole night, and his feet were blistering painfully in the expensive, uncomfortable shoes he had worn for the evening. Unfortunately, every time one dance finished, there would be another girl there waiting to dance the next dance with him. And of course, being the gentleman that he was, how could he refuse? But a man could only be polite for so long. After endless hours of this, he had slyly disappeared into the crowd, uncouthly using a distraction to get away.
Walking over to the buffet table, he had to dodge the people on the dance floor, having a good time and blissfully unaware of anything else. He kept an eye out for his fan club, but fortunately he was able to get to his destination with no further obstructions. He looked about for signs of the other guys, anyone that he could talk to. He soon spotted Trowa and Quatre, sitting together in an out-of-the-way spot, and having a private conversation. A remark from Trowa made Quatre throw back his head and laugh, and his blue eyes sparkled with mirth. A soft smile touched his own lips; that wasn't a chat that he wanted to intrude on. Those two never got any time to themselves, and he couldn't think of any other people that deserved it more.
Automatically, his eyes sought the only other person left whose company he would fancy. Surprisingly, his eyes riveted on the position of his other friend in the middle of the dance floor, his white suit clearly contrasting to any of the other guests' attire. A slow song had started while he had stood there searching for his former comrades, and he found himself surprised to find Wufei with Sally in his arms, although he shouldn't have been. Dancing had never been Wufei's 'thing', but he supposed that they had all changed over the years.
*He* was the only person that wasn't there.
The buffet table now held only dessert, scrumptious sweets from all over the globe. But he knew that they wouldn't satisfy his appetite; he needed something stronger. Sighing resignedly, he made the long walk over to the bar, where the stools were empty and the bartender gave him a friendly smile. He could barely muster the energy to smile back.
"Give me the strongest stuff you got," he said wearily to the man, plopping down on a stool ungraciously.
"You look spent," the man said sympathetically. "You sure you can handle a strong one?" he asked, but his hands were already reaching under the counter for a glass and bottle.
"I need it right about now," he replied, just as the man put the glass down in front of him. He picked it up, mumbled a quick 'Thanks', and retreated to a distant corner, settling down on one of the chairs by the furthest terrace door.
His eyes travelled over the various people detachedly, noticing minor details and memorizing faces that he never actually saw. To him, it was just another 'Peace Party', another in the long line of parties over the years. After downing his drink in one gulp, he pulled at his tie exasperatedly, knowing it was a battle he would never win. It was almost perfect; everything would be perfect if only…
No, he told himself firmly, don't think about that. It doesn't matter anyway.
Still not assured, his mind wandered over all the things he had been through a thousand times already, the millions of possibilities he had dared not dream.
It was an accidental comment in a desperate situation. Just a careless whisper. Nothing more.
He sat there for an indeterminable amount of time, weary and much in need of sleep. Just as he was about to doze off, someone tapped him softly on the shoulder and broke his reverie. Sighing, he expected to turn and find one of the girls he had danced with earlier, but the deep cobalt eyes he met with startled him so greatly that he almost completely sobered.
The normally ice eyes were warm, almost compassionate as they regarded him. The owner of those eyes, with his unruly dark russet hair and neutral expression, held an air of such sorrow that it made him want to cry out.
"May I have this dance?" the man asked him cordially, holding out his hand. Still too astounded to speak, he took the time to look the man over. He hadn't changed much in appearance, but he had grown a little and filled out more. He wore simple dress clothes, not too stiff but not too formal for the occasion. He was just as he remembered.
Summoning the courage to shakily place his hand into the outstretched one in front of him, he heard the sound of a slow jazz song being struck up by the orchestra, and he was pulled off his seat and held close to his dance partner. Faintly, in some faraway world disconnected from his own, he heard a deep honey-smooth voice whisper lyrics in his ear.
[I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor]
His hand was firmly clutching that of the other's, not willing to believe that it was real. After all these years, all that searching, all of a sudden, the man shows up without warning to shake his whole life. What nerve! He vaguely wondered how his presence had not been detected by anyone else, and he wondered if anyone noticed them right then, dancing together as if they had never been apart. But his eyes would not move, captivated by the light and life of those once-cold eyes.
[As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen, and all its sad goodbyes]
Memories flooded his mind as a sense of déjà vu swept over him. They had done this before; he was sure of it, but in another lifetime. He knew that they had never danced before in their years of knowing each other, but the feeling was unmistakable. *He* must've felt it too, because his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, widening almost imperceptibly in the soft light.
[I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm]
Gaining back some of his senses, countless questions came to mind. He wanted to know everything; know why he left, know where he'd been, what he'd been doing, and… painfully, if he had found someone else. And yet, he was also ambivalent to the idea, wanting to forget everything altogether. Perhaps it would be easier if they started over with a clean slate. Tabula rasa. That way there might not be so many agonizing memories.
[Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool]
He watched Duo's face as he seemed to struggle with some inner battle. It was his eyes, always his eyes that betrayed him. Those large, expressive, violet eyes could lead you down to his very soul, if you dared to walk it. He knew what the other wanted to say: Duo would want to know everything, but he didn't want to bring it up for fear of chasing him away again. He had meant to come to say everything tonight, to lift the burden off his shoulders once and for all. He had been cheating, taking the easy way out for years. But now that he found himself facing Duo in person, his determined resolution seemed to desert him.
[Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given]
Resolved, he decided that it was now or never. If he didn't get his answers now, he knew that he would never get them again. Trying to ask his questions without words, he knew that the other understood, but would not answer him unless he spoke. Somewhat irritated by his inconsideration, his question came out more harshly than he'd intended.
"Why'd you come back, Heero?"
[So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you…]
He supposed that he deserved it, but it still stung. He had made bad choices, admittedly, but he came back to compensate. The years of separation had allowed him to search inside himself, to ask the questions of life and receive answers. He had not meant to keep Duo waiting for years, but he had never expected him to wait.
Does he… could he possibly still remember?
[Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend]
Taking a deep breath, he told himself again that he promised to answer all of the questions asked of him. Of course he knew this would be the first one, but he still wasn't fully prepared.
"I'm sorry I disappeared," he started slowly, seeming to measure his every word. "There were some things I still had to do."
[To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind]
Sensing the deliberateness in Heero's voice, the small pool of anger left in him ebbed away.
It must've cost him dearly to come back, he thought sadly. All those years alone…
Checking his emotions, he tried to ask in as cheerful a voice as possible, "Oh? So have you done everything you set out to do?"
He hoped Heero wouldn't notice the underlying meaning, asking him if he would stay. He hoped that he didn't look concerned, because after the first gaze into Heero's eyes and he knew that he had come back to say goodbye.
[There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find]
There was a brief flash of pain in the ice eyes that almost passed away undetected. Had he not been so accustomed to Heero's flighty emotions, he wouldn't have detected it at all.
"Almost," came Heero's reply, so soft it was nearly inaudible. "Almost everything…"
He knew then that he was right. And for the first time in his life, he had never so ardently wished that he had been so completely wrong.
[I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm]
"I came back," he continued in that quiet whisper, "because I didn't want you thinking ill of me for leaving. And because…"
He pulled Duo a little closer, as if he were also trying to speak without words.
"… I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."
[Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool]
He tried to make his voice sound light-hearted and carefree, but it sounded forced even to his own ears.
"What, leaving again already?" He tried to laugh but failed miserably. "You've only just got back…"
Heero's face was pained. "Duo…"
"Don't!" he pleaded softly. "Please don't…" And he buried his face in his chest, not wanting to hear any more.
[Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you]
So they danced there silently for a time, just listening to the music and the drumming of each other's hearts. Finally, when he felt that he could face it again, Duo asked quietly,
"Heero?"
"Yes?"
"Before—before you left, you said… something to me."
He could feel Heero's body stiffen, the stretch of silence before the oncoming question. Even his heartbeat, which had seemed so strong and vibrant only moments before, seemed to slow and beat in a loud, pulsing rhythm. Still, he had to know; he had to know if it was worth all that waiting, just for this chance…
"Did you mean it?"
[Never without your love…]
He held his breath waiting for the answer. But it never came, and instead Heero cradled him close, breathing deeply and recollecting the scent of his hair, the feel of his skin. His body relaxed, and his weariness seemed to come over him again. Heero's heartbeat, so close now, was thump thumping vividly and lulling him into a slumber.
[Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd]
He barely noticed that they weren't in the hall anymore. Somehow, sometime during their exchange, the two of them had drifted out onto the oval-shaped terrace, and were dancing silently under the moonlight. The sound of music still drifted through, and the tall hedges on either side of the terrace ensured their privacy.
His eyelids were getting heavy now, weighed down by sleep…
[Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say]
On the verge of sleep, he murmured softly into Heero's ear.
"I'm glad you're back, Heero. I love you…"
[We could've been so good together
We could've lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me?
Please stay…]
A soft smile touched the usually stern lips. He whispered softly back,
"I love you, too, Duo. I'll always love you."
~*~*~*~
He awoke in the morning with a pounding headache, which he attributed to whatever it was that the bartender had given to him last night. He found that he was sprawled on his bed, lying on his back in his pyjamas. He had no recollection of how he had gotten home, and the encounter with Heero seemed so much like a distant dream that he wondered if he hadn't dreamed everything. His jacket was hanging on the back of the chair by his bed, his tie and other clothes folded neatly on the chair.
Maybe one of the guys brought me home, he reasoned, but he knew that was a lie. The dying lyrics of the song still rang in his ears.
[Now that you're gone
Now that you're gone
Was what I did so wrong?
So wrong… that you had to leave me alone?]
A small white sheet of paper sat on his clothes. On it was only one simple word, written in flowing handwriting.
Yes.
Somewhere far away, a man with no name and no past walked through a quiet urban street. He looked up when he felt moisture on his cheeks, thinking that it was raining.
He was surprised to find that his cheeks were wet from the stream of his own tears.
END