Guess who's back,(nah nah nah), back again (nah nah nah), no, I can't do
that or I would be stealing Tim the Stalker's theme song! Yes, I know this
took too long to write. Count on me to do something stupid like starting
two major pieces of fanfiction at the same time! Oh, yeah. I am not Jhonen
Vasquez or J.K. Rowling. Therefore I own none of this except for any
original characters that appear in here that I forgot to mention. And you
may have noticed that the not-so-hidden cameos have been getting less and
less creative. It's not just you, they are. So this is the last chapter
with them in it and February 28 is the last day I will accept new people in
this fic. Sorry, but I just have trouble remembering everyone!
Chapter 4: Keeper of the Fleas
As Squeegee opened the door, he saw standing there everyone's two favorite lizards! I mean wizards, well besides Squeegee of course! They had their decade old nametags still! Although the ink was running because of the rain, Squeegee could still read "Jhonen" and "Roman" on them.
"Aren't you the two lizards from the mall?"
"Yes", said Roman. "I finally got out of that DDR, no thanks to him!", he shouted and then pointed to Jhonen who was having a laughing fit on the floor. "Shut up! It's not funny!"
"Yes it is!!"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is!!!!"
"So why are you guys here?", asked a mildly confused Pepito.
"The reason I got out of the DDR is one of the B-52s took my place. And the rest of them have been chasing us ever since! So we swam here, hoping that they wouldn't be insane enough to come out here to get us in this storm!", Roman said as a fish fell out of his sleeve.
"If you guys are lizards, why didn't you just fly away on your broomsticks?", Squeegee asked. There was an embarrassed silence before Roman finally answered.
"Because that would make too much sense." Then, another loud bang was heard at the door. It was the B-52s!
"Hey little dude! Is this the love shack?"
"Uh, no." Pepito couldn't resist being evil once again.
"HEY!!! THOSE TWO LIZARDS WHO WERE RUNNING FROM YOU ARE HERE!!", he yelled as the Creepers came in, awakened by the noise.
"Seriously, I haven't slept in two days and... is that the B-52s and those lizards from the mall? Pepito, how many times do I have to tell you?! No house parties until you're thirteen!!", Mr. Creeper said, rather irritated at having even more insanity than usual following him around. But then someone else entered the room! He was short, kind of gnome-like with a mask and a meat cleaver.
"Hello, my name is It. I am Keeper of the Fleas at Pigspots. Happy Birthday Squeegee! I see the Creepers have finally thrown you a decent party!", It said as he surveyed the room, crowded with all of its occupants.
"Wait, today's my birthday? Oh yeah... I knew there was something I was forgetting!" "You forgot your own birthday?"
"Umm.. Yes." Waterproof crickets chirped and cobwebs grew on everyone in the room during the stunned silence that followed.
"Oh dear, this is going to be more difficult than I thought. I'm going to tell you something you would already know if your head wasn't full of fluff." Then in a very low voice, It said something very disturbing and unexpected. "Squeegee, I am your father."
"Really? Cause I hear Fluff-Head is hereditary."
"No, no really! Cause then you would be all gnome-like and stuff. You're a lizard! I mean a wizard! DAMN!! Why can't anyone in this story pronounce that one, simple word right?!"
"So that would explain the vanishing grass?"
"No, that was grubs."
"What about the glass?"
"Okay, that was you."
"But how can I do magic if I don't have a wand or know any spells?"
"Just come with me and quit pointing out plot inconsistencies!", It said while getting very frustrated with Squeegee.
"Where do you think you're going?!", yelled Mr. Creeper who was blocking the door. "Pigspots. Did you think we were going to the North Pole?"
"Yeah, kind of. But he's not going to some stupid lizard school!"
"Let me put it this way. If you don't let us by I'll turn Pepito into some hideous creature and tell Satan you did it" At this point, Jhonen and Roman snuck out a window, followed by the B-52s.
"Or we could just go out the window like the other lizards are doing.", said Squeegee, wanting to prove that he wasn't a Fluff-Head. But It wasn't listening. He pointed his meat cleaver at Pepito and gave him an instant makeover! The Creepers panicked but Pepito remained relatively calm.
"But it looks just like my I.C.U.P. uniform anyway.", he said, not very alarmed by the fact that he had been turned into Christina Aguilera. At least it was still something extremely evil. And the lack of hell powers was more than made up for by something much more sinister... that horribly screechy, synthesized voice.
"Maybe we should go now", It said as Pepito sang his unbelievably off tune rendition of "Beautiful". At leas this kept Mr. Creeper occupied with searching the unstable shack for earplugs. A brilliant red sun was visible on the ocean's horizon as daylight's first warm rays crept over the waters, tinting the departing rain clouds a lovely shade of purple.
"Feel like being really mean?", It asked Squeegee who was squinting from the light. "Yes, why?"
"If we take this boat back to the mainland, Pepito and the Creepers won't be able to get off this island."
"COOL!!!!", Squeegee said as he jumped in the boat. It tapped on it's old wooden side with his meat cleaver and it floated off toward the shore.
"Can you not tell anyone that I used magic? I'm not really supposed to."
"Why not?"
"I was expelled in my third year at Pigspots for doing something scary that I didn't really do. But the rest of the story is in the third story. Most of the kids are too scared to even come around me now! Glad you're not like that." It appeared to be talking to himself because Squeegee was huddled under his seat, shivering in fear. "Uh, never mind. What matters is I didn't really do that scary thing that I did."
"Oh, okay I guess I'll come up now.", Squeegee said, his voice shaking as he resumed his position on top of his seat.
"Well that was easy. I could have just been lying about that!"
"SQUEE!!", Squeegee screamed and then hid under his seat once again.
"Well I wasn't." Squeegee got back up, only to go back under two seconds later as It faked him out yet again. This nonsense kept going on until they reached the shore. "And now that you're all scared and confused and stuff, I'm going to tell you what happened to your real parents! So anyway, about ten years ago, there was this lizard that was all evil and stuff, You- Know-What, and he really liked killing people. Heck, I don't even know why? But he came to your house on Halloween and killed your parents because he just felt like it for some odd reason. But for another reason just as mysterious, when he tried to kill you the curse backfired! So you ended up with that target scar and he ended up in a state as near dead as a vampire can get. Then Professor Membrane got too lazy to give you to some of your nicer relatives, so that's how you ended up with the Creepers."
"No I don't.", Squeegee said with a look of confusion.
"You don't know what?"
"I don't know What!"
"You don't know what?"
"Yes, I don't know What!!"
"How am I supposed to answer you if I don't know what it is that you don't know?!" "WHAT!!! WHO IS YOU-KNOW-WHAT?!?!"
"Oh, You-Know-What! I can't tell you."
"Huh?!"
"I can't tell you because his name is so creepy! Like some creepy thing that's all creepy and stuff! It just doesn't feel right." Squeegee grabbed a loose piece of wood and held it like a baseball bat, the baseball being It's head.
"Look, I have ten years of pent up anger in me, all wanting to come out right now! So we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the fun way! Which is it?"
"Alright, alright, I'll tell you! His name is Lord Eric the Vampire!" Squeegee lowered the plywood and placed it back in the boat, where its absence had caused a lot of water to leak in.
"There. Now was that so hard?"
"Yes." One of them should have been paying attention to where the boat was going, because it would have been so much nicer to arrive safely than crashing into the shore. Meanwhile in a not so far away place, in a dimly lit police interrogation style room, who people sit tied to chairs.
"Nny, if I had known that this date included being taken hostage for something I never would have let Tenna talk me out of bringing my mace."
"Tenna? Is that the girl who tied me up in my own basement?"
"Yup. That's her."
"Spooky told me to do it!", Tenna whined as she squeaked her little toy. "He said it was the best way to get you two back together!"
"How is tying us up going to change our minds about anything?", Nny asked as he reached out with his foot for a knife that was on the floor. But Tenna took it before he could get there.
"It's what I'm going to do next that will do it! And it's not so much your minds that will change."
"What do you mean?", Devi asked suspiciously as an evil grin made its way across Tenna's face.
"You are about to find out!"
So what IS Tenna going to do? Hint: There is a reason that the roles of Ron and Hermione can't be filled yet! Have I confused you yet? Cool! But I'll try to get the next chapter out quicker next time, sorry for the delay. This is the last not-so-hidden cameo chapter, so look at the second chapter for the things you need to submit to be included and the deadline is February 28, 2003. Until then, VALENTINES DAY ROTS!!!! I just had to say that! :)
Chapter 4: Keeper of the Fleas
As Squeegee opened the door, he saw standing there everyone's two favorite lizards! I mean wizards, well besides Squeegee of course! They had their decade old nametags still! Although the ink was running because of the rain, Squeegee could still read "Jhonen" and "Roman" on them.
"Aren't you the two lizards from the mall?"
"Yes", said Roman. "I finally got out of that DDR, no thanks to him!", he shouted and then pointed to Jhonen who was having a laughing fit on the floor. "Shut up! It's not funny!"
"Yes it is!!"
"No it's not!"
"Yes it is!!!!"
"So why are you guys here?", asked a mildly confused Pepito.
"The reason I got out of the DDR is one of the B-52s took my place. And the rest of them have been chasing us ever since! So we swam here, hoping that they wouldn't be insane enough to come out here to get us in this storm!", Roman said as a fish fell out of his sleeve.
"If you guys are lizards, why didn't you just fly away on your broomsticks?", Squeegee asked. There was an embarrassed silence before Roman finally answered.
"Because that would make too much sense." Then, another loud bang was heard at the door. It was the B-52s!
"Hey little dude! Is this the love shack?"
"Uh, no." Pepito couldn't resist being evil once again.
"HEY!!! THOSE TWO LIZARDS WHO WERE RUNNING FROM YOU ARE HERE!!", he yelled as the Creepers came in, awakened by the noise.
"Seriously, I haven't slept in two days and... is that the B-52s and those lizards from the mall? Pepito, how many times do I have to tell you?! No house parties until you're thirteen!!", Mr. Creeper said, rather irritated at having even more insanity than usual following him around. But then someone else entered the room! He was short, kind of gnome-like with a mask and a meat cleaver.
"Hello, my name is It. I am Keeper of the Fleas at Pigspots. Happy Birthday Squeegee! I see the Creepers have finally thrown you a decent party!", It said as he surveyed the room, crowded with all of its occupants.
"Wait, today's my birthday? Oh yeah... I knew there was something I was forgetting!" "You forgot your own birthday?"
"Umm.. Yes." Waterproof crickets chirped and cobwebs grew on everyone in the room during the stunned silence that followed.
"Oh dear, this is going to be more difficult than I thought. I'm going to tell you something you would already know if your head wasn't full of fluff." Then in a very low voice, It said something very disturbing and unexpected. "Squeegee, I am your father."
"Really? Cause I hear Fluff-Head is hereditary."
"No, no really! Cause then you would be all gnome-like and stuff. You're a lizard! I mean a wizard! DAMN!! Why can't anyone in this story pronounce that one, simple word right?!"
"So that would explain the vanishing grass?"
"No, that was grubs."
"What about the glass?"
"Okay, that was you."
"But how can I do magic if I don't have a wand or know any spells?"
"Just come with me and quit pointing out plot inconsistencies!", It said while getting very frustrated with Squeegee.
"Where do you think you're going?!", yelled Mr. Creeper who was blocking the door. "Pigspots. Did you think we were going to the North Pole?"
"Yeah, kind of. But he's not going to some stupid lizard school!"
"Let me put it this way. If you don't let us by I'll turn Pepito into some hideous creature and tell Satan you did it" At this point, Jhonen and Roman snuck out a window, followed by the B-52s.
"Or we could just go out the window like the other lizards are doing.", said Squeegee, wanting to prove that he wasn't a Fluff-Head. But It wasn't listening. He pointed his meat cleaver at Pepito and gave him an instant makeover! The Creepers panicked but Pepito remained relatively calm.
"But it looks just like my I.C.U.P. uniform anyway.", he said, not very alarmed by the fact that he had been turned into Christina Aguilera. At least it was still something extremely evil. And the lack of hell powers was more than made up for by something much more sinister... that horribly screechy, synthesized voice.
"Maybe we should go now", It said as Pepito sang his unbelievably off tune rendition of "Beautiful". At leas this kept Mr. Creeper occupied with searching the unstable shack for earplugs. A brilliant red sun was visible on the ocean's horizon as daylight's first warm rays crept over the waters, tinting the departing rain clouds a lovely shade of purple.
"Feel like being really mean?", It asked Squeegee who was squinting from the light. "Yes, why?"
"If we take this boat back to the mainland, Pepito and the Creepers won't be able to get off this island."
"COOL!!!!", Squeegee said as he jumped in the boat. It tapped on it's old wooden side with his meat cleaver and it floated off toward the shore.
"Can you not tell anyone that I used magic? I'm not really supposed to."
"Why not?"
"I was expelled in my third year at Pigspots for doing something scary that I didn't really do. But the rest of the story is in the third story. Most of the kids are too scared to even come around me now! Glad you're not like that." It appeared to be talking to himself because Squeegee was huddled under his seat, shivering in fear. "Uh, never mind. What matters is I didn't really do that scary thing that I did."
"Oh, okay I guess I'll come up now.", Squeegee said, his voice shaking as he resumed his position on top of his seat.
"Well that was easy. I could have just been lying about that!"
"SQUEE!!", Squeegee screamed and then hid under his seat once again.
"Well I wasn't." Squeegee got back up, only to go back under two seconds later as It faked him out yet again. This nonsense kept going on until they reached the shore. "And now that you're all scared and confused and stuff, I'm going to tell you what happened to your real parents! So anyway, about ten years ago, there was this lizard that was all evil and stuff, You- Know-What, and he really liked killing people. Heck, I don't even know why? But he came to your house on Halloween and killed your parents because he just felt like it for some odd reason. But for another reason just as mysterious, when he tried to kill you the curse backfired! So you ended up with that target scar and he ended up in a state as near dead as a vampire can get. Then Professor Membrane got too lazy to give you to some of your nicer relatives, so that's how you ended up with the Creepers."
"No I don't.", Squeegee said with a look of confusion.
"You don't know what?"
"I don't know What!"
"You don't know what?"
"Yes, I don't know What!!"
"How am I supposed to answer you if I don't know what it is that you don't know?!" "WHAT!!! WHO IS YOU-KNOW-WHAT?!?!"
"Oh, You-Know-What! I can't tell you."
"Huh?!"
"I can't tell you because his name is so creepy! Like some creepy thing that's all creepy and stuff! It just doesn't feel right." Squeegee grabbed a loose piece of wood and held it like a baseball bat, the baseball being It's head.
"Look, I have ten years of pent up anger in me, all wanting to come out right now! So we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the fun way! Which is it?"
"Alright, alright, I'll tell you! His name is Lord Eric the Vampire!" Squeegee lowered the plywood and placed it back in the boat, where its absence had caused a lot of water to leak in.
"There. Now was that so hard?"
"Yes." One of them should have been paying attention to where the boat was going, because it would have been so much nicer to arrive safely than crashing into the shore. Meanwhile in a not so far away place, in a dimly lit police interrogation style room, who people sit tied to chairs.
"Nny, if I had known that this date included being taken hostage for something I never would have let Tenna talk me out of bringing my mace."
"Tenna? Is that the girl who tied me up in my own basement?"
"Yup. That's her."
"Spooky told me to do it!", Tenna whined as she squeaked her little toy. "He said it was the best way to get you two back together!"
"How is tying us up going to change our minds about anything?", Nny asked as he reached out with his foot for a knife that was on the floor. But Tenna took it before he could get there.
"It's what I'm going to do next that will do it! And it's not so much your minds that will change."
"What do you mean?", Devi asked suspiciously as an evil grin made its way across Tenna's face.
"You are about to find out!"
So what IS Tenna going to do? Hint: There is a reason that the roles of Ron and Hermione can't be filled yet! Have I confused you yet? Cool! But I'll try to get the next chapter out quicker next time, sorry for the delay. This is the last not-so-hidden cameo chapter, so look at the second chapter for the things you need to submit to be included and the deadline is February 28, 2003. Until then, VALENTINES DAY ROTS!!!! I just had to say that! :)