Sorry about the delay for updating! If only teachers could grasp the
concept that students have lives too. As much as I hate saying it, I only
own the stuff that Jhonen Vasquez, J.K. Rowling and fanfiction authors who
requested to be in this story don't. Wow! I don't own a lot! There is a
list of everyone who made it in the story. But it's not until the end of
the chapter! HAHA!! I laugh at your misery and stuff!
Chapter 5: Flibbergibet Alley
Squeegee and It had gotten out of their shipwrecked boat safely and were now walking through London. Well, sort of.
"It? Why do we have to wear coconuts on our shoes?", Squeegee asked, getting annoyed at the horse hoof like clanking coming from their feet.
"Because I had the sudden urge to do a parody of a parody, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".
"Could you at least come up with your own jokes?"
"No. And why do Snuggles have to look like little pink clones of one another?" "Why do lizards have to look like big black clones of one another?"
"I asked you first!"
"Never mind. Where are we going?"
"In there.", It said as they stopped in front of an old building that looked like a giant cauldron, which was also emitting high-pitched squeaking noises. "The Squeaky Cauldron, also the entrance to Flibbergibet Alley." All of the Snuggles walking down the street didn't even seem to notice its existence. "Uh oh, looks like your fan club knows you're here." As It and Squeegee stepped into the dark, cold, damp and dungeon like bar, an odd assortment of people jumped out from their hiding places underneath chairs and tables. Confetti rained down from the ceiling as they yelled "Happy birthday Squeegee!!!"
"Thank you!", he squealed. "But it's not my birthday!" It nudged him, trying to contain a fit of giggles. "Oh wait.. It is!" His fans chuckled nervously with shifting glances before introducing themselves to their insane idol.
"Hi Squeegee! I'm Mentandai Kudo KID and AAAGGH!!" They were yanked out of line by another impatient fan before they could finish their sentence. (Not so hidden cameo! But of another kind. Sort of happy now?) Next in line were the two OTHER not-so-hidden cameos, Jhonen and Roman! I know I said they wouldn't be in the story anymore. I LIIIEED!!! Just not in every chapter.
"WHAT?! YOU SAID WE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE IN THIS PIECE OF CRAP YOU CALL A STORY ANYMORE!!!", they shouted in unison. "JINX!" And now through the magic that is authory powers, I will make it so that no one frees them from it for a looooooooooonnngggg time! XD
Next was a girl with blue eyes, glasses, long brown hair and a second head covered in a big hat attached to her shoulder.
"Oh Squeegee! This is professor Kurumi, your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!" Squeegee's target shaped scar glowed and he said "Oww! My spidey sense is tingling! And it says you're eeevil!"
"N-no! I'm not e-evil! I'm just possessed by You-Know-What! WHEEEE!!!" She then got up on the table, jumped up and down in buckets of mud disguised as cafeteria food and yelled "CHEESE IS TASTY!!!" before setting her muddy shoes on fire and running into the wall.
"Professor Kurumi is a little..wacky in the head. Or heads. She's been like that ever since she went to hunt vampires in the Pink Forest. She ran into some undead preps that just got out of a Shitney Spears concert and has never been the same since.", It said as he tapped on five bricks arranged in a smiley face pattern on the wall.
"Hey gnome! What's the password?!", the wall shouted.
"Flibbergibet." At It's command, the wall opened to reveal a narrow, seemingly endless street lined with shops with every imaginable item for sale and every imaginable thing walking in between them.
"It? Isn't it kind of stupid to have the password to Flibbergibet Alley be flibbergibet?", Squeegee asked while hiding behind It from all of the scary looking lizards.
"That's the whole point! It's so stupid that no one would guess it!"
"You just called yourself stupid! And why are you talking about yourself in the third person?"
"Nooo. I meant the concept was stupid. And he's not talking about himself in the third person." Right behind them tow sinister figures walked through another opening in the wall. Wait, how did Tim and Pepito get in here?
"Wow! That was easy!", Tim said surprised.
"Who makes the password to Flibbergibet Alley flibbergibet?!", Pepito said while setting the back of some anonymous lizard's robes on fire.
"God these lizards are stupid! Now let's set some anonymous lizard's robes on fire!" "Already did that." The anonymous lizard had finally felt the flaming trail creeping up their back and was now running around and screaming "Elmac's on fire! Elmac's on fire!" (I don't even own that! Killfrog.com does. Tim and the parodied part of the plot are my only friends. *sniff*)
At the far end of Flibbergibet Alley It and Squeegee stood in front of a tall, dark and evil looking building with an oozing green pus sign on the front that read "Gringlorps Bank". It looked just like one of those haunted houses that are made completely out of cardboard and may collapse on you at any moment. Hospital stays just seem to put a damper on trick or treating. And it was July.
"Well here we are. Gringlorps Lizard Bank."
"Well duh. I can read the pus sign."
"This from the kid who forgot his own birthday? And about the sign, if the pus falls on you, you turn into a preppy cheerleader!"
"Squeeeeeeee!!!!"
"You are by far the most gullible kid I've ever met."
Inside the band they saw that there were little Barney fans running around.
"Don't mind the toddlers. They run this place and are very effective for scaring off thieves! They also scare off everyone else, but that's another story." They walked up to a five year old in a dinosaur suit.
"Hiya mister! What do you want?"
"Squeegee Casil needs to get his stuff from vault 333 and I need to get the You-Know-What from vault 666."
"You-Know-What is in vault 666?! MOMMY!!!!"
"NO! I meant the..thing."
"But The Thing and You-Know-What are played by the same character."
"GAAAAHHH!!! THE SORCERER'S KIDNEY STONE!!! I WANT THE SORCERER'S KIDNEY STONE!!!!" By the time It finished yelling, all the toddlers in the bank were staring at him, eyes wide in fright. Gnome like things look scary when they get mad.
"Well why didn't you just say so?", the five year old said as he took a key and a letter from It and got a cart to begin the long descent into the underground safes.
"These carts go at very high speeds, so if you're prone to motion sickness please don't get sick on me." The cart sped down the tunnel with another one right behind them. That one had a washed up actor who chose the wrong time to do his "king of the world" scene. On the plus side, that's one less for Shitney fans to obsess over even though he's so much older than them that it isn't even funny.
"Here we are, vault 333. And sir? Could you please stop puking on me?", he said to It who had just gotten sick all over his dinosaur suit. Squeegee had an out of character moment and blurted out several explicitives when he saw all the gold, silver and bronze in his safe. He took out enough to buy his school supplies, then got back in the cart to go get the You-Know-What. No, not THAT You-Know-What, he comes in later. The equivalent of three barf bags later, they arrived at vault 666.
"What's the You-Know-What in the vault?", Squeegee asked It.
"I just screamed it a few minutes ago. You should get checked for early onset of Alzheimer's when we get to Pigspots or something! That HAS to be some kind of a record! I'll probably die and stuff if I tell you again. Plus I'll puke if I talk any more. Wow, look at the vault! They forgot to put a keyhole in!"
"Now you can see why I'm all special and stuff.", the little kid ranted. "This vault only opens when Gringlorps toddlers or possibly fanficiton authors possessed by dark vampire lords touch it. Anyone else gets sucked in and rots there for years and years and years until they have buggies in their eye sockets, eating what's left of their brains!"
"PLEASE SHUT UP!!!! It's bad enough that I have motion sickness! Do you really have to make it worse?!"
"Yes."
"How did I know you would say that?" The toddler put his gloved green hand on the door as it opened to reveal nothing but a little softly glowing bag. It went into the vault to retrieve it and saw what looked like a two headed shadow in the corner. But then again, he was sick and probably seeing things. Or this was some form of really lame foreshadowing. It got the bag and got back in the cart so they could make their way back out of the tunnel and back to Flibbergibet Alley to buy the rest of Squeegee's school supplies. As for the two headed shadow, the first part of the security on the cell had worked perfectly a few hours before. The bad news was, it was equally as easy to get out of the vault. The toddler had left the door open.
First they stopped in Madam Misfit's House of Conformity for Squeegee's uniform. Madam Misfit looked oddly like an anonymous lizard from the Squeaky Cauldron. "So you're from Pigspots?", she asked Squeegee.
"No, you think?", said a girl in the corner who looked about Squeegee's age. She had short green hair, thick black glasses and baggy clothes. "Allow me to introduce myself! I am Moonie and I'm filthy stinking rich! Also I hate Snuggles and anyone in any way associated with them! So what's your name?"
"I'm Squeegee. You don't smell bad. And if you don't like Snuggles, then you must not have very many friends."
"Yes I do! They all just want to ride my broomsticks, but the also do my eeevil bidding! (Preventive statement for those of you who took that in a suggestive way: YOU'RE SIIIIIIICK!!!! AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!!! Thank you. :) ) So do you know what house you'll be in?"
"Uh, no."
"I guess it's just one of those mysterious mysteries. No one really knows until they get to Pigspots. But I want to be in Slytherin with all of the future You-Know-Whats!"
A big headed boy burst through the door and yelled "What about Mysterious Mysteries?!"
"Snuggle! How did you get in here?!"
"You Snuggles are really stupid to make the password to Flibbergibet Alley 'flibbergibet'!"
"*gasp* The fucking password!" Moonie grabbed a broomstick thrown by Tim, who had somehow found his way to the store, taped Dib to it, then made him fly out the window and over the rooftops, back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys! "Now fly like Wilma! Be free little poptart!!!"
When It returned, he brought with him a birthday present for Squeegee. It was a flying teddy bear!
"So your name is Shmee? But why do you want me to set It on fire? It is being nice." "Damnit! That's the last time I buy from the 'No refunds or exchanges' section! But at least he can carry your mail. Or he would if you had any friends to send it to." And now for the wand. I guess that store is also run by the anonymous lizard.
"HI! I run this place and I sell wands! Like you didn't know that already. I remember every wand I've ever made! Well, except that one over there. And this one here. Wow! I don't even know if that one's mine! Anyway, try this wand." In a completely anticlimactic act, the author of this poor excuse for a story decided to make this the 'One Wand'.
Meanwhile in MiddleEarth.
"Where is the One Wand?! And can it be used for the destruction of all MiddleEarth?! Tell meeeeee!!" Zim? What are you doing in this story? And why are you dressed up like that Sauramon lizard? Hehe.that sounds like a Pokemon! Wrong story! "Oh. I'll just get back to dooming the ringbearer then."
"Ah HA! Just what I expected! Your wand is made with a feather from the same bird that has another feather in You-Know-What's wand! How predictably ironic!"
"Normally I would act all bug eyed and stuff, but I'm starting to get used to this idocy." "Yaaayyy!!!"
With everything on his list, Squeegee had one piece of paper yet to look at. It was a train ticket for September 1st, platform 77 1/7. See you in the fall, Squeegee!
A/N: And here it is! The long awaited list of who made it into the story!
Noodletwin, IDesireIceSucky, Aldrea, Saje of the Extreme, Devilish Kurumi, RekiChan, Squeebix, Evil-Junini, verycheesey, Rachel Wiesserman, Kimi the Kenlei, Silverflashpup, Mentaintei Kudo KID, Anne Gwish, Queen Kaylene and LittleMaggie! The exact characters will show up as the story progresses.
Chapter 5: Flibbergibet Alley
Squeegee and It had gotten out of their shipwrecked boat safely and were now walking through London. Well, sort of.
"It? Why do we have to wear coconuts on our shoes?", Squeegee asked, getting annoyed at the horse hoof like clanking coming from their feet.
"Because I had the sudden urge to do a parody of a parody, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".
"Could you at least come up with your own jokes?"
"No. And why do Snuggles have to look like little pink clones of one another?" "Why do lizards have to look like big black clones of one another?"
"I asked you first!"
"Never mind. Where are we going?"
"In there.", It said as they stopped in front of an old building that looked like a giant cauldron, which was also emitting high-pitched squeaking noises. "The Squeaky Cauldron, also the entrance to Flibbergibet Alley." All of the Snuggles walking down the street didn't even seem to notice its existence. "Uh oh, looks like your fan club knows you're here." As It and Squeegee stepped into the dark, cold, damp and dungeon like bar, an odd assortment of people jumped out from their hiding places underneath chairs and tables. Confetti rained down from the ceiling as they yelled "Happy birthday Squeegee!!!"
"Thank you!", he squealed. "But it's not my birthday!" It nudged him, trying to contain a fit of giggles. "Oh wait.. It is!" His fans chuckled nervously with shifting glances before introducing themselves to their insane idol.
"Hi Squeegee! I'm Mentandai Kudo KID and AAAGGH!!" They were yanked out of line by another impatient fan before they could finish their sentence. (Not so hidden cameo! But of another kind. Sort of happy now?) Next in line were the two OTHER not-so-hidden cameos, Jhonen and Roman! I know I said they wouldn't be in the story anymore. I LIIIEED!!! Just not in every chapter.
"WHAT?! YOU SAID WE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE IN THIS PIECE OF CRAP YOU CALL A STORY ANYMORE!!!", they shouted in unison. "JINX!" And now through the magic that is authory powers, I will make it so that no one frees them from it for a looooooooooonnngggg time! XD
Next was a girl with blue eyes, glasses, long brown hair and a second head covered in a big hat attached to her shoulder.
"Oh Squeegee! This is professor Kurumi, your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher!" Squeegee's target shaped scar glowed and he said "Oww! My spidey sense is tingling! And it says you're eeevil!"
"N-no! I'm not e-evil! I'm just possessed by You-Know-What! WHEEEE!!!" She then got up on the table, jumped up and down in buckets of mud disguised as cafeteria food and yelled "CHEESE IS TASTY!!!" before setting her muddy shoes on fire and running into the wall.
"Professor Kurumi is a little..wacky in the head. Or heads. She's been like that ever since she went to hunt vampires in the Pink Forest. She ran into some undead preps that just got out of a Shitney Spears concert and has never been the same since.", It said as he tapped on five bricks arranged in a smiley face pattern on the wall.
"Hey gnome! What's the password?!", the wall shouted.
"Flibbergibet." At It's command, the wall opened to reveal a narrow, seemingly endless street lined with shops with every imaginable item for sale and every imaginable thing walking in between them.
"It? Isn't it kind of stupid to have the password to Flibbergibet Alley be flibbergibet?", Squeegee asked while hiding behind It from all of the scary looking lizards.
"That's the whole point! It's so stupid that no one would guess it!"
"You just called yourself stupid! And why are you talking about yourself in the third person?"
"Nooo. I meant the concept was stupid. And he's not talking about himself in the third person." Right behind them tow sinister figures walked through another opening in the wall. Wait, how did Tim and Pepito get in here?
"Wow! That was easy!", Tim said surprised.
"Who makes the password to Flibbergibet Alley flibbergibet?!", Pepito said while setting the back of some anonymous lizard's robes on fire.
"God these lizards are stupid! Now let's set some anonymous lizard's robes on fire!" "Already did that." The anonymous lizard had finally felt the flaming trail creeping up their back and was now running around and screaming "Elmac's on fire! Elmac's on fire!" (I don't even own that! Killfrog.com does. Tim and the parodied part of the plot are my only friends. *sniff*)
At the far end of Flibbergibet Alley It and Squeegee stood in front of a tall, dark and evil looking building with an oozing green pus sign on the front that read "Gringlorps Bank". It looked just like one of those haunted houses that are made completely out of cardboard and may collapse on you at any moment. Hospital stays just seem to put a damper on trick or treating. And it was July.
"Well here we are. Gringlorps Lizard Bank."
"Well duh. I can read the pus sign."
"This from the kid who forgot his own birthday? And about the sign, if the pus falls on you, you turn into a preppy cheerleader!"
"Squeeeeeeee!!!!"
"You are by far the most gullible kid I've ever met."
Inside the band they saw that there were little Barney fans running around.
"Don't mind the toddlers. They run this place and are very effective for scaring off thieves! They also scare off everyone else, but that's another story." They walked up to a five year old in a dinosaur suit.
"Hiya mister! What do you want?"
"Squeegee Casil needs to get his stuff from vault 333 and I need to get the You-Know-What from vault 666."
"You-Know-What is in vault 666?! MOMMY!!!!"
"NO! I meant the..thing."
"But The Thing and You-Know-What are played by the same character."
"GAAAAHHH!!! THE SORCERER'S KIDNEY STONE!!! I WANT THE SORCERER'S KIDNEY STONE!!!!" By the time It finished yelling, all the toddlers in the bank were staring at him, eyes wide in fright. Gnome like things look scary when they get mad.
"Well why didn't you just say so?", the five year old said as he took a key and a letter from It and got a cart to begin the long descent into the underground safes.
"These carts go at very high speeds, so if you're prone to motion sickness please don't get sick on me." The cart sped down the tunnel with another one right behind them. That one had a washed up actor who chose the wrong time to do his "king of the world" scene. On the plus side, that's one less for Shitney fans to obsess over even though he's so much older than them that it isn't even funny.
"Here we are, vault 333. And sir? Could you please stop puking on me?", he said to It who had just gotten sick all over his dinosaur suit. Squeegee had an out of character moment and blurted out several explicitives when he saw all the gold, silver and bronze in his safe. He took out enough to buy his school supplies, then got back in the cart to go get the You-Know-What. No, not THAT You-Know-What, he comes in later. The equivalent of three barf bags later, they arrived at vault 666.
"What's the You-Know-What in the vault?", Squeegee asked It.
"I just screamed it a few minutes ago. You should get checked for early onset of Alzheimer's when we get to Pigspots or something! That HAS to be some kind of a record! I'll probably die and stuff if I tell you again. Plus I'll puke if I talk any more. Wow, look at the vault! They forgot to put a keyhole in!"
"Now you can see why I'm all special and stuff.", the little kid ranted. "This vault only opens when Gringlorps toddlers or possibly fanficiton authors possessed by dark vampire lords touch it. Anyone else gets sucked in and rots there for years and years and years until they have buggies in their eye sockets, eating what's left of their brains!"
"PLEASE SHUT UP!!!! It's bad enough that I have motion sickness! Do you really have to make it worse?!"
"Yes."
"How did I know you would say that?" The toddler put his gloved green hand on the door as it opened to reveal nothing but a little softly glowing bag. It went into the vault to retrieve it and saw what looked like a two headed shadow in the corner. But then again, he was sick and probably seeing things. Or this was some form of really lame foreshadowing. It got the bag and got back in the cart so they could make their way back out of the tunnel and back to Flibbergibet Alley to buy the rest of Squeegee's school supplies. As for the two headed shadow, the first part of the security on the cell had worked perfectly a few hours before. The bad news was, it was equally as easy to get out of the vault. The toddler had left the door open.
First they stopped in Madam Misfit's House of Conformity for Squeegee's uniform. Madam Misfit looked oddly like an anonymous lizard from the Squeaky Cauldron. "So you're from Pigspots?", she asked Squeegee.
"No, you think?", said a girl in the corner who looked about Squeegee's age. She had short green hair, thick black glasses and baggy clothes. "Allow me to introduce myself! I am Moonie and I'm filthy stinking rich! Also I hate Snuggles and anyone in any way associated with them! So what's your name?"
"I'm Squeegee. You don't smell bad. And if you don't like Snuggles, then you must not have very many friends."
"Yes I do! They all just want to ride my broomsticks, but the also do my eeevil bidding! (Preventive statement for those of you who took that in a suggestive way: YOU'RE SIIIIIIICK!!!! AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!!! Thank you. :) ) So do you know what house you'll be in?"
"Uh, no."
"I guess it's just one of those mysterious mysteries. No one really knows until they get to Pigspots. But I want to be in Slytherin with all of the future You-Know-Whats!"
A big headed boy burst through the door and yelled "What about Mysterious Mysteries?!"
"Snuggle! How did you get in here?!"
"You Snuggles are really stupid to make the password to Flibbergibet Alley 'flibbergibet'!"
"*gasp* The fucking password!" Moonie grabbed a broomstick thrown by Tim, who had somehow found his way to the store, taped Dib to it, then made him fly out the window and over the rooftops, back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys! "Now fly like Wilma! Be free little poptart!!!"
When It returned, he brought with him a birthday present for Squeegee. It was a flying teddy bear!
"So your name is Shmee? But why do you want me to set It on fire? It is being nice." "Damnit! That's the last time I buy from the 'No refunds or exchanges' section! But at least he can carry your mail. Or he would if you had any friends to send it to." And now for the wand. I guess that store is also run by the anonymous lizard.
"HI! I run this place and I sell wands! Like you didn't know that already. I remember every wand I've ever made! Well, except that one over there. And this one here. Wow! I don't even know if that one's mine! Anyway, try this wand." In a completely anticlimactic act, the author of this poor excuse for a story decided to make this the 'One Wand'.
Meanwhile in MiddleEarth.
"Where is the One Wand?! And can it be used for the destruction of all MiddleEarth?! Tell meeeeee!!" Zim? What are you doing in this story? And why are you dressed up like that Sauramon lizard? Hehe.that sounds like a Pokemon! Wrong story! "Oh. I'll just get back to dooming the ringbearer then."
"Ah HA! Just what I expected! Your wand is made with a feather from the same bird that has another feather in You-Know-What's wand! How predictably ironic!"
"Normally I would act all bug eyed and stuff, but I'm starting to get used to this idocy." "Yaaayyy!!!"
With everything on his list, Squeegee had one piece of paper yet to look at. It was a train ticket for September 1st, platform 77 1/7. See you in the fall, Squeegee!
A/N: And here it is! The long awaited list of who made it into the story!
Noodletwin, IDesireIceSucky, Aldrea, Saje of the Extreme, Devilish Kurumi, RekiChan, Squeebix, Evil-Junini, verycheesey, Rachel Wiesserman, Kimi the Kenlei, Silverflashpup, Mentaintei Kudo KID, Anne Gwish, Queen Kaylene and LittleMaggie! The exact characters will show up as the story progresses.