Patience Rewarded
Harry looked around warily. "Isn't it weird that there's no one here on Halloween?"
He had, against all odds, convinced Ron and Hermione to go enjoy the Halloween Party without him. They had put up a fuss about leaving him behind. When he insisted that they should enjoy their first real date together, they had both gone a frightening shade of scarlet, but eventually gave in to his wishes.
And now, Harry stood outside a circle of large, ancient stones. Remus was nearby, his hands reverently placed against one of the stones. Occasionally he glanced upwards at the evening sky, picking out the few bright stars that could already be seen as the light faded.
"Oh, yes, usually there are a number of people congregating at these old stone circles, but that's the beauty of hiding a protective ward inside a Misdirection Charm," Dumbledore smiled. "The ward keeps people out. And the charm makes them go off in another direction while they forget why they wanted to come here in the first place."
Harry shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever know a thousandth of what you have in your brain."
The old wizard chuckled. "I never stop learning, Harry. Actually, your mother was the one who came up with this particular combination. It's quite effective."
Harry shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and thought about how much he still didn't know about his parents.
His reflections diminished and stilled under the pervasive influence of the stones of Castlerigg. Something radiated from the circle, an unseen but palpable aura of deep mystery and inscrutable power. The craggy stones pulled Harry closer, calling to him, willing him to hear their ancient message.
He felt puny and weak. His mind and heart were not strong enough or wise enough to comprehend the silent song of the stones. They shimmered in the failing light, glowing with a faint remnant of the sun. Power lived here, power older and deeper than any he'd ever sensed before. And, in its presence, the return of a man from the dead suddenly didn't seem at all unusual.
Harry drew in several deep, calming breaths. In minutes, mere minutes, Sirius would be back. A fountain of longing and love sprang up in Harry's heart, where pain and loss had lived for so long. He had kept a tight rein on his feelings, fearful of misunderstanding, misinterpreting what Dumbledore and Remus had told him. But, now, in this hallowed space, Harry believed. Sirius would return.
He walked closer to the stones, inexplicably drawn towards the center. But Dumbledore's gentle voice intruded. "No, Harry. Do not enter the circle." Harry forced his unwilling feet to step back. And he waited, all his senses keyed up to note the slightest change in their surroundings.
Remus felt his heart would burst from his body as the minutes dragged on. The sky darkened and the light faded; the stars multiplied in the heavens, and Remus felt each second lasted an hour. Time had crept by all through his long, lonely summer. And now these last torturous moments seemed like a lifetime.
The night stilled, as if the entire universe held its breath. Then a strong breeze sprang up, sighing around the stones. Dumbledore gently gripped the shoulders of his companions, silently bidding them to stand still. He felt their taut muscles as they strained like dogs pulling against a leash, quivering for release.
Peering through the dusk, Remus thought he detected a shape standing at the very center of the circle, something that had not been there before. Columns. Two columns held up a lintel. A veil hung in the space between. He heard cloth fluttering in the breeze.
And then the wind stopped. The doorway vanished. In its place, a slender stone lay flat on the ground. There was no sound. No movement.
Unexpectedly, the horizontal stone sat upright. It slowly rose and proved not to be a stone at all, but a man. A tall man, long-limbed and rangy, whose head tilted in that oh, so familiar way when he considered something unexpected. Remus knew that form intimately.
Then Dumbledore's hand was gone from his shoulder and he took off, running as he hadn't run in years and still it wasn't fast enough to keep up with Harry. The boy's feet hardly touched the ground as he flew towards the solitary figure, jubilantly shouting "Sirius!'
Sirius spun around, and his knees nearly buckled when he saw them. Harry cannoned into him and he staggered backwards, his arms filled with a gibbering, half-laughing, half-crying teenager. His own voice, husky from disuse, could do no more than croak, "Harry! Harry!' His arms wrapped around his godson with a grip that threatened to turn Harry's ribs into kindling.
Remus leaped at them scant seconds later, tilting their balance dangerously off vertical. They teetered in a tight huddle, like a band of drunken revelers supporting each other. Voices mixed in a chorus of elation and apology and "I missed yous." Finally, they were reduced to babbling each other's names over and over, their feet dancing a tottering two-step with the forces of gravity and momentum in a clumsy effort to stay upright.
Dumbledore floated several small globes of flame to illuminate the scene. Harry and Remus had identical expressions of love and relief on their faces. As did Sirius, but he also looked shocked to find himself in their arms; as if the solid flesh and bone of the two people he loved most was not quite enough to convince him he had returned.
Harry was the first to regain his equilibrium. With a knowing grin at Remus, he wriggled out of their little scrum, relinquishing his hold on Sirius. Remus smiled back and pulled Sirius into a tight embrace. Their bodies melded together in a fit so natural, so accustomed and so longed for, that neither thought twice about taking the next step. Eyes fluttering closed, their lips met in a deep, searching kiss. It was worth it, Sirius thought. It was worth suffering the abhorrence of his family. It was worth enduring an eternity of frozen, silent isolation, if this man was his reward. The support of these strong arms, the tenderness of the fingers running through his hair and the kiss, the ambrosial kiss of Remus' wine-sweet mouth, was worth any price.
Staring avidly at the two men, Harry realized his kiss with Cho was strictly amateur level. He wondered what it felt like to drown in another person. It certainly looked enjoyable. With a moist smack, the two men finally broke the kiss, but their eyes and their bodies remained glued together until it suddenly registered in Sirius' brain that they had shared that kiss in front of Harry. His eyes grew impossibly wide, like silvery Snitches, as he stared at Harry with a guilty mixture of shock and embarrassment.
Harry burst out laughing. "It's okay, Sirius. I know."
"Know what?"
"You know." Harry waved at them. "About you."
"Me?"
"Both of you."
"Us?"
"Yeah. And I think it's great."
"Oh." Sirius still looked vaguely worried.
"You've lost none of your eloquence," Remus teased.
"You told him?" Sirius asked of his lover.
"Yes." He leaned close and kissed Sirius again. "Listen to him, Sirius. He's happy for us."
Sirius stared at Harry for several more seconds, and then a slow smile lit up his face, sloughing away years of care. In the flickering light of the fireballs, his wasted features regained some of their former beauty.
Impulsively, Harry grabbed his godfather in another hug. "It really is okay, you know," he said.
"Harry, this means so much to me," Sirius murmured. "We wanted to tell you before, but there was too much-"
"I know. It's okay."
When they finally broke apart again, Dumbledore walked up to them. "Welcome back, my friend."
"Hello, Albus." Sirius smiled, accepting the older man's embrace.
"I can't recall an event that's filled my heart with such delight and teased my mind with such an intriguing mystery as your return from beyond. But, then again, Sirius, you've always had an uncanny bent for the unexpected." Dumbledore beamed. "You'll have to tell us as much as you can."
Sirius gave a one-shouldered shrug. "It's getting fuzzy, like a very convoluted dream, but I'll tell you everything I remember."
Dumbledore glanced at his watch. "Not just yet. It's almost time to return to Hogwarts."
They walked out of the circle and Sirius eyed the old stones and peered through the darkness at the hills surrounding them. "Where are we?"
He wrapped his arms across Remus' and Harry's shoulders, tugging them close to his sides. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to shelter them or if he needed their protection.
Dumbledore answered his question. "This is the stone circle at Castlerigg. We're near Keswick, in Cumbria."
"Why did I come back through the veil here?"
"I don't know. These sacred places hold many secrets. But it's just as well you didn't come back into the Department of Mysteries. We'd have had some trouble explaining why a fugitive mass murderer had popped up inside the Death Room."
His place in the world hadn't changed in his absence, Sirius thought, with some bitterness. He wondered how he'd be able to put to use whatever gifts he had if his life had to be spent on the run. But there was no more time for speculation as Dumbledore pulled the portkey from his pocket.
At Hogwarts
Sirius stood in the center of the Headmaster's office. It looked just as he remembered it. He glanced over at the portrait of his great-great- grandfather. Phineas was motionless, but his glittering dark eyes shifted to look at Sirius. Bowing his head in acknowledgement Sirius said, "Thank you." The portrait smiled slightly, one finely drawn brow twitched, and then Phineas' features stilled into portrait immobility.
"Gentlemen, there are some rooms down the hall where Remus stays on his frequent visits to Hogwarts. Let's go there," Dumbledore suggested, "and I'll request the house elves to scrounge up a meal for us."
They walked out of the office. Dumbledore pressed on a small chunk of stone on the wall and a section of the wall moved back, revealing a corridor. He led them to a polished oak door and requested that Harry and Sirius rest their hands on the doorknob in turn, warding the lock to recognize both of them as it already recognized Remus.
Upon opening the door, they found themselves in a small flat done up in dark woods and rich, jewel-toned fabrics. Several ancient tapestries hung on the walls, with birds and animals flitting magically through a forest fantasia. The first room was a comfortable space that could do double duty as a study and dining area. Beyond that was a large, but still cozy, sitting room. A door at the end of that room led to a bedroom suite. Crackling fires in all three rooms and the glow of many candles welcomed them.
"Would you mind if I took a shower and shaved while we're waiting for the food?" Sirius seemed almost embarrassed to ask. The others murmured their assent and Remus whisked him off towards the bathroom, talking about soap and fresh towels and clean clothes.
In a few minutes, Remus returned, a frown line between his brows.
"Is he okay?" Harry asked.
"I think he needs a few minutes to himself. He's somewhat in awe of what's happened to him."
"Perfectly understandable, I imagine." Dumbledore was the essence of quite calm. "He has no signposts, no map to show him the vastness of this experience. He has nothing with which to compare it and no one he can go to who has made this same journey. He is alone."
"Again," Remus muttered.
Sirius rejoined them shortly, wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a dark blue sweater. His raised brow brought a shrug from Remus. "I brought your clothes here from Grimmauld Place. Molly thought I packed them up to give to charity. She wanted to clean out your room, but seemed to think it more therapeutic if I did it."
"She can strip that room down to the bare floorboards, if she wants. Actually, I wouldn't object if she wanted to burn down the entire house, although," Sirius frowned at Dumbledore, "I suppose the Order still needs it."
"Yes, we do, but you need not set foot in it. You may stay hidden here." The compassion on the Headmaster's face was unmistakable. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I didn't realize how heavy a burden I placed on you. It was a terrible mistake to assume that prison cells are always small rooms with Dementors standing guard. I failed to recognize that by ordering you to remain hidden in that house I had sentenced you to a different kind of jail, but one no more forgiving than Azkaban."
"It's not your fault. What happened is no one's fault but mine. I should have been able to handle it better than I did. It was my decision to go to the Ministry after Harry and his friends that night, in spite of the arguments of cooler and more rational heads." Sirius smiled ruefully at Remus.
Harry felt a sharp twinge of guilt. His actions had led Sirius to the Department of Mysteries. But, before he had a chance to open his mouth two elves appeared carrying large trays laden with food. The delicious sights and aromas of roast beef, gravy, buttery carrots, mashed potatoes, freshly baked rolls and other tasty morsels broke the somber mood that had settled on them. By some sort of unspoken agreement, all four of them turned away from their assessments of blame, and concentrated on their meals.
Suddenly realizing that he was ravenous, Harry piled his plate with hefty helpings, which he managed to attack quite handily when he wasn't answering Sirius' questions about school and Occlumency. The latter subject led Remus and Albus into a detailed discussion of mind entrapment and penetration that was much too esoteric for Harry. Sirius, too, dropped out of the conversation, as if it required too much effort.
Harry found he couldn't stop staring at Sirius, to the point where his fork occasionally missed his mouth. Part of his mind still reeled at accepting that his godfather had returned and he feared seeing Sirius disappear in a puff of smoke. The other part of his mind cataloged impressions. Sirius looked exactly the same, right down to the length his hair. He hadn't gained or lost any weight. The same intensity burned in his eyes, which returned to Harry's face again and again, as if to memorize even the smallest detail of his features. Remus, too, Harry noted, was the recipient of that penetrating glance. The diamond bright eyes held some unspoken emotion whenever they rested on Remus' face, drawing an answering spark from the jeweled tones of Remus' hazel orbs. Harry couldn't understand how he'd been so blind as to never notice the looks that passed between the two men.
After his initial hunger was satisfied, a thought struck Harry. "Sirius, what kind of food did you eat while you were.umm.away?"
Sirius had helped himself to only modest portions of Hogwarts' bounty. He got a far- away look as he pondered the question, pushing an errant carrot around on his plate. "I didn't."
"You haven't eaten in over four months?"
The distant expression lingered on the lean face. "No. I didn't eat or drink. I didn't shave. I didn't bathe or change clothes. I didn't sleep. I just.existed."
He suddenly shook himself, snapping out of the memory.
Dumbledore's grave tones broke in. "Would you rather not tell us about it, Sirius?"
"No, I don't mind telling you, but it's hazy," Sirius replied with some confusion, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not sure anymore what really happened and what took place only in my mind. It's all so unbelievable."
Sirius found he remembered some things quite clearly while others had faded, consisting now of only vague impressions. He remembered sitting in a room with a lot of other souls, but he couldn't recall why. He remembered being in the midst of his ancestors.
Sirius carefully placed his fork down, ignoring his half-eaten food. "My family was there. Generations of them. A whole crowd of people, most of whom were just like my parents. It was horrible."
Many of the savage insults and degrading sneers of his family still lingered, but he glossed over that, not wanting to dwell on the feelings they had re-awoken in him. Remus sensed the unspoken pain beneath his lover's carefully chosen words, the still open wound of a teenaged boy's emotional abandonment by his family.
Sirius stared into middle distance somewhere between Albus and Harry, obviously seeing in his mind's eye whatever he had experienced on the other side of the veil. Then slowly, all expression left his face and his eyes shuttered, turning dull as slate. His voice fell into a lifeless monotone that faded away like smoke. "Afterwards I waited in a room. I couldn't be sent back until Halloween. So, I waited. Alone. Alone in a room, a tiny room no bigger than a cell, like Azkaban."
His eyes closed and the only sound was the crackling of the fire. Harry thought that if Sirius' hands clenched any tighter, his fingers would impale themselves in his palms.
And, though he remained impassive, what he felt was mirrored in the torment on Remus' face. Anxiously, Remus reached forward to grasp his lover's wrist. "Sirius, it's alright. You can-"
But, Sirius shook his head forcefully, yanking his arm away, his hand raised in a gesture to ward them off. After several long moments, he drew in a deep breath and sighed. The tension left his body and he seemed to come back to them, to the warmth and comfort of the room and their presence.
"Sorry. It's still a little too much to deal with."
"You don't have to say anymore if-"
"No, no. I'm okay. Really."
Remus looked doubtful. But Sirius settled on less disturbing topics and his voice once more became firm and clear. He tried to explain the unsettling sense of being unable to measure the passage of time. He talked about the Judge and the requirements of Cognatus Putus, filling in the gaps of their knowledge.
Finally, Sirius told them of the requirements of the pact. "I had to take a vow. My dear mother demanded that I marry a pureblood woman and have children." With wry amusement he saw the surprise on their faces and he hastened to reassure them.
"I was allowed to propose my own vow. I promised to bind myself to a person of pure blood, for this life and life after death."
Remus smiled. "You realize I expect that person to be me."
"I do."
"Good. Remember that phase."
Sirius reached out to grasp Remus' hand in his own. "And the final condition is that my natural life span is cut in half."
"What!?" Harry squawked. "You've been given your life back just so half of it can be taken away again?"
Sirius hadn't taken his eyes off of Remus' face. "I've been granted an immeasurable gift, Harry."
Harry didn't understand why Remus and Sirius were smiling in such a tender way at each other. His eyes still locked with Sirius', Remus nodded slowly, as if in answer to an unspoken question. "You see this as a reward and not a punishment."
Sirius smile broadened in answer.
"Allow me, Harry," Albus interjected. "Sirius will now live until his seventies. The scientific literature tells us that werewolves generally do not live much beyond seventy due to the stresses their bodies suffer because of the transformations. Wolfsbane Potion helps the werewolf mind remain more human, but it does not alleviate the physical hardships of the monthly bodily change, so in all probability, it will not lengthen Remus' life."
Understanding dawned on Harry's face. "So, whichever of you goes first, it won't be long until the other one follows."
Sirius finally turned towards him, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. "That's it, Harry. We've spent so much of our lives apart that the thought that death may separate us for only a few years is a comfort."
"But, with Voldemort and the Death Eaters coming back." Harry didn't finish the disquieting thought.
"That's the great unknown for all of us right now," Dumbledore said.
Sirius slumped back in his chair, weary to the marrow of his bones. And it was obvious to the others.
Dumbledore rose. "You look exhausted, Sirius. Harry and I will leave now and let you get a good, long sleep. Tomorrow we'll talk about a task you can do for the Order. It requires some very advanced magic, but I'm sure you have the ability to handle it."
In spite of his fatigue, curiosity flared in Sirius' face. Dumbledore stopped his questions before they started. "Tomorrow," he said in a voice that brooked no discussion.
Sirius walked them to the door. He grinned at Harry. "I know tomorrow is Wednesday and you have classes, but I still expect you to show up here at some point."
The thought that he could finally spend time with Sirius made Harry almost giddy. "I will. I have a free period right after lunch."
"Good. And, a word to the wise," Sirius warned with a wink. "You should never barge into the bedroom if the door is shut."
"Oh. Right. Sure. No. Of course not." Harry felt the flush crawl up his face, much to his annoyance and Sirius' amusement. But, then his godfather's smile faded. He gently gripped Harry's shoulders. "I love you, Harry."
"I know. I love you, too." Harry flung his arms around Sirius. They held onto each other for a long time.
"See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
TBC
Harry looked around warily. "Isn't it weird that there's no one here on Halloween?"
He had, against all odds, convinced Ron and Hermione to go enjoy the Halloween Party without him. They had put up a fuss about leaving him behind. When he insisted that they should enjoy their first real date together, they had both gone a frightening shade of scarlet, but eventually gave in to his wishes.
And now, Harry stood outside a circle of large, ancient stones. Remus was nearby, his hands reverently placed against one of the stones. Occasionally he glanced upwards at the evening sky, picking out the few bright stars that could already be seen as the light faded.
"Oh, yes, usually there are a number of people congregating at these old stone circles, but that's the beauty of hiding a protective ward inside a Misdirection Charm," Dumbledore smiled. "The ward keeps people out. And the charm makes them go off in another direction while they forget why they wanted to come here in the first place."
Harry shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever know a thousandth of what you have in your brain."
The old wizard chuckled. "I never stop learning, Harry. Actually, your mother was the one who came up with this particular combination. It's quite effective."
Harry shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and thought about how much he still didn't know about his parents.
His reflections diminished and stilled under the pervasive influence of the stones of Castlerigg. Something radiated from the circle, an unseen but palpable aura of deep mystery and inscrutable power. The craggy stones pulled Harry closer, calling to him, willing him to hear their ancient message.
He felt puny and weak. His mind and heart were not strong enough or wise enough to comprehend the silent song of the stones. They shimmered in the failing light, glowing with a faint remnant of the sun. Power lived here, power older and deeper than any he'd ever sensed before. And, in its presence, the return of a man from the dead suddenly didn't seem at all unusual.
Harry drew in several deep, calming breaths. In minutes, mere minutes, Sirius would be back. A fountain of longing and love sprang up in Harry's heart, where pain and loss had lived for so long. He had kept a tight rein on his feelings, fearful of misunderstanding, misinterpreting what Dumbledore and Remus had told him. But, now, in this hallowed space, Harry believed. Sirius would return.
He walked closer to the stones, inexplicably drawn towards the center. But Dumbledore's gentle voice intruded. "No, Harry. Do not enter the circle." Harry forced his unwilling feet to step back. And he waited, all his senses keyed up to note the slightest change in their surroundings.
Remus felt his heart would burst from his body as the minutes dragged on. The sky darkened and the light faded; the stars multiplied in the heavens, and Remus felt each second lasted an hour. Time had crept by all through his long, lonely summer. And now these last torturous moments seemed like a lifetime.
The night stilled, as if the entire universe held its breath. Then a strong breeze sprang up, sighing around the stones. Dumbledore gently gripped the shoulders of his companions, silently bidding them to stand still. He felt their taut muscles as they strained like dogs pulling against a leash, quivering for release.
Peering through the dusk, Remus thought he detected a shape standing at the very center of the circle, something that had not been there before. Columns. Two columns held up a lintel. A veil hung in the space between. He heard cloth fluttering in the breeze.
And then the wind stopped. The doorway vanished. In its place, a slender stone lay flat on the ground. There was no sound. No movement.
Unexpectedly, the horizontal stone sat upright. It slowly rose and proved not to be a stone at all, but a man. A tall man, long-limbed and rangy, whose head tilted in that oh, so familiar way when he considered something unexpected. Remus knew that form intimately.
Then Dumbledore's hand was gone from his shoulder and he took off, running as he hadn't run in years and still it wasn't fast enough to keep up with Harry. The boy's feet hardly touched the ground as he flew towards the solitary figure, jubilantly shouting "Sirius!'
Sirius spun around, and his knees nearly buckled when he saw them. Harry cannoned into him and he staggered backwards, his arms filled with a gibbering, half-laughing, half-crying teenager. His own voice, husky from disuse, could do no more than croak, "Harry! Harry!' His arms wrapped around his godson with a grip that threatened to turn Harry's ribs into kindling.
Remus leaped at them scant seconds later, tilting their balance dangerously off vertical. They teetered in a tight huddle, like a band of drunken revelers supporting each other. Voices mixed in a chorus of elation and apology and "I missed yous." Finally, they were reduced to babbling each other's names over and over, their feet dancing a tottering two-step with the forces of gravity and momentum in a clumsy effort to stay upright.
Dumbledore floated several small globes of flame to illuminate the scene. Harry and Remus had identical expressions of love and relief on their faces. As did Sirius, but he also looked shocked to find himself in their arms; as if the solid flesh and bone of the two people he loved most was not quite enough to convince him he had returned.
Harry was the first to regain his equilibrium. With a knowing grin at Remus, he wriggled out of their little scrum, relinquishing his hold on Sirius. Remus smiled back and pulled Sirius into a tight embrace. Their bodies melded together in a fit so natural, so accustomed and so longed for, that neither thought twice about taking the next step. Eyes fluttering closed, their lips met in a deep, searching kiss. It was worth it, Sirius thought. It was worth suffering the abhorrence of his family. It was worth enduring an eternity of frozen, silent isolation, if this man was his reward. The support of these strong arms, the tenderness of the fingers running through his hair and the kiss, the ambrosial kiss of Remus' wine-sweet mouth, was worth any price.
Staring avidly at the two men, Harry realized his kiss with Cho was strictly amateur level. He wondered what it felt like to drown in another person. It certainly looked enjoyable. With a moist smack, the two men finally broke the kiss, but their eyes and their bodies remained glued together until it suddenly registered in Sirius' brain that they had shared that kiss in front of Harry. His eyes grew impossibly wide, like silvery Snitches, as he stared at Harry with a guilty mixture of shock and embarrassment.
Harry burst out laughing. "It's okay, Sirius. I know."
"Know what?"
"You know." Harry waved at them. "About you."
"Me?"
"Both of you."
"Us?"
"Yeah. And I think it's great."
"Oh." Sirius still looked vaguely worried.
"You've lost none of your eloquence," Remus teased.
"You told him?" Sirius asked of his lover.
"Yes." He leaned close and kissed Sirius again. "Listen to him, Sirius. He's happy for us."
Sirius stared at Harry for several more seconds, and then a slow smile lit up his face, sloughing away years of care. In the flickering light of the fireballs, his wasted features regained some of their former beauty.
Impulsively, Harry grabbed his godfather in another hug. "It really is okay, you know," he said.
"Harry, this means so much to me," Sirius murmured. "We wanted to tell you before, but there was too much-"
"I know. It's okay."
When they finally broke apart again, Dumbledore walked up to them. "Welcome back, my friend."
"Hello, Albus." Sirius smiled, accepting the older man's embrace.
"I can't recall an event that's filled my heart with such delight and teased my mind with such an intriguing mystery as your return from beyond. But, then again, Sirius, you've always had an uncanny bent for the unexpected." Dumbledore beamed. "You'll have to tell us as much as you can."
Sirius gave a one-shouldered shrug. "It's getting fuzzy, like a very convoluted dream, but I'll tell you everything I remember."
Dumbledore glanced at his watch. "Not just yet. It's almost time to return to Hogwarts."
They walked out of the circle and Sirius eyed the old stones and peered through the darkness at the hills surrounding them. "Where are we?"
He wrapped his arms across Remus' and Harry's shoulders, tugging them close to his sides. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to shelter them or if he needed their protection.
Dumbledore answered his question. "This is the stone circle at Castlerigg. We're near Keswick, in Cumbria."
"Why did I come back through the veil here?"
"I don't know. These sacred places hold many secrets. But it's just as well you didn't come back into the Department of Mysteries. We'd have had some trouble explaining why a fugitive mass murderer had popped up inside the Death Room."
His place in the world hadn't changed in his absence, Sirius thought, with some bitterness. He wondered how he'd be able to put to use whatever gifts he had if his life had to be spent on the run. But there was no more time for speculation as Dumbledore pulled the portkey from his pocket.
At Hogwarts
Sirius stood in the center of the Headmaster's office. It looked just as he remembered it. He glanced over at the portrait of his great-great- grandfather. Phineas was motionless, but his glittering dark eyes shifted to look at Sirius. Bowing his head in acknowledgement Sirius said, "Thank you." The portrait smiled slightly, one finely drawn brow twitched, and then Phineas' features stilled into portrait immobility.
"Gentlemen, there are some rooms down the hall where Remus stays on his frequent visits to Hogwarts. Let's go there," Dumbledore suggested, "and I'll request the house elves to scrounge up a meal for us."
They walked out of the office. Dumbledore pressed on a small chunk of stone on the wall and a section of the wall moved back, revealing a corridor. He led them to a polished oak door and requested that Harry and Sirius rest their hands on the doorknob in turn, warding the lock to recognize both of them as it already recognized Remus.
Upon opening the door, they found themselves in a small flat done up in dark woods and rich, jewel-toned fabrics. Several ancient tapestries hung on the walls, with birds and animals flitting magically through a forest fantasia. The first room was a comfortable space that could do double duty as a study and dining area. Beyond that was a large, but still cozy, sitting room. A door at the end of that room led to a bedroom suite. Crackling fires in all three rooms and the glow of many candles welcomed them.
"Would you mind if I took a shower and shaved while we're waiting for the food?" Sirius seemed almost embarrassed to ask. The others murmured their assent and Remus whisked him off towards the bathroom, talking about soap and fresh towels and clean clothes.
In a few minutes, Remus returned, a frown line between his brows.
"Is he okay?" Harry asked.
"I think he needs a few minutes to himself. He's somewhat in awe of what's happened to him."
"Perfectly understandable, I imagine." Dumbledore was the essence of quite calm. "He has no signposts, no map to show him the vastness of this experience. He has nothing with which to compare it and no one he can go to who has made this same journey. He is alone."
"Again," Remus muttered.
Sirius rejoined them shortly, wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a dark blue sweater. His raised brow brought a shrug from Remus. "I brought your clothes here from Grimmauld Place. Molly thought I packed them up to give to charity. She wanted to clean out your room, but seemed to think it more therapeutic if I did it."
"She can strip that room down to the bare floorboards, if she wants. Actually, I wouldn't object if she wanted to burn down the entire house, although," Sirius frowned at Dumbledore, "I suppose the Order still needs it."
"Yes, we do, but you need not set foot in it. You may stay hidden here." The compassion on the Headmaster's face was unmistakable. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I didn't realize how heavy a burden I placed on you. It was a terrible mistake to assume that prison cells are always small rooms with Dementors standing guard. I failed to recognize that by ordering you to remain hidden in that house I had sentenced you to a different kind of jail, but one no more forgiving than Azkaban."
"It's not your fault. What happened is no one's fault but mine. I should have been able to handle it better than I did. It was my decision to go to the Ministry after Harry and his friends that night, in spite of the arguments of cooler and more rational heads." Sirius smiled ruefully at Remus.
Harry felt a sharp twinge of guilt. His actions had led Sirius to the Department of Mysteries. But, before he had a chance to open his mouth two elves appeared carrying large trays laden with food. The delicious sights and aromas of roast beef, gravy, buttery carrots, mashed potatoes, freshly baked rolls and other tasty morsels broke the somber mood that had settled on them. By some sort of unspoken agreement, all four of them turned away from their assessments of blame, and concentrated on their meals.
Suddenly realizing that he was ravenous, Harry piled his plate with hefty helpings, which he managed to attack quite handily when he wasn't answering Sirius' questions about school and Occlumency. The latter subject led Remus and Albus into a detailed discussion of mind entrapment and penetration that was much too esoteric for Harry. Sirius, too, dropped out of the conversation, as if it required too much effort.
Harry found he couldn't stop staring at Sirius, to the point where his fork occasionally missed his mouth. Part of his mind still reeled at accepting that his godfather had returned and he feared seeing Sirius disappear in a puff of smoke. The other part of his mind cataloged impressions. Sirius looked exactly the same, right down to the length his hair. He hadn't gained or lost any weight. The same intensity burned in his eyes, which returned to Harry's face again and again, as if to memorize even the smallest detail of his features. Remus, too, Harry noted, was the recipient of that penetrating glance. The diamond bright eyes held some unspoken emotion whenever they rested on Remus' face, drawing an answering spark from the jeweled tones of Remus' hazel orbs. Harry couldn't understand how he'd been so blind as to never notice the looks that passed between the two men.
After his initial hunger was satisfied, a thought struck Harry. "Sirius, what kind of food did you eat while you were.umm.away?"
Sirius had helped himself to only modest portions of Hogwarts' bounty. He got a far- away look as he pondered the question, pushing an errant carrot around on his plate. "I didn't."
"You haven't eaten in over four months?"
The distant expression lingered on the lean face. "No. I didn't eat or drink. I didn't shave. I didn't bathe or change clothes. I didn't sleep. I just.existed."
He suddenly shook himself, snapping out of the memory.
Dumbledore's grave tones broke in. "Would you rather not tell us about it, Sirius?"
"No, I don't mind telling you, but it's hazy," Sirius replied with some confusion, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not sure anymore what really happened and what took place only in my mind. It's all so unbelievable."
Sirius found he remembered some things quite clearly while others had faded, consisting now of only vague impressions. He remembered sitting in a room with a lot of other souls, but he couldn't recall why. He remembered being in the midst of his ancestors.
Sirius carefully placed his fork down, ignoring his half-eaten food. "My family was there. Generations of them. A whole crowd of people, most of whom were just like my parents. It was horrible."
Many of the savage insults and degrading sneers of his family still lingered, but he glossed over that, not wanting to dwell on the feelings they had re-awoken in him. Remus sensed the unspoken pain beneath his lover's carefully chosen words, the still open wound of a teenaged boy's emotional abandonment by his family.
Sirius stared into middle distance somewhere between Albus and Harry, obviously seeing in his mind's eye whatever he had experienced on the other side of the veil. Then slowly, all expression left his face and his eyes shuttered, turning dull as slate. His voice fell into a lifeless monotone that faded away like smoke. "Afterwards I waited in a room. I couldn't be sent back until Halloween. So, I waited. Alone. Alone in a room, a tiny room no bigger than a cell, like Azkaban."
His eyes closed and the only sound was the crackling of the fire. Harry thought that if Sirius' hands clenched any tighter, his fingers would impale themselves in his palms.
And, though he remained impassive, what he felt was mirrored in the torment on Remus' face. Anxiously, Remus reached forward to grasp his lover's wrist. "Sirius, it's alright. You can-"
But, Sirius shook his head forcefully, yanking his arm away, his hand raised in a gesture to ward them off. After several long moments, he drew in a deep breath and sighed. The tension left his body and he seemed to come back to them, to the warmth and comfort of the room and their presence.
"Sorry. It's still a little too much to deal with."
"You don't have to say anymore if-"
"No, no. I'm okay. Really."
Remus looked doubtful. But Sirius settled on less disturbing topics and his voice once more became firm and clear. He tried to explain the unsettling sense of being unable to measure the passage of time. He talked about the Judge and the requirements of Cognatus Putus, filling in the gaps of their knowledge.
Finally, Sirius told them of the requirements of the pact. "I had to take a vow. My dear mother demanded that I marry a pureblood woman and have children." With wry amusement he saw the surprise on their faces and he hastened to reassure them.
"I was allowed to propose my own vow. I promised to bind myself to a person of pure blood, for this life and life after death."
Remus smiled. "You realize I expect that person to be me."
"I do."
"Good. Remember that phase."
Sirius reached out to grasp Remus' hand in his own. "And the final condition is that my natural life span is cut in half."
"What!?" Harry squawked. "You've been given your life back just so half of it can be taken away again?"
Sirius hadn't taken his eyes off of Remus' face. "I've been granted an immeasurable gift, Harry."
Harry didn't understand why Remus and Sirius were smiling in such a tender way at each other. His eyes still locked with Sirius', Remus nodded slowly, as if in answer to an unspoken question. "You see this as a reward and not a punishment."
Sirius smile broadened in answer.
"Allow me, Harry," Albus interjected. "Sirius will now live until his seventies. The scientific literature tells us that werewolves generally do not live much beyond seventy due to the stresses their bodies suffer because of the transformations. Wolfsbane Potion helps the werewolf mind remain more human, but it does not alleviate the physical hardships of the monthly bodily change, so in all probability, it will not lengthen Remus' life."
Understanding dawned on Harry's face. "So, whichever of you goes first, it won't be long until the other one follows."
Sirius finally turned towards him, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. "That's it, Harry. We've spent so much of our lives apart that the thought that death may separate us for only a few years is a comfort."
"But, with Voldemort and the Death Eaters coming back." Harry didn't finish the disquieting thought.
"That's the great unknown for all of us right now," Dumbledore said.
Sirius slumped back in his chair, weary to the marrow of his bones. And it was obvious to the others.
Dumbledore rose. "You look exhausted, Sirius. Harry and I will leave now and let you get a good, long sleep. Tomorrow we'll talk about a task you can do for the Order. It requires some very advanced magic, but I'm sure you have the ability to handle it."
In spite of his fatigue, curiosity flared in Sirius' face. Dumbledore stopped his questions before they started. "Tomorrow," he said in a voice that brooked no discussion.
Sirius walked them to the door. He grinned at Harry. "I know tomorrow is Wednesday and you have classes, but I still expect you to show up here at some point."
The thought that he could finally spend time with Sirius made Harry almost giddy. "I will. I have a free period right after lunch."
"Good. And, a word to the wise," Sirius warned with a wink. "You should never barge into the bedroom if the door is shut."
"Oh. Right. Sure. No. Of course not." Harry felt the flush crawl up his face, much to his annoyance and Sirius' amusement. But, then his godfather's smile faded. He gently gripped Harry's shoulders. "I love you, Harry."
"I know. I love you, too." Harry flung his arms around Sirius. They held onto each other for a long time.
"See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight."
TBC