2. Gambit.

"Mr. Weasley!"

Oh, no, thought Ron, his dream interrupted.

Not that stupid alarm again!

Oh, great idea, that. "We'll get you a picture of McGonagall," she says. "Howling at you two for being late," she says. Right.

"MR. WEASLEY!"

"Put a lid on it!" he muttered. "Good Lord. I'm up."

At that point, Ron got it from both sides... a nudge from Harry, and a very loud voice.

"M I S T E R W E A S L E Y !!"

That opened his eyes and brought him back to reality. Professor McGonagall was looking at him -- not thin-lipped, anyway; that was always a bad sign. She actually looked half-amused. Oh, yeah. I did get up already, didn't I.

It was just the three of them. He had slept through the end of Transfig.

"Yes, Professor."

"Mr. Weasley, it's obvious you need to get more sleep, but Transfiguration class is not the time for it. Why, you missed the last few minutes -- and it was a spectacular finish to my lecture, if I must say."

"Sorry, Professor."

She was almost conversational now. "You know my rule on napping students. If it moves, educate it; if it doesn't move, transform it! What would you like to become the next time you nod off?

"Um.. awake and listening?"

"I would hope so. Are you gentlemen wandering the corridors at night again, or what's the reason for the droopy eyelids?"

Harry answered for them. "We started playing long chess sessions in the common room at night, Professor. Wizard chess. I'm the slow one, and we've been running rather late."

"Chess is dear to my heart, too, but I'd suggest setting a cutoff time. Can't you leave the board where it is until the next evening?"

"Well.....we tried that once, but it's a problem with a wizard chess board. The pieces started complaining loudly about being ignored. 'Move, already', 'Get on with it', and all that. They were bothering a few older students who were still up.....er, studying by the fireplace."

"Studying? So late?"

Ron mumbled something and smirked.

"Excuse me, Mr. Weasley?" she said.

"Uh....snogging," he repeated, looking down. "They were up.. snogging by the fireplace. Sorry."

McGonagall, an ex-Gryffindor herself, chuckled as she imagined that familiar setting. Nothing much has changed in that room, has it.

"Be that as it may," she said, "let's try to fix your little problem. All right then, boys?"

"Yes, Professor," they both answered.

* * *

At the banquet, Ron was on again about the alarms.

"Hermione, which howler is getting you up in the morning these days?"

"The pictures? I haven't needed them much. The girl's dorm faces Hagrid's chicken yard. It's a long way off, but I hear the rooster every morning, unless it's stormy."

"And when it was stormy, you used a picture? And what happened?"

"The first one was Sybil, and she went off pretty early...and loudly. Ever had four girls ready to kill you?"

"Sure, all the time! So, let's see... the first one almost got you killed, so naturally, you gave that one to poor Harry to set off in our dorm. Follows, doesn't it?"

"You're harder to get up, aren't you? You need a woman shouting at you over there."

" I'll give you that, but what happened the next time you used one?"

"No problem. Your father helped my parents make a special one for me... one that wouldn't wake the whole dorm."

"A picture of Errol running into a wind chime?" suggested Harry.

"Actually," she replied, "it's a picture of my mother quietly saying, "Hermione, wake up dear, it's time to get up, honey."

Ron had to cover his mouth, to keep from spurting a mouthful of dinner. Harry was laughing uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" asked Hermione.

* * *

His Queen's Pawn finally got pummelled, and Harry lifted the shattered remains off the board. Mercifully, the game was almost over.

"You're very good at this, Ron!" said Padma Patil. Or was it Parvati? The identical twins were usually identifiable by the house crest on their robes, but dressed alike, it was nearly impossible.

Ron, of course, was grinning from ear to ear. To add embarrassment to Harry's impending defeat, the Patil twins were looking on. They had come by, as requested, to remind them of the late hour.

"Of course I'm good," he said, yawning. "I was saying that to Harry just yesterday."

Though it was his move, Harry initiated a diversion. "Actually, one thing Ron said yesterday was that he was 'loveable to girls'. What do you think?"

The twins looked at each other and smiled. "Well, I know one of us might think something like that," said Parvati...or was it Padma? Ron looked a bit uncomfortable.

Harry persisted, hoping for a contrary opinion. "And what does the other one think?"

Again the twins exchanged glances, and whatever silent signals twins exchange. "The other one thinks Ron has cute friends," said the other twin.

It was Harry's turn to redden. Now look what I started. And it was Ron's turn to incite. "I didn't know I had any cute friends. Who would that be?"

"Well, Harry, of course! But only one of us thinks that he's cuter," said one of them -- does it matter which?

Ron fell into it. "And how are we s'posed to know which is which?"

The twin telegraph flickered again. "Well, if you wanted to find out, that would take a Snog Test," said Padma...or Parvati.

Mr. Loveable felt more and more uneasy. "Harry, are you going to move sometime tonight?"

"I'm thinking," answered Mr. Skywalker. "Uh.. what's a snog test?"

"That's how you can really tell twins apart," said Miss Patil. 'Haven't either of you played Spin the Bottle?" asked the other.

"Sorry, no," answered Harry. "Sheltered muggle life."

"Spin the...what?" asked Ron.

"A snog test's simple," said P. Patil. "Y'see, there's no reason why twins should kiss alike. If they both kissed you, you should be able to tell which one is more serious about it."

Uncomfortable silence followed.

"Harry, would you PLEASE move?"

"I'm thinking."

"Why don't we give you a demonstration," she said. "Who'd like to be first?"

"Harry would!"

"I'm thinking. Let Ron go first. Says he's loveable, y'know."

More telegraphy. "Okay, Ron, brace yourself." The twins proceeded to plant simultaneous smooches, slowly, gently but generously, on opposite cheeks. Statistically, at least one of the twins thoroughly enjoyed it. "Well?"

Ron, with all of his grand-total life experience as an 12-year-old, summed up the results: "Uh....I couldn't tell any difference, really."

"Perhaps Harry will have better luck." Whereupon, Harry got double-teamed in similar fashion. Again, at least one Patil twin was rumoured to be thrilled, and the recipient actually blushed and smiled. We'll never know if Harry could tell the difference either.... or cared. He gladly accepted kisses wherever and whenever!

There was also a gasp.

A gasp?

Oh, that was from the newly-arrived audience member. Hermione had returned from a late library session with a copy of Poltergeists on Parade under her arm, just in time for this stage show. Though startled, she recovered and smiled.

"Learning new moves, Harry?" she asked.

"All in fun," explained Ron. "The girls volunteered to be our cutoff. They went to nick a snack in the kitchen, and said if we were still playing when they came back, they would annoy us until we quit. They're very good at it. Harry's completely befuddled, and he's going to concede any second now."

"No," said Harry, "I was still thinking about my move. Wasn't annoyed at all. Enjoying it, actually! But Ron's totally stunned."

"Yeah, right."

"Well then, Ron, I'll keep thinking, and meanwhile the girls can give you a few more chances at 'Guess the Twin'. Unless you'd rather resign the game ....?"

"RESIGN??!! I'm going to win this game, oh great wizard, as soon as you finish dawdling."

One of the twins jumped in. "So then, are you ready for your second try, Ron?"

Ron's eyes narrowed. He began to see what was going on here. "Wait a minute.....this is a setup, isn't it?"

Harry smiled. "Setup is such a dirty word. Think of it as... wizard chess."

"You've sic'ed them on me! You got these two to 'volunteer', didn't you! They're going to kiss me into quitting, are they? " Ron folded his arms and closed his eyes. "Well, bring it on, kiss away!"

The Patil twins leaned back, laughing; Hermione, too, was enjoying the whole thing.

"All right, then," said Harry, "be that way. Let's keep playing. And tomorrow morning, I'll nudge you when McGonagall sees you sleeping again. Well.... maybe I'll nudge you."

Ron surrendered to sleepiness. "Okay...let's end this mess for tonight. I'm outnumbered.... I'm tired.... my best friend's just had me double-snogged by these two hired assassins. I hope you realize this means war, Harry!"