ASN: Okay, so I updated a later than I said I would. Sorry, I just got home. I wasn't going to update at all...
AN: *holds BIG stick* You should all thank me.
ASN: Sorry again, but I DID get it up tonight as promised. All right, here we go...
CHAPTER 2: A MISSING CENTAUR
Haven City, Police Plaza
Commander Julius Root was peeved. It was late, he was tired, that criminal good-for-nothing pixie had escaped into the hands of Mud Men, and everything was falling apart around his pointy ears.
"I am so glad Foaly only gets vacation every other century, if this is what happens when he's gone." he muttered. Suddenly, Captain Holly Short came bursting into Root's tiny office, banging into his desk and sending his box of fungus cigars flying across the room.
"Captain..." Root said, his face getting redder than usual.
"Sorry, sir, but, um, no one can get the computers to work. They logged off for the night and won't log back on." Holly was cringing slightly, waiting for the barrage of four letter words to follow. They did.
"When is that miserable donkey coming back to work?" the Commander roared.
"He's actually supposed to be coming in on the next shuttle." Holly said, straightening the paperwork on Root's desk.
"Good. Let's go meet him. The office is falling apart around me, and I need someone to scream at." he snarled, standing up. Holly pulled a very wrinkled and battered file from the stacks. It looked as though it had been flung across the room. More than once.
"Excuse me Commander." Holly asked timidly. "If you don't mind my asking, are you sure you're not tense because you can't find Mulch Diggums?" Root whirled on her, face going purple.
"I CAN FIND THAT CONVICT ANYTIME I WANT!" he bellowed, then calmed down slightly. "I am lulling him into a false sense of security, letting him think I can't find him. Then I will swoop down on him like an avenging angel and fling him into Howler's Peak for a couple centuries. If I'm in a good mood."
Holly couldn't resist. "What if you're in a bad mood?" she asked.
"Then the goblins can have a new basketball." Root snapped as he stalked outside. Holly looked around the office, noting the destruction left in his wake.
"Sorry I asked." she muttered and followed.
The shuttleport was surprisingly crowded for its sunny destination being so unpopular. Root and Holly stood in the back and watched the shuttle come in. A crowd of tired fairies poured from the shuttle opening, sending squeals of laughter and greeting echoing into the cavern. Root tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the centaur to disembark. Holly wisely said nothing.
Finally the cavern emptied and still no centaur had appeared. A sprite in a pilot's flightsuit strolled from the opening to the travel desk.
"Captain Short, go see what's going on. And be diplomatic, you know how these sprites can get." Root said softly. Holly strode forward.
"Excuse me, we're looking for a centaur that was supposed to be on this flight. Is he still on board?" she asked, very politely. The sprite winked at her.
"Nope, sorry to disappoint ya, gorgeous. Never showed up." he drawled. Root appeared out of nowhere, and picked up the sprite by the neck of his suit.
"AND YOU LEFT HIM?" he shouted. Holly winced. Very diplomatic.
"Hey, I'm not a fairysitter, I had other customers to deal with. Besides, has it occurred to you that maybe he doesn't want to be found? We get fairies going AWOL all the time." the sprite protested. Root's face turned purple.
"AWOL? None of the computers will work without his commands, and that miserable donkey decides to spend more time working on his tan?! I don't think so!" Root bellowed, shaking the unfortunate sprite. All of the employees in the cavern were staring at the enraged elf. Holly wandered over to the travel desk.
"I need to borrow your comm panel." she said shortly.
Root was still grumbling two hours later, as the two elves boarded an LEP shuttle to the island resort.
"Let's go pick him up, Captain." Root growled as he webbed himself in tightly. Holly nodded and nudged the craft into the pressure chute. The shuttle dropped like a stone, and Root stopped complaining. Holly grinned as she maneuvered into a hot air stream. Root stayed silent until they reached the terminal on the island.
"Good flying, Captain. Now let me out." The Commander's usually red face had a distinct green undertone. Holly's grin widened as she followed him out of the shuttle. The terminal was hot, and there was no centaur in sight. The two elves paused only to don blackout suits against the South Pacific sun before they headed off to the resort.
A pixie maitre d' appeared, clipboard clutched in his hand. "Good morning, my friends! Would you like a drink from the bar before you check in? You do have reservations don't you?"
Holly looked around the empty resort. "Reservations?" she murmured.
"No, we're not here on vacation." Root cut in. The maitre d' smiled even wider.
"Oh, a day trip then?" he simpered. Root's fists clenched as he turned to Holly.
"Captain..." he said tensely.
"We're looking for Foaly, the centaur. Has he checked out yet?" she asked. The maitre d' drew himself up to his full height and stared up at Holly.
"We do not release private information about our guests." he informed them snippily.
Root lost it. "Look you slimy, half-grown, good-for-nothing civilian, I am Commander Root of the LEP, and you will tell me exactly what I want to know right now before I shove that fancy clipboard up your conceited nose!"
The pixie cringed. "Commander Root?" He turned to Holly. "Then you must be..."
Holly sighed. "Yes, I'm the crazy girly captain." she said pleasantly, tapping her buzz baton against her hand impatiently. "Now, about the centaur..."
"He went to the beach early this morning. Hasn't come back yet. He was supposed to check out at noon. If he skipped without paying his bill, I'll expect you to make good on it." the pixie said with as much dignity as possible.
Root grinned evilly. "Trust me, the centaur will pay." Holly rolled her eyes, and they walked towards the beach, leaving the pixie looking like he couldn't decide to be pleased or frightened.
They found Foaly's spot without too much difficulty; his bright purple beach towel was hard to miss. Foaly had disappeared, leaving only his tinfoil hat on the blanket. Root frowned.
"You don't think something happened to him?" Holly did not answer, but held up a small dart. Root groaned. The tranquilizer dart was labeled clearly: Made in Taiwan.
"No, not the Mud Men again." he moaned. "Not Foaly. We need that donkey!"
"It looks like humans kidnaped Foaly." Holly murmured.
"How the heck did they know he was here?! How did they get here without anyone knowing?! How did they know that kidnaping Foaly would be the number one way to leave Haven totally unprotected?! Are the Mud Men planning to attack Haven?!" the commander roared, pacing back and forth on the hot sand. Holly patiently waited for him to stop fuming before she said anything. She rather fancied her head, and was in no mood to have to chase it down the beach. After a few minutes ranting, Root settled down to infuriated mumbling.
"All right, captain, let's go track down that donkey." He whirled sharply, and stormed back down the beach towards the resort and the shuttle bay. Holly gathered up Foaly's blanket, hat, and dart, and followed the irate commander as he slammed into the resort. The pixie maitre d' opened his mouth to complain about the centaur's unpaid bill, took one good look and Root, and got out of his way. In his current state, the commander could have walked over the pixie, squashing him into a blurred smear on the parquet floor, and he would never have noticed. Not that Root would have cared anyway.
Holly followed the commander into the shuttle, and proceeded to bring the LEP's network of computers online, allowing them to trace the origins of the dart, and accessing their most recent buyers. The suspects could then be kept under surveillance, and one of them was bound to be Foaly's kidnapers. At least, that was the plan. Holly pulled up the computer network, and initiated the trace program without incident while Root lit one of his cigars and muttered dire threats under his breath. Holly was ignoring him by now. The computer chimed musically with the sound of a clear bell.
"Commander." Holly called, and Root came forward into the cockpit, bringing with them clouds of noxious light green smoke. Holly wrinkled her nose, and attempted to breathe as shallowly as possible.
"Then this company manufactures the darts?" Root asked around the cigar clenched firmly in his teeth. Holly, who was holding her breath, nodded rather than answered.
"All right. And the most recent buyers?" he prompted. Holly obligingly pressed the appropriate keys, feeling a little light headed.
"What type of Mud Men would kidnap a centaur?" Root mused as the computer whirred. "CIA? MI6? A science company? The media?" The computer chimed again, and both LEP officers leaned forward to review the list of recent suspicious buyers...all of whom were small town veterinarians.
"That can't possibly be right." Root said incredulously.
"Well, sir, it's been noted that an unusually high number of shipments have been lost this month." Holly commented an octave higher than her normal tone. Root turned to stare at her.
"Captain, are you all right?" he asked in alarm. Her skin tone was about the same color as the green smoke, which was definitely an...interesting combination with her auburn hair.
"The...smoke..." she whispered, her eyes watering.
"Oh." Root removed the cigar from his mouth and tossed it into the waste recycler.
"Thank you, sir." Holly said in as close to her normal voice as possible. "Anyway, if you assume that Foaly was not kidnaped by a vet, then the dart must be from one of the mislaid shipments."
"And how do we track those?" Root asked. Holly frowned.
"That's much harder to do. Foaly could have done it, maybe, but..."
"Try, Short." Root commanded, slapping his hand on her shoulder. Holly punched another key, and was rewarded by the sound of the computer humming away in it's search. The computer almost instantly chimed again, but this time the warped and ear piercing sound was that of a bell that had been stomped on more than just a few times. By a goblin. A really big goblin.
"What was that?" Root asked warily. Holly didn't answer, but watched as the computer stopped flashing it's 'Searching' signal and instead started to play images of Corporal Frond repeating a message at four times her normal speed. A stream of unintelligible high-pitched gibberish came from the computer speakers.
"I think the LEP network just crashed." Holly said dully. Root stared at the screen, calmly turned off the sound, and launched into a stream of profanity that would have made Chix Verbil blush. Holly sighed and dropped her head onto her folded arms. Root eventually quit swearing and looked at Holly almost in despair.
"What are we going to do? None of the computers are working, so we can't track him. We don't have a clue what to look for in the human world, and even if we could find him, we can't rescue Foaly without his technological backup." he said, dropping down into the copilot's seat. Suddenly, he stopped moving and looked up at Holly. She did not like the look in his eyes.
"Yes, Commander?" she asked warily.
"We're going to need outside help on this one, Captain." he sighed. Holly looked puzzled for a moment, then her eyes widened.
"No. Nonononono." she responded. "You cannot be thinking what I think you're thinking!"
"Captain, I don't like it much myself, but we don't have time to puzzle this out ourselves. He's the only one who can help us, who has connections in the human world, and who might actually be able to decipher some of Foaly's technobabble."
ASN: And everybody KNOWS who it is, right?
AN: We're not predictable, it's just ...hey, could use some help here. Need a word.
ASN: Inevitable?
AN: That works.
ASN: I'll update soon. I promise.