ASN: As always, thanks to our devoted readers! We do read your comments.
AN: And before people start thinking we totally ripped off EC with this fanfic, there's something you should know.
ASN: We wrote this BEFORE EC came out. We really want to make that clear. There are an awful lot of similarities with the EC already, and we've only put up the first two chapters.
AN: Maybe Mr. Colfer bugged our computer or something, but all the similarities (ie Spiro and Rand) ARE coincidence.
ASN: We wouldn't write a fanfic that resembled a published story that obviously.
AN: If we did, we sure wouldn't put it up!
ASN: *embarrassed grin* Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening. Anyway, here's the next chapter...
CHAPTER 3: A BORED CRIMINAL
MASTERMIND
Fowl Manor, Ireland
Artemis Fowl, Jr, who had the brain capacity (and talent) to overthrow entire governments at his whim, and was the only one who might be able to decipher Foaly's technobabble, was bored.
Contrary to popular opinion, he did care about his parents. After all, he had spent over two years searching for his father, and had been forced to conceive a wave of conniving schemes in order to restore the family fortune. Still, now that he had earned a place in the criminal world, did his parents really expect him to give it all up and just do his homework like a good little boy?
A knock sounded at his door. Artemis turned back to his calculus, covering up the plans to his newest criminal intention. "Who is it?" he said, eyeing the homework disdainfully. With a click, his mother, Angeline Fowl, opened the door.
"I'm back dear." she said. "Your father said he'd be just fine by himself, but I insisted that Juliet go with him. She's a fine bodyguard, and I think Timmy may appreciate having someone he knows around."
Artemis Senior had just left for the United States. While there, he was going to receive some medical attention from the top doctors in the field, and discuss the start of a new business arrangement with Microsoft about his son's new computer program.
"I'm certain he will, Mother." Artemis said softly.
"Me too, Arty. Do you need any help with your homework this weekend?"
After rapidly depleting the amount of faculty at Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, Angeline had removed Artemis and placed him in another school, 'so he could be closer to home'. The counselors read the previous reports from Bartleby's, and left Artemis alone. He liked it that way. Being closer to home did enable his parents to insist he came back to Fowl Manor on the weekdays. Artemis didn't mind much; the food at this school was not much improved over the last.
"No thank you, Mother, I'm fine." he responded. Angeline smiled at her son and left, sweeping past Butler on her way out.
"Hello, Butler." Artemis greeted the large bodyguard distractedly, staring moodily down at his new plan. Butler could sense the unease in the teenager, no matter how he tried to hide it.
"Artemis, is something wrong?" he inquired, sitting down next to his charge. Artemis looked up at his bodyguard, mentor, and sometimes friend, and sighed.
"Yes, Butler, there is. Quite frankly, I'm bored. Yes, I'm glad my father's back, and Mother's so happy, but now they're always watching me. I have no more freedom. I wish something, almost anything, would happen, just to add a little excitement into my life." He looked at Butler wanly. "I'm best at plotting things, you know. Not sitting around uselessly."
Butler gingerly clapped a hand on Artemis's shoulder, squeezing very slightly. "Don't worry, Artemis, I'm certain that something will happen. If you're looking for an activity, how's that computer course your mother suggested you attend going?"
A slight smirk crossed the teen's face. "Now that I've cracked into the school's database, it doesn't seem to hold much promise."
Butler grinned, standing. "Don't worry, Artemis, something interesting will come up. It always does."
Chute Terminal E1, Tara, Ireland
Commander Root and Captain Short had barely been able to convince the Council of the dire situation. Finally, after an computer controlled lock system had sealed half of the LEP Academy cadets inside the armory and they had been forced to blast their way out, the Council had relented and granted Root permission to request outside help. Now, they were on their way to Ireland, to contact Fowl.
Holly was not happy. As she handled the shuttle to the Tara Shuttleport, she fumed. Quietly.
Holly and Artemis Jr had parted on relatively good terms last time they had met, and Holly wanted to keep the memory there. A friendly parting, and nothing else. No more contact. A memory, and that's all. A hope that Artemis had accepted her words about decency and changed his ways.
Right.
They reached Tara Shuttleport soon after. Holly and Root exited the craft, and went over to grab a couple pairs of wings. Having cleaned up all of Koboi's sabotage, Foaly had recently re-released the DoubleDex wings to the public--after making a few changes of his own. The batteries were now smaller, more lightweight, and more powerful. The changes had naturally added to the centaur's swelled head. Root and Holly were quiet on their way to Fowl Manor. They were just starting to realize how much they longed to have the smart-mouthed, four-legged twit around.
Fowl Manor
Artemis, like all teenage boys, was supposed to be in bed. Like all teenage boys, he didn't really care about his curfew. Besides, it was only eleven thirty, and spring holidays were starting this week. An entire week of Mother hovering about him. How was he going to get anything done?
A slight knock echoed in his room. He looked up. Everything was silent. Odd, Artemis thought. It almost seemed to be coming from outside. He turned to look to the window, in time to see a slight shimmer. He was barely able to mask a look of surprise. Couldn't be. They weren't... He saw the shimmer again, two actually, and frowned.
"What did I do to warrant this surprise?" he murmured, coming toward the window. He opened it and with a slightly smug smile said, "Captain, Commander, please, come in. May I have the pleasure of seeing my visitors?"
Suddenly, two fairies hovered before him. Both had grim faces and loaded guns. However, for once, they were holstered. As he had suspected, Captain Holly Short and Commander Julius Root had decided to pay him a visit.
"And to what evil deed do I owe the reason for your company?"
Now that they were here, looking at the cocky face of Artemis Fowl, Jr, Root was regretting his seemingly bright idea. He swallowed, gently lowering himself to the floor, hating having to stare up at the haughty teenager.
"Hello, Artemis," he said, as Holly landed beside him. "Look, we, um, we..."
Artemis gestured to the large couch he had in his room. "Please, before you start talking in complete sentences, sit down."
Root bit his sharp retort back and sat, nodding at Captain Short to do the same. With a sigh, she did so. Root turned back to Artemis.
"Now, Artemis, I am sorry it's late, but you were up anyway, so...um...we..." Root paused, then turned to Holly. "Captain, you tell him."
Holly turned pale. "No, you tell him, Commander. It was your idea."
Root reddened. "Captain..."
"But..."
Artemis smirked and leaned back in his computer chair. "Whenever you would like to fill me in..." he said, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice. And failing miserably.
"It's too humiliating, Commander!" Holly protested.
"Captain!" Root snarled.
Holly took a deep breath, turning to face the Mud Boy. "Artemis, three days ago Foaly the centaur went on vacation at a fairy resort in the South Pacific. He was supposed to be back today. He wasn't on his shuttle. The Commander I and went to the resort, and found his tinfoil hat lying on the ground, next to this dart." She held up a tiny tranquillizer, and Artemis immediately saw the English on the side. Human.
"Hmm.." Artemis said, taking it from Holly and examining it further. After a bit he looked up.
"I do feel sorry for Foaly, since he was a fellow mastermind, but exactly does this have to do with me?"
Root frowned, detecting the hidden laughter in the teen's voice. "Well, Fowl, being a fellow mastermind, you must know what we want from you."
Artemis grinned, suddenly resembling a hungry shark. "Oh, yes, I do." He paused. "I just want to hear you say it."
Root's eyes just about fell out of his face. "You, you want..." he sputtered. "Why you snotty little-"
Holly winced, and then stood, stopping Root in her tracks. It figured that she would have to say it.
"Artemis, your, um, assistance in finding Foaly would be appreciated."
Artemis looked the two fairies up and down. "Ah," he said, still smirking. "You need my help."
Root stood as well, bright purple. "We do not need your help!" he bellowed. Then he calmed slightly at Holly's worried glance, and continued, "It's just, we can't move about in the human world easily, and we can't use any of Foaly's things, because the paranoid centaur has everything encoded three or four times. You may be the only one with enough, um, expertise to get the system running. You may also be able to track him using all his gizmos that you so enjoy looking at."
Artemis had stood still for Root's entire spiel, not making one movement that would expose his thoughts. Now he pursed his lips and said,
"I see. You need my help."
Root could feel a hernia starting. "YES!" he shouted. "We need your help."
"No."
Holly watched the Commander in amazement. It didn't surprise her that Artemis Fowl would be the one to finally stop his heart from beating. Root's face swelled with anger and shock, and you could see the smoke coming from his ears.
"Why, you...what kind of..." he sputtered. Artemis grinned.
"Commander, please don't restrain yourself for my sake."
"Why?" Holly asked softly, dangerously, hand drifting towards the grip of her trusty laser pistol.
"Quite simple, really. I have other plans for this weekend. Tell me, do I look like a person who would help someone out of the kindness of my heart?" Artemis asked.
"You have no heart!" Holly spat.
Artemis blinked once. "That, Holly, is a matter of opinion."
"Don't call me that. You just lost the privilege." the elf snapped.
"Look, Mud Boy," Root interrupted angrily, clutching his buzz baton, "We can always just mesmerize you and order you to help. Or maybe we should just mindwipe you while we're here, like the Council's been bugging us to do." Artemis looked unperturbed at the threat.
"You really don't want to do that." he stated.
"And why not?" Holly asked. She rather liked the idea of mesmerizing the little twerp and forcing him to help.
"Because, knowing the Council as I do, I took the liberty of creating an insurance policy. In one of my many files is a computer program poised to send certain incriminating files, documents, copies of the Book..."
"WHAT!" the two fairies yelped.
"...pictures," Artemis continued like he'd not been interrupted, "... liberated technology..."
"Liberated nothing, you stole that technology!" Holly snarled.
"..., and so forth to all the major news networks I have influence over. I override the send command every day, so nothing ever is released. If my mind was wiped, and I had no recollection of the file, and it happened to send, I'm certain you imagine what would happen." Artemis finished with a sly smile.
"That's blackmail!" Holly gasped.
"Yes, it is." Artemis said serenely.
"You don't trust anyone, do you?" Holly accused angrily.
"I find it safer not to make a habit of it, no."
A loud sigh interrupted the exchange. "So what do you want?" Root asked, resigned.
"I beg your pardon?" Artemis asked, pretending to be surprised.
"Well, it's obvious that we're going to have to buy you off. How much do you want?"
"100,000 euros. In gold." was the prompt answer.
"WHAT?!" the two fairies yelped again.
"It's a nice even number."
"You're not worth that much." Holly snarled.
"That is also a matter of opinion." Artemis stated.
"I'll have to run that by the Council." Root declared.
"Look, Commander, I don't have time to wait on your collection of windbags, especially if they still want me mindwiped. It's 100,000 or you can do it yourself. I'm not the Fairy Protection Agency." Artemis sneered, a look that had been perfected at Saint Bartleby's.
"We'll get your money." Root said, defeated.
"Good. Then we've got a deal." Root considered extending his hand, but decided not to. "So when can you be ready?" he asked.
"I'll have to clear up a few things. Stay here." Artemis ordered as he left the room.
Holly laughed. "Not likely." She flicked on her shield and followed the teen down the hall. Root shrugged turned to Artemis's computer. He had some...okay, a little expertise, and the elf started looking for the copies of the Book Artemis had taunted them with. He squeaked as a large hand clapped down on his shoulder.
"What do you think you're doing?" Butler asked, grinning as he appeared from nowhere. Root retreated to his chair, scowling at the bodyguard, who only grinned back wider.
Artemis cautiously opened the door to his parents' room. His mother was reading in bed.
"Arty? What are you doing up?" She asked, laying the book down on the satin coverlet.
"Mother, I forgot to tell you that I'm leaving early tomorrow morning."
"Oh? And where are you going?" she inquired, a suspicious look on her face.
"A classmate asked me to go spelunking with him this week." The answer was so smooth, Holly almost believed it.
"Really? That does sound like fun. You're taking Butler, right?"
"I couldn't leave him behind if I tried." His mother laughed.
"Well then, enjoy your trip, Arty. When will you come back?"
"I'm not quite sure. It shouldn't be more than a couple days, but I'll call on the way home. There won't be any cell phone reception in the caves, so it would be useless to call."
"All right, Arty, be careful." she said fondly.
"Yes, Mother." he answered, heading for the door.
"Oh, and Arty? I'm so glad you're making friends." Artemis sighed deeply.
"Yes, Mother. See you later." He shut the door quietly and turned to face a grinning Holly, floating about eye level.
"Arty?" she asked, grin spreading from ear to pointy ear.