ASN: Hello again. I'm on time! Aren't you all proud?
AN: Nah, probably more like surprised. Shocked. Stunned.
ASN: Don't you have homework or something to do? Anything other than making nasty comments?
AN: Nope. School is canceled cause of the hurricane, so you have my undivided attention.
ASN: *groans* MY classes aren't canceled.
AN: Ha ha. Loser. Moving right along, here's the new chapter:
CHAPTER 11: ARTY PHONE HOME
California Technology Labs, Storage Closet 15B
Artemis went totally white, and yanked out his phone. "Hello?!" he whispered urgently. The other three just stared at him.
"Hi, dear." came Angeline Fowl's voice from the tiny speakers. "I was just wondering how you were, since you never called..."
"Mother, now is NOT a good time." Artemis hissed.
"I heard a phone!" someone outside yelled. "It came from over there!"
"D'Arvit!" Artemis spat.
"Arty, watch your language!" Holly hissed back.
"Mother, I'll call you back!" Artemis snapped.
"Come out with your hands up or we'll start shooting!" came a loud voice from just outside the closet.
"ARTY?!" gasped his mother before Artemis unceremoniously hung up. He shoved his phone back into his pocket.
"Good going, Mud Boy." Holly murmured.
"Only a minor setback." Artemis said as the footsteps began to close in.
"Only a minor setback! Look, human, contrary to popular opinion, we fairies are not immortal. If you shoot us, we will die." Holly snarled.
"I wish you'd told me that sooner."
"Now is not the time for joking."
"I wasn't joking."
Holly opened her mouth to answer, but switched on her shield as the doorknob began to turn.
The closet door swung open, and Butler and Artemis blinked in the lights. They both raised their hands slowly.
"Come out of there." a guard ordered, pointing a very large gun at them. "Don't make me shoot." Artemis sighed at the bad Hollywood cliche...and followed. Another guard relieved Artemis of his hacker pack, and Butler of his most obvious weapons. They missed a few, but since six of the very large guns were pointing directly at the bodyguard, he didn't think it would be the best time to use them. They herded the two intruders down the hall, shutting the door on the empty closet. They would have been very surprised to see the door open all by itself two minutes later, but no one was there to see it.
California Technology Labs, Executive Office
JR Rand looked up from his paperwork as his guards ushered in the two intruders. One was a very tall Eurasian man, who looked like a bodybuilder, and the other was a skinny teenager, who didn't look dangerous at all. All but two of the guards left, returning to their posts. The other two stood by the door, their guns kept leveled at the pair's backs.
Rand stood, but the boy came forward first.
"Well, sir, before I get into my full report, I would just like to say that your security is absolutely ludicrous. The response time was slow, your equipment barely above standard, and your alarm system was so easy to bypass, it was practically nonexistent. Any real criminals would have been in and out of here with your money or inventions before your guards made one round of the building. My full report will come in the mail in two weeks." he finished. Rand slowly raised an eyebrow.
"And you might be?"
The boy raised an eyebrow in return. "We're from Fowl Security. We were hired to do a routine test of your security systems, and I am, quite frankly, appalled. You have a lot of work to do, Mr...."
"Rand. Jonathan Rand. You said you work for Fowl Security? As in the same Fowl that designs computer software?" Rand asked, playing along for the moment. Interesting that the man let the boy do all the talking. The boy looked familiar, now that he thought about it. The boy blinked.
"Different branch of the family, I suppose." he commented. Rand sighed and sat back in his chair.
"Aren't you a little young to be a security specialist?" he asked.
"It's the family business. It's my after school job." the boy responded. "Besides, criminals come in all shapes and sizes. It's best to be prepared for anyone, and that is what our company checks."
"Nice try, kid, but I never hired a security company." The boy never moved.
"Free sample." he said dryly, knowing the jig was up. Artemis hadn't expected it to work, but help should be on its way by now.
"So what were you really after?" Rand asked, absent-mindedly, as he looked back down at his papers.
"We wanted the plans to your mindwiping machine, of course. What did you think we wanted, your money? Surely you jest." the boy said. Rand's head snapped back up, his attention fully on them for the first time.
"What did you say?" he asked incredulously. The boy tilted his head.
"Pardon?"
That was whenever Rand got it. "You're Artemis Fowl Junior, are you not?" The boy looked impassively back at the man.
"Why does it matter?" he asked. Rand smiled.
"Yes, you're definitely Artemis Fowl. I recognize you from your Interpol file." Rand turned to look at Butler. "This must be your infamous bodyguard." The man stared stonily back.
"Funny, I didn't think Interpol files were common knowledge. Besides, they exaggerate terribly."
"That half ton of gold ingots was an exaggeration?" he asked. "Interpol was quite curious to know how you acquired it."
"Well, they'll just have to stay curious then." the boy shot back. Rand sighed.
"I don't have time to continue this conversation, as amusing as it may be. Kale, take them to one of the guest suites. Don't put them with our current resident, that's asking for trouble."
The guards reached for the two intruders, and then paused. The door was slowly closing all by itself. No one had entered, and neither guard had touched the door.
"What the-?" one guard started to say, just before he fell to the ground unconscious. The second guard followed within two seconds.
Rand looked up to see two very tiny people with pointed ears hovering over the guards.
"That was easy." one said. Rand casually reached for his middle drawer, where he had a silenced Walther hidden. Suddenly, he felt a large hand grip the front of his designer shirt.
"Go for your gun and I'll make you eat it." Butler grinned. Rand smiled nervously, putting both of his hands on his desk where they could see them.
"And these two little things would be...?" he asked, moving his foot for the alarm button installed under his desk. He banged it and nothing happened. Artemis studied his fingernails.
"I told you the alarm system was worthless." he said. "It was incredibly easy to hack into. Quite disappointing for a technology company."
Rand was now thoroughly stuck. The two in the air had to be more fairies like Koboi, and here to get something. They obviously knew about the mindwiping machine, and had hacked into his systems. When he got out of this, Rand vowed to hire a real security company. It was embarrassing, being beaten by a teenager, his bodyguard, and two pointy eared... whatevers.
"Okay, you got me." he said. "Now what are you going to do?"
Holly punched him and he went out like a light. "Good work, Captain." Root commended. She smiled.
"A pleasure. Can we go rescue Foaly now?"
ASN: Another short chapter. Apologies. I'll try and stick the next one up sooner.
AN: ...but I wouldn't hold my breath.
ASN: *turns slowly and glares at evil sister*
AN: Oh, yeah, um, I just remembered I DO have something to do.
ASN: Smart girl.