ASN: Since the last chapter was so short, I'm sticking the next one up now.
AN: I don't think anyone would complain too loudly.
CHAPTER 13: THE RETURN OF THE DWARF
California Technology Labs, Bottom Floor
The floor rumbled slightly, and a tile popped up. A bearded dwarf hauled himself up from the hole.
"Hello everyone." Mulch Diggums, dwarf and convict, said cheerfully. "Nice to see you. Hey, Julius, I thought you were coming after me."
All the blood rushed to Root's face and he sputtered. "I...you...why...HOW?"
Artemis interrupted the rant with a sharp glare at Mulch. "You're late."
"Hey, I ran into some limestone. I had to tunnel around it." Mulch protested.
"This is your business associate from the call?" Root yelled.
"Who did you expect?" Artemis said pleasantly.
"And just where did you dig him up?" Root snarled.
Foaly winced. "Bad pun, Julius. Bad pun."
Root didn't take his eyes off the dwarf. "Shut up donkey boy, and don't call me Julius."
"Oh, Mulch's been staying with me for a while." Artemis said offhandedly.
"WHAT?!?" Root bellowed.
"Since, after all, you've pulled the surveillance of Fowl Manor, what better place is there?" Mulch said sweetly. "It makes perfect sense."
"You've been harboring a criminal?" Root growled at the human.
"No, I've been protecting an asset." Artemis shot back.
Holly broke into the argument. "Hey look, can we argue about this later?" she shouted over the din of guards trying to break down the door. It was beginning to buckle, and Butler did not look pleased.
"All right then," Mulch said, taking charge. "Everybody down the hatch. Ladies first." he gestured to Holly. She grinned at the dwarf.
"So kind." she said flippantly, and jumped down the tunnel.
"Employers next." the dwarf chirped.
Artemis smirked, grabbed his bag, and leapt down the hole. Root turned an even brighter shade of red. "Employer?" he hissed. Mulch ignored him and motioned to Foaly. The centaur looked down the hole.
"You've got to be kidding." he whined. "You expect me to crawl through that? I'd rather take my chances with the humans."
Root immediately kicked him down the hole.
"I've always wanted to do that." he said happily.
He followed the descending yells of the centaur. Butler abandoned the door at Mulch's signal and dove down the hole, with the dwarf on his heels. Mulch pulled the tile over his head as he went.
The guards finally smashed through the door, and immediately noticed the bent ventilation grid. Kale, awake and ready for action, turned to the rest. "They're in the ventilation system. Let's go!" The guards followed obediently, oblivious to the loose tile under their feet.
Chute A5
The shuttle was considerably more cramped on the return trip, with the addition of Foaly, Mulch, and Opal. The pixie was still unconscious and in the back with Butler as guard. Root was simmering over Mulch being involved in the situation. He was grilling the dwarf unmercifully. Holly heard at one point accusations involving the Hope Diamond robbery, followed by a very unconvincing, "I had nothing to do with that." from Mulch. At that point, Artemis abandoned the conversation and went to join Holly in the cockpit because of the very likely suspicion that Root was going to kill him.
"You really should stop pulling the Commander's chain; you're going to give him a heart attack." Holly said off-handedly. Artemis shrugged.
"If he hasn't had one yet, he never will. You, on the other hand, turned dead white when Mulch popped out of the floor. I thought you were going to faint. I thought the LEPRecon were supposed to be prepared for anything." His tone was snide, but you could see a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. Unfortunately, Holly was concentrating on landing the shuttle and wasn't looking at the teen. She was also beginning to lose her temper.
"Look, Arty, if you would stop acting so high and mighty, we would probably get along a lot better. If you give the Commander a good excuse, I'm sure he'll be happy to relieve you of your memories for the last year or two." she snapped, landing the shuttle a little harder than usual. Artemis grinned, knowing he'd pushed the right button. "He wouldn't want to do that."
"And why not?!" Holly bit out, flicking off the shuttle's power sharply. Root and Mulch had long since stopped fighting and were now listening to the conversation.
"Well, aside from the fact that your secrets would be splashed across every media network within a week, you're going to come begging for my help again sooner or later." the teen finished smugly. The fairy's patience snapped like a twig. She was up and swinging at the criminal in a second.
"We-do-not-beg!" she snarled, aiming her fist straight for his nose. Again. Unfortunately, it never got there.
Instead, Artemis held her fist firmly in one hand. He was no longer amused.
"Don't do that again." he warned coldly. "That's asking for trouble."
Suddenly the shuttle door flew open, and Captain Trouble Kelp stuck his head in. "You called?" he asked cheerfully. Then his eyes fell upon Butler. Horrible memories that still fueled his nightmares came rushing back.
"Uh, uh, Commander," the Captain whimpered, "uh, what's he doing here?"
Root sighed and pulled Trouble fully into the shuttle, slamming the door behind him. "Don't you ever knock?"
The Captain gazed up at the bodyguard, who grinned down at him in response. "I remember you." Butler said cheerfully.
Root sighed. "It's a long story, Kelp, and I really don't want to talk about it."
Trouble shook his head once or twice, then focused upon Root. "Uh, Commander, the Council wants to see you. You didn't mention you'd be bringing back them."
"Don't worry," Artemis said, releasing Holly's fist, "we'll be more than happy to take our money and leave."
Trouble cocked his head, confused. "Money?" he echoed. Root winced.
"Oh, yeah. That money." he muttered. Everyone, except the unconscious pixie, stared at him.
"What do you mean, 'that money'?" Artemis asked ominously. Root closed his eyes.
"You'll get it, I promise. Just stay here until I get back from the Council. Captain Short, you stay with them. Captain Kelp, bring Opal and come with me. Foaly, get your butt back in the Operations Booth and start fixing stuff." Foaly sauntered out of the shuttle and stopped short at the sight of devastation outside.
"Ooh...I bet the Council's real mad at me, aren't they?" Foaly asked. Root grinned.
"Not half as mad as they're gonna be when I tell them what you cost for Fowl and Co. to save you."
"You haven't told them yet?" Holly asked incredulously.
"Um, something like that." Root murmured.
"I think I'll go back to my Operations Booth...and lock myself in." Foaly said, trotting towards the platform exit.
"You do that." Root yelled.
"Uh, excuse me, Julius, what do you want me to do?" asked the dwarf saucily.
"Start running." Root said with, if not murder, definitely bodily injury, in his eyes. Mulch saluted the Commander...and started running. Root and Trouble left without another word, although Trouble did eye Butler one more time before fleeing quite unprofessionally. Holly stalked back into the cockpit, and contacted the Operations Booth. Foaly appeared onscreen, looking a little harried.
"At least I know my booby-traps work." he said by way of greeting. Artemis appeared behind Holly suddenly.
"Not all of them." he commented casually. Foaly almost fell out of his chair.
"You let the Mud Boy into my Operations Booth?!" he accused Holly.
"No, actually, he let himself in. None of us could get past your security system." she said. Foaly pouted.
"If you messed up any of my systems, Fowl, I'll send you the bill." the centaur threatened.
"How much does a plasma floor cost?" asked the teen blandly. The centaur looked like he was going to cry.
"How did you get past my floor?" he asked, and Holly turned to look at Artemis.
"And how did you get that fizzer off my belt?" she snapped.
"A gallon of water, and lots of practice." he replied. Holly clenched her fist, and visibly had to calm herself. She turned to the screen.
"Foaly, you owe me one." she told him. The centaur laughed.
"What for? I figure you owe me one, letting the human mess around in my files. I bet he copied them all, too." the centaur whined.
"I didn't have time." Artemis said, regretfully. The centaur nearly hit the roof, but Holly interrupted him.
"Of course you owe me one, Root wanted to leave you." she lied through her teeth.
"Julius would never abandon me." the centaur protested. Holly just looked at him.
"What do you want?" the centaur asked, resigned.
"I want to see Root address the Council." she answered promptly. Foaly gave her a mischievous grin.
"Oh, is that all? I already had it brought up for me, I'll just send it to you too. Do you want popcorn too?"
"Thanks, but no." Holly said, leaning back in her chair as a view of the Council Room came onscreen. Artemis sat down in the copilot's seat, and Butler stuck his head through the door.
"What are you doing?" Holly asked scathingly.
"I want my money." Artemis answered. "I want to make sure Root gets the amount right."
The fairy sighed. "You know, I'm actually getting used to this."
AN: See? We didn't forget about Mulch.
ASN: Um, I should say something funny to amuse the readers, but I can't think of anything. Long weekend. I'll update again soon.