Once upon a time, there was a little planet called Earth. And on that planet there lived a species called humans, who were very anoying and stupid but, because they could now kill each other in more exciting ways than the other organisms on that planet, they called themselves smart. Infact they were so "smart" that the only thing stopping them killing each other was a crumy system called "religion". This was set up by several people working seperately who were probably smarter than the rest of the other and realised that if they didnt act fast then there wouldn't be many people left around any more which would be boring. Religion worked by putting people in mortal fear of doing anything wrong and, though it caused the odd war, it worked pretty well.
Untill around the year 2000. People started to loose interest in religion, as most of them had got to the level of the origonal religion makers and were starting to see holes in it. The old familiar urges to brain each other returned.
Civilization was saved however as more smarter people created ways to subvert these powerfull urges. They called it Sport.
But, come 2100, even sport wasnt enough. Only the bloodiest of them- rugby and hockey-survived. By 2110 even these had failed society. Big brother meets my little spy was the last to go.
As people world wide began to dust off crowbars and hacksaws and smash down everything mankind had struggled to build for thousands of years, the three supreme rulers of Earth (who happened to be women and wore a lot of gold jewelry) met. There aim was to create the most bloodiest, violentest, most vomit-enducingest thing ever. Something that would be so horrific it would last for evermore.
They created a world. They gave it plants ,water, life. Then they gave it natural walls which surrounded it entirely, making it an effective prison. They called it Hyrule (from the greek meaning "Hell-rule")
And into this they threw, the disgusting dregs of society. Children, the annoying little brats that people secretly hated, were sent in first. Then the idiots. Then the fat people. Then all the olympic swimmers who mocked others with their aquatic abilities and muscles. Add a few thousand cameras and it was the perfect real-life programme. The four aspects of society went their seperate ways to each of their preffered area of the world. There the enclosed societies got completely inbred and even stupider than when they started.
People got bored with it quickly. "There's not enough violence"people said. For the third time, society hung on a knife edge.
"Not enough violence, eh?" Din, the most violent of the three sister rulers snapped. "I'll give 'em f**king violence!"
With their genitic technology they created a super species-all women- and placed them into the little world. This species was formed with the evil gene within them and they ran to the deserts, where they dwelt like a scab on the world. People were interested again.
"Hey! I aint finished yet!" Din snapped.
She broke and twisted and shattered physics and gave the world magic, so that the other species could fight back when the Gerudos launched their attack( Of course the others were too stupid to develop science). And, as all good writers know, the bad guys needed an incentive to do their evil deeds. What could be better, she thought, than tickets out of that dump.
The last present to the world, before they sealed it up and left, leaving only the cameras behind, was a great golden artefact. It was a golden triangle formed from three smaller golden triangles. It was a holy relic, it was the ticket out of there, and it was sealed away. But the rumours and myths about it survived- the three rulers made sure of it. Gerudos where the only ones who knew its true power and they fought great wars for it. Each time they lost, beaten down by little more than the great numbers in which the other species bred.
1000 years passed. The outsiders where happy and peacefull. In Hyrule the people where happy and violent and lived the dreams of those outside.
Then. their was nothing. For 30 years, the Gerudo Fortress was silent. No armies marched from it, no hordes of lusty women held seige to the enemy. People in both worlds began to grow bored. Where was the action? Where was the fun?
In their great golden castle, perched ontop of the highest mountain on Earth the immortal sisters smiled to themselves. This was perfect, precisely to plan. They were gonna give these people something to remeber, even if it did take 30 years of planning. It would be the televised extravaganza of a lifetime.
And the star...
Untill around the year 2000. People started to loose interest in religion, as most of them had got to the level of the origonal religion makers and were starting to see holes in it. The old familiar urges to brain each other returned.
Civilization was saved however as more smarter people created ways to subvert these powerfull urges. They called it Sport.
But, come 2100, even sport wasnt enough. Only the bloodiest of them- rugby and hockey-survived. By 2110 even these had failed society. Big brother meets my little spy was the last to go.
As people world wide began to dust off crowbars and hacksaws and smash down everything mankind had struggled to build for thousands of years, the three supreme rulers of Earth (who happened to be women and wore a lot of gold jewelry) met. There aim was to create the most bloodiest, violentest, most vomit-enducingest thing ever. Something that would be so horrific it would last for evermore.
They created a world. They gave it plants ,water, life. Then they gave it natural walls which surrounded it entirely, making it an effective prison. They called it Hyrule (from the greek meaning "Hell-rule")
And into this they threw, the disgusting dregs of society. Children, the annoying little brats that people secretly hated, were sent in first. Then the idiots. Then the fat people. Then all the olympic swimmers who mocked others with their aquatic abilities and muscles. Add a few thousand cameras and it was the perfect real-life programme. The four aspects of society went their seperate ways to each of their preffered area of the world. There the enclosed societies got completely inbred and even stupider than when they started.
People got bored with it quickly. "There's not enough violence"people said. For the third time, society hung on a knife edge.
"Not enough violence, eh?" Din, the most violent of the three sister rulers snapped. "I'll give 'em f**king violence!"
With their genitic technology they created a super species-all women- and placed them into the little world. This species was formed with the evil gene within them and they ran to the deserts, where they dwelt like a scab on the world. People were interested again.
"Hey! I aint finished yet!" Din snapped.
She broke and twisted and shattered physics and gave the world magic, so that the other species could fight back when the Gerudos launched their attack( Of course the others were too stupid to develop science). And, as all good writers know, the bad guys needed an incentive to do their evil deeds. What could be better, she thought, than tickets out of that dump.
The last present to the world, before they sealed it up and left, leaving only the cameras behind, was a great golden artefact. It was a golden triangle formed from three smaller golden triangles. It was a holy relic, it was the ticket out of there, and it was sealed away. But the rumours and myths about it survived- the three rulers made sure of it. Gerudos where the only ones who knew its true power and they fought great wars for it. Each time they lost, beaten down by little more than the great numbers in which the other species bred.
1000 years passed. The outsiders where happy and peacefull. In Hyrule the people where happy and violent and lived the dreams of those outside.
Then. their was nothing. For 30 years, the Gerudo Fortress was silent. No armies marched from it, no hordes of lusty women held seige to the enemy. People in both worlds began to grow bored. Where was the action? Where was the fun?
In their great golden castle, perched ontop of the highest mountain on Earth the immortal sisters smiled to themselves. This was perfect, precisely to plan. They were gonna give these people something to remeber, even if it did take 30 years of planning. It would be the televised extravaganza of a lifetime.
And the star...