After The Rain (2/?)
A 7th Heaven Fan Fiction by CeruleanOctober
See chapter 1 for disclaimer and warnings
*~Lucy~*
I stay in bed most of the day. I tell Ruthie to tell Mom I'm sick. And I am. Mom rushes up to take my temperature. She fixes me some chicken noodle soup for lunch. I nibble at it, mostly just sip the broth. I don't want to put too much in my stomach, because whatever goes in has to come back out…
I hear his voice, talking to someone downstairs. Probably Mom. Maybe Ruthie. I can't tell. I don't care. I keep my face turned to the wall, and hope maybe he'll go away if he comes up and sees that I am asleep. But who am I kidding? He won't just leave. Not Kevin. He won't leave until he's made me feel small and unworthy and humiliated somehow.
I dread the stomping of his feet on the steps. He wants to make sure I hear him coming. If I'd thought of it sooner, I'd run into the bathroom and lock the door. But he'd just wait for me. Or guilt me into coming out.
At least I know he won't try anything here. In my parent's house.
I don't hate him, even though I should. Any normal person would hate him for what he's done. But my parents taught me a long time ago to love all God's children, no matter what they have done. It's not in me to hate anyone, and Kevin is not worth sacrificing everything I believe in.
So I'll play the game. For now. Because I have no choice, really. But soon…
"Luce." His voice ribbons into the room, filling the air and swirling around my head like some crazy fly I can't quite catch. I resist the urge to turn to him, because even after everything that has happened, I still feel drawn to him, and I know he will win eventually. I may as well get it over with now. I could pretend he woke me just now, coming into the room with his obnoxiously loud greeting.
I hear him sigh. "Come on, Luce. I know you're awake." He sits down in the chair from Ruthie's desk and slides it across the floor. Anything to make more noise.
I have no choice now but to roll over to face him. I slant my eyes, force a yawn, and swallow hard to push the bile back down my throat. "Kevin? What are you…"
"Ruthie told me you're not feeling well." He looks…angry. Like I'm sick just to spite him.
"It's probably just a bug that's going around."
"Tough shit. We're going out tonight."
"Kevin…" I sit up a little, supporting my back on the pillows.
"I told Roxanne we would meet her for dinner and drinks."
"Kevin, I can't. I'm sick. I have a headache. I need to rest."
He glances at the door, as if he's checking to make sure no one is standing around listening. "No. You are going to get off your lazy ass and you are going to go out with me tonight or I will give your head a reason to hurt."
I blink to try to fight the sudden urge to cry. "What do you want me to do?"
"Take a shower. Tell your parents you are feeling better. And make them believe it."
"I can't. Kevin…I'm…" I'm going to be sick. And there isn't time to make it to the toilet, there isn't time even to turn my head. It comes up, and spurts out all over him. I'd laugh if I wasn't already crying, if I didn't fear the crushing blow of his fist.
"You will pay for that, Luce." He knocks the chair over when he stands.
The rain continues to beat down on the roof and the window.
*~Simon~*
I've been driving around since I dropped Ruthie off at home after school. I told her to tell Mom I had to go to the library to study and find a book for a report I had to write. I'm not sure she believe me, but I knew she would tell Mom what I said.
The house looks dark and ominous when I drive past it. The rain is still coming down steady and strong. I back up and sit in the street outside the house.
Only one light shines, in the upstairs window I knew to be Morris' room. Only it isn't Morris' room anymore. Some young girl calls that room hers now. I can see her through the open blinds, dancing around like a maniac.
I had been to his room only once.
"Well, this is it," he stepped back to let me go first into the room.
I stepped in and looked around. A bookcase occupied one corner, and held nothing but trophies and awards. No books. Maybe two, turned to lay flat. I wondered what they were, what they were about. What kind of books would Morris read?
"It's not much, I know..."
"Stop. It's fine. It's a room. I wasn't expecting the Ritz or anything."
He laughed. I loved to hear him laugh. He had one of those infectious laughs, the kind that could inspire a room full of people to start laughing, even when they didn't know what was so funny.
"Simon, sit down. I have to talk to you about something." I didn't like the tone of his voice. He sounded so serious, like my dad when he's about to give a long drawn out lecture.
"I don't want to sit down."
He shifted his eyes toward the bed. I sat, but only because he insisted. I had butterflies in my stomach and I didn't like it. The air between us held an electric charge, and I knew something big was about to happen.
I thought he might kiss me, and that would be okay. But he didn't look like he was going to kiss me. He looked like he was about to throw up.
Maybe he decided he didn't like me anymore, and he was going to tell me to get lost. I wasn't sure I could deal with that. I'd really prefer that he just kiss me and maybe tell me he's in love with me and he can't live without me, because that's how I felt about him.
But I wasn't gay, couldn't be gay. Not just because the Bible says it's wrong. Not just because my parents said it was wrong. Because I just couldn't…But why else would I even think about Morris kissing me? Why did I want him to kiss me? Did I really want him to tell me he loved me? What if he said he couldn't live without me? Could I be gay, for him?
No. I didn't want to be gay. Couldn't be gay.
"Simon, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it."
I just knew he was going to say it. He was going to say he loved me. I could see it, the way he looked at me, the softness in his eyes...
"I'm moving. Next month. I'm going to Texas. My dad got transferred and...and I have to go."
My stomach bottomed out. I felt sick. I felt like I could puke right then and there. I wanted to puke. Dear God, why didn't he just say he loved me? Anything but what he said. Anything but leaving. Dear God, why? Why? It was cruel and unusual punishment and I haven't done anything wrong.
"No..." I whispered, a pathetic objection.
"I'm sorry, Simon. I have to. I don't want to. God knows I don't want to go. I want to stay here. But I can't. I have to go with my parents."
"No! It's not fair!" I felt tears sting my eyes. I wouldn't cry. Not now, not in front of him. "You're my best friend. You're my only friend. I don't want you to go."
"I'll come back, after I graduate. I'll be eighteen then."
"But that's still two years away."
"I know. But...I have to go with them, Simon."
I wanted to scream and cry and stomp my feet at the injustice of it all. And I might have done at least the crying part if he hadn't kissed me. Just like that, before I could think, he was there, sitting on the bed beside me with his fingers in my hair, his lips pressed to mine.
I never thought my first kiss would be another guy. But I opened my mouth to him, and sighed a little sigh of surrender. I wanted him to do more than just kiss me and comb my hair with his fingers.
"Morris..." I whisper and the screech of tires on wet pavement jars me back to reality.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
End chapter 2. I'm slicing and dicing the original version, making changes, adding little details, dropping some unnecessary stuff…So please R/R. It means so much.
A 7th Heaven Fan Fiction by CeruleanOctober
See chapter 1 for disclaimer and warnings
*~Lucy~*
I stay in bed most of the day. I tell Ruthie to tell Mom I'm sick. And I am. Mom rushes up to take my temperature. She fixes me some chicken noodle soup for lunch. I nibble at it, mostly just sip the broth. I don't want to put too much in my stomach, because whatever goes in has to come back out…
I hear his voice, talking to someone downstairs. Probably Mom. Maybe Ruthie. I can't tell. I don't care. I keep my face turned to the wall, and hope maybe he'll go away if he comes up and sees that I am asleep. But who am I kidding? He won't just leave. Not Kevin. He won't leave until he's made me feel small and unworthy and humiliated somehow.
I dread the stomping of his feet on the steps. He wants to make sure I hear him coming. If I'd thought of it sooner, I'd run into the bathroom and lock the door. But he'd just wait for me. Or guilt me into coming out.
At least I know he won't try anything here. In my parent's house.
I don't hate him, even though I should. Any normal person would hate him for what he's done. But my parents taught me a long time ago to love all God's children, no matter what they have done. It's not in me to hate anyone, and Kevin is not worth sacrificing everything I believe in.
So I'll play the game. For now. Because I have no choice, really. But soon…
"Luce." His voice ribbons into the room, filling the air and swirling around my head like some crazy fly I can't quite catch. I resist the urge to turn to him, because even after everything that has happened, I still feel drawn to him, and I know he will win eventually. I may as well get it over with now. I could pretend he woke me just now, coming into the room with his obnoxiously loud greeting.
I hear him sigh. "Come on, Luce. I know you're awake." He sits down in the chair from Ruthie's desk and slides it across the floor. Anything to make more noise.
I have no choice now but to roll over to face him. I slant my eyes, force a yawn, and swallow hard to push the bile back down my throat. "Kevin? What are you…"
"Ruthie told me you're not feeling well." He looks…angry. Like I'm sick just to spite him.
"It's probably just a bug that's going around."
"Tough shit. We're going out tonight."
"Kevin…" I sit up a little, supporting my back on the pillows.
"I told Roxanne we would meet her for dinner and drinks."
"Kevin, I can't. I'm sick. I have a headache. I need to rest."
He glances at the door, as if he's checking to make sure no one is standing around listening. "No. You are going to get off your lazy ass and you are going to go out with me tonight or I will give your head a reason to hurt."
I blink to try to fight the sudden urge to cry. "What do you want me to do?"
"Take a shower. Tell your parents you are feeling better. And make them believe it."
"I can't. Kevin…I'm…" I'm going to be sick. And there isn't time to make it to the toilet, there isn't time even to turn my head. It comes up, and spurts out all over him. I'd laugh if I wasn't already crying, if I didn't fear the crushing blow of his fist.
"You will pay for that, Luce." He knocks the chair over when he stands.
The rain continues to beat down on the roof and the window.
*~Simon~*
I've been driving around since I dropped Ruthie off at home after school. I told her to tell Mom I had to go to the library to study and find a book for a report I had to write. I'm not sure she believe me, but I knew she would tell Mom what I said.
The house looks dark and ominous when I drive past it. The rain is still coming down steady and strong. I back up and sit in the street outside the house.
Only one light shines, in the upstairs window I knew to be Morris' room. Only it isn't Morris' room anymore. Some young girl calls that room hers now. I can see her through the open blinds, dancing around like a maniac.
I had been to his room only once.
"Well, this is it," he stepped back to let me go first into the room.
I stepped in and looked around. A bookcase occupied one corner, and held nothing but trophies and awards. No books. Maybe two, turned to lay flat. I wondered what they were, what they were about. What kind of books would Morris read?
"It's not much, I know..."
"Stop. It's fine. It's a room. I wasn't expecting the Ritz or anything."
He laughed. I loved to hear him laugh. He had one of those infectious laughs, the kind that could inspire a room full of people to start laughing, even when they didn't know what was so funny.
"Simon, sit down. I have to talk to you about something." I didn't like the tone of his voice. He sounded so serious, like my dad when he's about to give a long drawn out lecture.
"I don't want to sit down."
He shifted his eyes toward the bed. I sat, but only because he insisted. I had butterflies in my stomach and I didn't like it. The air between us held an electric charge, and I knew something big was about to happen.
I thought he might kiss me, and that would be okay. But he didn't look like he was going to kiss me. He looked like he was about to throw up.
Maybe he decided he didn't like me anymore, and he was going to tell me to get lost. I wasn't sure I could deal with that. I'd really prefer that he just kiss me and maybe tell me he's in love with me and he can't live without me, because that's how I felt about him.
But I wasn't gay, couldn't be gay. Not just because the Bible says it's wrong. Not just because my parents said it was wrong. Because I just couldn't…But why else would I even think about Morris kissing me? Why did I want him to kiss me? Did I really want him to tell me he loved me? What if he said he couldn't live without me? Could I be gay, for him?
No. I didn't want to be gay. Couldn't be gay.
"Simon, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it."
I just knew he was going to say it. He was going to say he loved me. I could see it, the way he looked at me, the softness in his eyes...
"I'm moving. Next month. I'm going to Texas. My dad got transferred and...and I have to go."
My stomach bottomed out. I felt sick. I felt like I could puke right then and there. I wanted to puke. Dear God, why didn't he just say he loved me? Anything but what he said. Anything but leaving. Dear God, why? Why? It was cruel and unusual punishment and I haven't done anything wrong.
"No..." I whispered, a pathetic objection.
"I'm sorry, Simon. I have to. I don't want to. God knows I don't want to go. I want to stay here. But I can't. I have to go with my parents."
"No! It's not fair!" I felt tears sting my eyes. I wouldn't cry. Not now, not in front of him. "You're my best friend. You're my only friend. I don't want you to go."
"I'll come back, after I graduate. I'll be eighteen then."
"But that's still two years away."
"I know. But...I have to go with them, Simon."
I wanted to scream and cry and stomp my feet at the injustice of it all. And I might have done at least the crying part if he hadn't kissed me. Just like that, before I could think, he was there, sitting on the bed beside me with his fingers in my hair, his lips pressed to mine.
I never thought my first kiss would be another guy. But I opened my mouth to him, and sighed a little sigh of surrender. I wanted him to do more than just kiss me and comb my hair with his fingers.
"Morris..." I whisper and the screech of tires on wet pavement jars me back to reality.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
End chapter 2. I'm slicing and dicing the original version, making changes, adding little details, dropping some unnecessary stuff…So please R/R. It means so much.