Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter. We do not own Quidditch. We do
not own fanfitcion. We do not own the word muggles. We do not own the
internet. We do not own Google.com. We do not own Ginny Weasley. We do
not anybody in this story except Hermione's crazy relatives. We do not own
transfiguration, although we do own the BRILLIANT idea of transfiguring
beds into marbles. We do not own Herbology. We do not own computers or
televisions, but we do own kamplooters and fellytisions, in case you were
wondering. Oh yeah, and we don't own THE LORD OF THE RINGS but Emmeline
thinks that she does.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: First of all, thank you for reading our pathetic excuse for a story. Second of all, yes, there are two of us. (We are both crazy and just as obsessed). Third of all, the parts about fanfiction are not meant to offend anyone who DOES write stories like the examples given in chapter five. (I think it's chapter five). This story is for humor only and is not to be taken siriusly. And without further ado, our.do you call this a story?!
Ginny was not in the best of moods when she awoke the next morning. Ron came bursting into Hermione's room at 6 o'clock, full of questions about the electric clock next to his bed. Needless to say, this made Hermione furious. Ginny watched in a daze as Hermione shouted herself hoarse at Ron, who looked slightly surprised she was so bothered by it. " You never think about other people, do you? Why do you care whether or not we're sleeping? What if we'd been changing? Ever heard of knocking? You are the world's biggest self-centered idiot, Ron Weasley. And DON'T expect me to teach you about microwaves or toasters or anything else!" " What're micro-." Ron began " Just- GET OUT!!!!!!!!!" Hermione raged, and pushed him out the door and slammed it as hard as she could. Breathing heavily, she turned to Ginny and said, "Your brother is-," " An idiot," Ginny finished. " I know." And they both began giggling, neither having the slightest idea that a very shaken Ron was listening outside the door. "Girls," said Ron, shaking his his head, and walking back to the guest room with a look of utmost confusion on his face.
Luckily, It seemed that Hermione and Ron had used up their daily fighting amount, and everyone got along fine for the rest of the day- which was good, because they were very busy. Mrs. Granger agreed to take them all to Diagon Alley to buy presents for anyone that they hadn't already, and Harry and Ron insisted that they go see the sequel to "The Fellowship of the Ring." Ginny thought that muggle theatres were very cool, but unfortunately so did Ron- Ginny had a hard time keeping him from saying things like "Wow! I can't believe muggles can do this without magic!" very loudly, making people stare and mutter among themselves. ("RON! You're forgetting that we're in a muggle theatre?!") But Ginny was very glad they had come, even though it took Harry and Hermione a long time to try to explain to Ron and Ginny that muggles could make things look like they were magic, but they really weren't. Ginny knew that already, but was confused because "You'd think that with all these muggles writing books about magic, they'd notice that the same sort of stuff actually happens!"
Then, when they returned to Hermione's house, they decorated the tree and the rest of the house, helped Mrs. Granger bake Christmas cookies, and tried to help both Hermione's parents put the lights up. Unfortunately, Ron was often startled into falling off the ladder he was on whenever a light flickered, and Ginny and Hermione tended to make a hopeless tangle wherever they were working. Only Harry was of any help at all ("Because Uncle Vernon makes me help him every year,") but when the other three children went inside, Mr. Granger refused to let him keep helping while they were off doing something else. Hermione started to pick up her extra credit, but Ginny, Harry, and Ron all grabbed it from her before she could do any of it. "It's Christmas eve, Hermione!" Harry said exasperatedly. "Just take a break at least until after Christmas!" Ron spent the evening working out a safe route through the house in which he could avoid all doorways with mistletoe. When Hermione asked him why it mattered that he not walk under the mistletoe, he went red all the way to the tips of his ears and muttered something about not wanting it to fall on him, which caused Hermione to look very puzzled. Fortunately, she let him be and the four of them spent the rest of the evening decorating the Christmas cookies.
After they had cleaned up, and washed their sticky, frosting-covered hands, Hermione turned to Ginny, Harry, and Ron. "I promised Ginny yesterday that I'd show her how to use a computer. Do you guys want to come?" Harry shrugged. "Sure. Dudley had a computer, but I was never allowed to use it. I used to watch him, so I know how to work it. Coming, Ron?" "Sure!" Ron replied. "Let's go!" Ginny rolled her eyes, laughing to herself. Ron was always overly eager about anything that had the slightlest bit to do with muggles. Harry and Ron were greatly fascinated by Hermione's room itself, not just the computer. "Whoa!!!" Ron exclaimed. "Hermione, why do you have so many books?". Because, indeed, Hermione's room was full of books. There were two bookcases stuffed full, and piles in the corners and on top of her desk. Ron seemed to have gotten into Hermione's collection of photo albums, because he began laughing uncontrollably and said, " H-Hermione, in p-pigtails?" Hermione snatched the book from his hands and threw it aside. "Just because you two aren't allowed in the girl's dormitories at Hogwarts doesn't mean you can tear apart my room here!" Ginny glanced at Harry, and they both looked away, grinning. Hermione, however, didn't seem to think it was funny at all. She was glaring at Ron so angrily that Ginny felt it was her duty to prevent another hour of bickering.
"Er- so- show me that turning-on thing again, Hermione?" she asked. Hermione walked frostily to the computer and pressed the little button on the side.
"Once it's on," she explained, making a point of looking at Harry and Ginny instead of all three of them, "Then you can click on whatever program you want to go to. For instance-" Ginny watched intently as she put her hand over an odd shaped piece of plastic on the desk next to it. As she moved it around, a little black arrow on the screen moved with it. "Whoa, Cool!" said Ron loudly, and then went very red around the ears.
Hermione ignored him and moved it to a little picture. When she pressed on the plastic thing, the picture got all dark and then a big white thing appeared on the screen. "Oh yes- and this is a mouse," she told them, following Ginny's eyes. "This program that I just opened lets you write more easily than with a quill. It's really the only muggle thing that I miss at Hogwarts- you can type much faster." She pulled out a little drawer form underneath her desk. In it was a plastic rectangle covered in little buttons. They had the letters of the alphabet and numbers on them, but a few had strange things Ginny didn't understand, like *esc* and *num lock.* She supposed they must be in a different language.
Hermione put her hands over the plastic rectangle- and then her hands moved so fast that Ginny could not see what she was doing. Looking up at the screen she gasped- little words were appearing on the white thing, which she saw now must be supposed to look like a piece of that square book paper that muggles used. *Hello. My name is Hermione Granger. Don't you think that this is much easier than writing with a quill? I mean, it's much faster, and you don't get ink all over your fingers.* "Woah! Can I try?" asked Ginny.
"Yes, but it takes a while to learn how to type that fast."
Ginny sat down in the chair and put her hands down on the rectangle as she had seen Hermione do. *Well, what do I do now?* She thought. She pressed some fingers down. The screen now said "Hello. My name is Hermione Granger. Don't you think that this is much easier than writing with a quill? I mean, it's much faster, and you don't get ink all over your fingers.gsfuj"
"Oh, I get it- ummm." Ginny stared down at the- what was it called? "Hermione, what's this thing with the buttons?"
"That's the keyboard. It's not really part of the computer, you just hook it up." She pointed to the gray wire running out of the back.
"All right. Uh- so how did you know what letters you were doing without looking?"
"It takes a while to memorize where your fingers are, Ginny. It doesn't just come to you. And I'll gladly show you how to work the computer, but I draw the line at teaching you all how to type!"
"Okay, that's fine, I mean I don't have a use for knowing how to type anyway- but what's this bar thing?" Ginny pointed to the strip running along the top of the screen. She read it aloud- "Word, File, Edit, View, Insert, Format, Font, Tools, Table. what are all those words for?"
Hermione took the mouse and moved the black arrow thing to font. To Ginny's surprise, a long list of words appeared, all in different ways of writing. "It's the toolbar, and these are fonts. It's like handwriting, only one person can write in all of them. Ginny looked at Ron, who looked extremely intrigued but very confused. "See- watch."
She clicked on "Copperplate Gothic Bold" and wrote, It takes a while to learn how to type. It doesn't just come to you!
This time Ron could not suppress himself. "That's bloody cool! WOW! How does it do that?"
Hermione, who apparently was still angry with Ron, ignored him again and said, "This is only one program, you see. There's a million other things I could tell you about it, but I think I should just show you another one."
She clicked this time on the "Word" and moved the arrow down to "Quit."
Ginny took a better look at the picture Hermione clicked on next- It had a big blue "e" on it. Suddenly a page appeared on the screen. At the top it said , and then in bigger, colorful letters, "GOOGLE". Then there were smaller boxes that said stuff like "web", "images", and "groups". "It's my homepage", Hermione explained. "But it's also a search engine". Seeing the confused looks on Ginny and Ron's faces, she said, "A homepage is the page that comes up when you start the program. A search engine is something where you can search for information, like this one. See?" She typed "computers" into the little box, and clicked the "Google Search" button. Suddenly the page was full of writing. There were headings like "Dell computers" and " Windows XP laptops", but there were also things saying "Sell your computer on ebay.com" and "Compaq Product Information". " Wicked." said Ron, gazing at the screen. "Want to try?" Hermione asked Harry. "That way Ginny and Ron can watch one more time." "Sure", Harry replied. It turned out that Harry wasn't exactly the world's greatest typist either, since although he apparently had already known how to work a computer, he had only used one a couple times. The rest of the time went by very quickly. Laughing and talking, they continued to expirement with the computer, looking up different subjects and going to many websites. It wasn't until Mrs. Granger appeared, suggesting they all go to bed, so they would be well rested for Christmas that they realized they'd been in Hermione's room for more than two hours. Harry and Ron said good night and departed to their own room.
Ginny did not get to sleep as easily as the night before. Though she was tired, she simply had too much on her mind. Ginny decided to list all the muggle things she had learned about while she was there, since she obviously wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon. Lets see she thought, there were microwaves, and electric clocks.lights, and of course the computer. Also, muggle movies theatres, and televisions, telephones, CD players, radios, and. she yawned, ex.tension cords. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep. Ginny slept peacefully for most of that night, except for one disturbing dream where Hermione's computer turned into Lord Voldemort and was chasing her around the house, and awoke the next morning well rested and full of the kind of excitement only Christmas could bring.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: First of all, thank you for reading our pathetic excuse for a story. Second of all, yes, there are two of us. (We are both crazy and just as obsessed). Third of all, the parts about fanfiction are not meant to offend anyone who DOES write stories like the examples given in chapter five. (I think it's chapter five). This story is for humor only and is not to be taken siriusly. And without further ado, our.do you call this a story?!
Ginny was not in the best of moods when she awoke the next morning. Ron came bursting into Hermione's room at 6 o'clock, full of questions about the electric clock next to his bed. Needless to say, this made Hermione furious. Ginny watched in a daze as Hermione shouted herself hoarse at Ron, who looked slightly surprised she was so bothered by it. " You never think about other people, do you? Why do you care whether or not we're sleeping? What if we'd been changing? Ever heard of knocking? You are the world's biggest self-centered idiot, Ron Weasley. And DON'T expect me to teach you about microwaves or toasters or anything else!" " What're micro-." Ron began " Just- GET OUT!!!!!!!!!" Hermione raged, and pushed him out the door and slammed it as hard as she could. Breathing heavily, she turned to Ginny and said, "Your brother is-," " An idiot," Ginny finished. " I know." And they both began giggling, neither having the slightest idea that a very shaken Ron was listening outside the door. "Girls," said Ron, shaking his his head, and walking back to the guest room with a look of utmost confusion on his face.
Luckily, It seemed that Hermione and Ron had used up their daily fighting amount, and everyone got along fine for the rest of the day- which was good, because they were very busy. Mrs. Granger agreed to take them all to Diagon Alley to buy presents for anyone that they hadn't already, and Harry and Ron insisted that they go see the sequel to "The Fellowship of the Ring." Ginny thought that muggle theatres were very cool, but unfortunately so did Ron- Ginny had a hard time keeping him from saying things like "Wow! I can't believe muggles can do this without magic!" very loudly, making people stare and mutter among themselves. ("RON! You're forgetting that we're in a muggle theatre?!") But Ginny was very glad they had come, even though it took Harry and Hermione a long time to try to explain to Ron and Ginny that muggles could make things look like they were magic, but they really weren't. Ginny knew that already, but was confused because "You'd think that with all these muggles writing books about magic, they'd notice that the same sort of stuff actually happens!"
Then, when they returned to Hermione's house, they decorated the tree and the rest of the house, helped Mrs. Granger bake Christmas cookies, and tried to help both Hermione's parents put the lights up. Unfortunately, Ron was often startled into falling off the ladder he was on whenever a light flickered, and Ginny and Hermione tended to make a hopeless tangle wherever they were working. Only Harry was of any help at all ("Because Uncle Vernon makes me help him every year,") but when the other three children went inside, Mr. Granger refused to let him keep helping while they were off doing something else. Hermione started to pick up her extra credit, but Ginny, Harry, and Ron all grabbed it from her before she could do any of it. "It's Christmas eve, Hermione!" Harry said exasperatedly. "Just take a break at least until after Christmas!" Ron spent the evening working out a safe route through the house in which he could avoid all doorways with mistletoe. When Hermione asked him why it mattered that he not walk under the mistletoe, he went red all the way to the tips of his ears and muttered something about not wanting it to fall on him, which caused Hermione to look very puzzled. Fortunately, she let him be and the four of them spent the rest of the evening decorating the Christmas cookies.
After they had cleaned up, and washed their sticky, frosting-covered hands, Hermione turned to Ginny, Harry, and Ron. "I promised Ginny yesterday that I'd show her how to use a computer. Do you guys want to come?" Harry shrugged. "Sure. Dudley had a computer, but I was never allowed to use it. I used to watch him, so I know how to work it. Coming, Ron?" "Sure!" Ron replied. "Let's go!" Ginny rolled her eyes, laughing to herself. Ron was always overly eager about anything that had the slightlest bit to do with muggles. Harry and Ron were greatly fascinated by Hermione's room itself, not just the computer. "Whoa!!!" Ron exclaimed. "Hermione, why do you have so many books?". Because, indeed, Hermione's room was full of books. There were two bookcases stuffed full, and piles in the corners and on top of her desk. Ron seemed to have gotten into Hermione's collection of photo albums, because he began laughing uncontrollably and said, " H-Hermione, in p-pigtails?" Hermione snatched the book from his hands and threw it aside. "Just because you two aren't allowed in the girl's dormitories at Hogwarts doesn't mean you can tear apart my room here!" Ginny glanced at Harry, and they both looked away, grinning. Hermione, however, didn't seem to think it was funny at all. She was glaring at Ron so angrily that Ginny felt it was her duty to prevent another hour of bickering.
"Er- so- show me that turning-on thing again, Hermione?" she asked. Hermione walked frostily to the computer and pressed the little button on the side.
"Once it's on," she explained, making a point of looking at Harry and Ginny instead of all three of them, "Then you can click on whatever program you want to go to. For instance-" Ginny watched intently as she put her hand over an odd shaped piece of plastic on the desk next to it. As she moved it around, a little black arrow on the screen moved with it. "Whoa, Cool!" said Ron loudly, and then went very red around the ears.
Hermione ignored him and moved it to a little picture. When she pressed on the plastic thing, the picture got all dark and then a big white thing appeared on the screen. "Oh yes- and this is a mouse," she told them, following Ginny's eyes. "This program that I just opened lets you write more easily than with a quill. It's really the only muggle thing that I miss at Hogwarts- you can type much faster." She pulled out a little drawer form underneath her desk. In it was a plastic rectangle covered in little buttons. They had the letters of the alphabet and numbers on them, but a few had strange things Ginny didn't understand, like *esc* and *num lock.* She supposed they must be in a different language.
Hermione put her hands over the plastic rectangle- and then her hands moved so fast that Ginny could not see what she was doing. Looking up at the screen she gasped- little words were appearing on the white thing, which she saw now must be supposed to look like a piece of that square book paper that muggles used. *Hello. My name is Hermione Granger. Don't you think that this is much easier than writing with a quill? I mean, it's much faster, and you don't get ink all over your fingers.* "Woah! Can I try?" asked Ginny.
"Yes, but it takes a while to learn how to type that fast."
Ginny sat down in the chair and put her hands down on the rectangle as she had seen Hermione do. *Well, what do I do now?* She thought. She pressed some fingers down. The screen now said "Hello. My name is Hermione Granger. Don't you think that this is much easier than writing with a quill? I mean, it's much faster, and you don't get ink all over your fingers.gsfuj"
"Oh, I get it- ummm." Ginny stared down at the- what was it called? "Hermione, what's this thing with the buttons?"
"That's the keyboard. It's not really part of the computer, you just hook it up." She pointed to the gray wire running out of the back.
"All right. Uh- so how did you know what letters you were doing without looking?"
"It takes a while to memorize where your fingers are, Ginny. It doesn't just come to you. And I'll gladly show you how to work the computer, but I draw the line at teaching you all how to type!"
"Okay, that's fine, I mean I don't have a use for knowing how to type anyway- but what's this bar thing?" Ginny pointed to the strip running along the top of the screen. She read it aloud- "Word, File, Edit, View, Insert, Format, Font, Tools, Table. what are all those words for?"
Hermione took the mouse and moved the black arrow thing to font. To Ginny's surprise, a long list of words appeared, all in different ways of writing. "It's the toolbar, and these are fonts. It's like handwriting, only one person can write in all of them. Ginny looked at Ron, who looked extremely intrigued but very confused. "See- watch."
She clicked on "Copperplate Gothic Bold" and wrote, It takes a while to learn how to type. It doesn't just come to you!
This time Ron could not suppress himself. "That's bloody cool! WOW! How does it do that?"
Hermione, who apparently was still angry with Ron, ignored him again and said, "This is only one program, you see. There's a million other things I could tell you about it, but I think I should just show you another one."
She clicked this time on the "Word" and moved the arrow down to "Quit."
Ginny took a better look at the picture Hermione clicked on next- It had a big blue "e" on it. Suddenly a page appeared on the screen. At the top it said , and then in bigger, colorful letters, "GOOGLE". Then there were smaller boxes that said stuff like "web", "images", and "groups". "It's my homepage", Hermione explained. "But it's also a search engine". Seeing the confused looks on Ginny and Ron's faces, she said, "A homepage is the page that comes up when you start the program. A search engine is something where you can search for information, like this one. See?" She typed "computers" into the little box, and clicked the "Google Search" button. Suddenly the page was full of writing. There were headings like "Dell computers" and " Windows XP laptops", but there were also things saying "Sell your computer on ebay.com" and "Compaq Product Information". " Wicked." said Ron, gazing at the screen. "Want to try?" Hermione asked Harry. "That way Ginny and Ron can watch one more time." "Sure", Harry replied. It turned out that Harry wasn't exactly the world's greatest typist either, since although he apparently had already known how to work a computer, he had only used one a couple times. The rest of the time went by very quickly. Laughing and talking, they continued to expirement with the computer, looking up different subjects and going to many websites. It wasn't until Mrs. Granger appeared, suggesting they all go to bed, so they would be well rested for Christmas that they realized they'd been in Hermione's room for more than two hours. Harry and Ron said good night and departed to their own room.
Ginny did not get to sleep as easily as the night before. Though she was tired, she simply had too much on her mind. Ginny decided to list all the muggle things she had learned about while she was there, since she obviously wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon. Lets see she thought, there were microwaves, and electric clocks.lights, and of course the computer. Also, muggle movies theatres, and televisions, telephones, CD players, radios, and. she yawned, ex.tension cords. Slowly, she drifted off to sleep. Ginny slept peacefully for most of that night, except for one disturbing dream where Hermione's computer turned into Lord Voldemort and was chasing her around the house, and awoke the next morning well rested and full of the kind of excitement only Christmas could bring.