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*sweatdrops* I figured it was about time to post a ficcie up. *roll eyes* ¬¬U;; And this happened to be dedicated to my wonderful wonderful bestest online friend~ Chibi B!!! ^_____^ *huggle glomps* XDD Check out her stories! They're the best-written B/R/M/M ficcies ever. XP Luvvies~! 3 3
Anyways, about this particular fanfic… XD I bet all of you readers out there must have realized the amount of Bakura-beats-Ryou fics out in the Fanfiction Universe… ____;; So, I wanted to write something that can possibly counter that… XD But I'm not countering it by writing a Ryou-beats-Bakura fic…! O______O;; I don't think I could have considered that for a second. *coughs* Anyways, by countering it I meant to write a ficcie with Bakura regretting and Ryou unforgiving (Is that possible? XP). So yes, 'nough said! Enjoy~!
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Please Stop Loving Me…By Celestialic~
[Dedication: Chibi B]
Silvery moonlight shimmered from the sky then into the room where I stood in. The curtains swayed lightly in the rich movement of the night breeze, and it all adds up making the room gloomy yet significantly lightened by the ethereal glow from the faint stars and the clouded moon.
It couldn't have been better when Ryou appeared in front of the sight before me. Those slightly waving locks of silver hair glistened, as if tempting me to run my fingers over that softness… Those focused, wide and innocent eyes stared up at the sky above, those eyes which I've craved to peer in… Those lips, slightly pouted as they always were, stayed emotionless, and I knew nothing like a smile would grace them again.
Ryou was just standing there, a few feet away from me—away from me. True, I highly doubt Ryou would ever want to see me again. …Nor should he want to. It twists my stomach remembering what I had done to him before. I hadn't treated him like a true yami would have had… I tried to destroy him. He had not hate me for what I have done, though. He truly had not.
Until now.
He's told me he loves me countless times before, despite the fact that I declined his every confession—what I regret the most. It still fills me with utter shame as I rethink those events when I had just simply laugh at him for his naiveté of trying to love his yami—me. …I even dare call myself a yami. Funny, isn't it?
He's lost that naiveté and that innocence now. Just by staring into the depths of those almond eyes in a split second tells me what he's lost and gained. That pair of blank, expressionless, vacant and empty eyes divine to nothing but utter solitude…
He hasn't spoken a word nor had any slightest expression since…
"Why can't you just forget your pride and try to give a little love??"
Laughter filled the room. "Love? Love who? YOU?" A snicker. "Don't you ever get it? I-do-NOT-love-you. I *HATE* you!"
His tears silently ran down his face. "Aren't _you_ suppose to be the one who's hated?"
A huge glare.
He backed up against the wall slowly. "Yami… please, just… I can change, really! If you really hate me so, I-I can change!"
"You can change what I hate about you? Hah, you're so pathetic. I hate you—hate the fact that you existed!!"
I still remember his face. Those brown eyes pooled with water as those pink lips bled under his teeth. His eyes focused at me abruptly, and he stopped trembling. I smirked at the boy… and Ryou gave an insecure glare before he ran. Ran from me, his yami, his terror.
I didn't know where he went.
After his departure, I felt nevertheless guilty. That wasn't supposed to happen. Really. The more I think of it, the more I realized one little detailed fact—I loved Ryou. At first I hated to admit that, and I denied all that was about him and myself. But I soon found out it was hard to deny the truth. Yes, Ryou is my koibito. But I've never treated him fairly. I've tried to destroy him. Wrecked his life to the fullest.
…Only to forget, his life was me. Equalling that I've wrecked… myself? I only had him, though that was all I needed. And he was gone. Gone from my life… And it was my own fault entirely.
I could not explain how the fire within my heart flamed once more when Ryou appeared on my doorstep again months after the incident. I hugged him, told him how I was sorry, told him how I missed him, told him how I loved him…
…Only to find that he wasn't the same Ryou I knew before.
He was so quiet, and he never met my gaze. Like he was under a spell or something. I didn't know what caused this, but it was quite obvious that I should be the one guilty about this. And I am.
I approached him sometimes, and run my fingers through his hair. The thought remembering that I've once violently yanked these beautiful locks of cotton-like hair still haunts me. And Ryou seems to be haunted by these thoughts too. He would simply burst into silent tears and fling my hand away from his hair.
I understand.
If I was the cause of Ryou being in solitude, then I promise to be the solution for it as well.
But things were not as easy as I thought. What Ryou thinks underneath it all was beyond me. How I would give away everything just to know what was going on in Ryou's mind... He's blocked all the ways that I could peer into his head, giving me no single chance to understand him.
I hate that.
But I deserve that.
It's too late. I know, it's too late to turn back. It's too late to love, too late to be sorry. Ryou's love for me was gone. It must be. Forgiveness was over, too. Even I can't forgive myself… so what about Ryou? He's forgiven me countless times; telling himself to ignore my vicious words and violent attempts when ignoring them was the hardest thing. But he did refuse to hate me. He did give hope to himself in believing that I would change one day. And his belief did succeed… only when he's given up his hope. I doubt that hope or that forgiveness can ever claim his heart again.
Sometimes Ryou worry me. He could just sit there, on a simple chair, hands in his lap, and eyes focused on a single object; and speechlessly staring blankly for endless hours. I've had hypothesises that he was deep in his own world thinking about things, either about me or about himself… or worse, about someone else besides he and I.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's fallen for someone else. With the perfection Ryou has that I've once neglected noticing, he could drive anyone into his web. But Ryou didn't seem to be checking anyone out. He's so quiet, so silent, and always so fatigued-in-a-way, that I worry especially about his sociality.
I could just tell him. Tell him how much I love him, how very sorry I was… no words could describe how I felt for him. And being the very haughty and pride-hungry yami I am, I really have trouble expressing myself. But then again, I highly doubt Ryou cares about how much I love him or how very sorry I was now. No matter how much I express my feelings for him, he doesn't care. I've tried it. He just looked at me blankly for a few seconds, and then turn his head around to gaze at something else.
That kills me.
I don't know what was going on with him. Does he fear me? Does he hate me? Do I annoy him? Does he wish to be alone? There were so many questions in my head that I couldn't answer. I needed Ryou to answer them. But he refuses to talk to me.
I feel so weak. Somehow Ryou's made me go all soft and confused. I really don't know myself anymore. I was suppose to be the bad attitude, take-it-or-leave-it, stare-at-me-and-I'll-fucking-kill-you sort of tomb raider. But Ryou changed me. Changed me into… into someone else. I don't know whether I'll still be my old arrogant self in front of other people or the same as I am now, but like I cared. My greatest concern at this current moment was Ryou. And I want him to always be my greatest concern.
He's changed me so much. Besides the fact that I am now attached to him like magnet to magnet, I also caught myself pitying those who I've damaged somehow in the past. No, I wasn't suppose to feel guilty about what I've done, being my arrogant self. I should believe that what I do is always correct. I don't know. I seemed to have lost it all. All because of Ryou…
I just hate him.
Hate him for what he's done to me.
I just love him.
Love him for what he's done for me…
I swayed away from my inner monologue and stared back at Ryou. My Ryou. My beautiful little hikari, Ryou. He was again deep in his own world, not giving a damn about anything, anyone else—namely me. Shoving away the thoughts, I strolled over to him slowly, and stood beside him.
He didn't seem to notice. Or, he didn't bother to notice.
"Hikari…?" I whispered huskily, and he jumped. Ryou's head lifted up, and those empty yet beautiful brown eyes stared back into mine. How I long to be able to peer into them and feel Ryou's emotions… He edged away from me, though keeping his orbs focused on mine.
…Do I frighten him that much…?
Frustration claimed by mind for a second before I forced patience to take over. …Yes, Ryou ought to be frightened. I don't mind. What I have is time—to show Ryou my remorse and the love I feel for him. …Maybe I should stop sounding like a hopelessly wistful sappy-ass.
I stared at my hikari for a second, trying to push away my lustful thoughts but instead concentrate on his feelings. He bit his lip, and tilted his head a little. I flashed an expression on my lips, scarcely a smile though definitely not a smirk; hoping to earn the wee bit of trust left in Ryou.
He blinked, and slowly opened his mouth. "Ba--Bakura…sama?"
The soft voice was barely audible, but I was overjoyed to hear him speak to me. No matter what he says, what he requests me to do, what he wants to do; I will obey. I stepped closer to hear, but he edged away once more, this time backing to the fence of our balcony. I stopped abruptly, slapping myself mentally for scaring him.
"Ryou, hikari—" I was stopped by Ryou's whimpering. I sighed, and nodded at him. "I'm not going to hurt you."
He seemed to calm down a little, being the credulous little hikari he was and always will be. However, Ryou continued biting his lip nervously.
"… Bakura-sama…" The voice of Ryou's was scarely a whisper. "Why are you here?"
Those innocent eyes widens as I step towards him. Running my fingers between Ryou's hair gently to avoid scaring him, I answered his question truthfully. "Because. I want to be with you."
He swallowed, and I found his eyes glued to his shoes interestedly. "Yami-sama, why do you want to be with me?"
I gaped at Ryou. In the past, I would have smacked him for such stupidity… but now was different. "Because I just happen to love my hikari."
"Is that me, Bakura-sama?" He mumbled. I sighed. "Yes, Ryou. My hikari is you."
Silence.
"Yami-sama, why are you so nice to me?"
"Because I love you."
"…Does that mean you won't be nice to me anymore if you lost interest in me, Bakura-sama?" Ryou murmured, eyes still glued to the ground.
Silence grated the atmosphere once more as those words sunk into my head.
… … …
"No." I finally said, my tone firm and steady. "Because I will never lose interest in you."
"…" He said nothing. I embraced Ryou, and was glad that he didn't push me off. Maybe, just maybe, I have a chance to get Ryou be who he was before… My strong little Ryou.
"Bakura-sama…?" Ryou started quietly. I nodded for him to continue. "Bakura-sama, can you do me a favour?"
"Anything. Anything, Ryou. Anything for you, love." I said instantly and firmly.
…But what Ryou requested, I cannot fulfill. I cannot even try to fulfill. …Love, such a dreadful thing. How I dislike it. How I despise it. How I hate it. How I loathe it. How I… crave it. I cannot stand it, being right beside the one I actually love, though not being able to be loved. The words Ryou said, each word, each syllable, stabbed into my heart like thousands of swords. I gaped at Ryou, though refusing to let the water in my eyes pour out. Why do all the things I do never go my way? Why am I treated unfairly? Am I… am I incapable of love? Do I not deserve Ryou? …
"Bakura-sama, would you… please stop loving me?"
…
Owari~
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…O___o;;
*dodges wild rotten flying tomatoes* ___ …Yes, I noticed the fact that this did not have a happy ending. Errm. My attempt at an emotional B/R ficcie… but I guess it turned out to be just one word—Boring. *sweatdrops* Did anyone made it to here? Oo;; If you did read this far, then you must be very, very, very bored by now, ne?
This was suppose to be a One-Shot, but I found my own interest captured and began thinking about a sequel… So, that means if I get enough satisfaction (though I really doubt it), there might be a slim chance that I'll post a sequel~! And what is the 'satisfaction' I want…? *whistles* XP XP You know you get it—Review~!
(For Chibi B-chan~ *glomps* Did you like it? … Probably not,,! I mean, this was boring, ne? ___ And to add to its baddie-ness, neither Marik nor Malik is in here… *sighs* n____n;; I promise you a better ficcie~! Since I've wanted to write a Marik/Ryou one for a looong time. P So yah! Hope you liked this… )
Footnotes:
Oh yes. Oh yes~! Did anyone notice the difference between Ryou before and after? XDD The reason why Ryou was so strong-ish in the beginning was because of a lot of people's complaint about Ryou being often written as a huge weakling when he was actually never weak in the Manga/Anime. However, a lot of people loved how Ryou was so helpless under Bakura… O___o;; (Don't get the wrong idea~! ) And I'm kind of in the middle of both opinions… D That's why it was written this way~! *giggles*