Shadowed Emotions

by: say-chan

Disclaimer: another wonderful piece of crap from my mind unfolds! ^-^ this is the third chapter of the series... i hope you guys like this! anywayz, i do not own x-men : evolution. i only own the very crappy idea... ^-^please R & R! *pleads*

note: this is a PWP! ^-^ [plot? what plot?]

Chapter Three: A candle amidst Darkness

~I'm afraid to fly... and I dunno why... I'm jealous of the people who are not afraid to die... It's just that I recall... back when I was small... someone promised that they'd catch me... But then they let me fall...~

Alone... All over again. Thoughts still circled in my head, which was sore from the events recurring, twisting, reaching out to the darkest part of my brain I couldn't even reach. More and more events -- both cruel and harsh made their ways to my consciousness. I was lost in thought.

It was deja vu all over again. The elfish grin that was once plastered beneath my eyelids faded away as tears drowned them for the thousandth time. The searing pain pierced my heart again. MY own words... my own thoughts were like sharp knives and daggers stabbing me constantly. Everything was very unclear. Things had happened so fast that they couldn't register as they happened. Okay, maybe I'm not making any sense, but I have every reason not to. I don't understand... I just don't!

Last night, events flashed and shattered me all over again. Things from the other nights flashed right by my eyes. Like some race car speeding past a red traffic light. It won't stop.

Tears stung my eyes as I began to lose control. My mind was in overdrive and I couldn't stop it. I was disoriented. I was confused.

The door creaked open and I hid myself under the covers. I felt so childish in doing so. Nevertheless, I clutched the thick quilt firmly, as a hiccough escaped my lips. I felt like a child. A big lump formed on my throat as I felt blood rush to my cheeks. There was so much chaos in my brain. Sweat dripped silently, drenching the covers. It felt-- different.

Once again, I was asking every question that came to me. Everything felt so different that I couldn't decipher my own emotions from my thoughts. Everything was jumbled up. It was like over a thousand puzzle pieces and I didn't know where to start. It hurt so much that it was tearing me apart, bit by bit.

I felt the bed cushion slowly level down. In some way, I knew someone was there, patiently watching, knowing my every move. I didn't even dare to look up and see who it was. Who knew? It might have been that fuzzy blue elf again...

It was the tenth time that week that I didn't mention his name. As if it were poison I dared not taste. As if it were a rose filled with thorns that I couldn't touch... My thoughts came to an end as I felt a hand slowly brush the quilt, gradually yanking it off. Hesitating, I looked up as my vision fogged.

It wasn't the three-fingered hand I was secretly hoping to see. Silently, I closed my eyes again, wishing my thoughts, along with his image, which was burned in my mind, would fade away. I fixated my eyes on the person as she yanked off my covers up to my shoulder. Squinting, I stared at her.

"It's rude tah stare, ya know."

I heard the Southern accent. My vision cleared and all I saw was the person I least expected to be there. I couldn't believe what I saw. My tear-stricken eyes widened at the recognition of the figure.

"R- Rogue?"

I mumbled with uncertainty, sitting straight to make up a cleared view of her framework. I scratched my eyes a bit, thinking I was dreaming. But when I took away my hands, she was still there, one eyebrow raised with a very puzzled look on her face.

"In tha' flesh, Kitten." she replied. "Who do ya expect?"

"No... I thought... You were..." I replied, my voice dropping to a small squeak. I looked away and stared at my hand, gripping the cloth tightly. Inside, I wanted.... I yearned to say his name, but my mind knew better.

As if reading my thoughts, she lifted my face up with her gloved finger. "Kurt?" she said, finishing my reply with a question.

"Since when did you become Jean and read my thoughts?" I said, tears rimming my eyes as I shoved her hand away, looking down.

She regained composure, adjusting the leather glove she had on her left hand.

"Yeah, so maybe I am." she replied, pulling the glove's fingertips one at a time.

"You, like, zapped her?" I asked, both puzzled and astonished by my own words.

"I had tah! Ya were actin' so weird and Ah decided tah give her a tap." Rogue replied, putting the glove back on.

"You could've just asked!"

"As if ya weren't too stubborn tah tell me!"

"Since when did you care?" I yelled in her face, emotions filling my cheeks as I wiped my tears away.

"Since ya started tah sulk and cry every single day. Since ya skipped meals fer ova three days in a row. I'm not the only one who cares for ya around here fer all ya know!" she yelled back and stared at me.

Somehow, I didn't have the guts to tell her what I wanted to say. I just turned and looked away, overcome with both the revelation of the Ice Queen and the destruction that she'd cause if so. Breathing in, I gathered up my courage and looked at her straight. I had never seen her this angry before in my entire life.

"How the hell are we gonna tell Prof-" I paused as a calm voice murmured in my brain.

"Kitty, Rogue, Kurt. I want to see you all in the library immediately."

I shivered in the recognition of the voice. *We are so in trouble.* I thought nervously to myself.

Minutes later, I found the library floor interesting. An eerie silence hovered around as tensions rose, causing chills down my spine. I bit my lower lip as I heard a person's sigh.

"All right, now. What happened?" the professor broke silence into pieces.

"Ah can explain professor..." I heard Rogue's quivering voice answer.

"No, Rogue,." I heard the elf answer. He stood up, tail hanging tensely in the air. Then he turned to Professor Xavier. "It was all my fault." My ears perked. I looked up in astonishment.

"But Kurt--" Rogue started.

He then explained a brief narrative, me, not knowing if it was real or not. The professor could've probed our minds by now, but I guess the elf's narrative worked. And Jean... Lucky us, she wouldn't remember anything either. The elf bowed his head and stared at the floor as his ears stood on their ends.

"Kitty, Rogue you may go." Professor Xavier said as he nodded at me, then to Rogue.

At first, I admit, I hesitated. As if my whole body was frozen on the spot, my eyes were watched the elf. His tail was limply lying, his head down, his eyes dropped to the floor. It made my heart pang a bit.

And then I found myself lying at bed that night, tossing and turning in almost every direction I could manage to fit my body in. Sighing in defeat, I gazed at the night sky, stars twinkling faintly. My hands folded under my head, my legs hanging on the sides of the bed. Somehow, something just didn't feel right. Something was missing. I stood out of bed, hoping that a glass of warm milk would send me off to dreamland.

Still lost in thought, I wandered to the kitchen, clutching my robe tightly around myself. I passed by the foyer and saw a small light in the darkness. I heard someone muttering almost silently.

Out of curiosity, I went there and saw a figure, sitting down, hands held tight, head down. I watched as that person muttered in front of a candle, moonlight beaming at him. As I fixated on his hands., I noticed the abnormality. It was Kurt.

I dragged my fear closer, quietly, wanting to hear what he was mumbling about As if my feet had a mind of their own, they stopped in the darkness and a foot away from the elf, I froze on the spot.

"Lord please send me your guidance. I love Keety so much. And I've realized zat and now it's too late. Help me, Lord. Help Keety realize how I feel about her. help her understand that I've proven myself wrong vith choosing Amanda. I was wrong, Lord. Please let Keety..." he paused a bit as I heard a hiccough escape from his lips. "Please help her forgive me. I was wrong." he whispered, followed by a deep sigh.

A part of me wanted to stand up from the position I was in and hold him in my arms and watch him cry. A part of me wanted to comfort him. But my body froze on the spot as more thoughts registered in my head. What did he just say?

"Lord, Please forgive me. All I did was hurt the person whom I really love. I love Keety."

a / n:

hey people!! ^-^ finally! the third installment of shadowed emotions is up! ^_^ it took time to lay the plot down... because.... there is no plot! ^-^ well, technically speaking... there WAS no plot until it hit me right at mah face! ^-^. anywayz, onto my ever beloved creditz!

Thanks to those people who reviewed my fics! I luv yah all! ^-^ to my friends, Joy, Kare, 1mig, Rika, Anne, Eunice, Bez, Dino, JM, April, pookies, mike, and to my friends at fastgames and pldtplay, and to the guys who know me! ^-^ hehehe... Credits to DBZsista, Wakizashi and to RedLion, you guys rule!! ^-^ to 19B and to ***** ^-^.... hehehe...

to my twin, Ria! ^-^ mwah! i luv yah!

and to my new beta!!! (drum roll please!) TAINEYAH ^-^ she is a really cool beta!! check out her fics, she rules!! ^-^ better than me! everyone's better than me! ^-^

I AM and RAINDROPS are still open to reviews... =P

anywayz, it's almost time for my beautiful beautiful English class and I'm worn out writing this! ^-^ Please R & R!!! ^-^

Bye peepz!

lovelotz,

say-chan

[the posting was delayed because of the exam overdrive... aahhh!! it's total madness in hea!! i got a songfic comin' up this august... so wait for it to happen, aight? ^-^]