"Lonely Girl" Pink Missundaztood
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma, Akane, Kasumi, or any such thing. They are Rumiko Takahashi's creations. The song "Lonely Girl" by Pink is owned by her or somebody other than me. I am making no money.
AN: I thought this deserved a little explanation. When I first heard this song, I saw one of the Tendo sisters. I first part could have been any of them, but by the end I was really seeing it as Akane. It actually took me a while to really recognize the two singers. Then I started to see it as Akane as the first singer and someone else as the second. I wanted this as a companion to "Eventually," so obviously the second singer was Kasumi. It turned out a bit more complicated than that. I'm really very sorry. First singer is in italics, second is in bold italics.
This is disjointed. I didn't write it all in one setting and I didn't plot it out. That combination means I risk coming off a little odd. Whatever. If something really bothers anyone, tell me and I'll see what I can do.
Akane
I can remember
The very first time I cried
Three small children huddled together on the bed. Three sisters, all of them scared. For the two oldest, who knew a least a little of what was going on, the pain was already taking over. But the youngest had no idea what was happening. All she knew was that her mother wasn't there and everybody was crying and looking sad all the time. She wished her mother would come home. Mother could make everyone happy again.
How I wiped my eyes
And buried the pain inside
She still didn't understand. Where was her mother? Why didn't she come home? Father was always crying. Her sisters cried too. Eventually, they stopped. Mother wouldn't want them to cry. She cried because she wanted her mother. She cried at the betrayal. Why didn't Mother come comfort her? Didn't she love her anymore?
As she grew older, she understood. And she stopped crying. Mother wouldn't come. Crying didn't help. It just hurt more and more. She didn't want to fell the pain anymore, so she pushed it aside. Pushed it away.
All of my memories
Good and bad that's passed
Didn't even take the time to realize
She pushed all of it away. She didn't have to feel so sad. Feeling angry was better. But when she was angry, she couldn't feel happy. It didn't matter. Nobody cared about her. She forgot about her sisters and how the three of them had always played together. Mother had loved for all of them to play together. And it hurt to think about Mother. So she forgot about it. Really, it wasn't fair how her sisters got to everything first.
Staring at the cracks in the walls
'Cause I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
'Cause it's taking over my head
All over again
At night, she started to remember, and regret. She would curl up on her bed and cry and cry and cry. The anger that kept her safe and warm during the day seemed to disappear at night. And all that was left was the cold and the tears. She was so lonely. She wanted her Mother. She wanted her strong, caring father. She wanted to be with her sisters the way she used to be. But Mother was gone. And Father had collapsed into his own little world. And her sisters were so busy...and she pushed them away...
Eventually she stopped crying and night brought only the cold, empty feeling.
Do you even know who you are?
I guess I'm trying to find
Things got better. As she grew up, some of the anger and coldness drained away. She could be happy, with her friends. She wasn't close with her family, but that didn't matter as much. Eventually, she could even remember her mother some without the pain or the rage overwhelming her. She thought she was okay. She thought she was happy.
Then, in highschool, the boys had started trying to date her, to own her. And the girls, angry that she was getting so much attention from all the boys, starting ignoring her or being cruel to her. The anger came back. How dare those stupid boys ruin everything?
Then he came.
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
She had always been the center of attention. The youngest child, spoiled by everyone. The strong, smart, popular girl. Even when there was trouble at school, it was still about her. The boys had wanted her. The girls had been jealous of her. She had been the best.
He took that away from her. He was better than her at everything. He was a better martial artist, Hell, he was even a better cook than her! It wasn't fair. He wasn't really better. He just cheated. She was the best.
But...people started paying more attention to him than to her. He made the boys stop attacking her in the mornings. She was fine with that. She didn't like that anyways. Even if it was good exercise. Even if it did make her feel to know that all those boys wanted her and could never have her because she was better than they were. And the girls were nicer to her. More friendly. But still, he was the center of attention. And everyone acted like he was better than her. But she could do anything he could! She would show them that.
Is life good to you, or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
Lying awake
Watching the sunlight
How the birds will sing
As I count the rings around my eyes
Constantly pushing
The world I know aside
I don't even feel the pain
I don't even want to try
The cycle that had been set after her Mother's death started again. She was so angry during the day. How dare he take the attention away from her. How dare he not acknowledge her superiority. How dare he, how dare he, HOW DARE HE!
But at night, when she was alone, she started to regret. She liked him. She loved him. It was her fault that he didn't love her. She was a tomboy. And uncute. Mother left her. Mother didn't care about her anymore. He would leave to if she wasn't better.
And in the morning, it started all over again. She pushed away any feelings of sadness, or unworthiness. She pushed away the pain. All she remembered was that he was the reason she was hurt. So, she got mad at him. Again.
I'm looking for a way to become
The person I dreamt up
When I was 16
She had so many dreams. She would become a great actress. She would be a martial artist and a mother. She would be his wife.
As she grew up, she thought about going to college, studying acting. She worked hard at that dream. But she didn't work at her other dreams. She just assumed they would come true. She was a great martial artist. How could she be anything else? She would be a great mother. And he would marry her. After all, he loved her. She was sure of that. He didn't marry any of the others. He always saved her. Of course he loved her. And it wasn't like you had to work at love. That just happened.
Oh, nothing is ever enough
Ooh, baby it ain't enough
Or what it may seem
She didn't notice as he started to drift away. Well, she noticed, but she thought is was a good thing. Because what she noticed was that he didn't fight with her anymore. What she noticed was that he pushed the others aside, made them understand that he wouldn't marry them. She didn't notice that when he stopped fighting, when he simply acquiesced to her, that his eyes were filled with pain, and resignation. Not love. She didn't notice when the love faded away.
Kasumi
Do you even know who you are?
I'm still trying to find
When her mother had died, she had tried to take her place. After all, she was the oldest. And Father didn't seem capable of taking care of them. So, she had started taking care of everybody. And eventually, she was simply locked into place. She was the caretaker, the homemaker, and the mother.
When he had come, with his father and his fiancées and rivals, she had stayed in her place. She had simply expanded her role as Mother to include more people. But it didn't stay that way. She started seeing more, feeling more. He needed someone and she wanted to be what he needed. But she didn't want to be a mother to him.
She was pulling away from the role that she had been locked into for more than a decade. But without the role, she didn't know who she was.
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
She had pushed away her own dreams to take care of everyone else. She had done her best to help their dreams come but she had forgotten what hers even were. She had seen how her sister cared for him. So, she tried to help her sister, unobtrusively. But then, she had started seeing him. And she had started seeing her sister more, started seeing how she treated him. And she saw how he began to react.
Is life good to you, or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Her Mother had died and her Father had become a nervous-wreck, leaving her to be the adult when she was only nine years old. But, she had been happy. Hadn't she?
She had felt sorry for her sister. Always being kidnapped, being forced to marry...but maybe she had gotten it reversed. Maybe her sister was the lucky one. Akane had so many friends, people who noticed her and cared for her. She was free to follow her dreams. And she had him. He always fought for it, protected her.
Do you even know what you have?
No
But Akane never seemed to realize just how much she had. Everyone always noticed her, but she always seemed jealous that if anyone else got any attention. She had him, Ranma, and she didn't seem to care. She got so jealous, even though he had always been so faithful to her. He was friends with the other girls, but he had always protected her, stood up for her.
And she treated him so badly.
Mixed POV
Sorry girl
Tell a tale for me
'Cause I'm wondering
How you really feel
I'm a lonely girl
I'll tell a tale for you
'Cause I'm just trying to make
All my dreams come true
Things changed slowly. As Akane grew up and started to follow her dreams, she didn't even notice as Ranma drifted away. She didn't need him to protect her as much, as most of the insanity started to focus solely on him.
Akane didn't notice when Kasumi and Ranma became friends. She hadn't noticed that the love in his eyes when he looked at her at dimmed. And she didn't notice when the light came back and began to grow and intensify. She certainly didn't notice that it wasn't directed at her anymore.
Kasumi found her dreams again, with some new ones. And she chose to chase them.
Do you even know who you are?
Oh yeah, yeah
Akane graduated from college with a degree in Theater. And she turned back to Ranma, expecting him to be there, to be ready to be a family, now that she was ready.
But Ranma had moved on. He had gotten his life together, gotten rid of his fiancées, made peace (or at least negotiated a reasonable cease-fire agreement) with his rivals, and discovered what he wanted to do in life. While continuing his martial arts training, he had apprenticed with Doctor Tofu.
And he had encouraged Kasumi to follow her dreams and go to medical school.
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, I wanted to be a star
"But Ranma, I thought you were going to teach in the Dojo?"
"That was never my dream, Akane. That was our parents dream."
"And mine. Us, teaching together."
"Was it really? After studying so long to be an actress? That didn't mean anything?"
"I..."
"I'm sorry Akane. I've found my dream. I won't live other peoples' anymore."
Is life good to you, or is it bad?
I can't tell, I can't tell anymore
Akane's journal:
"He's right. I don't want to teach. I love martial arts...but it has always just been a hobby for me. I want to be an actress. This is a good thing, really. I can be who I want to be.
I want to be his wife."
Tear spots covered the page.
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, I guess not
She had taken for granted that he would always be there for her. Now he wasn't.
She missed his teasing. It had always mad her so mad...but now, in his interactions with her sisters, she could see it was affection that drove it. He had grown up. Learned how to make the teasing less hurtful.
When had that happened, she wondered. She had been too busy to notice...too wrapped up in herself.
Do you even know who you are?
I'm trying to find
She was Akane Tendo. Heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. Once, she had been Ranma's Fiancée. The tomboy he loved. Who was she without that? She didn't remember anymore.
She was Kasumi Tendo. Substitute mother for the Tendo family. It didn't feel right anymore.
She would be Dr. Kasumi Saotome soon. Mother of her own family. Wife and partner to Ranma Saotome. That felt right. More right than anything.
A rising dream, or a falling star
Oh, I have all these dreams
"Oh Akane, I'm so glad you could make it! It felt so horrible to thing you might not be here for my wedding..."
"I'm sorry, Kasumi. I didn't know if I could be here. I should have been the one in your place."
"Once, you could have been."
"..."
"You're still as calm as ever Kasumi. Unshakeable."
"No. That's just the way you see me. I am a woman, with so many dreams. And now I'm making them come true."
"You are. And so am I. I have a job offer as an actress. I'm going to take it."
Oh, Akane! I'm so happy for you!"
A smile. A hug. And two sisters.
A smile. A kiss. A husband and a wife.
Is life good to you, or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
Oh, no, no