The classroom had just filled, and an unkempt old man with green glasses
and yellow bow tie took his position just behind a large barren desk.
Looking up at the class, took a deep breath and croaked loudly, "Saotome,
please approach my desk."
As he watched Ranma rise from what was soon to be a slumber, he pulled a small envelope out from his pocket. "Go to the Vice Principal's office right now," he wheezed as he handed Ranma a hall pass and the envelope.
When he was certain that Ranma was on the way to the office, he smiled a crooked grin at the students in the classroom and bade them farewell as he picked up his suitcase and bolted out the door.
***
Ranma bounded the last flight of stairs just before the principal's office and ran into the Kuno scion.
"Hold there, fair student! I wish to have a word with thee!"
"Move it Kuno. I gotta see what the old man wants."
The young Kendoist reached into his robes and pulled out a large envelope and formally presented it to Ranma. With a wry smile on his face, "As much as it pains me to say, I do not know if I should offer you my congratulations or sympathy."
Ranma took the envelope with care. "What's this all about, Kuno?"
"You did not think you could keep this a secret, do you, my future Brother- in-law?"
"Hey! I'm not marrying your sister!"
"Of course not! Why would you, especially since you're already married to the wonderful Nabiki!"
Ranma stood there with a look of shock on his face.
"In either case, I am in awe of your ingenuity and honor! You freed my fair Akane her from her detestable duty and at the same time you met your own family promised by marrying the delectable, yet detestable Nabiki!"
All Ranma could do is stand in the hall and watch Kuno run up the stairs to his own class and say, "Wha?"
"Saotome! In the office, NOW!"
Inside the office, he found himself sitting next to Nabiki. The assistant principal, whose clean desk was topped by a manila envelope and two folders, was staring the two of them down as he tried to read the youngsters emotions.
"Well. Let me be the first school official to congratulate the two of you on the joining of your families. I'm quite sure your fathers must be very happy."
Nabiki's mouth started to open and close, but her voice refused to work. Ranma had no such problem, "We aren't married."
The man raised an eyebrow and opened the folder, and read the top form. "Hmm. Yes, you are. It says so, right here."
Nabiki's voice returned to her at this point and asked, "May I see that?"
"Of course, Mrs. Saotome, here it is."
Nabiki looked at the letter and saw that it was a copy of the official notification of a minor's marriage to the school. As she read it, she learned that she and Ranma just gained a whole new set of problems. It was obvious that the meeting at the temporary city building did not clear up the bank's mistake; and judging by the date on the letter, the situation may have worsened.
"Ranma?" she said as she offered the letter to Ranma to read.
As Ranma read the letter, a scowl developed on his face.
"It looks like nothing was done. It figures that would the case if some guy is named 'One One.'"
"Excuse me, I seem to be not understanding something. I thought the two of you would be happy to know that we have completed the name changes and have formally accepted your marriage."
"This all a mistake. Several weeks ago, Ranma and I were caught in a bureaucratic mistake. Due to an unfortunate and unlikely chain of events, some people thought we were newly married, and because of the fire that burned down the records depository, that line of thinking was perpetuated. We tried to fix it a couple of weeks ago by going to the temporary city offices, but that letter is evidence that our "situation" has not been addressed."
"So you aren't married?"
Ranma placed the letter back on the desk and said, "No, we're not."
Nabiki watched Ranma's face as she elaborated, "Technically, they think we are, but we aren't. There's supposed to be some forms and such behind this, and I think Ranma and I need to see that old clerk again.
If we're lucky, you might be getting another letter tomorrow, rescinding the one you received today."
"You sure?"
"No, I'm not sure. That's why Ranma and I have to go to the hall and talk to Ichi Ichi again."
"Well, that is something you can do after school today. Mr. Saotome, I take it you don't have detention today?"
"Er, no?"
"Well then, the two of you are excused from your after school obligations."
Nabiki and Ranma started to negotiate an immediate departure to the hall, explaining that the last time they had to stand in line for several hours and be redirected to several different departments. It was only when Ranma reminded the vice principal of the chaos that occurred when Akane was asked not to play Juliet and hinted at the potential damage that may occur when the school finds out that Ranma and Nabiki are married.
With visions of a burning school and a rioting student body, the two were excused for the rest of the day provided that they obtain a note from an official at the Halls.
***
"Don't look at me," Ranma said as he pulled his bus token from the machine. "Kuno met me in the hallway and gave me an envelope and told me how happy he was."
Nabiki's eyes opened in half shock and half fear. "Kuno knows?"
"Of course. He's the one that delivered the mail to me during lunch, and I opened it when he was still here."
"Shit."
Ranma tapped Nabiki on the shoulder.
"What?"
Ranma had a mischievous grin on his face as he answered, "You swore."
***
After waiting in several lines again, they finally meet Ichi Ichi and ask if they could be updated on where the marriage correction papers. Ichi Ichi had a confused look on his face, went looking through his files for what he did two weeks ago. He pulled out a folder, and looked through several hand written notes and found what he was looking for. Smiling, he assured the two that the marriage papers have been dutifully submitted and that a certificate, suitable for framing, would soon be mailed to their house.
"Suitable for framing?" Nabiki asked.
"Hey, I ain't married to her. This is all a mistake!"
"Uhm. Yes, the two of you signed the marriage forms two weeks ago. Why, is there a problem?"
"Yes. I'm not..." Ranma blurted, but stopped when Nabiki put her hand on his shoulder.
Nabiki quickly apologized and tried to explain the situation once again. Halfway through the explanation, Mr. Kunimoto came by to assure that Ichi Ichi was processing the separation.
Ranma started to say something and was stopped by a sudden and sharp pain in his foot. Nabiki smiled, and told the manager that Ichi Ichi was being most helpful.
Mr. Kunimoto smiled, and wished the two teenagers well, and went about his rounds.
Ichi Ichi watched the exchange between Nabiki and Ranma with interest, and when his supervisor came by, he was surprised that management supported the girl's tale. He started gathering the necessary paper work and mentally started inventorying the tasks he had in front of him. Silently he cursed his own effectiveness.
When Mr. Kunimoto was out of earshot, Ichi Ichi put his hands on the table and profusely apologized to Nabiki and Ranma for totally misunderstanding the reason of the previous days' visit.
Nabiki's voice was cold and harsh. "There will be no problems, right?"
Ichi Ichi felt a twinge of fear shudder down his back and gulped nervously. Somehow the brown haired girl in front of him inspired fear; he was more scared of what she would do to him than he was of his own management. It was only through his experience of working in the government for so long that he was able to keep his composure as he organized the newly created pile of papers in front of him.
"No, there won't be. That is if you can help a little." Not wanting to face a cold Nabiki, looked at Ranma for support. On Ranma's face he saw a blank look, but his blue eyes twinkled like the sun reflecting off an iceberg.
He placed two stacks of paper in front of Nabiki, and indicted the first one with his hand, "These forms are to correct the changes I implemented." He then pointed to the second stack of papers, "These forms are for a No Contest Divorce." He felt a sudden chill from the other side of the counter. "Just in case there are problems," he hastily added.
"Divorce?" Ranma asked.
"Yes. It is entirely possible that some systems and people can only 'undo' a marriage is by 'doing' a divorce."
"It says we have to have our fathers sign the divorce papers." Nabiki was going though the forms and found one paper stating that the parents of the couple asserted parental duties for their children.
With an indifferent air, Ichi Ichi explained the need for the form, "Of course. Neither one of you are twenty, so they have to take responsibility for you."
"Shit."
Nabiki rapped Ranma's shoulder. "Ranma! What did we teach you about swearing?"
"Sorry, Nabiki. But there's no way that Pops is gonna sign that thing. He and your daddy have been working on getting me married to Akane too long to let this opportunity slip."
"Shit."
Ranma gently tapped her shoulder and Ichi Ichi looked at Nabiki, who began to blush and quickly apologized for her outburst.
The three of them went through the forms and placed the necessary signatures and stamps as required; when the three were done, they were all tired.
"Now, all you have to do is get our fathers to sign this one last form, right?"
"Correct. But until you do, you are both still legally married according to," Ichi Ichi paused to thumbed through a binder before continuing, "the Ministries of Education and Health. Oh. And the postal service."
"Of course. Education. Billions of yen are spent every year to ensure the future of this countries children, and it just has to be one of the most backwards."
Nabiki started to tense up when she felt Ranma holding her hand. He quietly calmed her down by telling her that he was resorting to using the ultimate Saotome Final technique -- running away to think about the battle they face.
Nabiki took the envelope that held the forms that the fathers were to sign and thanked Ichi Ichi one last time before walking out of the office.
As Ichi Ichi and Mr. Kunimoto watched the two teenagers leave, the looked at each other in amusement.
"Well, Boss," Ichi Ichi started, "it looks like there's more work to do."
"Yes."
The old clerk patted his chest for a cigarette, and wondered aloud, "Are you sure they aren't supposed to stay married?"
The manager slightly shook his head, "They sure act as if they are."
***
Sitting on a bench near the bus stop, Nabiki and Ranma sat chewing on some mackerel sticks as they reviewed their eventful day. They agreed that the fathers presented the most serious challenge to their divorce and that they needed to come up with a workable plan.
In a quiet moment after finding new ways to curse their fathers, Nabiki wondered why Ranma was so adamant on insisting that they weren't married, even when they really were. She didn't want to be married either, but she has seen enough of him to discern that something else was bothering her partner.
"So, Ranma. What's bothering you?"
"We ain't married. We're going though the divorce so everyone else knows we aren't married."
Nabiki sat there, waiting for Ranma to continue. When he didn't she replied with an "and?"
Ranma chewed on the tough fish stick a moment before speaking. "And nothing. We are not married."
He was obviously hiding something and didn't want to talk about it. Nabiki thought a moment, she too was affected by the situation they were in. "You seem rather stubborn about denying everything we saw back there said we were married." Nabiki picked a small bone out from between her teeth. Confident that there weren't any more, she said, "Even I had to agree that they think we are married and that the have the evidence to prove it. So why don't you think we are married?"
Ranma started to mumble again, "Because I didn't make any promises to you. And if," Ranma shook his head, "once I get married, a divorce isn't going to ever happen."
"But people get divorced all the time."
"Yeah. That's because many of them can't keep their promises. And I don't break my promises."
Nabiki mulled over his comments for a moment. He had managed to keep his promises to her and to her family. There were the occasional lapses in judgment that led to problems, but he sincerely regretted the mistakes he made. He has his faults, she thought, but he is basically a good person. Ranma would make a good husband, if his wife could deal with the craziness that surrounds him.
Nabiki did not agree Ranma's opinion, so she responded with, "Marriages, Ranma, aren't just promises. They are contracts. You do know the terms of the contract, don't you?"
Ranma sat silent, not knowing how to answer the question.
Nabiki smiled and turned her "sensei" voice on. "Marriage is a contract that creates a partnership. The general purpose of the partnership is to provide for mutual welfare of the partners and their respective families. The basis of the partnership is most often based upon the emotional ties the couple have built, but sometimes it is done because of honor or other concerns." She paused to catch her breath.
"So why in the world did your daddy and my pop make that stupid agreement?"
Nabiki shrugged her shoulders as she took a bite of her cold mackerel.
After absentmindedly scratching his arm, he asked if marriage is like the agreement that they have regarding the business.
"Kind of," she replied. "Except that marriage works on many levels. That's why there's a wedding ceremony -- which is not required, thank you very much -- where you make your promises."
"I don't need a ceremony to get married?"
"No. Think about it for a moment. That's how we got married in the first place. The bank thought we declared our marriage, and Poof! Everyone thinks we are married. And the government is all too eager to have us be married."
"So, what do you need the ceremony for?"
"Because, by the time you want to get married, there are ties that bind that are stronger than a contract. And that's where you make your promise. You make a promise to your wife, your family, your wife's family, the government, and everyone else."
Ranma's curiosity was piqued, so he asked, "What's the promise?"
In English, Nabiki quotes the promise she memorized when she was a little girl:
Will you have this Woman as your wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of Matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, so long as you both shall live?
In the name of God, I, (name), take you, Nabiki, to be my wife,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or worse, for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
Ranma looked at her in confusion, so Nabiki translated the vows to Japanese.
"Pops wants me to say that?"
"No. This is what I want my future husband to say to me. You and Akane get to figure out what you want to say to each other."
"I ain't marrying Akane."
"Well, you are engaged to her."
"Yeah, but..."
"So, since you are engaged to her, that means you are going to marry her."
"I can't marry Akane."
"And why not."
"According to those jokers," Ranma pointed to the bag that held the forms they received from Ichi Ichi, "I'm already married to you. Remember?"
"Which is why we have get the divorce."
"We can't get divorced unless our Pops get involved."
The problem of the fathers was getting to Nabiki. She took a deep breath, and decided that more food was the answer.
"You sit and think. I'm going for more." Nabiki stood up and brought two more mackerel sticks. When she returned, she then waved one of them in front of Ranma's face, waking him up from his thoughts.
Taking a bite out of the new stick, Ranma asked Nabiki, "Is that what you really want?"
"Huh?"
Ranma looked down at the ground and softly murmured, "I can't make a promise like that."
Nabiki realized that Ranma was talking about the marriage vow, and found it strange that what he just said hurt her. She considered him to be her business partner, and a friend.
"Oh."
Moments later, Nabiki found herself walking alone away from Ranma.
***
For the rest of the afternoon, Ranma roof-hopped, performed a few katas, and did a few hundred sit-ups and push-ups in different parts of Tokyo. He expected that Kuno would spread the news of his marriage to Nabiki throughout the school, and that meant that his other fiancées would be out looking for him. One part of him was thinking that as long as they were looking for him, Nabiki should be safe. Another part of him was trying to bury the feeling that he had somehow did something wrong just before Nabiki left him.
Ranma returned to the house after the sun had set and snuck into the furo and tried to think of a way to get his father and Soun to agree to his divorcing Nabiki. Whatever he came up with would have to be based upon deceit and trickery, and Nabiki was the best person he knew that could help him. As he left the furo and passed by the kitchen, Kasumi called out to him, asking if he knew why Nabiki was upset.
A guilty feeling arose, and he motioned that he didn't know. As he tried to escape the kitchen, Kasumi asked him to try to cheer Nabiki up. After all, it was the husband's duty to look after his wife.
It was with a feeling of resignation that Ranma agreed to talk her. In the back of his mind, he hoped that talking to her might explain the lost feeling he had himself.
As he stood at Nabiki's door, he thought it would be better if he took a slightly less traditional approach to entering her room. In a few moments, he was outside and hanging from the ledge as he knocked on Nabiki's window. In a few seconds he saw Nabiki open the curtains and look at him then shut the curtains again.
It wasn't easy to gain entrance; he knocked a few times more, jumped on the roof above her room, and started an insistent tap on he window. Eventually Nabiki opened the window and let him enter.
Ranma settled for his normal spot on the floor while Nabiki sat down on the bed, leaning against the wall. The two teenagers sat quietly in the room, staring at each other, trying to read each other's emotions. Finally Ranma spoke, asking her what was wrong.
Nabiki glared at him, his careless comment of the afternoon was still ringing loudly in her mind.
"Saotome, you are so clueless sometimes, she said coolly. When Ranma started to look at the ground, she rebuked him, "Look at me, and face what you did.
"You hurt my feelings this afternoon." Nabiki paused for a moment and tried to keep her voice level and calm, "Do you know what you said?"
Ranma response was silence, but Nabiki could see answer amongst the confusion and fear in his eyes. The expression reminded Nabiki again of Ranma's skewed emotional and social development, and while it frustrated her, she had to admit that she enjoyed attempting to redeem and improve the oaf in front of her.
She felt a slight smile cross her lips. It felt very comfortable having him sit on the floor just a few feet from her -- even if she is angry.
"Ranma," she said, and then paused. Looking at her own hands, and not daring to look at the boy in front of her, she continued, "Ranma-kun, please...what...." Nabiki sighed in her frustration at not being able to articulate the thoughts and feelings that were swimming inside of her.
"Nabiki, I don't have a plan about the divorce."
She didn't miss the regret in Ranma's tone. The marriage was not on her mind all afternoon. "We'll come up with something, Ranma. We always do."
Ranma smiled with confidence and his posture stiffened a little as he agreed, "Yeah, we do, don't we?"
Nabiki regarded Ranma's response and wondered where his confidence came from. When she made the comment she didn't feel all that confident, earlier in the afternoon she briefly considered giving up.
Again the married couple sat in thought for a moment before Ranma spoke again.
"Kasumi sent me..." he started.
Nabiki joined in and they completed the sentence together, "to find out why I'm so upset."
The two of them looked at each other and laughed.
"I should have known why you were being so persistent," Nabiki thought. Her thoughts darkened with the remembrance of why she was gloomy mood.
"Ranma-kun, I'm sorry. I was acting selfish this afternoon. I should have realized that you couldn't make such a promise like that." Nabiki tried to keep her voice even, and wasn't sure if she succeeded. Ranma, of late, has been able to read her true emotions even as she tried to hide them.
"Promise?" Ranma paused a moment, "Oh, the wedding vow."
Nabiki found herself being studied by Ranma.
"There's nothing wrong with it, I guess. It just doesn't seem right for me to say. "
Nabiki then heard Ranma mutter something quietly to himself and pressed him. "What did you just say?"
"I didn't say anything."
Nabiki's voice displayed her irritation, "I heard you say something, or make some noise. What was it?"
Ranma mumbled something again, and Nabiki couldn't make out what he said. She thought she heard something, but it seemed impossible.
"I didn't hear you. What did you just say?"
Ranma was visibly nervous.
"I said I wasn't ready for that yet."
"I never said you were. And I'm not ready for it yet, either."
"Yeah. But we're already married."
"Don't remind me."
Nabiki closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. Ranma just said that he wasn't ready for a wedding vow. That much was obvious. But then, why was she so sure that he originally said "we" aren't ready yet? Shrugging aside that line of thinking, she wondered if Ranma ever thought about his won wedding.
"Hey Ranma. Have you ever thought about your own wedding?"
"Nope. You know how Pops is. 'Girls are weak; girls are a distraction form the art; blah, blah, blah.' So when me and Akane got engaged, I had no idea of what to think."
"Your father is a first class idiot." The two of them enjoyed a small chuckle of agreement.
"With all the engagements, I really haven't thought about getting married."
"Gee, what a surprise."
Nabiki and Ranma relaxed in their own company a short while longer in silence. As Nabiki tried to think of ways to trick her father, Ranma blurted out, "This isn't all bad."
"What's not all bad?"
"If being married means being able to sit in a room with someone else quietly and think, I could learn to like it."
***
Knock. Knock.
Nabiki turned and look at the clock by the bed and saw that it was thirty minutes after midnight. She pulled the covers over her head, hoping that the knocking that she heard was a dream.
Knock.
Disappointed that real life interrupted her visit to dreamland, Nabiki stretched and threw the covers off her.
Knock. Knock.
"I'm coming," she groused. Whoever it was, was being persistent. "One Yen will get me ten that it's Ranma," Nabiki thought. After she made sure her pajama top was closed and she wasn't exposed, she opened the door and found her suspicion was correct.
"What is it Ranma. It's twelve-thirty in the morning. It had better be good."
"We have a problem."
"Yeah. I'm awake. That's the problem."
"No. Shampoo."
"Shampoo?"
"Obstacles are for killing."
"She hasn't yet."
"She hasn't tried."
"We'll talk to Cologne in the morning."
"Hey. I'll be alright."
"Ranma. Go to bed. Nothing will ha..."
Nabiki never finished her sentence. She felt herself being pulled through the door and slammed against the wall with enough force to almost knock the wind out from her. Turning to give Ranma a piece of her mind, she saw him blocking a large melon hammer.
"Out of my way male. Shampoo must remove obstacle."
Shampoo surged forward and tried to leap over Ranma's head. Ranma was not surprised and caught Shampoo around her waist just as she started her leap.
Ranma tried to hold the crazed Amazon attacker. "Shampoo, stop!" he yelled into her ear.
Shampoo had no intention of stopping, instead she twisted and tried to hit Ranma's forehead with her free arm and hammer. "Stupid husband. You need to learn right place."
With the hammer flying toward his head, Ranma had to let go of Shampoo and duck. As the hammer flew dangerously close to the top of his head, Ranma grabbed Shampoo, lifted her off the ground, and threw her into the wall next to Nabiki's bed.
With the battle started, Akane and Kasumi came running out of their rooms to witness Shampoo and Ranma fighting. Nabiki was standing at the edge of her doorframe, peering in from safety.
"Oh, my!"
"What's that Chinese hussy doing here?"
"I think she wanted to cave my skull in."
"Why, that brazen..." Akane tried to rush into the room, but Nabiki held her back.
"Stop, Akane. Don't make anything worse by getting involved." Nabiki watched Ranma punch Shampoo's arm. "He's trying to stop her without destroying the house. So don't distract him."
Akane tried to keep moving forward, but Nabiki's grip was viselike. She too watched Ranma strike back at Shampoo, this time it was a kick to her thigh. As she followed the blows, she saw that Nabiki was right. Ranma was keeping Shampoo away from the door and was trying to work her to the window. The majority of the blows that Ranma took were calculated to prevent damage to the room or Shampoo's escape. Akane could tell that Ranma was pulling his punches as well. It was obvious to her that he was trying to wear her down without causing any serious injury.
Akane stopped her forward pull and joined her sisters in watching the skirmish in front of her. She heard her father and the other Saotomes arrive and push their way to the door to see what was going on.
Eventually Ranma gracefully kicked Shampoo through the window frame and out of sight. Akane felt the fathers barge through and started congratulating Ranma in his defense of his wife. Behind her, she heard Kasumi say something to Auntie Nodoka about checking to see if the window was broken.
For Akane, the whole situation felt a little strange. Normally she was the one being defended or rescued, but this time it was Nabiki. While she tried to put things into perspective, she saw Nabiki enter the room with the first aid kit. She watched her sister extract Ranma from the joyful fathers and sat him upon the bed before tending to his lacerations. The two of them had an easy familiarity, they quietly bantered about something that she couldn't hear.
Still not sure how things were supposed to be, Akane turned and went back to her room after saying good-night to everyone.
***
Ranma and Nabiki were the only two people left in her room after everyone left. She had been thanking him the whole time she was tending his wounds and he was thinking of how nice it felt to have someone actually be grateful instead of berating him.
He looked around the room and saw that very little was damaged, only the window will have to be replaced, and it already had a board over it to keep the night's chill away.
Nabiki yawned and Ranma followed suit, and after saying goodnight, the Ranma left and Nabiki crawled back into bed.
Knock.
"Now what?" Nabiki thought as she got up and opened the door. In front of her was a red-headed Ranma holding a blanket and pillow.
"What are you doing here?"
"She might come back. So I'm sleeping in here tonight."
Nabiki looked at the girl in front of her. In the back of her mind she thought she could hear some deities laugh at her and wondered if Akane ever heard the very same snickering. She saw Ranma's face was serious and the laughter died away. She had a serious decision to make here. She could send Ranma away, but that would take a significant amount of time and effort to convince him that it was safe. Or she could let him sleep in the same room. Or she could sleep with him -- or her.
It was a tantalizing thought. She looked at the bed and seriously considered inviting Ranma to share the blankets with her. He is, she reminded herself, her husband even if they are trying to get divorced. Consummating the marriage could well cause problems in the future as well; Akane certainly wouldn't be happy about that. But, she is a woman, and she was curious. And despite the impending divorce, she actually liked Ranma.
Now she wondered again, whether male or female Ranma. She had thought about Ranma's gender before but never considered it to be a major issue as he was engaged to Akane. She corrected herself; Ranma is still engaged to Akane. But they may never get married if recent history is portending the future.
Her husband was a male. Just because he looked like a girl didn't mean he was a girl.
"Change back, Ranma. And you are sleeping on the floor."
"It isn't right..." he started to protest.
"Ranma, I'm too tired to argue. Right now you are my husband. And husbands imply the male gender. Go change and come back. I'll be under the covers when you get back."
Nabiki heard him mutter as he walked away. She climbed back into bed and pulled the covers over her. A few moments later, a male Ranma walked in and threw his bedding on the floor. She watched him unfold the blanket and fluff his pillow before crawling under them. Half wondering why she chose to make the strange mental compromise, she bade him goodnight and turned off the light.
Nabiki lay in bed looking at the ceiling, and when her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she looked over to Ranma. He was sound asleep in the same spot where he studied.
She wondered what it would be like to have Ranma in bed with her. She knew she was taking a personal gamble in having a male Ranma in her room. He was attractive, very attractive. Sometimes he would be next to her when they studied and she would have to fight a very strong urge to kiss or fondle him. Just a few minutes ago, as everyone was leaving them, she struggled against a desire to latch on to him.
Her hands started to roam over her body, she closed her eyes, imagining what it may have been like if Ranma was in bed with her for real. She quickly stopped, and with a reluctant sigh, rolled over and went to sleep, wondering if the silver platter on the wall really was glowing.
***
Tiny slits of early morning sunlight filtered in from the cracks of the board covering the window, and Nabiki was lying in bed awake. She had an exhausting sleep for she spent much of the night dreaming about staying married to Ranma. She looked at her man. Her man? No. That's exactly what she tried not to think about all night.
She sat up and looked at the clock. It said six seventeen in the morning. Normally she'd be asleep and Ranma would just be getting out of bed. She put her feet on the bed and rubbed her eyes as she stood up and took her first step.
And tripped on Ranma's feet.
"I gotcha, Nabiki."
Ranma caught her on the way down and lowered her onto his chest. When she felt contact, she instinctively reached around him for support. Once on his chest she looked at him and smiled. "Thanks, Ranma. I guess I'm a little clumsy in the morning."
Nabiki relaxed a moment, closing her eyes as she felt Ranma's warmth on her chest. "So comfortable..." she thought drifting to sleep again.
"Uhh, Nabiki?"
Nabiki woke up and realized that she was in a natural, but very compromising position. She giggled and rubbed her hands on his, "Good Morning, husband Ranma."
"N-N-Nabiki, what are you doing?" stammered Ranma.
The dreams of the night affected Nabiki. She looked up at him and brushed a hair out face. "Waking up the way I think I be," she said as she caressed his chest.
Slowly, she sat up with Ranma's help and started adjusted her pajama top. Somehow the top two buttons came undone earlier that night.
Click.
"Ran...Ranma! My son!" Soun and Genma both chorused as they opened the door to Nabiki's room to see a bare-chested Ranma on the floor holding Nabiki up, and Nabiki was buttoning her top, obviously getting dressed after spending the night with her husband. They looked at each other and both broke out in tears of happiness. They hugged and ran downstairs to start celebrating with visions of grandchildren running through their minds.
Nabiki and Ranma sat up straight. "Shit," they both said, realizing that what the fathers saw and what really happened were two different things.
"That wasn't good is it?" Ranma asked rhetorically.
"Well, it could be worse," Nabiki said as she finished the last button. She turned around and tried to stand up and said, "It could have been your mother and Akane."
Unfortunately for the wedded duo, the door opened just then to expose Nodoka, Akane, and Kasumi. Nodoka was deliriously happy, she heard her husband make comments about grandchildren. Akane was furious, her face was purple, and was ready to kill Ranma. Fortunately for Ranma and Nabiki, Kasumi was holding Akane back.
"It's not what you think!" Ranma protested.
Nodoka looked at her son with a proud expression, and asked, "Then what is it?"
Knowing Ranma's history, Nabiki spoke quickly, "I tripped when I got out of bed. I was just getting up again when Father and Uncle Saotome barged in here."
"They said you were getting dressed."
Nabiki lied slightly, "My top came undone when I fell and I was buttoning it closed." Silently she hoped that Nodoka would accept that answer.
Akane found her voice and shouted, "Ranma, you pervert! I thought we were engaged!" She broke free from Kasumi's grasp and ran to her room.
The smile eased on Nodoka's face as she walked into the room and looked around before kneeling next to Nabiki. Looking at Nabiki straight in the eyes, Nodoka searched for the truth. The smile that was lost was soon replaced with a new one.
"I believe you," she said.
Nabiki and Ranma blinked in surprise.
"You do?" Ranma asked.
Nabiki asked a different question, "How did you know?"
Nodoka released her gaze and stood up again. "Quite simple," she said, "it doesn't smell right in here." She started to leave the room, and informed the two that she would correct the father's impression for them. Before she left, she stopped at the door and said, "I suppose I should correct that, Nabiki. I should have said that the smell wasn't strong enough."
Breakfast was normal if one considered that Nodoka cowed both Genma and Soun into behaving. Even Akane had calmed down since Kasumi explained Nodoka's observation, and was trying to find a way to apologize to them as she ate.
Once at school, Ranma was pulled aside by Hiroshi and Daisuke, asking if he was really married to Nabiki.
"No. I'm not married to Nabiki."
"Tell us the truth, Ranma. Kuno was spreading it around all day yesterday afternoon," Daisuke pressed.
This caught Ranma's attention. Kuno did know part of the truth, and that was enough. Ranma started his story with "you gotta keep this a secret" and ended with the previous day's meeting with Ichi Ichi.
"Whoa. That sucks," quipped Hiroshi.
"Tell me about it."
Daisuke slapped Ranma on the back, "You get my sympathies, man. It's bad enough that you gotta be married. But to that greedy bitch..." He shuddered to emphasize his feelings.
"I'd rather die than marry that queen."
Ranma knew that Nabiki had an unsavory reputation but he didn't think people disliked her that much. Ranma might actually concede "greedy" to Daisuke, but the "bitch" comment went too far. And Hiroshi's comment about a "queen" bothered him.
"Knock it off guys," he said.
Daisuke and Hiroshi looked at each other and then at Ranma. Hiroshi took his life and put it in his hands, "Ranma, say it isn't so. Say that you don't like Nabiki."
Ranma didn't know how to respond to Hiroshi's comment. He was caught in an uncomfortable position of choosing to be like his friends or actually admitting something that he actually liked Nabiki.
Which of course, he didn't. But he did. And he knew it, and that was the source of his frustration. If he said he didn't like her, she'd get mad at him. If he said he did like her, then the divorce hole may get deeper and harder to climb out of.
So he said nothing and walked away.
Which was a mistake, as the Daisuke and Hiroshi took Ranma's silence as confirmation that he did like her. Solemnly, they clapped their hands and prayed for Ranma's well being.
One in his classroom, Ranma took his usual seat and waited for class to start. Whenever someone would ask him if he was married to Nabiki, he would answer with silence.
In the desk next to him, Akane was fielding similar questions. The two most aggravating ones were the constant questions about her availability for a date and expressions of sympathy for Ranma.
The Saotome and Tendo looked at each other is mutual suffering and they both hoped that the teacher would show up soon to settle the class down. Unfortunately, the next person to enter was Ukyo, wearing her Okonomiyaki uniform and was wielding her battle spatula.
"Ranma! You said I was your cute fiancée! And now you have to marry that mordacious..." Ukyo couldn't finish her sentence and spat.
Ranma had no idea what Ukyo said, but knew she was somehow insulting Nabiki. And her insult was the one more that exceeded his patience and acceptance. He furiously shouted at Ukyo, "Quit talking about her like that! Nabiki is not cruel, mean, or a bitch! She's my friend and my partner!"
Then he bolted out the window, leaving a shattered desk behind him, and ran.
The sun was about to reach its zenith when halfway between the school and anyplace else, Ranma found himself intercepted by Cologne.
"Son-in-law," she addressed him, "you defeated my granddaughter again. You are now required to return to the village with us as her husband. And you will care for her as she heals."
Ranma's response of "go away, old bat" irritated Cologne. She sensed that he was distracted by something and took advantage of the situation by pouncing and quickly pressing a select few locations on Ranma's back.
The effect was immediate as Ranma cried "Whaaa!" as he fell to the ground.
Satisfied that Ranma was unable to move, Cologne sat next to him and started asking if he was indeed married to Nabiki, an accusation that Ranma denied. But when she pressed why Kuno would make up such a lie and why Akane would affirm such a rumor at school, Ranma conceded that he wasn't supposed to be married to Nabiki and that it was his father's entire fault.
After a little prodding, Cologne was able to listen to Ranma's tale, and was not disappointed with her own predictions as to the events that occurred. As expected, Ranma's life was surrounded by confusion, mayhem and chaos and exacerbated by his own actions. His current difficulties were very inviting to meddle with; Ranma was virtually giving her license to strike at his father. Such an opportunity wasn't to be missed, so she decided to help him divorce Nabiki for a price -- he would return to China with Shampoo as her husband.
She didn't really expect Ranma to accept what she was going to offer. The old hag studied the still boy in front of her, wondering how he built such ties to Nerima. Those ties, she thought, were a source of strength, but they were also a weakness if one had the compunction to exploit. Over the years she had found that taking advantage of weaknesses generally led to victory if she had a little luck.
"Son-in-law, you know that what I am about offer has a price."
Ranma's reaction was instantaneous. "Are you nuts, you old mummy? No way. I am not going to China as Shampoo's husband!"
"I never said that. But now that you mention it, don't you think that Granddaughter would be a much better and prettier wife than that calculating shrew that takes advantage of you at every opportunity?"
Cologne saw the flicker of an electric blue and white aura envelop Ranma, and when it disappeared, she watched Ranma stand up and take a few steps away from her. She was certain that Ranma should have been lying down for several more minutes and to see him get up and move away was a mildly unexpected, but watch him move with no sign of lethargy was a surprise. When she was last subjected to that very same move many years ago, it was hours before she could even walk without aid. Now here was Ranma standing just a few feet away from her and was ready to defend himself.
The serious look on his face reminded her that Ranma was not, is not, and never will be an easy conquest. Although Ranma was supposed to be married to her great-granddaughter, or at least that what she lets Shampoo think, she considered him to a talent that should not go to waste.
To her, Ranma was a personal challenge. Whether it was "son-in-law", "student", "adversary", or occasionally even "friend", he was a challenge to her in just about every way she could think of. She smiled and started a cackling laugh when a vision of Ranma being chased by a hundred Amazons "wives". This is one case, she thought, that the strongest husband is not what is needed in the village.
She tried to calm a skittish Ranma as she pogoed on her stick towards him by saying, "Relax, boy. I'll help you get that divorce from Nabiki. And no, you don't have go to China."
She saw some of the tension leave Ranma when she said that an extended trip was required.
"Why?"
"Why? It's simple. You can't be married to Shampoo if you are married to Nabiki. No?"
Ranma looked uneasy at the comment, but he did thank her just before he bounded away into the distance.
And she pogoed back to the café, wondering just how close had Ranma and Nabiki become. She berated herself not seriously considering the middle Tendo girl, thinking that Akane and Kasumi were the potential threats.
"Oh, well," she mumbled to herself. "It looks like Shampoo may finally learn that the standard village techniques are not going to work."
*****************
Note: The melon hammer is often called a "bonbori" in Ranma 1/2 fanfictions. I wasn't sure of the spelling, so I took to the web and did some searching for "bonbori", and all that I could find were either fanfictions or references to the Bonbori festival in Japan. This took me start checking martial arts supply stores, and one of them actually have something called "melon hammers" (). The picture of the item looked close enough to the mythical bonbori, so I went with "melon hammer".
As he watched Ranma rise from what was soon to be a slumber, he pulled a small envelope out from his pocket. "Go to the Vice Principal's office right now," he wheezed as he handed Ranma a hall pass and the envelope.
When he was certain that Ranma was on the way to the office, he smiled a crooked grin at the students in the classroom and bade them farewell as he picked up his suitcase and bolted out the door.
***
Ranma bounded the last flight of stairs just before the principal's office and ran into the Kuno scion.
"Hold there, fair student! I wish to have a word with thee!"
"Move it Kuno. I gotta see what the old man wants."
The young Kendoist reached into his robes and pulled out a large envelope and formally presented it to Ranma. With a wry smile on his face, "As much as it pains me to say, I do not know if I should offer you my congratulations or sympathy."
Ranma took the envelope with care. "What's this all about, Kuno?"
"You did not think you could keep this a secret, do you, my future Brother- in-law?"
"Hey! I'm not marrying your sister!"
"Of course not! Why would you, especially since you're already married to the wonderful Nabiki!"
Ranma stood there with a look of shock on his face.
"In either case, I am in awe of your ingenuity and honor! You freed my fair Akane her from her detestable duty and at the same time you met your own family promised by marrying the delectable, yet detestable Nabiki!"
All Ranma could do is stand in the hall and watch Kuno run up the stairs to his own class and say, "Wha?"
"Saotome! In the office, NOW!"
Inside the office, he found himself sitting next to Nabiki. The assistant principal, whose clean desk was topped by a manila envelope and two folders, was staring the two of them down as he tried to read the youngsters emotions.
"Well. Let me be the first school official to congratulate the two of you on the joining of your families. I'm quite sure your fathers must be very happy."
Nabiki's mouth started to open and close, but her voice refused to work. Ranma had no such problem, "We aren't married."
The man raised an eyebrow and opened the folder, and read the top form. "Hmm. Yes, you are. It says so, right here."
Nabiki's voice returned to her at this point and asked, "May I see that?"
"Of course, Mrs. Saotome, here it is."
Nabiki looked at the letter and saw that it was a copy of the official notification of a minor's marriage to the school. As she read it, she learned that she and Ranma just gained a whole new set of problems. It was obvious that the meeting at the temporary city building did not clear up the bank's mistake; and judging by the date on the letter, the situation may have worsened.
"Ranma?" she said as she offered the letter to Ranma to read.
As Ranma read the letter, a scowl developed on his face.
"It looks like nothing was done. It figures that would the case if some guy is named 'One One.'"
"Excuse me, I seem to be not understanding something. I thought the two of you would be happy to know that we have completed the name changes and have formally accepted your marriage."
"This all a mistake. Several weeks ago, Ranma and I were caught in a bureaucratic mistake. Due to an unfortunate and unlikely chain of events, some people thought we were newly married, and because of the fire that burned down the records depository, that line of thinking was perpetuated. We tried to fix it a couple of weeks ago by going to the temporary city offices, but that letter is evidence that our "situation" has not been addressed."
"So you aren't married?"
Ranma placed the letter back on the desk and said, "No, we're not."
Nabiki watched Ranma's face as she elaborated, "Technically, they think we are, but we aren't. There's supposed to be some forms and such behind this, and I think Ranma and I need to see that old clerk again.
If we're lucky, you might be getting another letter tomorrow, rescinding the one you received today."
"You sure?"
"No, I'm not sure. That's why Ranma and I have to go to the hall and talk to Ichi Ichi again."
"Well, that is something you can do after school today. Mr. Saotome, I take it you don't have detention today?"
"Er, no?"
"Well then, the two of you are excused from your after school obligations."
Nabiki and Ranma started to negotiate an immediate departure to the hall, explaining that the last time they had to stand in line for several hours and be redirected to several different departments. It was only when Ranma reminded the vice principal of the chaos that occurred when Akane was asked not to play Juliet and hinted at the potential damage that may occur when the school finds out that Ranma and Nabiki are married.
With visions of a burning school and a rioting student body, the two were excused for the rest of the day provided that they obtain a note from an official at the Halls.
***
"Don't look at me," Ranma said as he pulled his bus token from the machine. "Kuno met me in the hallway and gave me an envelope and told me how happy he was."
Nabiki's eyes opened in half shock and half fear. "Kuno knows?"
"Of course. He's the one that delivered the mail to me during lunch, and I opened it when he was still here."
"Shit."
Ranma tapped Nabiki on the shoulder.
"What?"
Ranma had a mischievous grin on his face as he answered, "You swore."
***
After waiting in several lines again, they finally meet Ichi Ichi and ask if they could be updated on where the marriage correction papers. Ichi Ichi had a confused look on his face, went looking through his files for what he did two weeks ago. He pulled out a folder, and looked through several hand written notes and found what he was looking for. Smiling, he assured the two that the marriage papers have been dutifully submitted and that a certificate, suitable for framing, would soon be mailed to their house.
"Suitable for framing?" Nabiki asked.
"Hey, I ain't married to her. This is all a mistake!"
"Uhm. Yes, the two of you signed the marriage forms two weeks ago. Why, is there a problem?"
"Yes. I'm not..." Ranma blurted, but stopped when Nabiki put her hand on his shoulder.
Nabiki quickly apologized and tried to explain the situation once again. Halfway through the explanation, Mr. Kunimoto came by to assure that Ichi Ichi was processing the separation.
Ranma started to say something and was stopped by a sudden and sharp pain in his foot. Nabiki smiled, and told the manager that Ichi Ichi was being most helpful.
Mr. Kunimoto smiled, and wished the two teenagers well, and went about his rounds.
Ichi Ichi watched the exchange between Nabiki and Ranma with interest, and when his supervisor came by, he was surprised that management supported the girl's tale. He started gathering the necessary paper work and mentally started inventorying the tasks he had in front of him. Silently he cursed his own effectiveness.
When Mr. Kunimoto was out of earshot, Ichi Ichi put his hands on the table and profusely apologized to Nabiki and Ranma for totally misunderstanding the reason of the previous days' visit.
Nabiki's voice was cold and harsh. "There will be no problems, right?"
Ichi Ichi felt a twinge of fear shudder down his back and gulped nervously. Somehow the brown haired girl in front of him inspired fear; he was more scared of what she would do to him than he was of his own management. It was only through his experience of working in the government for so long that he was able to keep his composure as he organized the newly created pile of papers in front of him.
"No, there won't be. That is if you can help a little." Not wanting to face a cold Nabiki, looked at Ranma for support. On Ranma's face he saw a blank look, but his blue eyes twinkled like the sun reflecting off an iceberg.
He placed two stacks of paper in front of Nabiki, and indicted the first one with his hand, "These forms are to correct the changes I implemented." He then pointed to the second stack of papers, "These forms are for a No Contest Divorce." He felt a sudden chill from the other side of the counter. "Just in case there are problems," he hastily added.
"Divorce?" Ranma asked.
"Yes. It is entirely possible that some systems and people can only 'undo' a marriage is by 'doing' a divorce."
"It says we have to have our fathers sign the divorce papers." Nabiki was going though the forms and found one paper stating that the parents of the couple asserted parental duties for their children.
With an indifferent air, Ichi Ichi explained the need for the form, "Of course. Neither one of you are twenty, so they have to take responsibility for you."
"Shit."
Nabiki rapped Ranma's shoulder. "Ranma! What did we teach you about swearing?"
"Sorry, Nabiki. But there's no way that Pops is gonna sign that thing. He and your daddy have been working on getting me married to Akane too long to let this opportunity slip."
"Shit."
Ranma gently tapped her shoulder and Ichi Ichi looked at Nabiki, who began to blush and quickly apologized for her outburst.
The three of them went through the forms and placed the necessary signatures and stamps as required; when the three were done, they were all tired.
"Now, all you have to do is get our fathers to sign this one last form, right?"
"Correct. But until you do, you are both still legally married according to," Ichi Ichi paused to thumbed through a binder before continuing, "the Ministries of Education and Health. Oh. And the postal service."
"Of course. Education. Billions of yen are spent every year to ensure the future of this countries children, and it just has to be one of the most backwards."
Nabiki started to tense up when she felt Ranma holding her hand. He quietly calmed her down by telling her that he was resorting to using the ultimate Saotome Final technique -- running away to think about the battle they face.
Nabiki took the envelope that held the forms that the fathers were to sign and thanked Ichi Ichi one last time before walking out of the office.
As Ichi Ichi and Mr. Kunimoto watched the two teenagers leave, the looked at each other in amusement.
"Well, Boss," Ichi Ichi started, "it looks like there's more work to do."
"Yes."
The old clerk patted his chest for a cigarette, and wondered aloud, "Are you sure they aren't supposed to stay married?"
The manager slightly shook his head, "They sure act as if they are."
***
Sitting on a bench near the bus stop, Nabiki and Ranma sat chewing on some mackerel sticks as they reviewed their eventful day. They agreed that the fathers presented the most serious challenge to their divorce and that they needed to come up with a workable plan.
In a quiet moment after finding new ways to curse their fathers, Nabiki wondered why Ranma was so adamant on insisting that they weren't married, even when they really were. She didn't want to be married either, but she has seen enough of him to discern that something else was bothering her partner.
"So, Ranma. What's bothering you?"
"We ain't married. We're going though the divorce so everyone else knows we aren't married."
Nabiki sat there, waiting for Ranma to continue. When he didn't she replied with an "and?"
Ranma chewed on the tough fish stick a moment before speaking. "And nothing. We are not married."
He was obviously hiding something and didn't want to talk about it. Nabiki thought a moment, she too was affected by the situation they were in. "You seem rather stubborn about denying everything we saw back there said we were married." Nabiki picked a small bone out from between her teeth. Confident that there weren't any more, she said, "Even I had to agree that they think we are married and that the have the evidence to prove it. So why don't you think we are married?"
Ranma started to mumble again, "Because I didn't make any promises to you. And if," Ranma shook his head, "once I get married, a divorce isn't going to ever happen."
"But people get divorced all the time."
"Yeah. That's because many of them can't keep their promises. And I don't break my promises."
Nabiki mulled over his comments for a moment. He had managed to keep his promises to her and to her family. There were the occasional lapses in judgment that led to problems, but he sincerely regretted the mistakes he made. He has his faults, she thought, but he is basically a good person. Ranma would make a good husband, if his wife could deal with the craziness that surrounds him.
Nabiki did not agree Ranma's opinion, so she responded with, "Marriages, Ranma, aren't just promises. They are contracts. You do know the terms of the contract, don't you?"
Ranma sat silent, not knowing how to answer the question.
Nabiki smiled and turned her "sensei" voice on. "Marriage is a contract that creates a partnership. The general purpose of the partnership is to provide for mutual welfare of the partners and their respective families. The basis of the partnership is most often based upon the emotional ties the couple have built, but sometimes it is done because of honor or other concerns." She paused to catch her breath.
"So why in the world did your daddy and my pop make that stupid agreement?"
Nabiki shrugged her shoulders as she took a bite of her cold mackerel.
After absentmindedly scratching his arm, he asked if marriage is like the agreement that they have regarding the business.
"Kind of," she replied. "Except that marriage works on many levels. That's why there's a wedding ceremony -- which is not required, thank you very much -- where you make your promises."
"I don't need a ceremony to get married?"
"No. Think about it for a moment. That's how we got married in the first place. The bank thought we declared our marriage, and Poof! Everyone thinks we are married. And the government is all too eager to have us be married."
"So, what do you need the ceremony for?"
"Because, by the time you want to get married, there are ties that bind that are stronger than a contract. And that's where you make your promise. You make a promise to your wife, your family, your wife's family, the government, and everyone else."
Ranma's curiosity was piqued, so he asked, "What's the promise?"
In English, Nabiki quotes the promise she memorized when she was a little girl:
Will you have this Woman as your wedded wife, to live in the holy estate of Matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, so long as you both shall live?
In the name of God, I, (name), take you, Nabiki, to be my wife,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or worse, for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
Ranma looked at her in confusion, so Nabiki translated the vows to Japanese.
"Pops wants me to say that?"
"No. This is what I want my future husband to say to me. You and Akane get to figure out what you want to say to each other."
"I ain't marrying Akane."
"Well, you are engaged to her."
"Yeah, but..."
"So, since you are engaged to her, that means you are going to marry her."
"I can't marry Akane."
"And why not."
"According to those jokers," Ranma pointed to the bag that held the forms they received from Ichi Ichi, "I'm already married to you. Remember?"
"Which is why we have get the divorce."
"We can't get divorced unless our Pops get involved."
The problem of the fathers was getting to Nabiki. She took a deep breath, and decided that more food was the answer.
"You sit and think. I'm going for more." Nabiki stood up and brought two more mackerel sticks. When she returned, she then waved one of them in front of Ranma's face, waking him up from his thoughts.
Taking a bite out of the new stick, Ranma asked Nabiki, "Is that what you really want?"
"Huh?"
Ranma looked down at the ground and softly murmured, "I can't make a promise like that."
Nabiki realized that Ranma was talking about the marriage vow, and found it strange that what he just said hurt her. She considered him to be her business partner, and a friend.
"Oh."
Moments later, Nabiki found herself walking alone away from Ranma.
***
For the rest of the afternoon, Ranma roof-hopped, performed a few katas, and did a few hundred sit-ups and push-ups in different parts of Tokyo. He expected that Kuno would spread the news of his marriage to Nabiki throughout the school, and that meant that his other fiancées would be out looking for him. One part of him was thinking that as long as they were looking for him, Nabiki should be safe. Another part of him was trying to bury the feeling that he had somehow did something wrong just before Nabiki left him.
Ranma returned to the house after the sun had set and snuck into the furo and tried to think of a way to get his father and Soun to agree to his divorcing Nabiki. Whatever he came up with would have to be based upon deceit and trickery, and Nabiki was the best person he knew that could help him. As he left the furo and passed by the kitchen, Kasumi called out to him, asking if he knew why Nabiki was upset.
A guilty feeling arose, and he motioned that he didn't know. As he tried to escape the kitchen, Kasumi asked him to try to cheer Nabiki up. After all, it was the husband's duty to look after his wife.
It was with a feeling of resignation that Ranma agreed to talk her. In the back of his mind, he hoped that talking to her might explain the lost feeling he had himself.
As he stood at Nabiki's door, he thought it would be better if he took a slightly less traditional approach to entering her room. In a few moments, he was outside and hanging from the ledge as he knocked on Nabiki's window. In a few seconds he saw Nabiki open the curtains and look at him then shut the curtains again.
It wasn't easy to gain entrance; he knocked a few times more, jumped on the roof above her room, and started an insistent tap on he window. Eventually Nabiki opened the window and let him enter.
Ranma settled for his normal spot on the floor while Nabiki sat down on the bed, leaning against the wall. The two teenagers sat quietly in the room, staring at each other, trying to read each other's emotions. Finally Ranma spoke, asking her what was wrong.
Nabiki glared at him, his careless comment of the afternoon was still ringing loudly in her mind.
"Saotome, you are so clueless sometimes, she said coolly. When Ranma started to look at the ground, she rebuked him, "Look at me, and face what you did.
"You hurt my feelings this afternoon." Nabiki paused for a moment and tried to keep her voice level and calm, "Do you know what you said?"
Ranma response was silence, but Nabiki could see answer amongst the confusion and fear in his eyes. The expression reminded Nabiki again of Ranma's skewed emotional and social development, and while it frustrated her, she had to admit that she enjoyed attempting to redeem and improve the oaf in front of her.
She felt a slight smile cross her lips. It felt very comfortable having him sit on the floor just a few feet from her -- even if she is angry.
"Ranma," she said, and then paused. Looking at her own hands, and not daring to look at the boy in front of her, she continued, "Ranma-kun, please...what...." Nabiki sighed in her frustration at not being able to articulate the thoughts and feelings that were swimming inside of her.
"Nabiki, I don't have a plan about the divorce."
She didn't miss the regret in Ranma's tone. The marriage was not on her mind all afternoon. "We'll come up with something, Ranma. We always do."
Ranma smiled with confidence and his posture stiffened a little as he agreed, "Yeah, we do, don't we?"
Nabiki regarded Ranma's response and wondered where his confidence came from. When she made the comment she didn't feel all that confident, earlier in the afternoon she briefly considered giving up.
Again the married couple sat in thought for a moment before Ranma spoke again.
"Kasumi sent me..." he started.
Nabiki joined in and they completed the sentence together, "to find out why I'm so upset."
The two of them looked at each other and laughed.
"I should have known why you were being so persistent," Nabiki thought. Her thoughts darkened with the remembrance of why she was gloomy mood.
"Ranma-kun, I'm sorry. I was acting selfish this afternoon. I should have realized that you couldn't make such a promise like that." Nabiki tried to keep her voice even, and wasn't sure if she succeeded. Ranma, of late, has been able to read her true emotions even as she tried to hide them.
"Promise?" Ranma paused a moment, "Oh, the wedding vow."
Nabiki found herself being studied by Ranma.
"There's nothing wrong with it, I guess. It just doesn't seem right for me to say. "
Nabiki then heard Ranma mutter something quietly to himself and pressed him. "What did you just say?"
"I didn't say anything."
Nabiki's voice displayed her irritation, "I heard you say something, or make some noise. What was it?"
Ranma mumbled something again, and Nabiki couldn't make out what he said. She thought she heard something, but it seemed impossible.
"I didn't hear you. What did you just say?"
Ranma was visibly nervous.
"I said I wasn't ready for that yet."
"I never said you were. And I'm not ready for it yet, either."
"Yeah. But we're already married."
"Don't remind me."
Nabiki closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. Ranma just said that he wasn't ready for a wedding vow. That much was obvious. But then, why was she so sure that he originally said "we" aren't ready yet? Shrugging aside that line of thinking, she wondered if Ranma ever thought about his won wedding.
"Hey Ranma. Have you ever thought about your own wedding?"
"Nope. You know how Pops is. 'Girls are weak; girls are a distraction form the art; blah, blah, blah.' So when me and Akane got engaged, I had no idea of what to think."
"Your father is a first class idiot." The two of them enjoyed a small chuckle of agreement.
"With all the engagements, I really haven't thought about getting married."
"Gee, what a surprise."
Nabiki and Ranma relaxed in their own company a short while longer in silence. As Nabiki tried to think of ways to trick her father, Ranma blurted out, "This isn't all bad."
"What's not all bad?"
"If being married means being able to sit in a room with someone else quietly and think, I could learn to like it."
***
Knock. Knock.
Nabiki turned and look at the clock by the bed and saw that it was thirty minutes after midnight. She pulled the covers over her head, hoping that the knocking that she heard was a dream.
Knock.
Disappointed that real life interrupted her visit to dreamland, Nabiki stretched and threw the covers off her.
Knock. Knock.
"I'm coming," she groused. Whoever it was, was being persistent. "One Yen will get me ten that it's Ranma," Nabiki thought. After she made sure her pajama top was closed and she wasn't exposed, she opened the door and found her suspicion was correct.
"What is it Ranma. It's twelve-thirty in the morning. It had better be good."
"We have a problem."
"Yeah. I'm awake. That's the problem."
"No. Shampoo."
"Shampoo?"
"Obstacles are for killing."
"She hasn't yet."
"She hasn't tried."
"We'll talk to Cologne in the morning."
"Hey. I'll be alright."
"Ranma. Go to bed. Nothing will ha..."
Nabiki never finished her sentence. She felt herself being pulled through the door and slammed against the wall with enough force to almost knock the wind out from her. Turning to give Ranma a piece of her mind, she saw him blocking a large melon hammer.
"Out of my way male. Shampoo must remove obstacle."
Shampoo surged forward and tried to leap over Ranma's head. Ranma was not surprised and caught Shampoo around her waist just as she started her leap.
Ranma tried to hold the crazed Amazon attacker. "Shampoo, stop!" he yelled into her ear.
Shampoo had no intention of stopping, instead she twisted and tried to hit Ranma's forehead with her free arm and hammer. "Stupid husband. You need to learn right place."
With the hammer flying toward his head, Ranma had to let go of Shampoo and duck. As the hammer flew dangerously close to the top of his head, Ranma grabbed Shampoo, lifted her off the ground, and threw her into the wall next to Nabiki's bed.
With the battle started, Akane and Kasumi came running out of their rooms to witness Shampoo and Ranma fighting. Nabiki was standing at the edge of her doorframe, peering in from safety.
"Oh, my!"
"What's that Chinese hussy doing here?"
"I think she wanted to cave my skull in."
"Why, that brazen..." Akane tried to rush into the room, but Nabiki held her back.
"Stop, Akane. Don't make anything worse by getting involved." Nabiki watched Ranma punch Shampoo's arm. "He's trying to stop her without destroying the house. So don't distract him."
Akane tried to keep moving forward, but Nabiki's grip was viselike. She too watched Ranma strike back at Shampoo, this time it was a kick to her thigh. As she followed the blows, she saw that Nabiki was right. Ranma was keeping Shampoo away from the door and was trying to work her to the window. The majority of the blows that Ranma took were calculated to prevent damage to the room or Shampoo's escape. Akane could tell that Ranma was pulling his punches as well. It was obvious to her that he was trying to wear her down without causing any serious injury.
Akane stopped her forward pull and joined her sisters in watching the skirmish in front of her. She heard her father and the other Saotomes arrive and push their way to the door to see what was going on.
Eventually Ranma gracefully kicked Shampoo through the window frame and out of sight. Akane felt the fathers barge through and started congratulating Ranma in his defense of his wife. Behind her, she heard Kasumi say something to Auntie Nodoka about checking to see if the window was broken.
For Akane, the whole situation felt a little strange. Normally she was the one being defended or rescued, but this time it was Nabiki. While she tried to put things into perspective, she saw Nabiki enter the room with the first aid kit. She watched her sister extract Ranma from the joyful fathers and sat him upon the bed before tending to his lacerations. The two of them had an easy familiarity, they quietly bantered about something that she couldn't hear.
Still not sure how things were supposed to be, Akane turned and went back to her room after saying good-night to everyone.
***
Ranma and Nabiki were the only two people left in her room after everyone left. She had been thanking him the whole time she was tending his wounds and he was thinking of how nice it felt to have someone actually be grateful instead of berating him.
He looked around the room and saw that very little was damaged, only the window will have to be replaced, and it already had a board over it to keep the night's chill away.
Nabiki yawned and Ranma followed suit, and after saying goodnight, the Ranma left and Nabiki crawled back into bed.
Knock.
"Now what?" Nabiki thought as she got up and opened the door. In front of her was a red-headed Ranma holding a blanket and pillow.
"What are you doing here?"
"She might come back. So I'm sleeping in here tonight."
Nabiki looked at the girl in front of her. In the back of her mind she thought she could hear some deities laugh at her and wondered if Akane ever heard the very same snickering. She saw Ranma's face was serious and the laughter died away. She had a serious decision to make here. She could send Ranma away, but that would take a significant amount of time and effort to convince him that it was safe. Or she could let him sleep in the same room. Or she could sleep with him -- or her.
It was a tantalizing thought. She looked at the bed and seriously considered inviting Ranma to share the blankets with her. He is, she reminded herself, her husband even if they are trying to get divorced. Consummating the marriage could well cause problems in the future as well; Akane certainly wouldn't be happy about that. But, she is a woman, and she was curious. And despite the impending divorce, she actually liked Ranma.
Now she wondered again, whether male or female Ranma. She had thought about Ranma's gender before but never considered it to be a major issue as he was engaged to Akane. She corrected herself; Ranma is still engaged to Akane. But they may never get married if recent history is portending the future.
Her husband was a male. Just because he looked like a girl didn't mean he was a girl.
"Change back, Ranma. And you are sleeping on the floor."
"It isn't right..." he started to protest.
"Ranma, I'm too tired to argue. Right now you are my husband. And husbands imply the male gender. Go change and come back. I'll be under the covers when you get back."
Nabiki heard him mutter as he walked away. She climbed back into bed and pulled the covers over her. A few moments later, a male Ranma walked in and threw his bedding on the floor. She watched him unfold the blanket and fluff his pillow before crawling under them. Half wondering why she chose to make the strange mental compromise, she bade him goodnight and turned off the light.
Nabiki lay in bed looking at the ceiling, and when her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she looked over to Ranma. He was sound asleep in the same spot where he studied.
She wondered what it would be like to have Ranma in bed with her. She knew she was taking a personal gamble in having a male Ranma in her room. He was attractive, very attractive. Sometimes he would be next to her when they studied and she would have to fight a very strong urge to kiss or fondle him. Just a few minutes ago, as everyone was leaving them, she struggled against a desire to latch on to him.
Her hands started to roam over her body, she closed her eyes, imagining what it may have been like if Ranma was in bed with her for real. She quickly stopped, and with a reluctant sigh, rolled over and went to sleep, wondering if the silver platter on the wall really was glowing.
***
Tiny slits of early morning sunlight filtered in from the cracks of the board covering the window, and Nabiki was lying in bed awake. She had an exhausting sleep for she spent much of the night dreaming about staying married to Ranma. She looked at her man. Her man? No. That's exactly what she tried not to think about all night.
She sat up and looked at the clock. It said six seventeen in the morning. Normally she'd be asleep and Ranma would just be getting out of bed. She put her feet on the bed and rubbed her eyes as she stood up and took her first step.
And tripped on Ranma's feet.
"I gotcha, Nabiki."
Ranma caught her on the way down and lowered her onto his chest. When she felt contact, she instinctively reached around him for support. Once on his chest she looked at him and smiled. "Thanks, Ranma. I guess I'm a little clumsy in the morning."
Nabiki relaxed a moment, closing her eyes as she felt Ranma's warmth on her chest. "So comfortable..." she thought drifting to sleep again.
"Uhh, Nabiki?"
Nabiki woke up and realized that she was in a natural, but very compromising position. She giggled and rubbed her hands on his, "Good Morning, husband Ranma."
"N-N-Nabiki, what are you doing?" stammered Ranma.
The dreams of the night affected Nabiki. She looked up at him and brushed a hair out face. "Waking up the way I think I be," she said as she caressed his chest.
Slowly, she sat up with Ranma's help and started adjusted her pajama top. Somehow the top two buttons came undone earlier that night.
Click.
"Ran...Ranma! My son!" Soun and Genma both chorused as they opened the door to Nabiki's room to see a bare-chested Ranma on the floor holding Nabiki up, and Nabiki was buttoning her top, obviously getting dressed after spending the night with her husband. They looked at each other and both broke out in tears of happiness. They hugged and ran downstairs to start celebrating with visions of grandchildren running through their minds.
Nabiki and Ranma sat up straight. "Shit," they both said, realizing that what the fathers saw and what really happened were two different things.
"That wasn't good is it?" Ranma asked rhetorically.
"Well, it could be worse," Nabiki said as she finished the last button. She turned around and tried to stand up and said, "It could have been your mother and Akane."
Unfortunately for the wedded duo, the door opened just then to expose Nodoka, Akane, and Kasumi. Nodoka was deliriously happy, she heard her husband make comments about grandchildren. Akane was furious, her face was purple, and was ready to kill Ranma. Fortunately for Ranma and Nabiki, Kasumi was holding Akane back.
"It's not what you think!" Ranma protested.
Nodoka looked at her son with a proud expression, and asked, "Then what is it?"
Knowing Ranma's history, Nabiki spoke quickly, "I tripped when I got out of bed. I was just getting up again when Father and Uncle Saotome barged in here."
"They said you were getting dressed."
Nabiki lied slightly, "My top came undone when I fell and I was buttoning it closed." Silently she hoped that Nodoka would accept that answer.
Akane found her voice and shouted, "Ranma, you pervert! I thought we were engaged!" She broke free from Kasumi's grasp and ran to her room.
The smile eased on Nodoka's face as she walked into the room and looked around before kneeling next to Nabiki. Looking at Nabiki straight in the eyes, Nodoka searched for the truth. The smile that was lost was soon replaced with a new one.
"I believe you," she said.
Nabiki and Ranma blinked in surprise.
"You do?" Ranma asked.
Nabiki asked a different question, "How did you know?"
Nodoka released her gaze and stood up again. "Quite simple," she said, "it doesn't smell right in here." She started to leave the room, and informed the two that she would correct the father's impression for them. Before she left, she stopped at the door and said, "I suppose I should correct that, Nabiki. I should have said that the smell wasn't strong enough."
Breakfast was normal if one considered that Nodoka cowed both Genma and Soun into behaving. Even Akane had calmed down since Kasumi explained Nodoka's observation, and was trying to find a way to apologize to them as she ate.
Once at school, Ranma was pulled aside by Hiroshi and Daisuke, asking if he was really married to Nabiki.
"No. I'm not married to Nabiki."
"Tell us the truth, Ranma. Kuno was spreading it around all day yesterday afternoon," Daisuke pressed.
This caught Ranma's attention. Kuno did know part of the truth, and that was enough. Ranma started his story with "you gotta keep this a secret" and ended with the previous day's meeting with Ichi Ichi.
"Whoa. That sucks," quipped Hiroshi.
"Tell me about it."
Daisuke slapped Ranma on the back, "You get my sympathies, man. It's bad enough that you gotta be married. But to that greedy bitch..." He shuddered to emphasize his feelings.
"I'd rather die than marry that queen."
Ranma knew that Nabiki had an unsavory reputation but he didn't think people disliked her that much. Ranma might actually concede "greedy" to Daisuke, but the "bitch" comment went too far. And Hiroshi's comment about a "queen" bothered him.
"Knock it off guys," he said.
Daisuke and Hiroshi looked at each other and then at Ranma. Hiroshi took his life and put it in his hands, "Ranma, say it isn't so. Say that you don't like Nabiki."
Ranma didn't know how to respond to Hiroshi's comment. He was caught in an uncomfortable position of choosing to be like his friends or actually admitting something that he actually liked Nabiki.
Which of course, he didn't. But he did. And he knew it, and that was the source of his frustration. If he said he didn't like her, she'd get mad at him. If he said he did like her, then the divorce hole may get deeper and harder to climb out of.
So he said nothing and walked away.
Which was a mistake, as the Daisuke and Hiroshi took Ranma's silence as confirmation that he did like her. Solemnly, they clapped their hands and prayed for Ranma's well being.
One in his classroom, Ranma took his usual seat and waited for class to start. Whenever someone would ask him if he was married to Nabiki, he would answer with silence.
In the desk next to him, Akane was fielding similar questions. The two most aggravating ones were the constant questions about her availability for a date and expressions of sympathy for Ranma.
The Saotome and Tendo looked at each other is mutual suffering and they both hoped that the teacher would show up soon to settle the class down. Unfortunately, the next person to enter was Ukyo, wearing her Okonomiyaki uniform and was wielding her battle spatula.
"Ranma! You said I was your cute fiancée! And now you have to marry that mordacious..." Ukyo couldn't finish her sentence and spat.
Ranma had no idea what Ukyo said, but knew she was somehow insulting Nabiki. And her insult was the one more that exceeded his patience and acceptance. He furiously shouted at Ukyo, "Quit talking about her like that! Nabiki is not cruel, mean, or a bitch! She's my friend and my partner!"
Then he bolted out the window, leaving a shattered desk behind him, and ran.
The sun was about to reach its zenith when halfway between the school and anyplace else, Ranma found himself intercepted by Cologne.
"Son-in-law," she addressed him, "you defeated my granddaughter again. You are now required to return to the village with us as her husband. And you will care for her as she heals."
Ranma's response of "go away, old bat" irritated Cologne. She sensed that he was distracted by something and took advantage of the situation by pouncing and quickly pressing a select few locations on Ranma's back.
The effect was immediate as Ranma cried "Whaaa!" as he fell to the ground.
Satisfied that Ranma was unable to move, Cologne sat next to him and started asking if he was indeed married to Nabiki, an accusation that Ranma denied. But when she pressed why Kuno would make up such a lie and why Akane would affirm such a rumor at school, Ranma conceded that he wasn't supposed to be married to Nabiki and that it was his father's entire fault.
After a little prodding, Cologne was able to listen to Ranma's tale, and was not disappointed with her own predictions as to the events that occurred. As expected, Ranma's life was surrounded by confusion, mayhem and chaos and exacerbated by his own actions. His current difficulties were very inviting to meddle with; Ranma was virtually giving her license to strike at his father. Such an opportunity wasn't to be missed, so she decided to help him divorce Nabiki for a price -- he would return to China with Shampoo as her husband.
She didn't really expect Ranma to accept what she was going to offer. The old hag studied the still boy in front of her, wondering how he built such ties to Nerima. Those ties, she thought, were a source of strength, but they were also a weakness if one had the compunction to exploit. Over the years she had found that taking advantage of weaknesses generally led to victory if she had a little luck.
"Son-in-law, you know that what I am about offer has a price."
Ranma's reaction was instantaneous. "Are you nuts, you old mummy? No way. I am not going to China as Shampoo's husband!"
"I never said that. But now that you mention it, don't you think that Granddaughter would be a much better and prettier wife than that calculating shrew that takes advantage of you at every opportunity?"
Cologne saw the flicker of an electric blue and white aura envelop Ranma, and when it disappeared, she watched Ranma stand up and take a few steps away from her. She was certain that Ranma should have been lying down for several more minutes and to see him get up and move away was a mildly unexpected, but watch him move with no sign of lethargy was a surprise. When she was last subjected to that very same move many years ago, it was hours before she could even walk without aid. Now here was Ranma standing just a few feet away from her and was ready to defend himself.
The serious look on his face reminded her that Ranma was not, is not, and never will be an easy conquest. Although Ranma was supposed to be married to her great-granddaughter, or at least that what she lets Shampoo think, she considered him to a talent that should not go to waste.
To her, Ranma was a personal challenge. Whether it was "son-in-law", "student", "adversary", or occasionally even "friend", he was a challenge to her in just about every way she could think of. She smiled and started a cackling laugh when a vision of Ranma being chased by a hundred Amazons "wives". This is one case, she thought, that the strongest husband is not what is needed in the village.
She tried to calm a skittish Ranma as she pogoed on her stick towards him by saying, "Relax, boy. I'll help you get that divorce from Nabiki. And no, you don't have go to China."
She saw some of the tension leave Ranma when she said that an extended trip was required.
"Why?"
"Why? It's simple. You can't be married to Shampoo if you are married to Nabiki. No?"
Ranma looked uneasy at the comment, but he did thank her just before he bounded away into the distance.
And she pogoed back to the café, wondering just how close had Ranma and Nabiki become. She berated herself not seriously considering the middle Tendo girl, thinking that Akane and Kasumi were the potential threats.
"Oh, well," she mumbled to herself. "It looks like Shampoo may finally learn that the standard village techniques are not going to work."
*****************
Note: The melon hammer is often called a "bonbori" in Ranma 1/2 fanfictions. I wasn't sure of the spelling, so I took to the web and did some searching for "bonbori", and all that I could find were either fanfictions or references to the Bonbori festival in Japan. This took me start checking martial arts supply stores, and one of them actually have something called "melon hammers" (). The picture of the item looked close enough to the mythical bonbori, so I went with "melon hammer".