Bright Melancholic
Everwood fanfiction by LeeT911 (LeeT911@hotmail.com)
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The sun shines brilliantly in the sky, and Bright finds himself hating it. The dark shades resting on his nose keep out the glare, concealing his teary eyes.
He wanders through Everwood, without a clue as to where he's going. Every building, every corner, evokes memories of a life shared with a friend. That's the wall where they scrawled their names in big red letters when they were twelve. There's the hill where they raced their bikes down. And that's the store where Bright was caught shoplifting after a dare from Colin.
He's been down this street a thousand times, but it's never seemed this dark and dreary. The people nod at him, silently voicing their support, but their condolences are wasted. He strolls by briskly, every step filled with purpose although his mind is devoid of one. Another street, another anecdote, another joke remembered. He wishes he could cry, but he's not sure he's allowed.
Eventually, his legs carry him out of Everwood, through the pine trees and up the mountain. He just needs to be away from home for awhile, because home contains too many reminders of Colin: the basketball under his chair, the jacket hanging in his closet, the sister in the next room, crying her eyes out. He needs to be out because Amy is at home. Amy, who's too concerned with her own grief and anger to notice that there are others feeling every bit as miserable as she is.
"Fuck."
He says it softly to himself, relishing its ability to convey his exact emotions. It's not exactly an uncommon word for him, but this time, it holds the same power it did that night he yelled it out in his room – the night Colin died.
What are you supposed to do when your best friend is gone? Bright doesn't know, but he feels he should. Colin had been in a coma for half a year. During those months, it had seemed like Colin was already gone, but even when he was lying motionless in that hospital bed, there was hope. Back then, there had always been the off chance that Colin would just wake up and open his eyes one day. Now... now it was permanent. He wasn't coming back.
And besides, the guy that had come back five months earlier hadn't been his friend. Bright had lost his friend a long time ago. He'd lost his friend to a stupid mistake on that fourth of July. After that day, there had been no more Colin, just someone with the same name and the same face. And yet, it still hurt to know that person was dead.
There were people who were worse off. People like the Harts, or Amy, or even Laynie. He wondered how they felt, but he couldn't find it in him to sympathize. It was so very selfish, yet all he could feel was his own pain... and guilt.
It had never left, that nagging feeling that told him he was somehow responsible. It didn't matter if the town blamed Dr. Brown; it didn't matter if Amy's face hardened every time Ephram walked by. Colin was gone, and that was all that counted.
Finally far from the street, Bright pushes his sunglasses up his forehead so he can rub the tears our of his eyes. He hates crying. It makes him feel so very weak. Another deprecating term comes to mind, but this time, it stays unvoiced. The paradox of profanity. Letting it out doesn't change anything, yet you feel better after having cursed the world for all its injustices.
He grumbles to himself, annoyed at his train of thought. Unconsciously, his feet continue their steady pace, taking him higher up the mountain. He keeps walking, and time escapes him.
When he finally stops, it's because there's nowhere left to go. He stands tall atop the mountain, but there is no triumph in his posture. His hands are buried in his pockets because he's tired of rubbing his eyes, and his shoulders are hunched forward because he won't admit his body's fatigue.
Far below him, the beautiful town of Everwood lays sprawled out in the countryside. Nothing's changed, but the view seems different. It no longer fills him with the same tranquil serenity it used to. It no longer seems peaceful here. He looks around him, and all he can think of is the snowball fight he had up here with Colin, the winter before last. All he can remember is sneaking up on Colin to catch him making out with Amy under the starry canopy. All he can feel is that sinking sensation in his gut telling him that his life has been irrevocably altered.
Disheartened, he settles himself on a nearby rock and stares up at the sky. The sun goes about its business obliviously, slowly meandering its way down towards the horizon. Bright sits there and watches, his eyes following its path, but his mind is elsewhere. He remembers wrestling in the snow on Christmas Eve. He remembers trick or treating together as Batman and Robin. But mostly, he remembers the simple everyday occurrences that brought so much fun into his life. The stupid things... playing catch in the street, hanging out at the arcade, doing "homework" together.
Bright sighs. If only it didn't have to be this way. It's been weeks now, but sometimes it still hurts. Nonetheless, the twinges aren't as fresh anymore, and he knows that eventually, the longing will pass. Life goes on. Maybe sometimes you don't want it to, but it does anyway. If only his sister would see that.
So with night descending, Bright picks his way back down the mountainside, his purpose seeming clearer. Perhaps that was all he needed, some time alone to reminisce, some time alone to remember what it was like when his best friend was still around.
And even if Colin is gone now, there are still the memories, and that will have to do.
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END