Author: DJRocky99
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my wrath...
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I have yet to gain ownership of any of the Rouge characters simply by asking nicely. Plus, I was outbid on Ebay. Looks like I just can't win. ;)
Rewind: When we last left Christian, he was preparing to down his first shot (or two) of Absinthe. Little did he know, an unexpected visitor was planning to make her grand debut in the film.
Chapter Three-The Sudden Obsession
~=~=~=~=~
(Green Fairy): I'm Kylie * hiccup * Minogue!
(Djrocky99): Christian looked up in disbelief at the miniature international superstar that was hovering directly above him.
(Christian, whispering): You're the Green Fairy, not Kylie Minogue!
(Green Fairy): No, I'm Kylie Minogue. And you're Ewan McGregor. And Sister Shorty over there is John Leguizamo on his knees...just the way I like him! Woohoo!
(Djrocky99): Christian couldn't believe Kylie had actually sipped the after- shave! Baz had TOLD her not to drink it; it wasn't really absinthe. But did she listen? No, of course not! Now, not only was his hair appointment in jeopardy, but so was the whole movie.
Christian did the one thing he could do:
He flicked the little green nuisance out of the window...
SPLAT!
Christian peeled the mangled green body off of the window, opened it, and placed her gently on the sill. He then shut the window, but was careful not to smash her this time.
(Christian): Phew, that was close!
(Toulouse): Good move Christian, now who's going to sing with us?
(Christian): Hey, I've just remembered. Aren't you supposed to have a lisp or some sort of speech impediment, Toulouse?
(Toulouse, nervously): Another shot, Christian?
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): And so it was set. Christian would dress up in the Narcoleptic's finest suit, and attempt to avoid Zidler at all costs. The plan, instead, was to get Satine, the "Diamond in the Rough," alone, and convince her that he could write the show for the Moulin Rouge by sharing with her some of his poetry.
~=~=~=~=~
(Christian as narrator): And so we were off to the Moul-
(Djrocky99): Listen up buddy. I'm the author and you're the character. I want to narrate. SO SCRAM!
(Christian, cowering behind the Narcoleptic): Yes ma'am.
(Djrocky99): That's what I thought. Anyway, where were we? Oh yes.
So they were off to the Moulin Rouge to see Harry Zidler and his infamous Diamond Dogs.
(Girls): Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir? I'm not much of a looker, But I am still a hooker, I'm not much of a looker, But I am still a hooker!
(Zidler): When you don't want to do your chores, and you want to drop your drawers, just undo the safety latch, believe me there's no catch!
Because you can can-can!
(Girls): Yes you can can-can!
Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir?
(Scary old men): Here we are now! Entertain us! We're all stupid! And contagious!
(Zidler): Do not feign being dumb! Just come and have some fun! We promise not to tell...as long as you yell! Yes you can can-can!
(Scary old men): Here we are now! Entertain us! We'll throw money! It's outrageous!
(Christian, yelling over the crowd with a bull horn): Because it makes me forget about my father!
(Crowd): Because we can, can, can, yes, because we can can can can can can can can-can.
(Djrocky99): The song ended, and the Bohemians and Christian wandered over to a table in a corner.
(Toulouse): Mission accomplished! We managed to avoid Zidler all together! And look, here she comes: The Diamond in the Rough!
(Djrocky99): Oh goody. Another song.
(Satine):
The French truly are insane,
and Baz Luhrman is to blame,
for making me act like one.
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But I'd rather have an Aussie guy
A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rent on your humble flat
Or help you feed your pussycat!
Men grow cold as girls grow old
And you all lose your charms in the end (not me, though!)
But with muscular arms
Us * true * Aussies don't lose our charms
Because I'd rather have an Aussie guy!
(Djrocky99): Thank goodness that's over. Uh oh, looks like trouble is brewing at the table in the back corner.
(Toulouse): Christian, I've managed to set up a meeting between you and Mademoiselle Satine totally alone after her performance.
(Djrocky99): As it would turn out, Christian was not going to be the only one meeting Satine that night. The Duke, Zidler's investor for the play, was also set to have a meeting with her after the show.
(Christian, in his abnormally high voice again): Alone, Toulouse?
(Djrocky99): Meanwhile, at a table on the other side of the hall...
(Zidler, to the Duke): Yes Duke. Totally alone.
(Djrocky99): Ugh, and just when I thought it was over...
(Satine):
'Cause we are living in a material world
And I am material girl!
Jeff Richards, Russell Crowe
Talk to me Harry Zidler, tell me all about them!
There may be a time when a girl needs a man
(Zidler): But I'd rather have an Aussie guy
(Satine, spoken): Oh Harry, I never knew!
(Zidler): You mean to tell me that it wasn't obvious? I mean, come on! The lipstick, the powder all over the face, the sudden obsession with cross- dressers, and the red coat! Who was I kidding? There was no need for me to come out of the closet, everyone but you saw me dancing on the dining room table!
~=~=~=~=~
A/N-Another fascinating turn of events, I must say. Also, I need to apologize to Jeff Richards and Russell Crowe (who own themselves, dang it!) and to all the MR characters. Chapter Four coming soon.
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my wrath...
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I have yet to gain ownership of any of the Rouge characters simply by asking nicely. Plus, I was outbid on Ebay. Looks like I just can't win. ;)
Rewind: When we last left Christian, he was preparing to down his first shot (or two) of Absinthe. Little did he know, an unexpected visitor was planning to make her grand debut in the film.
Chapter Three-The Sudden Obsession
~=~=~=~=~
(Green Fairy): I'm Kylie * hiccup * Minogue!
(Djrocky99): Christian looked up in disbelief at the miniature international superstar that was hovering directly above him.
(Christian, whispering): You're the Green Fairy, not Kylie Minogue!
(Green Fairy): No, I'm Kylie Minogue. And you're Ewan McGregor. And Sister Shorty over there is John Leguizamo on his knees...just the way I like him! Woohoo!
(Djrocky99): Christian couldn't believe Kylie had actually sipped the after- shave! Baz had TOLD her not to drink it; it wasn't really absinthe. But did she listen? No, of course not! Now, not only was his hair appointment in jeopardy, but so was the whole movie.
Christian did the one thing he could do:
He flicked the little green nuisance out of the window...
SPLAT!
Christian peeled the mangled green body off of the window, opened it, and placed her gently on the sill. He then shut the window, but was careful not to smash her this time.
(Christian): Phew, that was close!
(Toulouse): Good move Christian, now who's going to sing with us?
(Christian): Hey, I've just remembered. Aren't you supposed to have a lisp or some sort of speech impediment, Toulouse?
(Toulouse, nervously): Another shot, Christian?
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): And so it was set. Christian would dress up in the Narcoleptic's finest suit, and attempt to avoid Zidler at all costs. The plan, instead, was to get Satine, the "Diamond in the Rough," alone, and convince her that he could write the show for the Moulin Rouge by sharing with her some of his poetry.
~=~=~=~=~
(Christian as narrator): And so we were off to the Moul-
(Djrocky99): Listen up buddy. I'm the author and you're the character. I want to narrate. SO SCRAM!
(Christian, cowering behind the Narcoleptic): Yes ma'am.
(Djrocky99): That's what I thought. Anyway, where were we? Oh yes.
So they were off to the Moulin Rouge to see Harry Zidler and his infamous Diamond Dogs.
(Girls): Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir? I'm not much of a looker, But I am still a hooker, I'm not much of a looker, But I am still a hooker!
(Zidler): When you don't want to do your chores, and you want to drop your drawers, just undo the safety latch, believe me there's no catch!
Because you can can-can!
(Girls): Yes you can can-can!
Voulez vous coucher avec moi? Ce soir?
(Scary old men): Here we are now! Entertain us! We're all stupid! And contagious!
(Zidler): Do not feign being dumb! Just come and have some fun! We promise not to tell...as long as you yell! Yes you can can-can!
(Scary old men): Here we are now! Entertain us! We'll throw money! It's outrageous!
(Christian, yelling over the crowd with a bull horn): Because it makes me forget about my father!
(Crowd): Because we can, can, can, yes, because we can can can can can can can can-can.
(Djrocky99): The song ended, and the Bohemians and Christian wandered over to a table in a corner.
(Toulouse): Mission accomplished! We managed to avoid Zidler all together! And look, here she comes: The Diamond in the Rough!
(Djrocky99): Oh goody. Another song.
(Satine):
The French truly are insane,
and Baz Luhrman is to blame,
for making me act like one.
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But I'd rather have an Aussie guy
A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rent on your humble flat
Or help you feed your pussycat!
Men grow cold as girls grow old
And you all lose your charms in the end (not me, though!)
But with muscular arms
Us * true * Aussies don't lose our charms
Because I'd rather have an Aussie guy!
(Djrocky99): Thank goodness that's over. Uh oh, looks like trouble is brewing at the table in the back corner.
(Toulouse): Christian, I've managed to set up a meeting between you and Mademoiselle Satine totally alone after her performance.
(Djrocky99): As it would turn out, Christian was not going to be the only one meeting Satine that night. The Duke, Zidler's investor for the play, was also set to have a meeting with her after the show.
(Christian, in his abnormally high voice again): Alone, Toulouse?
(Djrocky99): Meanwhile, at a table on the other side of the hall...
(Zidler, to the Duke): Yes Duke. Totally alone.
(Djrocky99): Ugh, and just when I thought it was over...
(Satine):
'Cause we are living in a material world
And I am material girl!
Jeff Richards, Russell Crowe
Talk to me Harry Zidler, tell me all about them!
There may be a time when a girl needs a man
(Zidler): But I'd rather have an Aussie guy
(Satine, spoken): Oh Harry, I never knew!
(Zidler): You mean to tell me that it wasn't obvious? I mean, come on! The lipstick, the powder all over the face, the sudden obsession with cross- dressers, and the red coat! Who was I kidding? There was no need for me to come out of the closet, everyone but you saw me dancing on the dining room table!
~=~=~=~=~
A/N-Another fascinating turn of events, I must say. Also, I need to apologize to Jeff Richards and Russell Crowe (who own themselves, dang it!) and to all the MR characters. Chapter Four coming soon.