Author: DJRocky99
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my wrath...
Disclaimer: I asked Santa Claus if he'd bring me all the Moulin Rouge characters for Christmas year. But then he cocked his head to one side and said, "How old are you?" I looked politely bewildered and replied "17. Why?" One of his eyes twitched and he yelled, "Get off me or I'll sick my elves on you!"
I don't know, but that wasn't very nice. Anyways, I didn't get any of them for Christmas. Hopefully one of ya'll did better, though.
Long story short (too late hehe) I don't own anything or anyone.
Rewind: My apologies for those two songs; I know they don't follow too closely, but oh well. Anyways, when we last left the story, Zidler had just announced that he liked Aussie men. Annnnnd...action!
Chapter Four-Toulouse's Many Mood Swings
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, while doing an Irish jig): Harry, is the Duke here yet?
(Zidler, while also doing an Irish jig): Yes, of course!
(Toulouse, who had just spilled his Absinthe on the Duke): Oh...terribly sorry! Let me clean you up.
(Djrocky99): Toulouse ran over to Christian and pulled the kerchief out of his jacket pocket. He waddled as only a man on his knees can back over to the Duke.
(Satine, who is now doing the motions to Y.M.C.A): Well where is he then?
(Djrocky99): Satine looked expectantly towards the men in the crowd, only to discover that she would be more attracted to Rosie O'Donnell in a thong than any of these men. She shivered in disgust.
(Zidler): Let me have a peek, darling.
(Djrocky99): Zidler begins the "Cha Cha Slide", slowly moving his way around where Satine is standing, eyeing him nervously.
However, at the same moment, Toulouse had decided that a kerchief could not get the job done. He got his handheld Dirt Buster Vacuum cleaner out, and was attempting to use it on the Duke, who was flailing about like some sort of rabid beast.
(Toulouse): Fine, you bourgeois pig, clean yourself off...I try to make up for an accident, and you can't even respect for the man I am...(Toulouse now has tears streaming down his face)...That's it! WE'RE THROUGH!
(Djrocky99): Just when Toulouse turned to leave, he walked into a wall. A wall that strangely resembled Mr. Clean, that is.
Mr. Clean had a gun, though.
(Zidler, who is now blowing kisses to random people in the crowd): He's the one that Toulouse is shaking a vacuum at!
(Djrocky99): Toulouse managed to escape unharmed by sliding on his knees underneath Mr. Clean, and escaping back to the Bohemians.
(Christian, seeing Toulouse's tear-streaked face): What happened little buddy?
(Toulouse, enraged): DON'T EVER CALL ME YOUR FREAKING LITTLE BUDDY AGAIN, GOT THAT? Now give me a tissue.
(Christian, who is now convinced that Toulouse is a woman, due to his many mood swings at the end of the month): Ok dear. What's the magic word?
(Toulouse, who is really pissed off this time, yet somehow manages to say calmly): Give me the tissue now, or I will hack off your head and shove it so far down your throat, you'll have to drop your pants if you ever want to see the light of day again.
(Christian, who is rather frightened): Ah, yes. Right you are!
(Djrocky99): At that very moment, Mr. Clean was sauntering towards the Bohemians' table, carrying the vacuum.
(Toulouse): Someone hide me!
(Djrocky99): Toulouse ducked underneath the table and prayed that big galoot wouldn't see him.
(Mr. Clean): I came to return the vacuum to the funny man on his knees.
(Christian, graciously accepting the gift): Thank you good sir for returning this to its rightful owner. Because of your civic duty, I hereby-
(Mr. Clean, interrupting): Yeah whatever. Stop acting like I care already.
(Djrocky99): He promptly turned and went back to the other table.
(Satine, loudly enough to have all the actors turn her way): What the hell is a vacuum? This is 1898 you GUYS!
(Zidler, Bohemians, Christian, the Duke, and Mr. Clean, in unison): Oh yeaaaah, right!
(Zidler, to Satine): Oh yes! My little bunion, the duke is the man holding the hanky, WINK WINK!
(Djrocky99): Nice cover, moron.
Anyways, instead of arguing, Satine knew she just had to go along with it (choosing to ignore the fact that essentially nothing made sense). She looked up and saw Christian holding the napkin.
(Satine, sighing): Works for me, I guess.
(Djrocky99): Satine was surprised to discover that the Duke (Christian, in reality) was half way decent looking. She asked, in a shocked voice:
(Satine): Harry, are you sure? I mean, absolutely, positively, undeniably certain?
(Zidler, who stops shaking his ass long enough to glance at the table that he knows the real Duke is at): Yes, I'm absolutely positively undeniably certain that's him, kidney bean...um, chickpea.
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): Satine was up on her little swing, she sang the last line, blah blah blah, yada yada, she falls off, lands in Chocolat's arms, he runs her backstage, blah blah, she wakes up, coughs up some blood, everyone's happy she's alive for the time being, she gets dressed, and begins talking to Zidler.
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, unzipping her outfit): So you think he'll invest?
(Zidler, giggling like a school girl): If I wasn't gay, spent the night with you, and then slept with a man to be sure I wasn't gay, I'd invest.
(Satine): What's his type? Slow and sweet?
(Djrocky99): She sighed loudly.
(Satine): Moderately saucy?
(Djrocky99): She shivered.
(Satine): Or kinky?
(Djrocky99): She pulled out a whip and smacked the ground with it, making an Indiana Jones-ish type noise.
(Zidler, wishing he was Satine right now): Kinky, I bet. We're all relying on you not to screw up, you know. Remember: if he invests, you can be in a real boring show, in front of a real sleeping audience, in a real old theatre.
(Satine, confused): I see no difference.
(Zidler, nervous laugh): Off you go!
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): By now, Satine had changed into her kinkiest outfit, consisting of a black leather thong and a top, stiletto heels, and was carrying her whip with her.
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, randomly cracking her whip while standing in front of Christian [or the Duke, to her]): I believe you were expecting me.
(CRASH)
(Christian): As a matter of fact, yes, I was.
(CRASH)
(Satine, who is amazed...she yells at the audience): Shut up you fools! It's lady's choice!
(Christian, who is fascinated by the wedgie Satine has from the leather): Hehehehehehehehehehehe.
(Satine, moaning in pain from the wedgie): Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!
(Djrocky99): She manages to pull it out with no one other than Christian noticing.
(Toulouse): I see you've met my English friend.
(Satine, holding Christian at whip-point, and forcing him to go on the dance floor): Yeah and I'll take care of him, Toulouse. Let's dance!
(Bohemians, excluding Sadie, however): Gee, that went remarkably well...damn; I guess that means the whole picture won't be cancelled.
(Zidler, who is lying in a bed, smoking a cigarette, with Sadie grinning next to him): Gee, that Duke sure can dance.
(Djrocky99): Zidler couldn't see through his screen of smoke, so he assumed that Satine had found the real Duke without incident.
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, to Christian): It's splendid of you to take an interest in our pitiful...um, pleasurable show!
(Christian, smiling his nerdy grin): Sounds fun! I think it'll really be cool, being involved and all.
(Satine, shocked): Are you sure? You're serious? You actually mean it?
(Christian): Assuming you like what I do, that is.
(Satine): I bet I will.
(Christian): Toulouse said we should do it in private.
(Satine): Yes, of course. Don't want all these people to see; I understand entirely.
(Christian): Yes, I get rather nervous in front of large groups. One time, I was in a café, and decided I'd jump on stage and do it, but I couldn't find the ru-
(Satine): The WHAT?
(Christian, not noticing the interruption): -ddy paper that had the poems on it, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember the first line!
(Satine, relieved he was talking about poetry and not something else): Oh, right, of course. Poetry.
(Christian): Well, yes, of course. What'd you think I meant?
(Satine): Never-you-mind. Be right back.
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): Satine left Christian alone on the dance floor, climbed up on her little swing, she sang the last line, blah blah blah, yada yada, she falls off, lands in Chocolat's arms, he runs her backstage, blah blah, she wakes up, coughs up some blood, everyone's happy she's alive for the time being, she gets dressed, and begins talking to Zidler.
(Satine, to Zidler): How do I look? Kinky?
(Zidler, giggling again): For a woman, yes!
(Satine): To the bat-elephant, Robin!
(Zidler): What the...?
(Satine, winking): Nevermind. Off to Suzy I go!
(Zidler): Who the hell is Suzy?!
(Satine, grinning): The elephant! I decided she needed a name.
(Zidler): Of course...silly me! EVERYONE names their bedrooms...elephants...something.
~=~=~=~=~
(Duke): Find Zidler, the girl needs me! (He rolls his eyes.)
~=~=~=~=~
(A/N...preparing excuses for my unexplained absence): Ok, let me get this out of the way first. The break in between the chapters was because we went out of town; then, I was sick; then the holidays came; plus, the whole time, I've had writer's block, lol! I promise not to do that again though.
Apologies to: ALL Moulin Rouge characters, Rosie O'Donnell, the Indiana Jones reference, the Batman reference, all song references, and I think that's about it.
Can you believe it? Chapter Five coming soon! It's looking like a good one so far, too, so keep an eye out!
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my wrath...
Disclaimer: I asked Santa Claus if he'd bring me all the Moulin Rouge characters for Christmas year. But then he cocked his head to one side and said, "How old are you?" I looked politely bewildered and replied "17. Why?" One of his eyes twitched and he yelled, "Get off me or I'll sick my elves on you!"
I don't know, but that wasn't very nice. Anyways, I didn't get any of them for Christmas. Hopefully one of ya'll did better, though.
Long story short (too late hehe) I don't own anything or anyone.
Rewind: My apologies for those two songs; I know they don't follow too closely, but oh well. Anyways, when we last left the story, Zidler had just announced that he liked Aussie men. Annnnnd...action!
Chapter Four-Toulouse's Many Mood Swings
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, while doing an Irish jig): Harry, is the Duke here yet?
(Zidler, while also doing an Irish jig): Yes, of course!
(Toulouse, who had just spilled his Absinthe on the Duke): Oh...terribly sorry! Let me clean you up.
(Djrocky99): Toulouse ran over to Christian and pulled the kerchief out of his jacket pocket. He waddled as only a man on his knees can back over to the Duke.
(Satine, who is now doing the motions to Y.M.C.A): Well where is he then?
(Djrocky99): Satine looked expectantly towards the men in the crowd, only to discover that she would be more attracted to Rosie O'Donnell in a thong than any of these men. She shivered in disgust.
(Zidler): Let me have a peek, darling.
(Djrocky99): Zidler begins the "Cha Cha Slide", slowly moving his way around where Satine is standing, eyeing him nervously.
However, at the same moment, Toulouse had decided that a kerchief could not get the job done. He got his handheld Dirt Buster Vacuum cleaner out, and was attempting to use it on the Duke, who was flailing about like some sort of rabid beast.
(Toulouse): Fine, you bourgeois pig, clean yourself off...I try to make up for an accident, and you can't even respect for the man I am...(Toulouse now has tears streaming down his face)...That's it! WE'RE THROUGH!
(Djrocky99): Just when Toulouse turned to leave, he walked into a wall. A wall that strangely resembled Mr. Clean, that is.
Mr. Clean had a gun, though.
(Zidler, who is now blowing kisses to random people in the crowd): He's the one that Toulouse is shaking a vacuum at!
(Djrocky99): Toulouse managed to escape unharmed by sliding on his knees underneath Mr. Clean, and escaping back to the Bohemians.
(Christian, seeing Toulouse's tear-streaked face): What happened little buddy?
(Toulouse, enraged): DON'T EVER CALL ME YOUR FREAKING LITTLE BUDDY AGAIN, GOT THAT? Now give me a tissue.
(Christian, who is now convinced that Toulouse is a woman, due to his many mood swings at the end of the month): Ok dear. What's the magic word?
(Toulouse, who is really pissed off this time, yet somehow manages to say calmly): Give me the tissue now, or I will hack off your head and shove it so far down your throat, you'll have to drop your pants if you ever want to see the light of day again.
(Christian, who is rather frightened): Ah, yes. Right you are!
(Djrocky99): At that very moment, Mr. Clean was sauntering towards the Bohemians' table, carrying the vacuum.
(Toulouse): Someone hide me!
(Djrocky99): Toulouse ducked underneath the table and prayed that big galoot wouldn't see him.
(Mr. Clean): I came to return the vacuum to the funny man on his knees.
(Christian, graciously accepting the gift): Thank you good sir for returning this to its rightful owner. Because of your civic duty, I hereby-
(Mr. Clean, interrupting): Yeah whatever. Stop acting like I care already.
(Djrocky99): He promptly turned and went back to the other table.
(Satine, loudly enough to have all the actors turn her way): What the hell is a vacuum? This is 1898 you GUYS!
(Zidler, Bohemians, Christian, the Duke, and Mr. Clean, in unison): Oh yeaaaah, right!
(Zidler, to Satine): Oh yes! My little bunion, the duke is the man holding the hanky, WINK WINK!
(Djrocky99): Nice cover, moron.
Anyways, instead of arguing, Satine knew she just had to go along with it (choosing to ignore the fact that essentially nothing made sense). She looked up and saw Christian holding the napkin.
(Satine, sighing): Works for me, I guess.
(Djrocky99): Satine was surprised to discover that the Duke (Christian, in reality) was half way decent looking. She asked, in a shocked voice:
(Satine): Harry, are you sure? I mean, absolutely, positively, undeniably certain?
(Zidler, who stops shaking his ass long enough to glance at the table that he knows the real Duke is at): Yes, I'm absolutely positively undeniably certain that's him, kidney bean...um, chickpea.
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): Satine was up on her little swing, she sang the last line, blah blah blah, yada yada, she falls off, lands in Chocolat's arms, he runs her backstage, blah blah, she wakes up, coughs up some blood, everyone's happy she's alive for the time being, she gets dressed, and begins talking to Zidler.
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, unzipping her outfit): So you think he'll invest?
(Zidler, giggling like a school girl): If I wasn't gay, spent the night with you, and then slept with a man to be sure I wasn't gay, I'd invest.
(Satine): What's his type? Slow and sweet?
(Djrocky99): She sighed loudly.
(Satine): Moderately saucy?
(Djrocky99): She shivered.
(Satine): Or kinky?
(Djrocky99): She pulled out a whip and smacked the ground with it, making an Indiana Jones-ish type noise.
(Zidler, wishing he was Satine right now): Kinky, I bet. We're all relying on you not to screw up, you know. Remember: if he invests, you can be in a real boring show, in front of a real sleeping audience, in a real old theatre.
(Satine, confused): I see no difference.
(Zidler, nervous laugh): Off you go!
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): By now, Satine had changed into her kinkiest outfit, consisting of a black leather thong and a top, stiletto heels, and was carrying her whip with her.
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, randomly cracking her whip while standing in front of Christian [or the Duke, to her]): I believe you were expecting me.
(CRASH)
(Christian): As a matter of fact, yes, I was.
(CRASH)
(Satine, who is amazed...she yells at the audience): Shut up you fools! It's lady's choice!
(Christian, who is fascinated by the wedgie Satine has from the leather): Hehehehehehehehehehehe.
(Satine, moaning in pain from the wedgie): Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!
(Djrocky99): She manages to pull it out with no one other than Christian noticing.
(Toulouse): I see you've met my English friend.
(Satine, holding Christian at whip-point, and forcing him to go on the dance floor): Yeah and I'll take care of him, Toulouse. Let's dance!
(Bohemians, excluding Sadie, however): Gee, that went remarkably well...damn; I guess that means the whole picture won't be cancelled.
(Zidler, who is lying in a bed, smoking a cigarette, with Sadie grinning next to him): Gee, that Duke sure can dance.
(Djrocky99): Zidler couldn't see through his screen of smoke, so he assumed that Satine had found the real Duke without incident.
~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, to Christian): It's splendid of you to take an interest in our pitiful...um, pleasurable show!
(Christian, smiling his nerdy grin): Sounds fun! I think it'll really be cool, being involved and all.
(Satine, shocked): Are you sure? You're serious? You actually mean it?
(Christian): Assuming you like what I do, that is.
(Satine): I bet I will.
(Christian): Toulouse said we should do it in private.
(Satine): Yes, of course. Don't want all these people to see; I understand entirely.
(Christian): Yes, I get rather nervous in front of large groups. One time, I was in a café, and decided I'd jump on stage and do it, but I couldn't find the ru-
(Satine): The WHAT?
(Christian, not noticing the interruption): -ddy paper that had the poems on it, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember the first line!
(Satine, relieved he was talking about poetry and not something else): Oh, right, of course. Poetry.
(Christian): Well, yes, of course. What'd you think I meant?
(Satine): Never-you-mind. Be right back.
~=~=~=~=~
(Djrocky99): Satine left Christian alone on the dance floor, climbed up on her little swing, she sang the last line, blah blah blah, yada yada, she falls off, lands in Chocolat's arms, he runs her backstage, blah blah, she wakes up, coughs up some blood, everyone's happy she's alive for the time being, she gets dressed, and begins talking to Zidler.
(Satine, to Zidler): How do I look? Kinky?
(Zidler, giggling again): For a woman, yes!
(Satine): To the bat-elephant, Robin!
(Zidler): What the...?
(Satine, winking): Nevermind. Off to Suzy I go!
(Zidler): Who the hell is Suzy?!
(Satine, grinning): The elephant! I decided she needed a name.
(Zidler): Of course...silly me! EVERYONE names their bedrooms...elephants...something.
~=~=~=~=~
(Duke): Find Zidler, the girl needs me! (He rolls his eyes.)
~=~=~=~=~
(A/N...preparing excuses for my unexplained absence): Ok, let me get this out of the way first. The break in between the chapters was because we went out of town; then, I was sick; then the holidays came; plus, the whole time, I've had writer's block, lol! I promise not to do that again though.
Apologies to: ALL Moulin Rouge characters, Rosie O'Donnell, the Indiana Jones reference, the Batman reference, all song references, and I think that's about it.
Can you believe it? Chapter Five coming soon! It's looking like a good one so far, too, so keep an eye out!