Author: Djrocky99
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my wrath...oh, and look out folks. This is going to be a long one.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Chapter Six: A Flaming Flamer, A Mutant Alien, and An Explanation
~=~=~=~=~
A/N: Everyone please ignore tHe InSaNe OnE. Hehe she's a friend of mine from school who's never seen Moulin Rouge, so naturally she is clueless in the matter. Otherwise, though, she's harmless. ;-)
To BeetleBon99: How right you are! Us 99's have to stick together...and I'm glad you like the story. =)
To Ivy: I promise I won't abandon this one! I hope I can keep the story going, I like the way it's turned out so far. =)
To Jessica143 (SomeoneWhoCan'tWrite): I promise to get chapters up much quicker from on! It'll be my belated New Year's resolution, lol! =)
To Ella Roberta Reamy: Don't worry, this one isn't gonna die anytime soon, hehe. =)
To Biblehermione: Can you believe that I'm like this all the time? LOL!
To barghorse: No problem. Your stories were great, by the way. Sorry about the whole being-mean to Christian thing. I promise I'll be mean to everyone else also from now on, LOL! (PS-try not to say "nailed" and "Audrey" in a sentence together anymore, ROFL! Just kidding) =)
To Katie: Aw shucks, now I'm really blushing, LOL! I definitely need to send props to Beetle and Elf, because I was afraid to do parodies or humor until I read their stories. Thanks again, to all three of you! =)
To Quoth the Raven: First off, let me just say that I love your name, lol! That is probably my favorite poem/short story ever. Second, I'm glad you liked the story, hehe! =)
~=~=~=~=~
Rewind: When we last left our stars (snicker), Christian had just done his good deed of the day and removed Satine's thong...which had, umm...gotten stuck. Now would be a good time for the villain (snicker again) to enter. Annnnnd...ACTION! ~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, in a shocked voice): I can't believe I've fallen in love with a talented, handsome young duke who can't sing!
(Christian, dumbfounded): Really? A Duke?
(Satine, in a "boy, are you really THAT dumb?" voice): Yeah. Toulouse and Zidler both said you were a duke.
(Christian, falls on floor laughing): Hahahaha you believed them? You're naturally blonde, aren't you?
(Satine, outraged): Oh please, like you have room to talk, "Mr. I-couldn't- hit-one-freaking-note-to-save-my-soul-yet-I-continually-sing-during-the- whole-damn-movie." So, what you're telling me is that you're another one of Toulouse's hopeless friends who has zero literacy and/or people skills?
(Christian): I'm sure I ain't gots a clue what you be talking about, girl. So don't go there. Besides, I'm a writer. I don't need literacy OR people skills!
(Satine, sarcastically): Shocking.
(Djrocky99): Thank God that at that very moment, the real Duke showed up and knocked at Satine's door. She scrambled to button her jeans and walked over and opened the door.
(Satine, in an unusually squeaky voice, even for her): The Duke! Oh Duke, you're here!
(Djrocky99): Satine slammed the door in his face before the obnoxious little rodent had time to squeak out a greeting or some perverted statement.
(Satine, frantically): Christian, you idiot, hide! Hurry!
(Christian): Right!
(Djrocky99): Christian went running towards Satine's closet, but tripped and when flying in. Satine came up behind it and locked it. She then proceeded back to let the Duke in.
(Zidler): Satine, where have you been? This hunk-a hunk-a burnin' love has been waiting out here for 5 minutes!
(The Duke, in that annoying nasally voice, stands gaping and wide eyed at Zidler): Say...say...what?
(Satine, sensing The Duke's discomfort): Sorry. Thought it was open.
(Zidler): Ok, you kids have fun. I want you both back before 1 am though, right?
(Satine/The Duke in unison): Yes, Harry.
(Djrocky99): The big flaming flamer left The Duke and Satine...totally alone. Well, excluding Christian, anyway.
(The Duke, in an attempt to be suave, but still coming off sounding gay): A kiss on the hand may be quite continental.
(Satine, who doesn't want to play along): Pervert. I'd rather have a human being, not you...you little rat.
(Djrocky99): The Duke, who certainly is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, assumes she's coming on to him.
[A/N-Don't ever assume anything, kids. Because it makes an ASS out of U and ME! Now back to our regularly scheduled story.]
(The Duke): Oh, getting feisty, our we?
(Satine, feigning seriousness): Ah, you've got my number, I see.
(The Duke): So...um...want to sleep with my so that I'll fund your plays and crap?
(Satine, scared to death): NO! But...
(Djrocky99): She just dug herself a mighty big grave.
(Satine, to Djrocky99): Shut up. I've got it under control.
(Djrocky99): Nuh uh.
(Satine): Uh huh.
(The Duke, interrupting): Um ladies. We have a story going on here.
(Djrocky99): Ah shut up, you little Mouseketeer. Literally. Besides, she started it.
(Satine): Everyone just shut up!
(The Duke): Works for me.
(Djrocky99): Ok. Back to the story. Satine said no, blah blah blah, now she has to find some way to cover her ass (not literally, this time.)
(Satine): It's a little bit funny.
This feeling inside
The feeling I had while your
Thong was trying to hide.
This is your thong, yeah,
And I got it out for you!
And you can tell everybody
That this is your thong!
It may be quite large, yeah
But now that it's gone
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I sell it on Ebay
Cuz' anything that's ever touched your butt will be worth cash someday!
(The Duke, teary eyed): Oh my God Satine, I never knew! I...loved it. Marry me?
(Satine, who's pissed because she thought that would scare him away): Ugh. Anyway, that song will be in "Horrific, Horrific." You should pay for it. It'll be worth it. And besides, I need a new tho-...
(Djrocky99): Damn it, here we go again. SATINE, SHUT UP.
(Satine, trying to fix mistake): A new thoroughbred horse.
(Djrocky99, rolling eyes): Oh, that was smooth.
(Satine, hissing): Shut up already!
(The Duke, childishly while clapping hands): Oh, I just love women who love ponies!
(Djrocky99, so only Satine can hear [because hey, us chicks have to stick together]): I'd be shocked if he liked women, period.
(Satine, snickering): Right you are.
(The Duke): What?
(Satine, with a fake smile): Nothing. Anyways, I really need my beauty rest, so you should leave. Good riddance.
(Djrocky99): Satine shoved the Duke through the door. She sauntered over to the closet, proud of the fact that she'd managed to get rid of him AND manipulate him enough to pay for the show. She opened the door to discover Christian standing in a pair of stilettos and wearing a vest, a la Dr. Frank N. Further from Rocky Horror.
(Christian): Come on Satine, give yourself over to absolute pleasure!
(Satine, laughing so hard she's choking): Oh...my...God!
(Christian, with a thoughtful expression on his face): Oh crap. I've just remembered, we completely forgot the "you faint, Zidler and The Duke come prancing back in, I wake you up" scene.
(Satine): Damn. Well, this thing is running over-time anyways, so let's just shorten the scene we forgot.
(Djrocky99): Satine dramatically holds one wrist to her forehead and melodramatically stumbles around the room. Christian stands watching amusedly.
(Christian, shouting): Cue Harry and the Duchess...erm, Duke!
(Baz Lurhman): Damn it, Christian, that's my line!
(Christian, meekly): Sorry sir.
(Baz): Cue Harry and The Duke!
(Djrocky99): The Duke and Zidler come prancing in together and speak their lines at the same time in an attempt to speed things up.
(The Duke): Foul play...rehearsal? As if...where's Zidler?
(Zidler, at the exact same time): Dearest Duke...emergency rehearsal...let's go to my office...
(Djrocky99): Finally getting to the important part, the two idiots stop talking over one another.
(The Duke): What's the story?
(Zidler): Toulouse will tell you.
(Toulouse, looking forlorn): Damn. Um, let's see. It's about...um...
(Christian): Love.
(Toulouse, sighing in relief): Thank you.
(Christian): Love, overcoming all obstacles!
(Toulouse): And it's set in Switzerland!
(Christian): No it isn't! It's set in...in Roswell, New Mexico. And there's a courtesan [A/N-keep in mind that that is French for hooker], the most beautiful leather-thong-wearing courtesan in the world. But her hometown, Roswell, is invaded by a gay evil mutant alien shaped like a human but resembling a rat, that has part of its own tail glued to its face and has a high nasally voice because it can't breathe through its nose. So, in order to save her hometown, she must seduce the evil alien. But on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless...a penniless actor who's been out of work for 8 years for the evil alien, and falls in love with the actor. The actor wasn't trying to trick her or anything, but he had been dressed in a big rat costume because he was on his way to an audition for Mickey Mouse.
(Djrocky99): The Duke, Satine, and myself all stare at Christian in shock. Apparently, Christian has forgotten that this is supposed to be 1899! (smacks forehead).
(Argentinean): I will be the penniless actor! Oh...I'll star, in the play, too, if no one else wants to.
(Satine and Djrocky99): We shared another giggle. Score again for the girls.
(The Duke, who is completely clueless to the fact that not only is Christian making this up as he goes, but is also basing it on real life): And what happens next?
(Christian): The actor and the courtesan [A/N-that's French for hooker] must hide their infatuation.
(Sadie): And the actor's...um...mirror is magical and can only tell the truth!
(Toulouse, moodily again): Yeah sure. Give me the damned mirror part. Just freaking great. Ma and Pa would be so proud; I'm finally getting somewhere in life. I'M GOING TO BE A MIRROR.
(The Duke): He gives the game away, right?
(Christian): Either that, or he kills us all.
(Djrocky99): Toulouse glared at Christian.
(Zidler): Christian, my boy, tell The Duke about the can-can.
(Christian): Do I have to?
(Zidler): No. The can-can is an erotic scene, starring moi, that captures the thrusting, gyrating, vibrating, tear-to-your-eye-bring excitement that only an actor such as myself can provide. It will be...
~=~=~=~=~
A/N: Wow, that one was pretty strange too. Apologies to all the cast, blondes everywhere, all those who "curve the other way" (you know who you are), and anyone I offended (you also know who you are.)
Hope everyone enjoyed. Join us next time when Zidler reveals what, exactly, the play will be. Oh I just can't wait!
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my wrath...oh, and look out folks. This is going to be a long one.
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Chapter Six: A Flaming Flamer, A Mutant Alien, and An Explanation
~=~=~=~=~
A/N: Everyone please ignore tHe InSaNe OnE. Hehe she's a friend of mine from school who's never seen Moulin Rouge, so naturally she is clueless in the matter. Otherwise, though, she's harmless. ;-)
To BeetleBon99: How right you are! Us 99's have to stick together...and I'm glad you like the story. =)
To Ivy: I promise I won't abandon this one! I hope I can keep the story going, I like the way it's turned out so far. =)
To Jessica143 (SomeoneWhoCan'tWrite): I promise to get chapters up much quicker from on! It'll be my belated New Year's resolution, lol! =)
To Ella Roberta Reamy: Don't worry, this one isn't gonna die anytime soon, hehe. =)
To Biblehermione: Can you believe that I'm like this all the time? LOL!
To barghorse: No problem. Your stories were great, by the way. Sorry about the whole being-mean to Christian thing. I promise I'll be mean to everyone else also from now on, LOL! (PS-try not to say "nailed" and "Audrey" in a sentence together anymore, ROFL! Just kidding) =)
To Katie: Aw shucks, now I'm really blushing, LOL! I definitely need to send props to Beetle and Elf, because I was afraid to do parodies or humor until I read their stories. Thanks again, to all three of you! =)
To Quoth the Raven: First off, let me just say that I love your name, lol! That is probably my favorite poem/short story ever. Second, I'm glad you liked the story, hehe! =)
~=~=~=~=~
Rewind: When we last left our stars (snicker), Christian had just done his good deed of the day and removed Satine's thong...which had, umm...gotten stuck. Now would be a good time for the villain (snicker again) to enter. Annnnnd...ACTION! ~=~=~=~=~
(Satine, in a shocked voice): I can't believe I've fallen in love with a talented, handsome young duke who can't sing!
(Christian, dumbfounded): Really? A Duke?
(Satine, in a "boy, are you really THAT dumb?" voice): Yeah. Toulouse and Zidler both said you were a duke.
(Christian, falls on floor laughing): Hahahaha you believed them? You're naturally blonde, aren't you?
(Satine, outraged): Oh please, like you have room to talk, "Mr. I-couldn't- hit-one-freaking-note-to-save-my-soul-yet-I-continually-sing-during-the- whole-damn-movie." So, what you're telling me is that you're another one of Toulouse's hopeless friends who has zero literacy and/or people skills?
(Christian): I'm sure I ain't gots a clue what you be talking about, girl. So don't go there. Besides, I'm a writer. I don't need literacy OR people skills!
(Satine, sarcastically): Shocking.
(Djrocky99): Thank God that at that very moment, the real Duke showed up and knocked at Satine's door. She scrambled to button her jeans and walked over and opened the door.
(Satine, in an unusually squeaky voice, even for her): The Duke! Oh Duke, you're here!
(Djrocky99): Satine slammed the door in his face before the obnoxious little rodent had time to squeak out a greeting or some perverted statement.
(Satine, frantically): Christian, you idiot, hide! Hurry!
(Christian): Right!
(Djrocky99): Christian went running towards Satine's closet, but tripped and when flying in. Satine came up behind it and locked it. She then proceeded back to let the Duke in.
(Zidler): Satine, where have you been? This hunk-a hunk-a burnin' love has been waiting out here for 5 minutes!
(The Duke, in that annoying nasally voice, stands gaping and wide eyed at Zidler): Say...say...what?
(Satine, sensing The Duke's discomfort): Sorry. Thought it was open.
(Zidler): Ok, you kids have fun. I want you both back before 1 am though, right?
(Satine/The Duke in unison): Yes, Harry.
(Djrocky99): The big flaming flamer left The Duke and Satine...totally alone. Well, excluding Christian, anyway.
(The Duke, in an attempt to be suave, but still coming off sounding gay): A kiss on the hand may be quite continental.
(Satine, who doesn't want to play along): Pervert. I'd rather have a human being, not you...you little rat.
(Djrocky99): The Duke, who certainly is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, assumes she's coming on to him.
[A/N-Don't ever assume anything, kids. Because it makes an ASS out of U and ME! Now back to our regularly scheduled story.]
(The Duke): Oh, getting feisty, our we?
(Satine, feigning seriousness): Ah, you've got my number, I see.
(The Duke): So...um...want to sleep with my so that I'll fund your plays and crap?
(Satine, scared to death): NO! But...
(Djrocky99): She just dug herself a mighty big grave.
(Satine, to Djrocky99): Shut up. I've got it under control.
(Djrocky99): Nuh uh.
(Satine): Uh huh.
(The Duke, interrupting): Um ladies. We have a story going on here.
(Djrocky99): Ah shut up, you little Mouseketeer. Literally. Besides, she started it.
(Satine): Everyone just shut up!
(The Duke): Works for me.
(Djrocky99): Ok. Back to the story. Satine said no, blah blah blah, now she has to find some way to cover her ass (not literally, this time.)
(Satine): It's a little bit funny.
This feeling inside
The feeling I had while your
Thong was trying to hide.
This is your thong, yeah,
And I got it out for you!
And you can tell everybody
That this is your thong!
It may be quite large, yeah
But now that it's gone
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I sell it on Ebay
Cuz' anything that's ever touched your butt will be worth cash someday!
(The Duke, teary eyed): Oh my God Satine, I never knew! I...loved it. Marry me?
(Satine, who's pissed because she thought that would scare him away): Ugh. Anyway, that song will be in "Horrific, Horrific." You should pay for it. It'll be worth it. And besides, I need a new tho-...
(Djrocky99): Damn it, here we go again. SATINE, SHUT UP.
(Satine, trying to fix mistake): A new thoroughbred horse.
(Djrocky99, rolling eyes): Oh, that was smooth.
(Satine, hissing): Shut up already!
(The Duke, childishly while clapping hands): Oh, I just love women who love ponies!
(Djrocky99, so only Satine can hear [because hey, us chicks have to stick together]): I'd be shocked if he liked women, period.
(Satine, snickering): Right you are.
(The Duke): What?
(Satine, with a fake smile): Nothing. Anyways, I really need my beauty rest, so you should leave. Good riddance.
(Djrocky99): Satine shoved the Duke through the door. She sauntered over to the closet, proud of the fact that she'd managed to get rid of him AND manipulate him enough to pay for the show. She opened the door to discover Christian standing in a pair of stilettos and wearing a vest, a la Dr. Frank N. Further from Rocky Horror.
(Christian): Come on Satine, give yourself over to absolute pleasure!
(Satine, laughing so hard she's choking): Oh...my...God!
(Christian, with a thoughtful expression on his face): Oh crap. I've just remembered, we completely forgot the "you faint, Zidler and The Duke come prancing back in, I wake you up" scene.
(Satine): Damn. Well, this thing is running over-time anyways, so let's just shorten the scene we forgot.
(Djrocky99): Satine dramatically holds one wrist to her forehead and melodramatically stumbles around the room. Christian stands watching amusedly.
(Christian, shouting): Cue Harry and the Duchess...erm, Duke!
(Baz Lurhman): Damn it, Christian, that's my line!
(Christian, meekly): Sorry sir.
(Baz): Cue Harry and The Duke!
(Djrocky99): The Duke and Zidler come prancing in together and speak their lines at the same time in an attempt to speed things up.
(The Duke): Foul play...rehearsal? As if...where's Zidler?
(Zidler, at the exact same time): Dearest Duke...emergency rehearsal...let's go to my office...
(Djrocky99): Finally getting to the important part, the two idiots stop talking over one another.
(The Duke): What's the story?
(Zidler): Toulouse will tell you.
(Toulouse, looking forlorn): Damn. Um, let's see. It's about...um...
(Christian): Love.
(Toulouse, sighing in relief): Thank you.
(Christian): Love, overcoming all obstacles!
(Toulouse): And it's set in Switzerland!
(Christian): No it isn't! It's set in...in Roswell, New Mexico. And there's a courtesan [A/N-keep in mind that that is French for hooker], the most beautiful leather-thong-wearing courtesan in the world. But her hometown, Roswell, is invaded by a gay evil mutant alien shaped like a human but resembling a rat, that has part of its own tail glued to its face and has a high nasally voice because it can't breathe through its nose. So, in order to save her hometown, she must seduce the evil alien. But on the night of the seduction, she mistakes a penniless...a penniless actor who's been out of work for 8 years for the evil alien, and falls in love with the actor. The actor wasn't trying to trick her or anything, but he had been dressed in a big rat costume because he was on his way to an audition for Mickey Mouse.
(Djrocky99): The Duke, Satine, and myself all stare at Christian in shock. Apparently, Christian has forgotten that this is supposed to be 1899! (smacks forehead).
(Argentinean): I will be the penniless actor! Oh...I'll star, in the play, too, if no one else wants to.
(Satine and Djrocky99): We shared another giggle. Score again for the girls.
(The Duke, who is completely clueless to the fact that not only is Christian making this up as he goes, but is also basing it on real life): And what happens next?
(Christian): The actor and the courtesan [A/N-that's French for hooker] must hide their infatuation.
(Sadie): And the actor's...um...mirror is magical and can only tell the truth!
(Toulouse, moodily again): Yeah sure. Give me the damned mirror part. Just freaking great. Ma and Pa would be so proud; I'm finally getting somewhere in life. I'M GOING TO BE A MIRROR.
(The Duke): He gives the game away, right?
(Christian): Either that, or he kills us all.
(Djrocky99): Toulouse glared at Christian.
(Zidler): Christian, my boy, tell The Duke about the can-can.
(Christian): Do I have to?
(Zidler): No. The can-can is an erotic scene, starring moi, that captures the thrusting, gyrating, vibrating, tear-to-your-eye-bring excitement that only an actor such as myself can provide. It will be...
~=~=~=~=~
A/N: Wow, that one was pretty strange too. Apologies to all the cast, blondes everywhere, all those who "curve the other way" (you know who you are), and anyone I offended (you also know who you are.)
Hope everyone enjoyed. Join us next time when Zidler reveals what, exactly, the play will be. Oh I just can't wait!