Author: DJRocky99
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my insane wrath...oh, and look out folks. This one's back on top, where it belongs.
Disclaimer: [sarcasm] I own all these characters, all the plot ideas (or lack there of), all of the actors and actresses, Baz L., Jean-Claude's hair salon, Suzy the Elephant, and everything else in this story [/end sarcasm]
Chapter Seven: That Which Shall Not Be Named
~=~=~=~=~
A/N: Yes, I have returned once again. I told you I wouldn't let this story die; I was...umm...just allowing it to simmer for a while, so that when I returned, it would just be dripping with flavor. Hehehe!
To ALL my reviewers: You, the loyal people of DJRockydom, have been neglected, but certainly NOT forgotten! I love you all, and hope you can find it in your wonderfully golden hearts to forgive me. And if you can't...well, I understand. But I hope you'll still read the damn story anyways; hehe.
Warning: The chapter got slightly out of hand, but I have decided to post it anyway. I promise the next one will somehow be back on track, close to the actual script. Oh well.
~=~=~=~=~
Rewind: When we last left our story, many moons ago, Zidler was preparing to tell us what the play is about. Oh crap; I think I feel a song coming on. Damn.
Annnnd...action. That is, unless I have a choice...hehe...
~=~=~=~=~
(Zidler): ...it will be: Horrific, Horrific!
(DJRocky99, snottily): Oh go on, cue the damn music. Humph.
(Zidler, singing):
Horrific, horrific
I can't be too specific
About this new, frightening play
That is all I'm bound to say.
(whispering):
If we make any money, returns are fixed at three percent.
Three? Oops, that wasn't what I meant...
And on top of your fee...
(Bohos, all together now):...you'll be involved occasionally! So damn frightening, the audience will run and hide! So terrifying, Rocky will never let this story die!
(DJRocky99, annoyed): Hey. That wasn't part of the script.
(Satine, the smart one, staying on the author's good side): Yeah guys. Sing it right.
(DJRocky99, flashing a grin to the guys, and then whispering to Satine): Ok. When this Fic starts to go to hell, I'll do my best to keep you out of the hand-basket, ok?
(Satine, grinning in return): Yes ma'am.
(DJRocky99, fake concern): I'm not old enough to be a ma'am, but thanks anyways. Oops. Look, I've wasted so much time, we have to get on with this story and leave out the song! Oh darn.
(Christian, whining): But...but nobody knows what the story is going to be about!
(DJRocky99, while filing nails and looking bored): So tell them.
(Christian, looking slightly uncomfortable): Fine. Ok, so there's this evil rodent alien whom this pretty dominatrix from New Mexico has to seduce for some reason or another. But, when a penniless actor is meandering around in a full-blown Mickey Mouse costume, she mistakes him for the evil rodent alien, when he comes to ask her to help him get the mouse head off.
(DJRocky99): All righty, then.
(Christian, who was apparently not finished, and planned on going into great detail; he looks very thoughtful for a moment, but then his eyes completely glaze over): And the actor and the dominatrix must hide their love for one another if she is ever to get the evil alien rodent thingy to invest or whatever. But one day, as the actor is at the firing range, practicing with an Uzi, he accidentally misses his target and ends up viciously tearing the alien rodent limb from limb. But luckily, no one saw it happen, and the murderous actor got away with it, and lived happily ever after with the dominatrix. Well, he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those pesky kids and their damn dog.
(DJRocky99): Now naturally, at this point, all the Bohos, Satine, and Zidler were wondering exactly WHAT Christian had been smoking...and why he hadn't shared.
(Satine, flustered): That's it! I give up!
(DJRocky99): She prepared to storm off, but Christian, still in a robot- like trance, stepped in front of her, blocking her path. He leaned towards her, wrapped his arms around her, dropped her into a steep dip, and started kissing her. French kissing her.
What? They're in France! It was a French kiss! Geez, people, get your minds out of the gutter, would you?
(Christian, coming up for air): I love you.
(Nicole Kidman, extremely unhappy): Get the hell off of me, Ewan.
(Christian): Marry me?
(Nicole Kidman, angry): No!
(DJRocky99, in my best "Upchuck", from Daria, impersenation): Rowwr! Feisty!
(Nicole Kidman, squirming, trying to get away from Ewan McGregor, whom seems to have gone completely utterly mad): Almighty queen of the fanfic, DJ, please...a little help here!
(DJRocky99, remembering the promise): Yes well, I suppose a promise is a promise is a promise.
Ewan, get the hell off of her right now. If you don't, I'll...I'll sic Zidler after you. You wouldn't want that, now would you?
(Ewan/Christian, snapping out of whatever he was under the control of): No. Not...not at all. Where am I?
(DJRocky99, incredulously): You've lost your memory?
(Ewan): I don't remember.
(DJRocky99, figuring that this chapter is beyond the salvageable point): Figures. Well, I knew it would happen sooner or later, but-oh no. Ewan, don't. Damn!
I reached for my earplugs and quickly lodged them in place. I tossed an extra pair to Satine, as she put them in her ears just seconds before he started.
(Ewan, bursting into song, as I knew he inevitable would):
Goodbye to the summer
Sold down the river
Unhappy ever after
Well did you ever?
Did you ever reach for the glued-down penny?
Same old joke and it's not funny
Burns are red, bruises blue
Out with the old, cheated by the new
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
You sing the same old verse
Stick like glue for better or worse
What goes around comes around, again, again, again
This heart pulled apart
Hydra fighting head to head
Burns are red, bruises blue
Out with the old cheated by the new
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
Oooh, amnesia, oooh
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
(DJRocky99/Satine, in unison): Right now, I really do wish I suffered from long-term memory loss.
(DJRocky99): Ewan passed out from all that powerful singing he had done. The Bohemians had all run for dear life when he started singing that classic Chumbawamba hit.
Satine walked gingerly over to the body of Christian, crumpled in a heap on the floor, and give him a good swift ass-kicking.
(Satine, struggling to beat him up in her jeans): You ass! What the hell were you doing!?
(DJRocky99, to Satine): As much as I enjoy watching you beat him senseless, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stop. Beat him too badly, and I'll have to go search for a new lead actor. And that just wouldn't be the same.
(Satine, sighing, and leaving the bruised body alone): Oh, fine. Hey, are we done here?
(DJRocky99, glancing down at an unmoving Ewan): Yeah, I think so. But...umm...we'll have to try to get this story back on track for the next chapter. Assuming the reviewers don't beat ME senseless for writing this thing.
(Satine, in an "I understand" tone): That's fine. I...um, thanks for helping me out.
(DJRocky99, knowingly): Oh no problem. If you think it was bad when he went after you; well, let's just say I heard through the grapevine that he did the same thing to Yoda during the Star Wars filming.
"Touch me, you will not!"
(Satine, laughing): I always knew there was something up with him, hehe. I never said anything, though, of course.
(DJRocky99): Of course. Hey, I think there's a mall up the street from here. Wanna go grab some lunch?
(Satine): Sure. Might as well enjoy the time off.
(DJRocky99): Yeah. We'll come back and try to fix this story later.
~=~=~=~=~
(A/N): Holy cow. Um, that concludes our most disturbing (and shortest) chapter yet, thank God. Wow. I can't believe I let that one wander off like that. Since I haven't written in awhile, this just shows how rusty I can get. Anywho, now that I've started to ease back into writing, I'm sure the next chapter will be more intelligent. I hope.
Please...read and review...tell me how messed up it was (though it isn't really necessary; I know it's extremely screwy, lol.)
Description: I'm a sarcastic, cynical, occasionally humorous person who enjoys making fun of other things. The Moulin Rouge is good, but not good enough to escape my insane wrath...oh, and look out folks. This one's back on top, where it belongs.
Disclaimer: [sarcasm] I own all these characters, all the plot ideas (or lack there of), all of the actors and actresses, Baz L., Jean-Claude's hair salon, Suzy the Elephant, and everything else in this story [/end sarcasm]
Chapter Seven: That Which Shall Not Be Named
~=~=~=~=~
A/N: Yes, I have returned once again. I told you I wouldn't let this story die; I was...umm...just allowing it to simmer for a while, so that when I returned, it would just be dripping with flavor. Hehehe!
To ALL my reviewers: You, the loyal people of DJRockydom, have been neglected, but certainly NOT forgotten! I love you all, and hope you can find it in your wonderfully golden hearts to forgive me. And if you can't...well, I understand. But I hope you'll still read the damn story anyways; hehe.
Warning: The chapter got slightly out of hand, but I have decided to post it anyway. I promise the next one will somehow be back on track, close to the actual script. Oh well.
~=~=~=~=~
Rewind: When we last left our story, many moons ago, Zidler was preparing to tell us what the play is about. Oh crap; I think I feel a song coming on. Damn.
Annnnd...action. That is, unless I have a choice...hehe...
~=~=~=~=~
(Zidler): ...it will be: Horrific, Horrific!
(DJRocky99, snottily): Oh go on, cue the damn music. Humph.
(Zidler, singing):
Horrific, horrific
I can't be too specific
About this new, frightening play
That is all I'm bound to say.
(whispering):
If we make any money, returns are fixed at three percent.
Three? Oops, that wasn't what I meant...
And on top of your fee...
(Bohos, all together now):...you'll be involved occasionally! So damn frightening, the audience will run and hide! So terrifying, Rocky will never let this story die!
(DJRocky99, annoyed): Hey. That wasn't part of the script.
(Satine, the smart one, staying on the author's good side): Yeah guys. Sing it right.
(DJRocky99, flashing a grin to the guys, and then whispering to Satine): Ok. When this Fic starts to go to hell, I'll do my best to keep you out of the hand-basket, ok?
(Satine, grinning in return): Yes ma'am.
(DJRocky99, fake concern): I'm not old enough to be a ma'am, but thanks anyways. Oops. Look, I've wasted so much time, we have to get on with this story and leave out the song! Oh darn.
(Christian, whining): But...but nobody knows what the story is going to be about!
(DJRocky99, while filing nails and looking bored): So tell them.
(Christian, looking slightly uncomfortable): Fine. Ok, so there's this evil rodent alien whom this pretty dominatrix from New Mexico has to seduce for some reason or another. But, when a penniless actor is meandering around in a full-blown Mickey Mouse costume, she mistakes him for the evil rodent alien, when he comes to ask her to help him get the mouse head off.
(DJRocky99): All righty, then.
(Christian, who was apparently not finished, and planned on going into great detail; he looks very thoughtful for a moment, but then his eyes completely glaze over): And the actor and the dominatrix must hide their love for one another if she is ever to get the evil alien rodent thingy to invest or whatever. But one day, as the actor is at the firing range, practicing with an Uzi, he accidentally misses his target and ends up viciously tearing the alien rodent limb from limb. But luckily, no one saw it happen, and the murderous actor got away with it, and lived happily ever after with the dominatrix. Well, he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those pesky kids and their damn dog.
(DJRocky99): Now naturally, at this point, all the Bohos, Satine, and Zidler were wondering exactly WHAT Christian had been smoking...and why he hadn't shared.
(Satine, flustered): That's it! I give up!
(DJRocky99): She prepared to storm off, but Christian, still in a robot- like trance, stepped in front of her, blocking her path. He leaned towards her, wrapped his arms around her, dropped her into a steep dip, and started kissing her. French kissing her.
What? They're in France! It was a French kiss! Geez, people, get your minds out of the gutter, would you?
(Christian, coming up for air): I love you.
(Nicole Kidman, extremely unhappy): Get the hell off of me, Ewan.
(Christian): Marry me?
(Nicole Kidman, angry): No!
(DJRocky99, in my best "Upchuck", from Daria, impersenation): Rowwr! Feisty!
(Nicole Kidman, squirming, trying to get away from Ewan McGregor, whom seems to have gone completely utterly mad): Almighty queen of the fanfic, DJ, please...a little help here!
(DJRocky99, remembering the promise): Yes well, I suppose a promise is a promise is a promise.
Ewan, get the hell off of her right now. If you don't, I'll...I'll sic Zidler after you. You wouldn't want that, now would you?
(Ewan/Christian, snapping out of whatever he was under the control of): No. Not...not at all. Where am I?
(DJRocky99, incredulously): You've lost your memory?
(Ewan): I don't remember.
(DJRocky99, figuring that this chapter is beyond the salvageable point): Figures. Well, I knew it would happen sooner or later, but-oh no. Ewan, don't. Damn!
I reached for my earplugs and quickly lodged them in place. I tossed an extra pair to Satine, as she put them in her ears just seconds before he started.
(Ewan, bursting into song, as I knew he inevitable would):
Goodbye to the summer
Sold down the river
Unhappy ever after
Well did you ever?
Did you ever reach for the glued-down penny?
Same old joke and it's not funny
Burns are red, bruises blue
Out with the old, cheated by the new
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
You sing the same old verse
Stick like glue for better or worse
What goes around comes around, again, again, again
This heart pulled apart
Hydra fighting head to head
Burns are red, bruises blue
Out with the old cheated by the new
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
Oooh, amnesia, oooh
Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?
I don't remember...
(DJRocky99/Satine, in unison): Right now, I really do wish I suffered from long-term memory loss.
(DJRocky99): Ewan passed out from all that powerful singing he had done. The Bohemians had all run for dear life when he started singing that classic Chumbawamba hit.
Satine walked gingerly over to the body of Christian, crumpled in a heap on the floor, and give him a good swift ass-kicking.
(Satine, struggling to beat him up in her jeans): You ass! What the hell were you doing!?
(DJRocky99, to Satine): As much as I enjoy watching you beat him senseless, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stop. Beat him too badly, and I'll have to go search for a new lead actor. And that just wouldn't be the same.
(Satine, sighing, and leaving the bruised body alone): Oh, fine. Hey, are we done here?
(DJRocky99, glancing down at an unmoving Ewan): Yeah, I think so. But...umm...we'll have to try to get this story back on track for the next chapter. Assuming the reviewers don't beat ME senseless for writing this thing.
(Satine, in an "I understand" tone): That's fine. I...um, thanks for helping me out.
(DJRocky99, knowingly): Oh no problem. If you think it was bad when he went after you; well, let's just say I heard through the grapevine that he did the same thing to Yoda during the Star Wars filming.
"Touch me, you will not!"
(Satine, laughing): I always knew there was something up with him, hehe. I never said anything, though, of course.
(DJRocky99): Of course. Hey, I think there's a mall up the street from here. Wanna go grab some lunch?
(Satine): Sure. Might as well enjoy the time off.
(DJRocky99): Yeah. We'll come back and try to fix this story later.
~=~=~=~=~
(A/N): Holy cow. Um, that concludes our most disturbing (and shortest) chapter yet, thank God. Wow. I can't believe I let that one wander off like that. Since I haven't written in awhile, this just shows how rusty I can get. Anywho, now that I've started to ease back into writing, I'm sure the next chapter will be more intelligent. I hope.
Please...read and review...tell me how messed up it was (though it isn't really necessary; I know it's extremely screwy, lol.)