Title: Chances Lost

Author: Penne

E-mail: pennenew@aol.com

Spoilers: Jagathon

Summary: Alternate outcomes to pre-Jagathon.

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Clayton Webb maneuvered the path to Lt. MacKenzie's home in silence. A light rain misted down, giving the now darkened streets a mystical quality accompanied by the soft swish of the tires on the wet asphalt. He was close to her apartment now, and he was trying to suppress the shivers coursing up and down his spine in fear and anticipation of what was going to happen next. He desperately needed to get away from the woman seated next to him - she was threatening to undermine the total fabric of his existence. At the very same moment he felt physical pain at the thought of leaving her. His only protection was silence.

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Lt.Colonel Sarah MacKenzie watched the slight tremor of Webb's hand as he reached out to change the track playing on the CD. 'Could he possibly feel as nervous as I do?' She couldn't quite keep the smile from touching her lips at the thought. Her eyes flickered over to Webb for the thousandth time, his profile was stony, the only movement a slow ticking in his jaw. The movement transfixed her.

She was dragged from her reverie as he turned to face her. "OK Mac, here you are." He smiled non-commitally got out and came round to open her door.

"Ever the gentleman Clay?" She smiled nervously.

His only answer was to tip his head questioningly. He took her bag from her and followed her up the stairs. "You know, opening doors, carrying bags - do they teach you that in spy school?" She threw him a teasing smile and opened the door. "Or has this been instilled from birth?" Her smile grew as she saw he too was smiling as he put her bag down just inside the door. She stood aside "Coming in?"

His smile faded as his eyes met hers. "No Mac. I don't think so."

"Why?" She tried not to sound like a petulant child.

"Having just been described as a gentleman I don't think it would be prudent."

"Are you scared of you or me?"

He held her gaze unflinchingly. "Both."

She squared up to him. "Well, I trust you."

His laugh was humourless. He shook his head softly as he saw her disappointment. "You shouldn't Sarah."

"Too late." She looked down at her hands, which all of a sudden became very interesting. She nodded sadly. "OK, I understand Webb. Thanks for the lift."

"What do you understand?" He was kicking himself for not just leaving.

"That you are to scared to face up to your fears." She tried to look nonchalant.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said…"

"I know exactly what you said." He started towards her, his voice raising slightly. "This thing.." He waved his hands between them. "..Between us has developed a life of it's own." She nodded. "It has blinded two intelligent people, and led them to make decisions, that if they were thinking clearly, they would never have made." He warmed to his theme. "I am simply trying to distance myself so that you can come to your senses and see the folly of what has happened. It is nothing to do with 'my fears', and everything to do with the fact you are in love with another man." He took a deep breath. "Despite theories to the contrary my heart is not made of stone." He stopped abruptly and looked vaguely embarrassed at his outburst. He started to back away from her, however found he was held in place.

She tightened her grip on his lapels and pulled herself closer. "I know Clay." She whispered and brought herself up face to face with him and searched his eyes with hers. "I know." His heart beat steadily against hers. She reached up one hand and let it trace the features of his face softly and finally brought his lips to hers.

The phone ringing brought them both painfully back to earth. Mac grabbed at the receiver in order to stop the noise shattering the atmosphere further.

"Yes." Her answer was somewhat terse.

"Ah…Colonel, have I interrupted something?" The Admiral drawled.

"No Sir." She watched Webb pace the room distractedly.

"Good. I have picked up the Commander - he is fine, although whining like a child, he is not the best patient - and brought him back to my house. I thought it would be a good idea to have someone keep an eye on him."

"Are you sure you want to be that person Sir?" Mac gave a shallow laugh whilst also grabbing Webb's hand as he strode towards the door.

"I think under the circumstances it would be better for you to have some space, don't you?" The Admiral's voice was gruff, betraying his discomfort.

"He won't like it." She dragged Clay to the sofa and practically wrestled him to a seated position, smiling at his look of shock.

"Colonel. He is a big boy. He will learn to deal with it. It is about time that he started doing his own worrying. Besides he is in no fit state to be thinking about anything at the moment. The doctors have given him some painkillers and he is down for the count. So you can relax and have a good night."

"Thank you Sir."

"OK. Can you tell Clay I want to see him first thing in the morning?"

"Ah….Sure."

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