"Please, don't let me die mommy!" I pleaded to Kate.
Despite the fact I was holding I knife behind my back; I was genuinely pleading for my life. It's ironic, even though I knew how much of a worthless freak I was, I've always possessed a strong will to live.
"I'm not your fucking mommy!" Kate screamed, and proceeded to kick me in the face.
Kate kicked me very hard. I had thought she had broken my neck, and that this was the end to a fruitless life. I sank into the freezing lake, in absolute shock. As I descended into the lake, intense feelings of regret and sorrow washed over me, as I reflected on my life. I thought about all the people I've harmed, the lives I've taken, and all of the families I've ruined.
When I'd realized my neck wasn't broken, and that Kate had only dislocated my shoulder, I snapped out of my state of shock. I swam to the surface of the pond, towards the hole I fell through, and gasped for air! I pulled my myself out of the freezing water, and regained awareness of my surroundings. I saw Kate and Max running from the pond, neither of them had seen me. My first priority was to survive, I was outside in the freezing cold and completely drenched.
I ran back to the Coleman's house, which was swarmed by police officers. I saw Kate and Max with police and EMS. Kate and Max broke down when John's body was rolled out of the house. At that moment that feeling I had felt as I descended into the lake returned. I felt horrible, sick, disgusted as when I saw just how devastated Max and Kate were seeing John. I had taken away Kate's husband, as well as Max and Danial's father.
'What kind of monster am I?' I thought. Awareness of my own sick and twisted delusions were surfacing. I started to cry; tears streamed down my face. I was aware that all my years of being battered and abused turned me into the victimizer and a monster.
The sharp pain I was in from the cold snapped me from my thoughts. I needed to somehow get in the house to warm up and change.