Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Take Me Out to the...Crime?
A Darkwing Duck story
(Disney has all the credit and copyright stuff for the characters in this
story, except for the Buzzards baseball team, which was my idea.)
"It's a great day for a game!" announced Drake Mallard, as he, Launchpad,
and Gosalyn sat down in the living room. They were in front of the TV in
their house, with popcorn and soft drinks, all set to watch the first
baseball game of the new season. St. Canard's team, the Buzzards, were
playing a longtime rival from across the country. Drake had studied the team
roster for the new season, and told Gosalyn and Launchpad that it looked
like they had a great team this time around.
The national anthem was sung, as it was at the start of every game, then it
was time for the game to start. But, something was wrong...."Hey, why aren't
the teams coming out?" asked Launchpad. Drake and Gosalyn also wondered the
same thing.
Then, without warning, the stadium's public address announcer said, "We're
sorry, folks, but we have just learned that the game has been postponed."
This started a buzz of conversation--in the stadium, as well as between
Drake, LP, and Gosalyn. The announcer then quieted everyone by saying,
"There is no reason to panic, but I have just been informed that the
Buzzards have been taken hostage in their clubhouse by something called the
Fiendish Organization for World Larceny. Repeat, there is no reason to
panic. The criminals are guarding the exits, so we're sorry, but nobody can
go home yet. Repeat, DO NOT PANIC."
"FOWL??!" exclaimed Drake, "They can't DO this to us, not on the first game
of the season! Steelbeak's really done it this time! Come on,
Launchpad...let's get dangerous!"
* * *
Five minutes later, the Ratcatcher screamed through the streets of St.
Canard. Launchpad, in the sidecar, asked, "Hey, DW, I wonder why Steelbeak's
holding the team?"
"Money, no doubt," Darkwing replied, "that's all FOWL cares about. They
don't care how many lives...or baseball games...they ruin, as long as they
get a profit!"
Suddenly, Launchpad's new walkie-talkie buzzed. He'd bought it to help he
and Darkwing on cases, and it had come in handy several times. Now, Gosalyn
had the other one, in order to update Darkwing and Launchpad while they were
on their way to the stadium. "GM calling LP, GM calling LP!"
"Hey, that's Gosalyn!" Launchpad said, picking up the instrument. "LP here."
"Major emergency, guys!" said Gosalyn from the house.
"What's going on?" Launchpad asked.
"Now they've got the whole stadium hostage! They just said so on TV!"
Gosalyn almost shouted.
"Ok, thanks Goz. We're on it. Over and out." Launchpad turned to Darkwing.
"Uh, DW, I hate to break it to ya, but--"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard," Darkwing interrupted, "Let's just get there before
FOWL can carry out whatever threats they're making."
Darkwing parked the Ratcatcher a block down from the stadium, drawing the
inevitable question from Launchpad: "Why are we parking here, DW?"
"Because Steelbeak probably has his Eggmen guarding the entrances. We need
to sneak up on 'em from behind so they can't warn him," Darkwing replied.
Once at the stadium's parking lot, the two slowly made their way to the
entrance, using the cars as cover, so any possible Eggmen guards wouldn't
see them. They quickly got to one of the entrances and found, as Darkwing
had guessed, that two Eggmen were guarding it. Darkwing motioned to
Launchpad to be quiet, then loaded a knockout gas cartridge into his gun and
fired. It worked, and Launchpad pushed both fallen ducks aside. A cloud of
blue smoke filled the entrance. Darkwing said loudly, "I am the terror that
flaps in the night! I am the pitcher that strikes you out! I...am
Darkwiiiing Duck!"
"Hey, that's Darkwing Duck!" said an Eggman in the stands, and ran off to
get Steelbeak. Darkwing saw him, and took off in pursuit, while two more
Eggmen rushed at Launchpad. Unfortunately for them, they were half
Launchpad's size, and he easily defeated them, then ran into the stadium
after Darkwing.
Darkwing hadn't caught the Eggman, who had managed to reach Steelbeak and
tell him the bad news. "Oh, great!" moaned Steelbeak, "Just when we're
startin' ta get somewhere!"
"So what are ya going ta do now, boss?" asked the informant Eggman.
Steelbeak thought a minute, then said, "You round up da others and distract
dat costumed idiot while I head up to da public address announcer's booth
and talk about our ransom demands."
"Okay, boss," said the Eggman, heading out the door.
Darkwing and Launchpad were still searching the stadium for signs of
Steelbeak and the Eggmen, or "traces of FOWL," as Darkwing put it, when a
familiar voice came over the PA system.
"Dis is Steelbeak, of da Fiendish Organization for World Larceny," Steelbeak
said over the system after two of his Eggmen had knocked out the announcer.
"Just as I thought," said Darkwing on hearing the voice, "I knew that
metalmouth's ego would give him away eventually. Going into announcing, now,
is he? Well, not for long! Let's go, LP!"
Steelbeak continued, "Your PA guy put it very nicely--dere's no need to
panic, our demands are simple. We will let you go out da nearest exit, but
first you have to give all your valuables to my guards. I've got two
stationed at each exit, so don't try nothin' funny. Let me repeat, just give
us all your valuables and nobody will get hurt. This is Steelbeak, signing
off."
He then turned around, only to see an all-too-familiar puff of blue smoke.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the rut in the ballfield of
crime! I...am Darkwiiing Duck!"
"Not you again!" Steelbeak groaned. Quickly turning to two Eggmen, he
yelled, "Get him!"
Darkwing saw them, raised his gas gun, and said, "Suck gas, evildoers!" With
that he fired a tear gas cartridge. He took a couple of steps back to avoid
getting the full force of it, pulling Launchpad along with him.
"Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.....Darkwing Duck saves the day again!"
exclaimed Darkwing triumphantly.
"Uh, not quite, DW," said Launchpad, pointing. Darkwing looked, and as the
tear gas cloud cleared, there was Steelbeak!
"It's gonna take more than a little tear gas ta stop me!" Steelbeak
exclaimed.
"Hmmm, seems like I've heard that somewhere before," Darkwing said
sarcastically.
"Shouldn't you know by now," asked Steelbeak, ignoring Darkwing's comment,
"that tear gas has been fired at me so many times that I'm practically
immune?" With that, he picked up a nearby chair and hurled it at Darkwing,
who easily sidestepped it.
"Oh, come on, you can do better than that!" Darkwing challenged.
"Okay, how about some plain old fighting?" asked Steelbeak.
"Remember your Quack-Fu, Launchpad?" asked Darkwing. He knew his sidekick
would be a big help in this situation.
"You bet, DW!" said Launchpad, as Steelbeak rushed at them. However, one
rooster was no match for two trained Quack-Fu fighters, and Steelbeak was
quickly subdued. While Darkwing guarded him, Launchpad went down to a
janitor's room he'd spotted on the way and grabbed a length of extension
cord. He brought it back to Darkwing, and they tied up Steelbeak with it.
"Crime doesn't pay, that's for sure," said Launchpad.
"No, especially when the crime has to do with baseball!" Darkwing replied.
A Darkwing Duck story
(Disney has all the credit and copyright stuff for the characters in this
story, except for the Buzzards baseball team, which was my idea.)
"It's a great day for a game!" announced Drake Mallard, as he, Launchpad,
and Gosalyn sat down in the living room. They were in front of the TV in
their house, with popcorn and soft drinks, all set to watch the first
baseball game of the new season. St. Canard's team, the Buzzards, were
playing a longtime rival from across the country. Drake had studied the team
roster for the new season, and told Gosalyn and Launchpad that it looked
like they had a great team this time around.
The national anthem was sung, as it was at the start of every game, then it
was time for the game to start. But, something was wrong...."Hey, why aren't
the teams coming out?" asked Launchpad. Drake and Gosalyn also wondered the
same thing.
Then, without warning, the stadium's public address announcer said, "We're
sorry, folks, but we have just learned that the game has been postponed."
This started a buzz of conversation--in the stadium, as well as between
Drake, LP, and Gosalyn. The announcer then quieted everyone by saying,
"There is no reason to panic, but I have just been informed that the
Buzzards have been taken hostage in their clubhouse by something called the
Fiendish Organization for World Larceny. Repeat, there is no reason to
panic. The criminals are guarding the exits, so we're sorry, but nobody can
go home yet. Repeat, DO NOT PANIC."
"FOWL??!" exclaimed Drake, "They can't DO this to us, not on the first game
of the season! Steelbeak's really done it this time! Come on,
Launchpad...let's get dangerous!"
* * *
Five minutes later, the Ratcatcher screamed through the streets of St.
Canard. Launchpad, in the sidecar, asked, "Hey, DW, I wonder why Steelbeak's
holding the team?"
"Money, no doubt," Darkwing replied, "that's all FOWL cares about. They
don't care how many lives...or baseball games...they ruin, as long as they
get a profit!"
Suddenly, Launchpad's new walkie-talkie buzzed. He'd bought it to help he
and Darkwing on cases, and it had come in handy several times. Now, Gosalyn
had the other one, in order to update Darkwing and Launchpad while they were
on their way to the stadium. "GM calling LP, GM calling LP!"
"Hey, that's Gosalyn!" Launchpad said, picking up the instrument. "LP here."
"Major emergency, guys!" said Gosalyn from the house.
"What's going on?" Launchpad asked.
"Now they've got the whole stadium hostage! They just said so on TV!"
Gosalyn almost shouted.
"Ok, thanks Goz. We're on it. Over and out." Launchpad turned to Darkwing.
"Uh, DW, I hate to break it to ya, but--"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard," Darkwing interrupted, "Let's just get there before
FOWL can carry out whatever threats they're making."
Darkwing parked the Ratcatcher a block down from the stadium, drawing the
inevitable question from Launchpad: "Why are we parking here, DW?"
"Because Steelbeak probably has his Eggmen guarding the entrances. We need
to sneak up on 'em from behind so they can't warn him," Darkwing replied.
Once at the stadium's parking lot, the two slowly made their way to the
entrance, using the cars as cover, so any possible Eggmen guards wouldn't
see them. They quickly got to one of the entrances and found, as Darkwing
had guessed, that two Eggmen were guarding it. Darkwing motioned to
Launchpad to be quiet, then loaded a knockout gas cartridge into his gun and
fired. It worked, and Launchpad pushed both fallen ducks aside. A cloud of
blue smoke filled the entrance. Darkwing said loudly, "I am the terror that
flaps in the night! I am the pitcher that strikes you out! I...am
Darkwiiiing Duck!"
"Hey, that's Darkwing Duck!" said an Eggman in the stands, and ran off to
get Steelbeak. Darkwing saw him, and took off in pursuit, while two more
Eggmen rushed at Launchpad. Unfortunately for them, they were half
Launchpad's size, and he easily defeated them, then ran into the stadium
after Darkwing.
Darkwing hadn't caught the Eggman, who had managed to reach Steelbeak and
tell him the bad news. "Oh, great!" moaned Steelbeak, "Just when we're
startin' ta get somewhere!"
"So what are ya going ta do now, boss?" asked the informant Eggman.
Steelbeak thought a minute, then said, "You round up da others and distract
dat costumed idiot while I head up to da public address announcer's booth
and talk about our ransom demands."
"Okay, boss," said the Eggman, heading out the door.
Darkwing and Launchpad were still searching the stadium for signs of
Steelbeak and the Eggmen, or "traces of FOWL," as Darkwing put it, when a
familiar voice came over the PA system.
"Dis is Steelbeak, of da Fiendish Organization for World Larceny," Steelbeak
said over the system after two of his Eggmen had knocked out the announcer.
"Just as I thought," said Darkwing on hearing the voice, "I knew that
metalmouth's ego would give him away eventually. Going into announcing, now,
is he? Well, not for long! Let's go, LP!"
Steelbeak continued, "Your PA guy put it very nicely--dere's no need to
panic, our demands are simple. We will let you go out da nearest exit, but
first you have to give all your valuables to my guards. I've got two
stationed at each exit, so don't try nothin' funny. Let me repeat, just give
us all your valuables and nobody will get hurt. This is Steelbeak, signing
off."
He then turned around, only to see an all-too-familiar puff of blue smoke.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the rut in the ballfield of
crime! I...am Darkwiiing Duck!"
"Not you again!" Steelbeak groaned. Quickly turning to two Eggmen, he
yelled, "Get him!"
Darkwing saw them, raised his gas gun, and said, "Suck gas, evildoers!" With
that he fired a tear gas cartridge. He took a couple of steps back to avoid
getting the full force of it, pulling Launchpad along with him.
"Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.....Darkwing Duck saves the day again!"
exclaimed Darkwing triumphantly.
"Uh, not quite, DW," said Launchpad, pointing. Darkwing looked, and as the
tear gas cloud cleared, there was Steelbeak!
"It's gonna take more than a little tear gas ta stop me!" Steelbeak
exclaimed.
"Hmmm, seems like I've heard that somewhere before," Darkwing said
sarcastically.
"Shouldn't you know by now," asked Steelbeak, ignoring Darkwing's comment,
"that tear gas has been fired at me so many times that I'm practically
immune?" With that, he picked up a nearby chair and hurled it at Darkwing,
who easily sidestepped it.
"Oh, come on, you can do better than that!" Darkwing challenged.
"Okay, how about some plain old fighting?" asked Steelbeak.
"Remember your Quack-Fu, Launchpad?" asked Darkwing. He knew his sidekick
would be a big help in this situation.
"You bet, DW!" said Launchpad, as Steelbeak rushed at them. However, one
rooster was no match for two trained Quack-Fu fighters, and Steelbeak was
quickly subdued. While Darkwing guarded him, Launchpad went down to a
janitor's room he'd spotted on the way and grabbed a length of extension
cord. He brought it back to Darkwing, and they tied up Steelbeak with it.
"Crime doesn't pay, that's for sure," said Launchpad.
"No, especially when the crime has to do with baseball!" Darkwing replied.