Author's Notes: The little project was conceived one dark, stormy night (cliché as it may be) when I suffered a case of writer's block when writing my main work for fictionpress.com. Not willing to stand idle and waste time, I looked through some old drafts and found a plot line that I wrote some three years back. So I thought what the hell . . .
Thanks must go to Rumiko Takahashi for her brilliance and creativity in coming up with the whole Ranma ½ series. Her work, while filled set in the most zany of contexts still remains a heart-warming tale of love which is something that many of us can identify with. So once again, thanks must go to Rumiko for such a masterpiece.
I only hope this humble work remains true to the ethos of the 'Ranmaverse' and its themes.
Episode 0: This Is A Song For The Broken-hearted
Opening Song: Mou Nakanaide 'Don't Cry Anymore' *
Dark clouds had gathered over Tokyo earlier in the evening, sending residents (both cursed and otherwise) scurrying for shelter. For a while there had been nothing but the ominous rumblings coming from beyond the hills.
But as soon as the sun set over Nerima, it was as if the heavens had received the long awaited signal to empty its store contents on the much-tormented town.
Quite a bit had changed in Nerima. It had grown quieter lately. While the Neighborhood Watch had gotten more adept at thwarting the efforts of arguably the most infamous underwear thief in Japan, the town council had heaved a collective sigh of relief as they realized that the destruction to public property had abated by epic proportions. No longer did residents wake up in the morning to find their walls reduced to tiny pebbles or the roofs perforated by sparring martial artists.
Ordinary people accredited the gods and fate for having intervened by putting a stop to the seemingly endless wave of mayhem that had wracked their hometown over the past few years, making Nerima a real estate agent's ultimate nightmare. And thus the people of Nerima had suddenly been struck by a rabid wave of religiosity, a revival that saw no precedent in modern Japan.
Where shattered, abandoned and dilapidated houses once stood, places of worship of every kind had been set up. That no religious conflict had emerged from this only spoke volumes of Nerima's ability to adapt. To the man on the street, seeing a procession of devout worshippers of the Lord of Raw Tuna Fish Sushi was really no different from a sudden appearance of a fifty-foot panda's battle aura confronting that of an old man's.
So ironically for hardcore residents/survivors of this beleaguered town, one could really say that the more things change, the more they remain the same.
The monsoon rains continued to pour down, sleeting off the roofs into the gutters and canals that were fast overflowing. Everyone was indoors. Well, everyone except the wackos of the Cult of the Greater Monsoon Deity, that is.
Ukyo Kounji, master okonomiyaki chef, proprietor of Ucchan's and former Ranma Saotome fiancée was reading a book. Or at least she was trying very hard to. Geometry had never been one of her strong subjects. And she had a test a week from now.
There was the wicked flash of lightning as it crackled overhead, followed quickly by the thump of thunder that made her cringe. She put the book down and sighed in frustration. She realized that her tiny transistor radio was still on. They were playing a familiar song . . . static-laced, but nonetheless recognizable.
Machikado ga utsushi-dasu
Sabishige na shiruetto watashi yo
Sayonara no serifu imaShinjirarezu ni kiita
(Seen on the street
A lonesome silhouette It's me
I couldn't believe I just heard
The line "Farewell")
She found herself humming along. The lyrics slowly coming back to her.
Kurakushon sae doramu no you ni
Kono mune tataki namida wo sasoi-hajimeru no rarabai
(Like a drum Even a Klaxon
It taps my heart A tear-jerking lullaby)
There was something hauntingly wrong with the song. She frowned. Was it the words, was it the tune . . . Then came the chorus and she found herself singing it from memory.
Genki wo dashite mou nakanaide
Ashita ni nareba subete kawaru wa
Genki wo dashite mou nakanaide
Atarashii kaze mukatte
Smile again!
(Cheer up and don't cry anymore
Once tomorrow comes everything will change
Cheer up and don't cry anymore
Facing new winds
Smile again!)
Yes, that was it . . . she thought to herself. This was a song that she had sung to herself often when she first learnt that Ranma had chosen to marry Akane even after their disastrous first attempt at a wedding.
Of all of Ranma's other suitors, she had taken it well. Better than the others. At least on the surface. She realized that she would always be Ucchan, that childhood friend of his, nothing more and nothing less. It was a realization that had crushed her inside.
The song was going into its second stanza but she couldn't bear to listen to it anymore and she turned the radio off.
"Ukyo, you jackass," she said quietly to herself. "You should have seen this coming."
Truth was, she had. But she had never wanted to believe it. And now she had to pay for her stubbornness. The nights since the day that Ranchan had made his decision had been incredibly hard for Ukyo. Sleep had almost been hard to come by and often did after much crying. It seemed like tonight would be no different.
Come on, Ukyo . . . you're stronger than this! She scolded herself as she got to her feet and headed out of the living room towards her bedroom. She spared a look at the family shrine and thought of her father. Oh, daddy, I've let you down haven't I?
As if by way of answer, a particularly loud crash of thunder shook her restaurant and with a sickening suddenness, the lights in went out, leaving her stranded in the darkness. "Oh, gimme a break. . ." Ukyo allowed her head to bang into the doorpost. "Of all the times . . ."
The circuit box was in the basement and she sighed. I guess I can find my way to my room without lights. I can always restore power in the morning. She took her first step forward and was relieved that she didn't stub her toe or anything. Apart from the sloshing rain outside, it was totally silent inside her restaurant/home. She continued to grope the sides of the doorway as she stepped into the adjacent hallway outside.
It was dark. And impossible to see anything. She considered getting on her knees and crawling forward. While that may have looked dumb, it was probably given the circumstances, and there wasn't anyone to look anyway. Since she had allowed Konatsu to go off on some damn fool quest, there had been no one to help her pass those lonely nights at her place.
On her knees and cursing every step of the way, she finally realized something wrong with the silence. It was just too silent. If that made any sense at all. She took a few moments to think. Something was missing.
"Aw, hell . . . the refrigerators . . ." she groaned to herself.
The refrigerators which she used to store her okonomiyaki ingredients were in the basement, along with the circuit box. She could do without the lights and heating, but without those refrigerators, her food stocks were going to spoil.
"Damn, damn, damn!" Ukyo swore in exasperation as she pawed her way down the corridor towards the stairs that led down to the basement. It took about five nerve-wracking minutes and numerous collisions with places that Ukyo didn't know her house had places before she reached the end of the corridor, a loud impact against a dead-end signaling her arrival.
Traversing down the stairs promised to be a painful experience and she did it backwards, feet probing cautiously step by step. She figured she was probably halfway down when she heard the first crash. It sounded like her spare utensils were cascading onto the floor and . . . running water.
Bwee!
What the hell? Ukyo recoiled in shock and realized that she really didn't have anything to lean against. The fall was a mercifully short one, her martial arts training allowing her to land with some grace, avoiding incapacitating injury.
Bwee!
Ukyo frowned. That sounded familiar. She had heard that sound before. If only she could remember where. She could hear the sounds of a scuffle in front of her. There was something alive out there!
Fighting her own fear, she felt her way around, found a wall and hugged it. Her hands searching desperately for the familiar circuit box. It has to be here somewhere! The scuffling was getting louder and seemingly nearer. Come on . . . yes! She wasn't sure how she did it. Somehow in the dark, she had managed to get the cover open and flick the right switches without getting electrocuted.
The lights came back on and Ukyo winced as she struggled to adjust to the sudden change in lighting. About five seconds after the power came back on, she could finally see the source of the noise.
Staring at her were probably the largest eyes she had ever seen on a pig so small. Those eyes seem to widen at the sight of her and it made a loud, 'Bwee!' Ukyo noticed a very familiar piece of yellow and black cloth tied around the little creature though next to it sat a very unexplainable, well-worn rucksack.
Perhaps even more inexplicable was the tunnel entrance that replaced one of the walls in the basement. The storage shelf which she had installed there was gone, its contents, mostly spare pots, pans and utensils lay scattered on the wet floor around the pig. The hole had also caused a massive break in a small water pipe which was still gushing. Ukyo felt a tic on her brow. This was a . . . disaster! She thought as she went to shut off the water, keeping her eye on the pig.
P-chan, wasn't it? Ukyo thought as she finally cut off the water supply. It was strange that she had not seen P-chan in Akane's presence in quite awhile . . . wasn't it about the same time that Ranchan pledged his undying love for Akane and set the date for their second wedding?
"You're P-chan, right?"
"Bwee?" The pig looked up at her with those wide eyes as she reached down to scoop him up.
"Look at you, all soaked . . ." Ukyo regarded her newfound companion with a strange look. Her eyes strayed back to the gigantic hole in the wall. On closer observation, she realized that the tunnel had already caved in so there was no threat of further intruders. "This is kinda freaky, you know?"
"Bwee?"
"God, look at me! Talking to a pig! What's wrong with me?" Ukyo said out loud. "Guess I ought to give you a warm bath and dry you off."
"Bweee!!!!" The little pig shrieked and Ukyo could almost swear she saw gigantic sweatdrop forming on the porcine creature's tiny head. P-chan struggled to break free but Ukyo simply held on to it more tightly.
"Now, now, sweetie . . . don't go running away on me now. I'm going to get you all warmed up." Ukyo said as she began her ascent up the stairs. The pig continued to squirm as if it's life depended on it, bweeeing desperately. "Aw, come on, it's just a bath." My you're a strong little pig, Ukyo pulled P-chan closer to her, smothering its snout in her chest
P-chan tried one last attempt to break free but it was all for naught. It managed to aim its snout into the air just a heartbeat before a it sent a spray of crimson blood spurting into the air.
"What the . . .?" Ukyo frowned at the pig that had promptly fainted in her arms. A pig having a nosebleed? Now she'd seen the before, hadn't she . . . for some reason, it aroused something in the depths of her memory. But the right connections just weren't being made.
With lighting restored and the flowing water cut off, her trip to the bathroom had been easy and accident-free. It had taken a few more minutes for her to get the hot water running but once the tub was half-full, she picked up the comatose pig and tossed it into the water without another thought.
(And while readers clamored to shout words of warning to everyone's favorite okonomiyaki chef, Ukyo was rendered temporarily deaf to the cries of her fans by the cruel, pervasive fanfic author.)
Which meant that she was obviously not prepared to see the naked form of Ryoga Hibiki, the 'Eternally Lost Boy', sitting upright in her tub. He had the look of someone who was just coming out of a coma, groaning as he tried to get his eyes to focus.
Ukyo's jaw fell open, her fingers twitched and her mind screamed bloody murder. While her mind grappled to understand how Ryoga had become so lost this time as to end up in her bathtub, her hand had already swung into his face, destroying whatever progress he had made in recovering his senses Ukyo stared at her slapping hand and winced, as if she had touched something really disgusting with it.
"Ryoga, you pervert!" Ukyo screamed as loudly as she could. "You just stay where you are, you pig (an apt insult, won't you agree?)! I'm so gonna kill you!"
She rushed out of the bathroom as fast as her legs could carry her and returned with her giant battle-spatula. She really needn't have hurried since Ryoga was going nowhere in his current condition.
"Die!" The giant spatula came flashing down but Ryoga's instincts somehow alerted him to the danger, allowing him to roll away a split-second before Ukyo weapon sliced through the tub, cleaving it right down the middle.
"U-Ukyo . . . wait, I can explain . . ." Ukyo said, rising from the rapidly draining tub.
"Oh, for crying out loud! Put something on!" Ukyo yelled as she lunged at him with her spatula.
"Gah!" Ryoga realized that he was standing in front of Ukyo buck-naked and made an attempted to cover up himself while dodging her attacks. "Can't we talk this over . . ."
"Time to die, you slime!" Ukyo's spatula missed the top of Ryoga's head by mere inches and he reached out and caught it one-handed, stopping it with his great strength now that he was back in his human form.
"Please, Ukyo . . . just give me a chance to explain!"
Ukyo resisted, trying to bring the edge of her spatula down on Ryoga's head. But he was just too strong. Then she realized this was futile and she let go abruptly, letting him tumble back into the now empty tub.
She grabbed a towel from the nearby rack, noted cartoon motifs on it with mild amusement before tossing it over to Ryoga without a word.
"Thanks," he said as he wrapped it around his waist.
"Now, you have all of thirty seconds to explain just how the hell you ended up naked in my bathtub!" She fixed him with her most menacing look.
"Ehehehe." Ryoga laughed nervously and blushed as he scratched his head. What the hell do I tell her now?
"I'm waiting, Ryoga." Ukyo's face was no-nonsense, and she was tapping the tiled floor impatiently with her foot. "Twenty seconds."
"Hehe . . . well, come on Ukyo . . . can't you just overlook this as a mild misunderstanding?"
"You promised. Ten seconds." Ukyo had retrieved the spatula. "Nine, eight . . ."
"Ukyo! Well, I . . . you see . . ."
"Seven . . . six . . . five . . ."
"I DIDN'T GET LOST!"
Segue to bullet-time . . . The words reached Ukyo's ears and it took a couple of nanoseconds for her brain to process those words. And a few more so that she could actually hear and understand what had been said. It took a full second of brain-processing time for the look of bewilderment on her face to change and the implications of what Ryoga said to sink in. He was not lost. He was naked except for that piece of black and yellow cloth on his head. And there was no P-chan.
Cue sound effect: OOOOOOOOOOOOM . . .
CLANG! The spatula came down so hard on Ryoga's head that it almost seemed as if Ukyo was intent on hammering him into the floor like a nail. The spatula bent slightly according the curvature of Ryoga's head but otherwise remained intact.
"You jackass . . ."
"What did you do that for???!!!" Ryoga was up on his feet in a flash, yelling down at her even though tears of pain flowed from his eyes and a large bump was beginning to sprout from his head. "I had a good three seconds left!"
"You . . . are . . . P-chan!"
"Fine! So now you know. Big deal . . ." Ryoga waved his hand dismissively as he got out of the tub, tightening the towel wrapped around his waist. "It's not like you've never met a cursed guy before . . ." He was heading for the doorway.
"All this time . . . when you were P-chan and Akane took you to bed . . ." The spatula hand twisted in Ukyo's grasp And Ryoga turned to see the a strange glow surrounding her. "Why you dirty . . ." He had time gulp once before the spatula came down on him again, threatening to make his cerebrum and Adam's apple meet.
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
Ryoga awoke to a world of pain. His head felt like it was on fire. His fingers dug into the floor as he tried to get up, but she felt a hand pressing gently on his chest. A familiar voice spoke to him. "I wouldn't be doing that if I were you, sugar." It was Ukyo. "You took a nasty beating on the head and you ought to get some rest."
Sugar? This from a person who was responsible for damn near giving me a concussion.
"U-Ukyo?"
"That's right, sweetie. Looks like a big shiner you got there." She winked at him slyly. "I wonder how you got that."
"Yes, I wonder too." Ryoga mumbled.
"Sorry I thumped you so hard . . . I've just been on the edge lately. Ever since, Ranma and Akane . . . well . . ."
"I know the feeling Ukyo."
"You going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I'll live." Ryoga winced at the pain that continue to thump away in his brain. What had this woman done to him? Split his skull? "I ought to get going."
She held him down again. "Look, I want you to stay here for the night. It's late and its still raining. Chances are you'd probably not be able to find your way out of my house at all, so why take the risk."
Ryoga squinted at his surroundings. "Where . . ."
"Been wondering when you were going to ask that, sweetie." Ukyo grinned at him. "In my room of course. You think I'd dare to let you out of my sight. I don't want to discover your corpse in some forgotten corner my restaurant two weeks from now, you know."
"Very funny."
"Now you go get some rest, you big oaf." Ukyo adjusted the blanket that she had placed over him. "And you so much as try to leave this room, I'll make sure I chain you to the floor after I catch you."
"Yes, ma'am," he replied sardonically.
"Good." And Ukyo disappeared from view.
The light above him went out and it was suddenly very quiet. He could heard the individual raindrops landing on the roofs outside. There was something else . . . it sounded like chanting. Something about a Greater Monsoon Demon or the likes.
Then he heard Ukyo lying down on the futon that she had spread out next to his. "Good night, Ryoga," she said as she pulled her own blanket over her body.
"Good night, Ukyo."
"Remember, you so much as try to find the way out of this room and I will make you sure every bone and muscle in your body will never forget they day you decided not to take my advice."
"Yes, mother . . ."
"Good. Nite, then."
Ryoga lay alone in the darkness, staring at the ceiling. How he had missed the feeling of sleeping under a permanent roof. For too long, he had called his well-used tent home. Well, not tonight. He ought to thank Ukyo for that. But she was probably fast asleep by now. He could see the digital display of an alarm clock sitting on a dresser on his left. One-thirty a.m. It's going to be a long night.
He tossed and he turned. He tried counting sheep but could only see hundreds of tiny black pigs leaping before his eyes. He tried to think of Akane, but somehow, he couldn't.
"Genki wo dashite mou nakanaide (Cheer up and don't cry anymore)" He thought that was what he heard.
"Ukyo?"
"Hmm?"
"Was that you?"
Ukyo had not realized she had sung aloud. "Oh, it's nothing. It's just a song, Ryoga. Go to sleep."
"Um, alright." Ryoga said hesitantly. "Um, you sure you'll be ok, Ukyo. I mean, I'm sorry about tonight. If I had . . ."
"Ryoga."
"Yes?"
"Shut up and go to sleep before I change my answer. And then you're really going to get it, you silly jackass."
"Ok."
Just a song, Ukyo thought to herself, glancing at the sleeping form of Ryoga next to her. Yes, it's just a song . . .
Ashita ni nareba subete kawaru wa
Genki wo dashite mou nakanaide
Atarashii kaze mukatte
Smile again!
(Once tomorrow comes everything will change
Cheer up and don't cry anymore
Facing new winds
Smile again!)
How true . . . And for the first time in months, Ukyo was no longer alone in her restaurant. And she could help the smile that appeared on her face as she drifted off to a long overdue and blessedly undisturbed sleep devoid of nightmares.
Endnotes: Phew, that's it. The prelude episode is done. I dunno if it was worth the trouble digging out this dinosaur and rewriting it. Well, I've got my groove back for the Arcadian Conflicts (you can find it on fictionpress if you want.) So I guess it's back to writing sci-fi and war again . . . until the dreaded writer's block strikes once more. Update in 3-4 weeks.
* The song featured in this fic is Mou Nakanaide which was the "Ranma 1/2 Nettouhen" opening theme (1991)
The proper credits for this song are as follows:
Singer: Senou Azusa
Lyricist: Miura Noriko
Composer: Hada Ichirou
Arranger: Satou Hitoshi