Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)
Part I: Afflictions
Stained: Ryou
Feels like you made a mistake,
You made somebody's heart break.
I listen as the door slams downstairs.
You haven't left.
I guess the sound just satisfies you, for some reason. One of your many quirks. You do the same with your soul room door when you're mad, and the echoes last a long, long time in the hallway between our rooms.
Did you know that ?
But now I have to let you go.
I have to let you go.
I look around; you've broken more of my things than I could ever hope to replace. I put the fragments of glass in the wastebasket. At least you didn't shatter the window tonight. Tomorrow is Sunday and I wouldn't be able to get it replaced, would I ?
I can't hide my things… to do so would invite you to search for them, and then to destroy them when you found them, punishment for my supposed, attempted deception. Actually… most of them, I don't worry about. Even the pictures… my fragile pictures. You've destroyed the frames often... but the pictures seem to be safe. You'll just glare at them and throw them to the floor and stomp away.
What is you see in those pictures, yami ?
What is it you really see ?
You left a stain on every one of my good days.
I'm tired of hiding to hide my bruises -- your bruises -- your damned marks.
I'm tired of having to force smiles at my friends and tell them everything is ok, even when I know that they know that everything is far, far from fine.
I'm tired of not being able to spend time with the people I care about because you've lost your temper and forbidden me, and then enforced your decision by making me to weak to leave, even if I was able to disobey you.
I'm tired… I'm just so tired, yami.
Did you notice ?
Do you care ?
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go.
No more, yami, no more.
You laughed at me once and asked me why I didn't get rid of the Ring. I didn't tell you and you guessed, "Because you're too weak."
No, yami, that's not it. Far from it.
You're mine, part of me… why would I discard something that is so clearly, preciously, painfully mine ?
And why should anyone else have to endure your rages and furies ? I can handle them.
I have been. I always will.
No one's ever turned you over,
No one's tried to ever let you down.
Yes, I know the consequences for disobeying you.
Haven't I endured them like you wanted ?
Even learned how not to cry, for you ?
Beautiful Dark, bless your heart.
Please understand.
I got a disease, deep inside me,
Makes me feel uneasy, yami,
I can't live without you, tell me
What am I supposed to do about it ?
Keep your distance from me,
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease.
I can't do it, not anymore. I've tried… I've tried so hard.
Please… tell me at least, that you've noticed that much.
Please, yami…
Feels like you're making a mess,
You've put through hell, I confess.
But I shouldn't have to.
I know you're my Dark and the other half of my soul and that why I shouldn't have to.
You drove me to the fire,
And left me there to burn.
You've left me no choice, yami.
I have to.
Everything little thing you do is tragic,
All my life before was magic.
I remember when I got the Ring.
Father gave it to me and I put it on… it felt like the right thing to do. And I knew, somehow, that something -- you -- were inside, even though I couldn't figure out what this new presence in my mind was. I was young, remember. You remember. I had to grow up for you.
Don't you remember what it was like ?
I do.
I keep the memory vivid for you so that you can remember it to, but you never want to see that memory and I can't understand why… I was so happy… you were happy, weren't you ? You said you were. And you've never lied to me. You've twisted your words and mangled the truth and tricked my mind, but you've never lied to me.
Can you lie to me, yami, can you lie to your hikari ?
I wish, in a way, that you could.
So that I would know you didn't lie to me… by choice.
Beautiful Dark, I can't breathe…
Please don't be mad.
I got a disease, deep inside me,
Makes me feel uneasy, yami,
I can't live without you, tell me
What am I supposed to do about it ?
Keep your distance from me,
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease.
No…
What am I doing ?
I think that I'm sick.
But leave me be,
While my world is coming down on me.
I… I can't.
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm so weak that I can accomplish nothing.
But if this is weakness, yami, then I don't care. I'll try to be strong for you like you want me to be but I'll always be weak inside because that's what keeps you with me. I need you here, want you here, I'm so sorry I even considered it.
How could I think…
I almost betrayed you. You would have been taken from me.
I'm sorry, yami, so sorry…
Be strong,
Keep telling myself that it won't take long.
Until I'm free of my disease.
"Ryou ?"
I'm forcing another one of those smiles.
"It's nothing, Yugi. I'm ok."
"Disease" - Matchbox 20
(with minor changes)