Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

Part I: Afflictions

Distressed: Yugi

Hang out your window,
And over my head.
Stare at your feelings,
To see where they end.

I have to smile as I dry off; he's not paying attention to me at the moment.

Ok, so I went dancing in the rain. It seemed like a fun idea at the time. Then there was the one-sided water fight. I won -- really. Grandpa rolled his eyes when I came in dripping on the carpet and shooed me upstairs to change. Then I had to clean up the puddles I'd left. Oops.

When I finally got done, I found the storm had picked up. So while I was getting ready for bed, he sat, enthralled with the lightning storm outside my bedroom window. The brilliant white light floods the room every few seconds. I can see his reflection in the window.

He looks… mesmerized.

I turn off the lamp so we can see outside better.

You're waiting here,
For someone else to break you
From the inside.

But…

There's something wrong, I can tell.

He hasn't said anything about it, but I know there's something bothering him. What it is, I can't imagine. If I ask him about it, he just smiles at me and tells me it's nothing important. But… lately, those words seem so hollow… as though it hurts to say them to me.

Sometimes, he doesn't even answer me at all, just sort of stares moodily off into space as though trying to figure out a particularly challenging riddle. The link between us is always quiet during these times… not blocked, he never blocks it, but sort of… muted, so that I can only get the vaguest of feelings.

Unease.

Sorrow ?

Is it something I've done ?

You've been so composed…

Tell me what it is, please ? I hate to see you so troubled…

We've been through so much together, haven't we ? Duelist Kingdom… Battle City… all the things, all the troubles that the Millennium Items seem to draw. We've beaten them all, and we did it together… how can you not trust me with this, too ?

Don't you remember how much it hurt… when I didn't trust you ?

I do. Like I was locking away a part of me.

You said you never wanted that again.

That we would share everything.

So… why now ?

Why are you keeping this secret from me ?

But we all know there's...
Always something tearing you apart.
It's always so much longer than you counted on.
And it hits you so much harder than you thought.

I wonder if it's his memories…

I know he's been getting a lot of them back lately… and I'm happy for him, really, I am ! to go into his soul room and find him immersed in a memory that's making him smile that little… almost smirk, and I want to laugh but I don't want to disturb him so I'm quiet.

On those nights… he's so happy.

So happy.

But then it's like he remembers something, and then he closes up again, you know ? Like something that he's remembered is the most horrible thing and he's trying to protect me from it.

Is that it ? What are you protecting me from, Yami ?

Yourself ?

Why would I ever fear you ?

But you don't worry,
You don't worry,
'Cuz you got soul.

I'm always gonna be there for him, just like he'll always be there for me. That's our promise, just like our bond.

Even when that bond was hurt… when the Puzzle was shattered… it was still there. It's grown beyond the Puzzle as an Item now.

I won't ever, ever lose that faith.

You're so heavy, you're so misunderstood.
I spent all my wishes, wishing times were good.
When I still could.

He's like… like a guardian angel.

A Dark angel, yes, but I've come to understand that no angel composed entirely of Light is strong enough to last. The world's too dirty. I remember that side of life, I lived it until Yami emerged when I solved the Puzzle.

I remember Ushio.

Yami won't apologize for that and I don't expect him too. I don't particularly… agree… with what happened, but Yami only did it to protect me. I know that. And he's promised never to go against me like he did with Kaiba and I know I can trust him.

How can I not trust him ?

Wait around here,
For someone else to take me,
Past the good side.

But… everything's changed.

You don't think I hear the nights you spend pacing, in your room or outside mine while you think I'm asleep. Those are the times that I really want -- need -- to know what's going on. What's happening to you, Yami ?

Why won't you trust me ?

You've been here so long now…

Sometimes he scares me. Sometimes he's so intimidating, so… regal, you know ? Untouchable.

I mean, I know he was Pharaoh, but sometimes, he still scares me. Little things, like the way he looks sidelong at someone, almost like they were beneath him. Or they way his eyes lose their violet undertones and go all crimson, bright and angry, when he sees something he doesn't like. The way he stares down opponents in the Dueling field. I've never been on the receiving end of that stare, but…

I think that would scare me too.

There's still so much I don't understand. Still things he doesn't understand about himself !

It's so apparent.

But I still don't get it.

You don't show there's
Always something tearing you apart…

Tell me…

I'm here for you…

"Soul" - Matchbox 20