Author's Note: You know, I was under the impression that finishing school would free up some time so that I could write, but apparently I didn't get the memo saying that I was going to be worked like a dog instead. So many apologies for the major delay in getting this chapter up, but I swear that I will try really hard to find the time to update. The characters of CSI don't belong to me…but there's always next season, right?
* * *
Warrick was waiting at the gate when Nick arrived. Warrick immediately noted the pallor of his friend's complexion and the exhaustion in his eyes. Nick looked as if he hadn't slept since Catherine had phoned him, and Warrick was willing to bet that he wouldn't get much sleep over the next couple of nights either. Nick's eyes were heavy, as he carried the burden of Greg's fate within their depths. He also had to be concerned about Sara, and those eyes betrayed his deepest fears. Warrick was worried for him. The rest of the team had had time to process the information concerning the accident. Nick had been given sketchy details at best and he had had nothing to do but stew over it since the fateful phone call.
"How is she?" was the greeting that Warrick got.
"Hanging in there. You know Sara. She is a fighter. She just won't quit, even when the odds say she should".
Nick nodded, though he looked thoroughly unappeased by the answer.
"How is he?" was the next question. The inflection was different this time. There was none of the trembling concern that he'd had for Sara. Instead there was a disappointed resignation. The question was obligatory, but there could be no satisfactory answer.
Warrick thought carefully before responding.
"Physically he's alright. Head injury, some banged up ribs, but overall he's no worse for wear.
Emotionally is a different story. He's feeling guilty, of course. But he's also short tempered, which I am not entirely sure I understand. I tried to talk to him, but he just got really sharp with me. It's almost like he doesn't want to try and find an explanation. It's as if he's just accepted what happened and he is willing to let it eat away at him. I may not be an expert on these types of things, but something about the way he is dealing with this just seems off to me."
Nick contemplated this as they walked towards the baggage claim.
"Maybe he's trying not to deal with it" Nick said finally. "You know, maybe he just doesn't want to think about it."
Warrick looked skeptical as he handed Nick his luggage.
"I don't know. It just doesn't feel right to me."
Nick shrugged.
"Who knows? We can't possibly know how he feels right now. We shouldn't speculate. I'll try talking to him later. He might be more receptive to conversation after he's had a while to let it sink in."
They didn't speak again until they reached the car. Before he climbed in the passenger side, Nick looked at Warrick.
"How did this happen?" he asked quietly. Warrick wasn't sure how to answer. He decided to play dumb.
"How did what happen?"
Nick gave him a long look.
"You know, this", he said, gesturing to nothing in particular. "When did Greg change? When did we stop seeing that things weren't alright anymore? Did we all just stop caring?"
"Nick-"
"No Warrick. It's true and you know it. Everything's been changing, but we've all been pretending that everything has stayed the same. But you know as well as I do that that is a lie. Things are changing and no one's done a damn thing to help anyone else out. We can all blame Greg for the accident, but at the heart of the matter is that his drinking himself into oblivion was a cry for help. Maybe if we'd been listening, instead of being so consumed by our own trivial worries, we would have heard him sooner. Maybe we're the ones to blame for the accident."
With that, he climbed into the car and slammed the door. Warrick stared across the roof of the car. Nick had a point, even if it did hurt like hell to hear it. There were cracks in the team. No, they had moved beyond cracks. The team was rife with gaping holed. This had been a long time coming. It was only too bad that it could only be recognized in hindsight. Warrick hated to admit it, but they had all let the accident happen. They may not have been driving the car, but they may have been the ones who put Greg behind the wheel. There was only one thing that Warrick knew was the right thing to say this time.
"A word of advice, man: don't pitch this theory to Grissom."
* * *
"He what?!"
Warrick winced as Nick's voice reverberated in the confines of the car. He rubbed his already aching head. He had just told Nick about Grissom's outburst earlier that day. Warrick gave himself a hard mental slap. He had intended to bring it up gently and explain it in the best possible terms. Unfortunately, his overworked, under-caffeinated brain prevented him from doing so. What was supposed to be a well-timed explanation came out as an "Oh, by the way…" statement. No wonder Nick looked so appalled.
"How could he?" Nick continued. "I know Greg screwed up, but for God's sake, Grissom's the supervisor. He's supposed to be the voice of reason, not insanity! You see what I mean? This is what I was talking about earlier. This is exactly what is wrong with this team. This is why things hap-"
"Stop. Right there. Just stop. I know you're upset and I know you've got every right to be. But Grissom's also got reason to be upset and if you go into that hospital and run your mouth about how Grissom's mine, and everyone else's action are what caused this accident, then I guarantee you that you will cause irreparable damage to this team. I don't disagree with you Nick, but I'm not a hundred percent sure I agree with you either. I think we all influence one another with our actions and attitudes, but we don't make the others do something. So whether or not we made Greg feel down on himself, not a single one of us forced him in that car."
The two opposing viewpoints hung in the air for a painfully long moment. Nick and Warrick with both silent as they tried to calm their tempers and find words that wouldn't drive a wedge between them.
It was Nick who broke the awkward silence. "I guess we just do the proverbial 'agree to disagree' thing then."
Warrick smiled and nodded. "Ok. But if you sound like you are going to start lecturing Grissom, I'm going to let you know."
Nick rolled his eyes and muttered something unintelligible under his breath.
* * *
They had arranged to meet Grissom in the front lobby of the hospital. It was more informal and less antiseptic than the waiting room of the ICU. They found him sitting in a chair working on a crossword puzzle. He didn't look up until they were practically on top of him. When he did meet their eyes, they were horrified to see how red his eyes were.
"Oh my God – Grissom, is Sara-?" Nick started to ask.
Grissom waved his hand in an uncharacteristically dismissive gesture.
"She's stable. Comatose, but stable."
"Then why-?"
"Do I look like I've been crying?" Grissom spat out. "Perhaps it's because in the last twelve hours or so, everything has fallen apart. Sara's hurt, Greg did something I never thought him capable of and now Brass tells me that there are criminal charges pending…"
"What?!" Nick and Warrick cried in unison.
Grissom nodded. "There's an inquest being conducted as we speak. If Sara lives, Greg will likely get a DUI citation and maybe a charge of reckless endangerment. But if she dies…" He couldn't finish.
"Then he'll be charged – and no doubt convicted – of vehicular manslaughter." Nick said bitterly.
Grissom removed his glasses and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.
"Look, Nick, earlier today I sort of lost my temper with Greg." Grissom said.
"To put it mildly." Nick replied.
Grissom looked sharply at Warrick.
"You've heard." It was a statement, not a question. Warrick became very interested in the carpet. Grissom continued while continuing to glare at Warrick.
"Anyways, I think Greg could probably use a friendly face right about now. Sara is in good condition for the time being, and Catherine is on her way to see her. She made it very clear that she was next in line, so you'll have to wait to see Sara anyways. Why don't you go check on Greg and then come back here?"
It was a reasonable suggestion. Nick wanted to see Sara, but Grissom's point made sense. He would come back in a little bit. He was just about to leave, but he couldn't help asking:
"Don't you think you were too hard on him?"
Warrick made a warning noise under his breath. Nick ignored it and looked expectantly at Grissom, awaiting an explanation.
Grissom's eyes flashed dangerously. "I don't think I was hard enough!" he said heatedly. "How can you even ask me that? Don't you understand the magnitude of what he did?"
Nick felt a wave of anger wash over him. "Well you know Grissom, maybe if you had- OW!"
Warrick had just given the back of Nick's arm a very hard, very painful pinch. Nick rubbed his arm and glared at his friend. Warrick's message was very clear: Back off. This wasn't the time, and it sure wasn't the place. Nick turned back to Grissom.
"Call us if you need anything" he said shortly before turning and walking away.
Grissom watched until their retreating backs faded from view. He was acutely aware now that there were some serious issues lurking beneath the surface structure of the team. But he didn't much care about them at the moment. His only thoughts were for Sara.
* * *
"Aren't you coming in?" Nick looked at Warrick who was gripping the steering wheel of the still running car. They were in Greg's driveway but Warrick looked frozen in his seat.
"I don't know if I can" Warrick responded tightly. "I can't seem to look at him without judging him and that is the last thing he needs right now."
"Are sure? He'd probably be glad to see you" suggested Nick.
Warrick laughed without any humor and shook his head. "After this morning? I doubt that. No, you go ahead."
Nick decided not to argue any further. There were some battles that just weren't worth fighting anymore. He went to the door and knocked. He fiddled with his watch as he anxiously waited for Greg to answer. He wasn't sure what he should say. They never taught you how to deal with this at the academy. He was on his own. An eternity later the door slowly swung open. Greg's bleary, tired eyes sized up his visitor.
"Oh. It's you" was all he said. He left the door open and walked back into the house. Nick was taken aback. That wasn't what he'd expected at all. If he hadn't known better, he would have sworn that he was at the wrong house. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He followed Greg into the living room. He opened his mouth to speak, but Greg beat him to it.
"Are you here to lecture me to? Or maybe you want to take a cheap shot at me like Grissom did. Either way, I'm not much in the mood for company right now, or ever again, so say what you want and then get the hell out."
Nick stared at him. "Excuse me? I come here to give you some support, and you cop an attitude with me? Where in the hell do you get off Greg?"
"You know what, save it. I heard it all from Warrick this morning. I didn't care then, and I don't care now. I made a mistake. Why do you people continuing to harp on it? Does it bring you some kind of perverse pleasure?"
Nick couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I don't understand you. You are the one who is at fault here, and you have the nerve to play the victim? I'm sorry, but you deserve everything that anyone has said to you. It may hurt, but if you recall, Sara is laying in a hospital, fighting to live. You are not allowed to have hurt feelings right now, because you are the one who put her there!"
"Don't you think I know that?!" Greg's voice broke and he took a couple of deep breaths. When he spoke again, his voice was weak and despondent. "Nick I know what I did. I am at fault here. I fucked up royally. Is that what you want me to say? Because believe me, I have already had this conversation with myself. It's my bed, now I have to lay in it."
"No. I don't believe that" Nick said as he stopped to stand in front of Greg. "Yeah you messed up. You messed up big time. And yeah, you are going to feel guilty, with good reason. But I don't buy this whole 'Let's accept it and move on' speech. You are the guy who always has a million explanations for everything. So don't sit here and tell me that you are just going to accept this without offering us some kind of explanation for why this happened. You owe us that much."
Greg was rubbing his eyes frantically. "Nick, please let it go. I can't do this. There is no explanation. I made a mistake and that's all there is to it. So please don't keep asking me to give you a reason because I can't. This is my burden. It's my albatross to bear around my neck. There is nothing anyone can say or do. I can't tell you anything."
Nick gave his friend a careful look. "Can't say anything – or won't?" he asked.
Greg shook his head and turned away. "Please just go now. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Go see Sara. She is the one who is deserving of your time and attention, not me. Be with her. Let me deal with this."
"You're not dealing with it Greg. I don't know why, but you're not. And you're holding back on me. There is more to this story, but you don't trust me enough to tell me. I want to help you Greg, but I can't do that if you are unwilling to help yourself."
Greg remained silent as he stared stubbornly at the wall. Nick sighed.
"Fine. I'll go. But if you ever need to talk to me, I am always ready to listen." Nick quietly exited the house and went back to the waiting car.
* * *
Across town, Catherine and Brass were conducting an inquiry of their own.
They were determined to piece together the events of the previous night.