Chapter One

You broke me first...

I did everything right...right?

I kissed the ground you walked on, but how could you know..?

I gave you the signs, didn't I?

Didn't I..?

Or was I always in my own head..

I need you.

I feel my soul being ripped apart every time I see you with him.

I see how he holds your hand when you walk together.

How his eyes shine when you give him my smile.

The way he holds the back of your neck to bring you in closer for a kiss..

My stomach is tight and filled with these ugly emotions I'm not too sure what they are. All I know is that you're not mine, you never were in reality, but you've been mine since the day you saved me all those years ago.

How could you forget everything just because of him? What can he do for you that I can not?! I just want you to see me. See my pain, feel what you are doing to me.

I don't want to be in this bar, pretending I'm happy for the love you found if it's not mine. I don't want to hear your laugh leave your lips unless it's my joke you find funny. I don't want to see his face when he looks at you, because it's the same face I make when I look at you

My heart is breaking as I sit here and think about the happiness you feel, the happiness that has nothing to do with me.

How could you be so cold?! How do you not see me wanting to kill myself because I don't have you?!

I'm probably already gone from this world, because I know this is my own personal hell.

You draw me out of my thoughts with a slap in my back, saying we were all leaving, the bar was closing.

'Finally..' I thought to myself.

He drove us here in his nice expensive new car. I'm too drunk to care what kind of car it is. I see you open the door to the backseat. You're mumbling something I can't hear. You look so pathetic that it makes me want to take care of you more. But now's not the time. You lay down, curling into a tight ball, falling asleep almost instantly. I slid into my seat buckling my belt and lean my head onto my window. I pretend to fall asleep so I won't have to talk to this prick. I don't know if he knows I don't like him, but it doesn't matter. He's too much of a pussy to actually confront me on the matter.

I still dont understand how you could actually be with someone like him. I've done everything in my power to show you that you're my world. I just need you to love me. I need only you. I wish I could take you away, lock you up so no one can see how perfect you are. How kind and special you are. The things you say to people to make them fall for you is amazing and terrifing.

Do you even reliaze how many people fell in love with you?

'You always seem to go for the assholes...'

I feel him put the car into drive and take off down the highway. Not much traffic it feels. I just want to be home with you. For it just to be us like it use to. I still don't understand what you see in him that I can't give you better. The pain never goes away it seems only to get worse as the days go by.

He's adjusting his seat, pushing it back more as we stop at a red light. His arm bumps into mine while he reaches for you. I feel my heart beating hard in my chest, the blood runs cold when I hear your quiet whimper...

'NO! He wouldn't touch you Infront of me!'

He wouldn't let me hear this side of you... Of course he wouldn't let me live in ignorant bliss... He wanted to show me who you belong to... To make sure I knew my place..

You're moaning louder now and my whole body is tense. I feel most if not all my blood run down south. It's the most sexy sound I've ever heard. Damn... I can't describe how your voice is driving me crazy.. What is he doing to make you act like this..? Would you ever let me touch you like that..? Could I make you moan louder..

I can feel his arm flexing against me for leverage and moving faster and closer to you. I don't know how he can touch you, hear you, and still drive straight. I know I would have crashed a long time ago from your sounds alone.

God you sound so beautiful. Every breath and sigh that passes those lips makes me want you even more now. My fantasy are nothing compared to the real thing...

We finally stop at his house. I feel him shake me 'awake' and I rub my eyes to add to the sleepiness. I jump out to walk to my car so we could go home. I hope you're not staying with him tonight. I want to take you home with me and finally tell you how I feel. I know I can do this. The liquid courage is coursing through my body makes me feel ballsy.

He's grabbing your hand to help you out of the car. You wrap your hands around his neck, bringing him closer for a good night kiss and he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. I feel my rage surface again. I'm trying to calm down when I see you walk to my car. Climbing in you have this stupid goofy smile on your face like you're on top of the world and I'm below sea level. It makes me sick.

And the rage breaks through...

TBC