Fragilis Pondera (Fragile Balance)

Part III: Gemstones


Garnet : Marik

Playground school bell rings again,
Rain clouds come to play again.

Pretty pretty hikari doesn't understand ! Pretty Other thinks it's so easy, it's not, not, not-not-not.

Hurts. Pretty Other makes hurt.

… Pretty Other's Other likes hurt.

But not when pretty hikari hurts. No, no, don't want pretty hikari to hurt. See, Pretty Other's Other exists so that Pretty Other never has to hurt anymore. Was created during one of pretty hikari's hurts and made no more hurt.

Made blood.

But stopped hurt.

All for precious pretty Other.

Has no one told you she's not breathing ?

And now Pretty Other is crying again. And won't talk to Pretty Other's Other. Went and cried for Isis-sister and won't talk to Pretty Other's Other. And Rishid-not-brother glares. Pretty Other's Other glares back. Not allowed to hurt Rishid-not-brother. Pretty hikari says so. But pretty hikari also tells Rishid-not-brother not to hurt Pretty Other's Other.

Silly hikari.

Can't hurt Pretty Other's Other.

Will leave Rishid-not-brother alone. For Pretty Other.

Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to...

Want to leave.

Will leave for a little while, while pretty hikari cries. Isis-sister will make pretty hikari stop crying. Isis-sister is good sister. Not like Rishid-not-brother. Pretty Other's Other likes Isis-sister. Isis-sister made pretty hikari stop crying when Pretty Other's Other made pretty hikari's first hurt stop. Made blood, stopped hurt, Isis-sister took care of everything, just like Pretty Other's Other ! Like Isis-sister.

Wanted Rishid-not-brother's blood too.

Wasn't allowed.

"No ! Don't hurt him, what are you, stop, you killed him, what are you ?"
"Mine, you're mine, I did it for you, he was hurting you, I'm yours, you made me."
"Father ! You killed him !"
"I am you and you are me and I did it for you because you asked."
"No ! Liar !"
"Will kill anyone who makes you hurt…"
"What… what are you doing ? No, leave Rishid alone !"
"His fault !"
"No, he's my brother, stop, don't hurt him !"
"Not brother, not, Rishid-not-brother !"
"Leave him alone !"

Pretty Other's Other was gone for a very long time, then. But not mad. Stopped all of pretty hikari's hurts, so didn't mind. Waited and waited and wait-wait-wait until Pretty Other wanted Pretty Other's Other to come back, and then was there, right there, for pretty hikari, all ready to help pretty hikari.

Hello...

Out, now, out-out-out, gone, will come back but not right now. Where to go, where to go ? Wander-wander-wander…

If I smile and don't believe,
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream.

It's sudden.

And it hurts.

But then I know.

And I'm left, blinking, startled, standing in the shadows and I don't remember how I got here, and all I can remember is my hikari crying and yelling at me. What am I doing here ? I look around; still in Domino. Far side of town to where 'everyone else' lives.

… Why's it always hurt when this happens ?

Maybe I should go back, but… he's still mad at me. Doesn't know. And I don't want to upset him any more. No… will go back later. What to do now ? Start walking. Don't care where.

Wait, yesss… I know where to go ! I walk quickly; I've no fear of the night or the dark or the things that lurk in either but I don't want any distractions. Can't waste any time. Don't know how long this is going to last.

Rock, rock, find a rock, there's one. Throw the rock. Hit the window. Will apologize for the crack in glass later…. Waiting… Looking for another rock…

"Don't bother."

I can see through him tonight… I guess he didn't want to wake his silver-and-blue hikari. Pretty like moonlight hikari, his is !

"What are you doing here, Ishtar ?"

"I don't know."

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken !

"…Well, I doubt Malik's really that mad at you."

"Ha, you didn't see the way he hit me !"

"He hit you ?"

"Yeah. Then he laughed at me. Then he started crying."

"… And they think I've got a strange relationship to my hikari."

"Yeah… how is he ?"

"Who ?"

"Your hikari, idiot. Who else would I mean ?"

"Shut up, Ishtar. He's fine."

"…That's good."

"Yeah."

Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide...

"What set him off ?"

"I don't know… me ? Maybe… ?"

"Well, was it or not ?"

"I don't know ! I never know. But it's me. Always me. It's better if it's me…"

Don't cry...

"Bakura ?"

"Yeah, Ishtar ?"

"It doesn't last."

"It doesn't seem to, no."

"Why !?"

"I don't know ! Keep it down, if you wake Ryou, I'll throw you off this roof."

"I'm tired of this… I hate this. Hate it so much. Hate it more than anything else ! And my hikari… he's so scared of me…"

I can feel silver-and-black beside me wince. He knows about this as much as anyone else, but he's different, different than me. Always different and yet the same, so he understands when no one else understands and that's why I'm here !

"Ishtar ?"

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.

Can feel it slipping, pretty-pretty away. Away ! And he knows it to, because he's starting to help me down so I can go, need to go, need to leave, need to get back to pretty hikari !

He understands, even when I don't remember anymore.

"Goodbye ?"

"Bye, Ishtar."

"Hikari lights, pretty-pretty brights."

"They certainly are."

Need to go, need to get back to hikari, pretty, sun-soft golden hikari. Hikari make blood-shadows feel better.

Hello, I'm still here, all that's left…

Hikari ?

There you are. Asleep ? No, pretending, silly pretty hikari, can't fool me. Can't fool Pretty Other's Other.

Of yesterday...

"Are you forever, yami ?"

Forever and ever and ever, Pretty, pretty precious Other, pretty hikari. Pretty Other's Other never go away, bound and tied and chained and as much a part of Pretty Other as Pretty Other is of me !

"Yes, Pretty Other."

Shh… don't yell.

Yes, you can hit me. I don't mind, little one. Precious one. So pretty. Vent on me and hate me and curse me and wish I was gone and when you're all done, I'll have your pretty pretty salt-tears.

"Where'd you go ?"

"Not leave Pretty, precious Other."

"I told you not to leave me !"

"Pretty Other's Other sorry, pretty hikari… made salt-salt tears, very sorry…"

"Isis is asleep."

"Isis-sister is good sister, Pretty Other. Pretty Other sleep now, too."

"Ok. You'll stay ?"

"Yes, pretty, precious Pretty Other. Always stay."

"Hello" – Evanescence