Authors Note: Yeah, yeah, I know. It has taken me forever to get this chapter done. Who would have thought that my final year of University would be so hectic? I would have had this done sooner, but I am trying to read "Vanity Fair" and "Jane Eyre" simultaneously…and that is only for one course! I have 5 other ones! Ok, enough ranting. This is the final chapter and there will be a short epilogue to follow. I own nothing…but I wish I did because the guys are looking even hotter this season!
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Grissom drove to The Broken Barstool in what seemed like no time at all. He had wished the ride could have taken an eternity, and instead it had been over within minutes. One minute he was at the hospital, and then he blinked and found himself in front of the just-this-side-of-seedy bar. He turned off the car but didn't get out. He sat there, engulfed in the neon glow of the sign and mulled over his conversation with Sara. It had been completely different from what he had envisioned. He wasn't much of a dreamer but he had entertained the notion that their reunion would have been like something you saw on television. There would be a long look between them, a sad sort of smile and maybe a few tears as they exchanged profound words that expressed their renewed sense of wonder at the miracle of life. Perhaps there would be some violins playing softly in the background, just for an added touch of sentiment. That was the scene that the idealist in Grissom had set. In hindsight, his realist side recognized that while their encounter lacked that certain flair for the dramatic, it was certainly closer to what he should have anticipated. He should have known that her primary concern would have been Greg's well being. He had figured she would worry about any physical ailments, but he had forgotten that she was often in tune to the more private, emotional disturbances. She always seemed to be able to read Greg's moods and it shouldn't have come as any surprise that she would know when his emotional welfare was endangered. Why, wondered Grissom, was he so shocked then that Sara was so concerned about Greg that she had sent him on this manhunt?
Because you thought she would be more consumed with how you were dealing with everything nagged Grissom's little voice.
That is not true, he thought quickly. Too quickly.
Yes it is, sure it is. You thought she would be worried about how her decision affected you. You wanted her to look you in the eyes and make sure you were dealing with what had happened.
Well, Grissom reasoned, sure I guess I sort of thought she would at the very least apologize to me. Not that she owes it to me though.
Ha! Don't try and fool yourself Grissom. You do think she owes it to you. She did the one thing that you never thought she was capable of doing.
I don't know what….
She FAILED you. Perfect Sara, the one who you always thought you could count on, failed you. Admit it. You are upset because she didn't try to beg your forgiveness. And you think she should have.
Grissom was feeling intense dislike towards this little inner voice right about now. I wasn't expecting an apology, he thought irritably. I was just surprised that she wanted to talk so much about Greg. I mean, he still isn't completely innocent in all this…
Oh come off it! This has nothing to do with Greg. It never did. From the moment you heard about the accident, everything was about Sara. For a while it was because you thought you might lose her. Later it was because you learned that she is not the infallible creature that you thought she was. But either way, Greg always only played a small role. He was fifth business.
Fifth…?
Business. Come on, you remember. I am a manifestation of your mind so you can't plead ignorance here. Fifth business refers to a the role in a play that is not the hero or heroine, nor is it the villain. That character however is essential to the recognition. Greg is fifth business. Sara is the lead in this play of her life. Greg was there, but the role he had to play was a far different one. The rules blurred of course, because he ended up as the lead for a while there, but we could engage in a debate about whose life story he was acting out then: his or hers. I suppose it depends on how you look at…
I get it! Grissom thought. He rubbed his temples. He wished the stupid little voice would disappear back into the recesses of him mind from where it had come. He liked it much better when he was alone with only one set of thoughts. It may not be as objective, but it certainly was a lot quieter. He didn't want to think about what the other part of his mind was screaming at him. He didn't want to believe that he had been that selfish and that heartless. But the more he thought about it, the clearer the picture became. It's funny how much more you can see when you finally open your eyes. Grissom looked at the small, squat building in front of him. He was not relishing the thought of going in there. Talking to someone about the serious stuff was hard enough, but trying to do it after they had had a few drinks was even worse. Grissom didn't even want to think about the new potential problem he may be faced with if Greg was going to turn to alcohol every time he was faced with an issue. Grissom gave his head a final shake and headed into the bar.
* * *
Grissom spotted him almost immediately. The bar was still fairly empty, with only 3 customers seated at the bar. The young man could be heard slurring "Hit me again" to the bartender, who added another glass to the collection in front of him. Grissom went towards him. The smell of alcohol coming from him was almost repugnant. Grissom fought the urge to knock the glass from his hand.
Greg was sitting two stools away from the young man. There was a single drink in front of him. He didn't notice Grissom approach.
"I hope there's no rum in that Coke"
Recognizing the teasing voice, Greg replied, "Nope, just aspartame".
Grissom sat down beside Greg. "I've never thought of you as much of a Diet Coke drinker".
Greg took another sip and continued to stare straight ahead. "I've never thought of you as much of a jackass, so I guess we've both learned something today".
"Greg, may I remind you that I am still your boss?"
"May I remind you that I am still the employee that you assaulted? So you may want to reconsider what context you want to talk to me in."
Grissom flinched. "Alright, then let's try this: Greg, I am here as your friend."
Greg drained his glass. "Nope, I wouldn't be friends with someone like you. Try again."
Grissom pictured Sara's gaze and bit back his angry response. "Fair enough. I am here as the guy who acted like a jerk and would really like to try and find a way for you to forgive me."
Greg turned to face him. "You're getting warmer. Let's work with that for now."
Grissom found himself at a loss for words again. Greg gave him something that would barely pass as a smile.
"This is the part where you say ' Greg, I'm so sorry. I was wrong. I am dog. No, I am worse then a dog. I am the flea that lies on the dog…' and so on and so forth down the evolutionary chain until you reach scum"
Grissom stared. "Wow, that was harsh."
"No less then what you deserve"
"Ok, this is not getting us anywhere. Greg, listen to me: I was wrong. And I am sorry. But let's face it; we are way beyond apologies here. I can't say anything that will make you feel any differently. And you can't say anything that will change the way I acted. The last three days have been a turning point for us. For all of us. And things won't ever be the same again. They can't be. You and I, and everyone, we are all different people then we were on Friday. I don't know how to get us back to who were then, and I am not ever sure if those people exist anymore. All I know is that what's done is done. There's no going back."
Greg looked at Grissom carefully. It was true. There was something different in his eyes now, something that wasn't there before. And Greg knew if he were to look in the mirror that he would find a stranger staring back at him. The realization cut like a knife. He swallowed hard.
"So if we can't go back, then I guess the next logical question is where do we go from here?"
"It depends. I guess the only thing we can do is try and move on from where we are now. We take tiny baby steps forward and try to put our lives back in order."
Greg smiled grimly. "I'm not sure if I can do that. My life right now feels like a jigsaw puzzle that has pieces missing. I feel as if I have lost part of myself. I don't know when, or if, I will be able to find those pieces and put everything back again."
Grissom was silent for a long moment. When he spoke again, there was a startling finality in his voice. "I came here tonight because Sara asked me to. She wants to see you, but not until you and I have made our peace. I came here because I thought we could do that. But there more I thought about it, the more I realized something: everything that has happened between us, it was never about you and what I thought you had done. My only concern was for Sara. And in the process, I treated you with great disrespect and for that I am sorry. I wish things had turned out differently. But they didn't. I don't know how to make peace with you, because I can't make peace with my life. And I suspect you are caught in that same dilemma. I am sorry for what's transpired between us but I don't have an easy 'band-aid' solution. I guess what I am saying is that you have to go and see Sara. I can't tell you to lie to her but remember that she is still in a dangerous position. I think its best for her if we just try to placate her for the time being. Think it over. I've got to get back to the hospital."
With that, he got up and walked away.
* * *
Greg watched his retreating back. He knew he ought to feel hurt and confused by the brief conversation that had just occurred, but he realized that he was not the least bit surprised. There was nothing that could be done for any of them any more. He didn't relish the thought of going back to work in another week or two (when the doctors officially cleared him). He knew what he had to do though.
But first he had to go see Sara.
* * *
He arrived at the hospital just moments before visiting hours were over. He had called ahead and made arrangements with the doctor to slip in and see Sara once everyone was gone. He couldn't handle seeing the team right now. The doctor had been hesitant, but had conceded because he thought that seeing Greg would help ease Sara's mind and allow her to rest more easily. Greg quietly walked over to where Sara was resting. She stirred as he sat down.
"Greg!" her voice was soft but filled with emotion.
"I'm sorry!" they both whispered at once. She laughed softly.
"What are you sorry for? I'm the one who ran us into a tree"
"I'm sorry that I allowed things to get so out of hand in the first place."
She waved her had in a weakly dismissive gesture. "Don't be silly." Her face grew serious.
"Thank you". She looked him right in the eyes. He met her gaze and smiled.
"Anytime. You know I would do anything for you."
"You shouldn't. You risked everything for me. And I can't find words to express what that means to me."
He shrugged sheepishly. "Your welcome. And I would do it again in a heartbeat, no questions asked."
He grew silent for a moment. He looked as if he wanted to ask her something.
"What?" she said, studying his face.
"Why Sara? Why did you take that crazy chance? What were you trying to prove?"
She looked tired. She had wondered when someone was going to ask her about that. It seemed only appropriate that it be Greg who made her talk about the tough stuff.
"I wish that there was an easy answer to that. I guess I was just feeling like the walls were closing in on me. I wanted to prove that I am in control of my life and I can dictate when it can or can't get me down. I'm getting older and sometimes being an adult is just too much effort. I wanted that blissfully numb feeling of childhood again. Pretty dumb, huh?"
He rubbed her hand. "Well, unless you spent your childhood in an alcohol induced stupor, then yes, it was dumb. But I think I know what you mean. It's nice to just take the edge off for a while and forget about life for a bit. I know that feeling, believe me. But it sure is a dangerous way to escape reality."
"Sometimes, it's almost fatal" her voice was heavy and her eyes were shining with tears. He squeezed her hand again.
"Shhh. Listen, everything worked itself out in the end, right? You learn from this. You take it and you make yourself into a better person because of it. We all will."
She smiled sadly. Then her eyes grew questioning. "Did Grissom…?"
"Come and talk to me? Yeah, he did. We talked everything out. He helped me put things in perspective and I know where I need to go from here." He hoped she wouldn't notice how carefully evasive his answer was. To his relief, she smiled. It was the first genuine smile anyone had given him in three days.
"Greg, I want to talk to you some more, but I think the drugs are kicking in and I am about to fall asleep here. But just know that you are the most amazing friend and I love you."
He kissed her cheek. "Love you too, Sara."
"Will you be back tomorrow?" Her eyes were pleading. He grinned.
"I'll come back every night, just before they kick everyone out for the night. That will be our time, ok?"
She smiled as her eyes began to close. "I'll make sure that everyone else leaves before you get here."
He had hoped she'd say that. "It's a date" he teased as he squeezed her hand one last time.
* * *
Greg was true to his word. Every night for the next two weeks he came and sat with her as she drifted off to sleep. Once she was released, he kept up the ritual and visited her every evening. Nearly a month after the accident, she greeted him with some good news.
"I get to go back to work tomorrow!" she exclaimed.
"Sara, that's great news!" he replied, giving her a careful hug. He hadn't returned to work yet. His ribs were almost healed, but he had wanted to wait until Sara went back to work.
"Yeah, I'm stuck doing strictly paper work for about a month, but after that it will be like old times."
He felt a pang in his chest. It would never be like old times. He pasted a smile on his face anyways. "Well then I won't stay. You should get some sleep before your big return."
"Our big return. You promised you'd come back when I did." She chided. Her smile dropped only slightly. "You will be with me, right?"
He smiled at her and kissed her forehead as he headed for the door. "I'll always be with you. See you Sara"
And he walked away into the night.
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**The term "Fifth Business" came about from the book by the same name by Robertson Davies. The definition of the term can be found in this book, and it is cited as such: Tho. Overskou, Den Danske Skueplads. No infringement of copyrights was intended. I just wanted to define it for those that are unfamiliar with the term.**