The End is Near
"What is wrong with me?" I inquired of the mirror, moving to the second layer of a new box of chocolates, the afternoon after that horrible, fateful night. I was starting to feel sick, and really fat, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.
"I really don't know," he replied with a drawn out sigh. "I don't understand. If I had a penis, I'd be all over you."
"Shut up," I said, trying to hide my smile by throwing a (appropriately named) throw pillow at him. I missed.
"You know," he said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "Depressed people usually prefer to be depressed because they feel they have a right to be so. You could stop at any time, you just don't want to."
"Yeah, probably." I said, beginning to empty the layer of chocolates I was currently working on. "But I think you should give me time. I have just lost the love of my life."
"Yes, things like that seem to happen a lot around here." Mirror rolled his eyes. "Welcome to Fairyland, Gwen."
"I think the sign already did a fine job of welcoming me here, thank you," I sniffed. "I want to leave."
"But where would you go?"
"I don't know."
I was still in my pajama pants and a tank top, chocolate wrappers scattered around my couch, and a few books remained untouched on the coffee table. I put the rest of the chocolates down, trying to will myself to not eat the rest, and picked up another tissue, the last one in the box. I rubbed it across my salted cheeks, under my eyes and nose.
"This really sucks."
He didn't reply, and we sat in silence a little while. Ugh, so much chocolate…
Chimes suddenly rang through the house, a tinkling sound so lighthearted it made me want to puke. Especially since it meant one thing: someone was here.
Ready to tell whomever it was off, I swung open the door in an embarrassed fury.
"Look, I did not…" I stopped, words cut short by the last person I expected to see in front of me. Well, if it wasn't Mr. Married himself, looking hot but also completely unavailable.
"Hi, Gwen," Andrew said meekly, extending forward a bouquet of tropical flowers…my favorites…like a peace offering.
I leaned against my doorpost, not at all caring that I was in my pajamas and all disheveled, still stinking of failure and bad luck. "May I help you Mr. Marr…Charming?"
"I would like to explain," he replied, prompting me to take the flowers.
I tried to ignore them, even though the sweet scents were plucking at my senses. "I don't think you have anything to explain," I argued, getting ready to shove the door shut. But he stopped it with his other hand, swiftly taking a step inside and overwhelming me with his height and…hotness.
"Give me a chance," he pleaded, setting the pretty flowers down on my coffee table.
I scooped them up in my hands and held them against my chest. If he wasn't going to take them back, I might as well enjoy them.
He continued. "Didn't I give you a second chance a few times? Or is this all some sick game of yours? Is it all planned? Are you a fairy's trick to make me go off and marry a woman who's obsessed with dwarves?"
"Too many questions. And no, this is not some game or a psychotic fairy's conspiracy" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. But he did have a point, he had forgiven me quite a few times, both when I didn't tell him I liked him when I should have, looking like I was leading him on without any good intentions, and then when I mocked him on accident because of the stupid curse-of that he still didn't know the full details.
"Tell you what," he proposed, eyes lingering on the flowers pressed against me. "Why don't we go on a walk through the park…not this one, the park with actual trees, and we can talk. You don't even have to talk at all if you don't want to. And you can bring your…Sheep."
I sighed, blinking back a fresh onslaught of tears. He just didn't get it. It wasn't acceptable for a married man to walk through a park with a woman with whom he's rumored to be romantically connected, unless it's his wife. Especially when he's only been married for two days. I felt a sense of pity for Snow White, her husband wasn't doing a very good job of staying monogamous.
"You don't understand," I replied with a weepy sigh. "We can't."
"Yes, we can. Let me explain, and I promise, if you listen, that everything will be all right."
Should I trust his promise? After an inner battle, from which I was probably making odd facial expressions as Andrew was looking at me weird, I decided on an answer.
"Okay," I finally said. "But no holding hands, no romantic involvement, no anything that would make it look like we're more than acquaintances."
For some reason I was far from understanding, he smiled. "I would never dream of asking that of you."
"All right," I said angrily, perturbed by the smile, and ushered him inside. I motioned him to sit on the couch. Married man sitting on my couch…while I secretly grabbed my wand and headed for the bathroom.
"Hold on for a few minutes, I just have to clean up," I said quickly, not able to smooth the remaining hurt out of my voice. Before I closed the door behind me, I mouthed to the mirror, not a word.
I turned the water on, for the first time since I moved in, and it came out smoothly and it was even clear. I was somewhat surprised. I contemplated taking a shower, just to make the married man in my living room wait longer, but I decided I didn't really have the patience to submerge myself into the water at the moment, so I quickly turned the nozzle back to the right and the flow stopped. Instead, I settled on letting my hair hang naturally (cleaning myself with a flick of the wand), and changing into the clothes I had set out for myself the day before, when I hadn't intended to stay in my pajamas all day. I quickly pulled the black t-shirt (an appropriate color) over my head and reached for my makeup bag, but pulled my hand away. There was no need to try to impress anyone now. I concealed the wand in my pocket, it was thin enough so that if I put my hand on my side, I couldn't even feel it.
I came out of the bathroom slowly, wondering if I was doing the right thing by agreeing to go on a walk with him. So, he had given me my chances before, but I hadn't gone off and married anyone before, either.
"Are you ready?" He was up from the couch, leaning against the wall next to the mirror, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. The mask had disappeared, replaced by the usual, mystical swirling mist. I wondered if anything had been said, I silently hoped not.
"Almost," I quietly replied, bending for Sheep's leash. "Hold on." I quickly fastened the clip to Sheep's collar, noticing that he had smudged of chocolate smeared across his face, and my box of chocolates was now empty. Dang thing had eaten them all. Sensing me frustration, he led me out the front door in my silent, pleading urgings to get away from the man to my side. Andrew followed me, catching up to walk by my side as we strode to the entrance of the trailer park, Sheep straining at his leash as a pigeon waddled by.
"Gwen, I…"
"Wait for the city park," I interrupted, glancing around over my shoulders. "I'd rather get away from here before we start talking. I think I've already been labeled cheap by the entire trailer park, I don't need to start being called a home-wrecker, too."
"You're not cheap at all," he said quietly, beginning to continue, but I shot him a foreboding look and he became silent again.
It was about a ten minute walk to the city park, ten awkward minutes too long, and I welcomed the beautiful green trees and grass, the fresh, crisp air devoid of fumes and fairy dust. It had been a while before I'd seen a place this…alive.
"It's nice, isn't it?" he said. This time I couldn't shoot him down, because we were actually at the park. I missed the excuse.
I settled on an unenthused "yeah".
"You ran away too soon, last night," he added as we passed a few uniformed magi-officers, in the area for who-knew-what. Two of them were talking casually by a large maple tree, looking a bit bored.
"That's good to know," I said. "So I would have ran away, anyway, no matter if it was later."
"No, that's not what I meant." Andrew sighed, and Sheep decided to randomly plunge into a little-used trail. I decided to follow him. Might as well, it was too difficult to drag him back onto the dirt path. "Gwen," he continued. "You didn't let me finish. I married Snow White…"
"Yes," I interrupted, annoyed, wondering if he had taken me out here just to rub it in. "I believe we've already established that."
"Gwen!" He was sounding a bit perturbed himself, though I didn't believe he had a right to. "Let me finish. Anyway, you know about the blessing, you said so yourself. And you know that there's no way to be released from a blessing, or a curse, unless the fairy that put it upon you takes it away."
"Yeah, I figured." Sheep stopped suddenly in front of me, becoming particularly interested in a piece of grass, and I bumped into him. Andrew, who had been walking slightly behind me on the narrow trail, in turn bumped into my side and I flinched from his contact. Sheep bleated happily at his discovery.
"Well, I thought I'd get it over with," Andrew sighed with a hint of finality.
"That doesn't help our case any." I stared at my pet, refusing to meet Andrew's gaze or even his big toe. He was completely out of my line of sight.
"But it does," he replied. "I'd rather have the big bumps in the beginning of a relationship than later, when they're harder to smooth out."
"I don't know what relationship you speak of." I nudged Sheep onward, and begrudgingly obliged.
"Gwen, don't do this." He caught me by the arm, but I hastily pulled it away.
"Don't do what?" I stopped, turned and was jerked backward by the pet that wanted to continue forward. "Whatever I'm doing, I think I have to perfect right to be doing it, whether you say so or not."
"Gwen, I want this to work."
"Forget it," I replied, my mouth drawn as I finally dared to meet his hazel eyes, which I had once found so beautiful. They still held their beauty, but I knew that those eyes could never be there staring into mine when I would wake up in the morning, the last thing I would see before I went to sleep at night. "I don't associate with married men."
I began to turn back around, but Andrew again caught my arm and didn't let me pull away.
"I'm not married."
"Don't pull this crap with me!" I exclaimed, fighting the urge to loop Sheep's leash around Andrew's neck. "I'm not stupid."
"I know."
"Then what am I?"
"You're amazing."
He had caught me off guard, but I recovered quickly. "If I'm so amazing, don't lie to me."
"I'm not lying."
"Prove it."
He held up his left hand, which was devoid of any ring, wedding or otherwise. Still, that was no proof.
"I married her," he said calmly, his hand inching toward mine while I tried to pull mine away. "And I divorced her three hours later. She didn't object, she was more than happy to go back home to her dwarves. We weren't even married for the night. I didn't even kiss her."
I stared at him for a minute, mouth hanging slightly ajar. The silence was overtaken by the gross sound of Sheep chewing noisily on a new patch of grass. I couldn't help but laugh, a slightly bitter laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.
"You're kidding me."
"No." His pensive look was overtaken by a grin of relief. "I'm serious. You're an odd girl, Gwen, when you freaked out by the lake I thought you were just having an episode, and you would get over it. I mean, I was angry at you, and that's one of the things that kind of pushed the wedding forward." He took a long, drawn out breath. "But I still had hope, hope for us. And I thought that marrying Snow White and then divorcing her would be more acceptable then when…if…we got into our own relationship and the curse came along to ruin it."
He had a point.
And I believed him.
Before I could reply, Sheep had plowed in the opposite direction from where we were going and was waddling quickly back to the dirt road. I shrugged at Andrew and we followed along in silence.
Then he took my hand, and I didn't pull it away.
"It's all right," I whispered, leaning in toward him as we walked quickly behind me chronically dumb pet. "It's all right, Andrew. Everything will be all right."
I felt his lips on the back of my hand. They felt odd, foreign.
"Are you okay with dating a divorced man?" he whispered into my ear, the tickle of his breath on my neck seeming like something I had felt while deeply lost in an old romance movie.
"Yes," I answered. It was hard to believe that just a few minutes ago I had hated him, had cringed at his touch. Now, it seemed like there was nothing more wonderful in the world than his hand in mine. I felt dizzy, ungrounded, tossed about on a dingy in a wild storm or something like that. It didn't feel like it was happening to me. "But it feels weird."
I heard him chuckle and he let go of my hand, moving his to circle my waist and rest on my hip.
"I believe you," he said, easing up from his whisper.
"You believe me about what?"
"That everything will be all right," he replied with a steady, gorgeous grin.
We reached the road in sort of an odd, puzzling silence. I still felt detached, part of an old moving picture show, watching so intently that I felt I had become part of it, the mild looking girl that the powerful, handsome man fell for. It was unreal.
We were both smiling.
We had reached the oak tree, where the two officers still stood, lazing dully against the tree, when Andrew caught both of my hands and pulled me to face him. Sheep lingered in between our feet, threatening to trip us if we tried anything affectionate. I could see the two officers out of the corner of my eye, watching with amusement as they waited for love show that they apparently thought would happen soon.
"Gwen, there's something I want to ask you," Andrew said quietly, his signature dark waves falling in front of his eyes. My eyes now…
Then I heard a retching sound.
"Oh no…" I moaned, looking down. The box of chocolates had apparently gotten to Sheep's stomach, and he had thrown up all over Andrew's nice, formerly shiny shoes. "Oh no," I moaned again. "Andrew, I'm so sorry."
He looked a bit pale. "Please…please clean it up. I'm not comfortable…"
Oh great. This was like one of those horror date moments in teen magazines, except for me throwing up on my date, my pet sheep had, and not only was it gross, but the boy was also mortified of puke.
Life is wonderful.
I remembered that I had put the wand in my pocket with widening eyes. The wand! I could clean off his shoes!
"Hold on," I said steadily as his face became steadily greener. "I can clean it up. Just a second."
I pulled my wand out of my pocket and Andrew's eyes became wide. "Gwen, don't!"
Two loud voices broke our mortifying moment, making it more mortifying by the minute. "FREEZE! Drop the weapon and don't move!"
"Weapon?"
"Drop the wand, Gwen," Andrew said out of the corner of his mouth, raising his arms in the air. I kept the wand in my grasp but lifted my arms, too, hoping that would at least pacify them. Sheep sat by our feet, looking a bit confused.
"What's going on?" I asked, a bit dazed. The two officers, one tall and red-headed, the other stocky and balding, approached us. One was talking loudly, and the other came around behind us. My hands floated down behind my back, as if pulled by invisible hands, and I felt my wrists lock together without the help of cold metal, the wand left between my index finger and thumb. Not like it would help, I had no idea how to undo magical handcuffs.
"You are under arrest in violation of Law #3198. Under no such circumstances should unauthorized wands purchased by a citizen be displayed in public or private, sold, bought, borrowed, or made, under punishment by law."
"But I didn't know…"
"Silence," the red-headed man held out his hand, and my mouth shut. "Take them both down for questioning, the guy's an accomplice. Might as well take the mutt, too."
I sensed he meant Sheep.
I felt the ground lurch underneath me, and I blinked, fortunately still able to feel Andrew's presence beside me and Sheep pressing against me ankle. The clear blue skies and tall green trees had disappeared, replaced by the dingy gray walls of a jail cell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please review (and don't forget to check out the trailer! wonk.vze.com)