A/N: Wow, more readers! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and especially to
the people who made suggestions. I might not be able to take all of them,
but they did set my mind turning in very interesting ways, as this chapter
will probably make clear. So without further ado, here's the story.
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Dudley was starting to get over his fright. He had to admit that when that freaky-looking wizard had showed up at his house this morning, he'd been a little nervous. And who could blame him? Five years ago Hagrid had given him a pig's tail that had to be surgically removed. And then two years ago the Weasley twins had somehow swollen his tongue. And none of those people had even been fully-trained wizards! If they could harm him so easily, who knew what Dumbledore could do to him? No, he was perfectly right in being afraid. Even his mother had been afraid, and she was never afraid of anything, as far as he could tell.
It had started out to be such a good day. Dudley had been so happy to be on holiday from Smeltings and back home at Number 4 Privet Drive. It always pleased him to be there alone with his mummy and daddy, without that horrible Harry to mess everything up the way he always did. He knew Harry would be on holiday as well in a few weeks, so he wanted to make the most of this time while it lasted. His things were all spread out in his second bedroom, just as they'd always been before Harry'd started sleeping there. He'd reunited with his gang and had been pleased to slip into the role of "Big D" once more. Mumsy had even made him bacon for breakfast this morning. Everything had been just perfect before they'd heard that bang out in the garden, and then the knock at the door.
But that was then, and now that he'd had a few hours to adjust to the situation, fear was starting to be replaced by boredom. How big and boring was this school anyway? And were they really going to have to inspect every millimeter of it? The tour seemed to be taking forever, and nothing he'd seen so far had been of the slightest interest. Well, he did have to admit that the moving portraits lining the walls were kind of cool. He'd gotten into a shouting match with one just to break the monotony! But that only lasted a few minutes before Mumsy put a stop to it, saying she didn't want him to get hurt. Honestly, she was so overprotective of him sometimes.
Dudley realized that while he'd been thinking these things he'd fallen behind the rest of the tour group. He could still see them up ahead, and at the snail's pace they were traveling, it would be quite a while before they were out of his sight completely. This might be a good time to do a little exploring on his own!
He ducked off down a side corridor that hadn't been part of the tour, certain that he'd find something of interest that they'd hoped to hide from Muggle eyes. Unfortunately, after a few minutes of fruitless searching he discovered that this hallway was even more boring than they one he'd just come from. Nothing down here at all but a disused set of lavatories and some very faint red graffiti on the wall. Ha! Even Hogwarts must have its pranksters, thought they'd obviously tried to hide the evidence from the visitors.
He'd turned around and was about to make his way back to the main tour when he heard a giggle behind him. A girl down here alone with him? Well, that certainly made things a bit more interesting. He smoothed back his blond hair and checked his fly before turning around again. "Hi there!" he said in his suavest voice. Then he got the first look at the girl. She was pretty enough, if you didn't mind the glasses and the smirk on her face. She had dark hair in pigtails and was wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Oddly enough, she seemed to be in black-and-white and also seemed to be floating a few inches above the ground. And could she really be translucent? Oh, well, he supposed it was just some sort of spell or something. Probably just showing off her magical skill for the Muggles. "What's your name?" he asked without skipping a beat.
"Myrtle," she said, and giggled again. "What's yours?"
"Dudley," he said, "But most people call me Big D."
"Well, most people call me Moaning Myrtle, but you don't hear me bragging about that," she said, somehow managing to sound embarrassed and haughty at the same time.
"Moaning Myrtle, eh?" he asked with a lascivious grin. "Is that because ." He leaned forward and whispered something suggestive into her ear.
She let out an angry shriek and slapped him across the face. From the force she used it should have hurt, and yet he didn't feel anything at all except a slight coldness. Odd, that. Must have been another spell. Girls couldn't manage to stay angry at Big D for long, that was sure.
She glided angrily through the door to the girls' bathroom. (Glided through the door? Must be more magic.) But then, sure enough, she came back in a few moments with a mischievous grin on her face. "Dudley," she said very sweetly, "there's something I'd like to show you in here."
His eyes widened and he gulped. "But that's the girls' bathroom." He fumbled with his bow tie, which suddenly seemed much too tight. There could be only one reason why she'd want him to come with her into a disused girls' lavatory. But no girl had ever been so forward with him before. Still, he couldn't have her thinking that the Big D was inexperienced or something. He straightened up and said smoothly, "Just show me the way." He didn't see Myrtle rolling her eyes behind his back.
She led him over to the sinks. "Stand right here with me and look in the mirror," she said. "I want to whisper something to you." She seemed to be trying very hard to remember something, and then she whispered something that he couldn't quite understand. It certainly didn't seem to be in English. It was more like a sort of hissing.
And then something Dudley couldn't explain at all happened. The sinks started moving, reconfiguring somehow, until he was standing right in front of a gaping hole. Myrtle cackled in a most vindictive way. "Let's see how you like the Chamber of Secrets, then, why don't we?" She shoved him hard.
Unfortunately, her anger had made Myrtle forget two things: one, she was a ghost and could only manipulate small amounts of matter, and two, Dudley weighed much, much more than the average Hogwarts student. Her shove didn't send him plummeting down the hole to the Chamber of Secrets as she'd hoped. It only knocked him off balance for a second. But it was enough to scare Dudley half to death. He ran out of that bathroom and up the long corridor as fast as his legs could carry him, screaming bloody murder all the while.
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Harry and Hermione had been looking for Dudley ever since his mother had finally noticed him missing. Certain that he couldn't have gone too far and anxious that no one find out that she'd lost a Muggle from right under her nose, Hermione had insisted that they not tell Dumbledore or any of the teachers but just find him themselves. They'd been retracing their steps for about 10 minutes when they suddenly heard a horrible screaming.
"Is that Dudley's voice?" Hermione asked.
Harry nodded. If there was one thing he'd heard way too much of in his childhood, it was Dudley's screaming. He was always either afraid of something or having a temper tantrum.
"Judging from the Doppler Effect, he's running pretty fast. Faster than I thought possible," Hermione said in her Miss Know-It-All voice. "And he should be here about . now." Sure enough, Dudley bounded around the corner at exactly that moment.
"What happened to you, Dudley Dursley?" Hermione scolded. "Just where do you think you were?"
"I just got separated from the group," he stammered. "And then I met this really strange girl who slapped me and tried to push me."
Harry was mortified. He was sure that Dudley had probably done more than enough to provoke such actions. Now he was going to have to apologize to some girl for him. Hopefully she wasn't a Slytherin. "Did you get her name, Dudley?" he asked.
"Yeah," Dudley said. "It was Myrtle. Moaning Myrtle."
Both Harry and Hermione looked visibly relieved. "Oh, Myrtle is rude to everyone," Hermione said. "She's still upset about her murder. I wonder if she'll have calmed down in another 50 years?"
Dudley blanched and his voice came out in a squeak. "50 years? Murder? You mean, she's a ghost?" I've been flirting with a ghost, he thought silently. He'd never live this down if anyone ever found out.
Hermione looked at her watch. "We've no time for explanations now," she said. "It's after noon. Lunch has already started. We've got to get there right away if we have any hopes at all of getting a seat or something to eat."
A few minutes of fast walking later, they were in front of the Great Hall. Harry was impressed, and also horrified, by how much more fit Dudley seemed. The diet and boxing lessons had finally paid off. Unfortunately, this meant that instead of a slow, lumbering bully of a cousin, he now had a quick, muscular bully of a cousin. Not a good development, now that he thought about it.
Dudley was only thinking about food. Breakfast had been so long ago and he'd done so much walking and running since then. The table where they'd sat that morning was crowded, and most of the food was already gone. But there was another table that was almost empty and was still laden with plenty of trays of hot food. He walked over to it, licking his lips in anticipation.
Harry and Hermione had sat down at the Gryffindor table before they realized that Dudley was gone again. At first Harry was afraid that they'd lost him somewhere along the way to the Great Hall, but then he noticed that Hermione was mutely pointing. He looked up, afraid of what he might see. "No, it's impossible," he whispered.
"It's possible," Hermione said bitterly. "Dudley Dursley is sitting at the Slytherin table."
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Dudley was starting to get over his fright. He had to admit that when that freaky-looking wizard had showed up at his house this morning, he'd been a little nervous. And who could blame him? Five years ago Hagrid had given him a pig's tail that had to be surgically removed. And then two years ago the Weasley twins had somehow swollen his tongue. And none of those people had even been fully-trained wizards! If they could harm him so easily, who knew what Dumbledore could do to him? No, he was perfectly right in being afraid. Even his mother had been afraid, and she was never afraid of anything, as far as he could tell.
It had started out to be such a good day. Dudley had been so happy to be on holiday from Smeltings and back home at Number 4 Privet Drive. It always pleased him to be there alone with his mummy and daddy, without that horrible Harry to mess everything up the way he always did. He knew Harry would be on holiday as well in a few weeks, so he wanted to make the most of this time while it lasted. His things were all spread out in his second bedroom, just as they'd always been before Harry'd started sleeping there. He'd reunited with his gang and had been pleased to slip into the role of "Big D" once more. Mumsy had even made him bacon for breakfast this morning. Everything had been just perfect before they'd heard that bang out in the garden, and then the knock at the door.
But that was then, and now that he'd had a few hours to adjust to the situation, fear was starting to be replaced by boredom. How big and boring was this school anyway? And were they really going to have to inspect every millimeter of it? The tour seemed to be taking forever, and nothing he'd seen so far had been of the slightest interest. Well, he did have to admit that the moving portraits lining the walls were kind of cool. He'd gotten into a shouting match with one just to break the monotony! But that only lasted a few minutes before Mumsy put a stop to it, saying she didn't want him to get hurt. Honestly, she was so overprotective of him sometimes.
Dudley realized that while he'd been thinking these things he'd fallen behind the rest of the tour group. He could still see them up ahead, and at the snail's pace they were traveling, it would be quite a while before they were out of his sight completely. This might be a good time to do a little exploring on his own!
He ducked off down a side corridor that hadn't been part of the tour, certain that he'd find something of interest that they'd hoped to hide from Muggle eyes. Unfortunately, after a few minutes of fruitless searching he discovered that this hallway was even more boring than they one he'd just come from. Nothing down here at all but a disused set of lavatories and some very faint red graffiti on the wall. Ha! Even Hogwarts must have its pranksters, thought they'd obviously tried to hide the evidence from the visitors.
He'd turned around and was about to make his way back to the main tour when he heard a giggle behind him. A girl down here alone with him? Well, that certainly made things a bit more interesting. He smoothed back his blond hair and checked his fly before turning around again. "Hi there!" he said in his suavest voice. Then he got the first look at the girl. She was pretty enough, if you didn't mind the glasses and the smirk on her face. She had dark hair in pigtails and was wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Oddly enough, she seemed to be in black-and-white and also seemed to be floating a few inches above the ground. And could she really be translucent? Oh, well, he supposed it was just some sort of spell or something. Probably just showing off her magical skill for the Muggles. "What's your name?" he asked without skipping a beat.
"Myrtle," she said, and giggled again. "What's yours?"
"Dudley," he said, "But most people call me Big D."
"Well, most people call me Moaning Myrtle, but you don't hear me bragging about that," she said, somehow managing to sound embarrassed and haughty at the same time.
"Moaning Myrtle, eh?" he asked with a lascivious grin. "Is that because ." He leaned forward and whispered something suggestive into her ear.
She let out an angry shriek and slapped him across the face. From the force she used it should have hurt, and yet he didn't feel anything at all except a slight coldness. Odd, that. Must have been another spell. Girls couldn't manage to stay angry at Big D for long, that was sure.
She glided angrily through the door to the girls' bathroom. (Glided through the door? Must be more magic.) But then, sure enough, she came back in a few moments with a mischievous grin on her face. "Dudley," she said very sweetly, "there's something I'd like to show you in here."
His eyes widened and he gulped. "But that's the girls' bathroom." He fumbled with his bow tie, which suddenly seemed much too tight. There could be only one reason why she'd want him to come with her into a disused girls' lavatory. But no girl had ever been so forward with him before. Still, he couldn't have her thinking that the Big D was inexperienced or something. He straightened up and said smoothly, "Just show me the way." He didn't see Myrtle rolling her eyes behind his back.
She led him over to the sinks. "Stand right here with me and look in the mirror," she said. "I want to whisper something to you." She seemed to be trying very hard to remember something, and then she whispered something that he couldn't quite understand. It certainly didn't seem to be in English. It was more like a sort of hissing.
And then something Dudley couldn't explain at all happened. The sinks started moving, reconfiguring somehow, until he was standing right in front of a gaping hole. Myrtle cackled in a most vindictive way. "Let's see how you like the Chamber of Secrets, then, why don't we?" She shoved him hard.
Unfortunately, her anger had made Myrtle forget two things: one, she was a ghost and could only manipulate small amounts of matter, and two, Dudley weighed much, much more than the average Hogwarts student. Her shove didn't send him plummeting down the hole to the Chamber of Secrets as she'd hoped. It only knocked him off balance for a second. But it was enough to scare Dudley half to death. He ran out of that bathroom and up the long corridor as fast as his legs could carry him, screaming bloody murder all the while.
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Harry and Hermione had been looking for Dudley ever since his mother had finally noticed him missing. Certain that he couldn't have gone too far and anxious that no one find out that she'd lost a Muggle from right under her nose, Hermione had insisted that they not tell Dumbledore or any of the teachers but just find him themselves. They'd been retracing their steps for about 10 minutes when they suddenly heard a horrible screaming.
"Is that Dudley's voice?" Hermione asked.
Harry nodded. If there was one thing he'd heard way too much of in his childhood, it was Dudley's screaming. He was always either afraid of something or having a temper tantrum.
"Judging from the Doppler Effect, he's running pretty fast. Faster than I thought possible," Hermione said in her Miss Know-It-All voice. "And he should be here about . now." Sure enough, Dudley bounded around the corner at exactly that moment.
"What happened to you, Dudley Dursley?" Hermione scolded. "Just where do you think you were?"
"I just got separated from the group," he stammered. "And then I met this really strange girl who slapped me and tried to push me."
Harry was mortified. He was sure that Dudley had probably done more than enough to provoke such actions. Now he was going to have to apologize to some girl for him. Hopefully she wasn't a Slytherin. "Did you get her name, Dudley?" he asked.
"Yeah," Dudley said. "It was Myrtle. Moaning Myrtle."
Both Harry and Hermione looked visibly relieved. "Oh, Myrtle is rude to everyone," Hermione said. "She's still upset about her murder. I wonder if she'll have calmed down in another 50 years?"
Dudley blanched and his voice came out in a squeak. "50 years? Murder? You mean, she's a ghost?" I've been flirting with a ghost, he thought silently. He'd never live this down if anyone ever found out.
Hermione looked at her watch. "We've no time for explanations now," she said. "It's after noon. Lunch has already started. We've got to get there right away if we have any hopes at all of getting a seat or something to eat."
A few minutes of fast walking later, they were in front of the Great Hall. Harry was impressed, and also horrified, by how much more fit Dudley seemed. The diet and boxing lessons had finally paid off. Unfortunately, this meant that instead of a slow, lumbering bully of a cousin, he now had a quick, muscular bully of a cousin. Not a good development, now that he thought about it.
Dudley was only thinking about food. Breakfast had been so long ago and he'd done so much walking and running since then. The table where they'd sat that morning was crowded, and most of the food was already gone. But there was another table that was almost empty and was still laden with plenty of trays of hot food. He walked over to it, licking his lips in anticipation.
Harry and Hermione had sat down at the Gryffindor table before they realized that Dudley was gone again. At first Harry was afraid that they'd lost him somewhere along the way to the Great Hall, but then he noticed that Hermione was mutely pointing. He looked up, afraid of what he might see. "No, it's impossible," he whispered.
"It's possible," Hermione said bitterly. "Dudley Dursley is sitting at the Slytherin table."