TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day
PAIRING: R/J
SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)
SPOILERS: None that I know of
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.
RATING: R (well, still PG)
A/N: Thanks for the reviews, it's so much fun reading them! Especially laura mariano and LitJJAiken, I loved your reviews. Good to see you guys like this… And I'll be using flashbacks probably throughout this story, I think they give good and essential insight into things. And the flashbacks were all supposed to be in italics, but somehow it doesn't seem to work here… Anyway, here is chapter three, hope you like it. And even if you don't, send me feedback and let me know!:)
Chapter Three
*Jess and Cate's apartment, Friday 9pm*
Jess was sitting in his study, grateful for the fact that Cate had finally left for work and he got to be alone. He needed some time to think, and he needed to do it without any interruptions. He hadn't slept much last night, he'd lied in bed awake, trying to comprehend the situation he had unexpectedly found himself in.
The room was dim, the window was covered by blinds which kept the sunlight out. Jess liked sitting in the dark, he could never write in the bright daylight. He looked around in the room, it didn't have much furniture, just a desk, a few chairs and shelves to cover all the walls. The shelves were pretty empty, Jess hadn't bought that many books while he was travelling, there wasn't really any point in buying anything else than paperbacks since he was on the move constantly. When he had left the US he had given all his books to Rory. He didn't know anyone else who'd appreciate them as much as she did, and he wanted her to have something that would remind her of him, as selfish as it was.
Jess was tired, his eyelids were heavy. He took a look at his book, and browsed through it, once in a while stopping to read a few lines. How many times had he asked himself if he had made the biggest mistake of his life by leaving all that time ago? He had tried going to college, he had spent a year at Hartford Community College, but it hadn't felt right. He had needed to do something different, even if it meant he couldn't be with Rory.
He had been pretty sure he'd never see Rory again. And he had thought that if he happened to run into her sometime, he'd somehow be able to handle it. But going to her home and seeing her with her husband had been like a slap on his face. He hadn't been prepared, he hadn't been prepared at all. When he left years ago, he had told her not to wait for him to come back. He had been honest and said he didn't know what was going to happen. He might be back or might not. He had admitted that he really didn't even know why he was leaving, he just felt a need to go. He and Rory had never fought about his leaving. Rory had understood that he was different, and for him college wasn't the natural choice like it was for her. But still, it hadn't made the separation any easier for either of them. He knew he had broken her heart, but neither of them was willing to take the risk of him staying and then later on possibly blaming Rory for missing out on something he had really needed to do.
Jess sat in his study for a few hours, remembering and thinking. Finally he went to the bedroom, and sat on the bedside until he was so tired he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.
*Friday, 2pm*
Rory had got off work earlier, she had told Bill she had a really bad headache and since she had been working so much lately, he was glad to let her go home a bit earlier than normal. Rory opened the door to the quiet apartment and after she had closed it behind her, she kicked off her shoes and dropped her coat on the floor. She usually hated it when Pete was away for the weekend, but now she just wanted to be alone. Since last night, she had waited for this moment, a chance to be alone.
She went to the kitchen and opened the fridge door. She hadn't eaten anything all day, she had felt sick, she had had no appetite whatsoever. The fridge had leftovers from the dinner and Rory looked at them for a while. Then she closed the door and sat down on the floor. She leaned her back against a cupboard and stared into the distance. She had looked at Cate in the office today. She had realised that Cate was Jess's fiancée. That meant Jess loved Cate. Jess made love to Cate. Jess touched Cate the way he used to touch her. Rory buried her face in her hands. She hadn't cried for him in years, but right now she couldn't stop the tears.
*5pm*
The phone was ringing when Rory got off the shower. She grabbed a towel and ran to the bedroom to answer it.
"Hello" she said breathing hard and sat on the bed with water dripping from her hair
"Hey Rory, it's Lane"
"Oh hey. Look, do you mind if I call you back in a few minutes, I just came from the shower"
"Sure" Lane replied and after putting the phone down, Rory went back to the bathroom.
She was standing in front of the mirror, she put the towel around her hair and pulled on a bathrobe. She looked like hell, but hey, that's what two hours of crying did to you.
Rory went to the bedroom again and sat on the bedside. Since last night she had simply felt mad. She couldn't understand that this was happening. This couldn't be happening. This was like some cruel joke. She had no idea about what to do. Maybe I just need to talk about it to clear my mind, she thought to herself and grabbed the phone dialling Lane's number.
"I didn't really have anything to talk about" she heard Lane's voice on the other end of the phone.
"Don't worry, I do" Rory said and laughed ironically.
"Is everything okay?"
"It depends on your point of view. Cate, a new colleague from work came to dinner last night with her fiancé. Guess who the fiancé was?"
Lane had no idea. How could she?
"Jess"
Rory said his name slowly, as if to make sure that Lane really understood who it was. There was a silence, then Lane asked her to say it again.
"Jess is engaged to Cate. They met while he was in Italy two years ago and now they've moved to New York"
"Jess? I can't believe it"
"Yea, well, believe me"
Again there was silence. Lane was sitting in her living room trying to figure this out. What were the odds that Jess would come back into Rory's life? Especially now that she was married and he was engaged. Lane couldn't imagine Jess engaged, at least not to anyone else but Rory. Ages ago, when Rory and Jess were still together, Lane had actually began to like Jess, she had seen that he and Rory were really good together. But then he had said he had to go. Lane had watched how Rory buried herself in studying and working. Rory and Jess had agreed that she wouldn't wait for him, but for two years she had been waiting for him to come back. Rory had never admitted that but Lane knew her. Finally she had realised that he was gone for good, and then, fortunately, she had met Pete. And now Jess was back.
"So how do you feel about it?" Lane said quietly, she had no idea what Rory's response would be.
"How do you think? Cate had realised that I was his ex-girlfriend, but didn't tell that to either of us because she wanted it to be a surprise. And it was, it took me five minutes to say a word"
Lane chuckled slightly while Rory fell on her back on the bed.
"And?"
"And?"
"Rory, I know it was a long time ago, but I know how much you loved him"
"Yea" Rory's voice was barely audible.
She didn't really know what to say to Lane. Her thoughts on the subject were everything but clear.
"I don't know"
"Did you talk to him? I mean properly, alone"
"We managed to talk for a few minutes, he said he was sorry for the surprise"
"How did Pete react?" Lane asked sounding a bit worried. In the end Pete had been the one who dragged Rory away from Jess, symbolically that is.
"He… He was okay with it. Worried about me, but otherwise just fine" Rory wasn't sure if she should tell Lane that she had just been crying, feeling devastated because Jess loved someone else. It wasn't like she herself even knew why.
"So, you had nothing you wanted to talk about?" Rory asked trying her best to sound casual
"No, not really. Just wanted to let you know that I'll be coming on Wednesday morning"
"Great, sounds good. Do you realise it's been over a month since we've last seen each other"
"Yea, it has. Well, we'll just have to make up for all the lost time when I get there"
"I'm sure we will" Rory said giggling and after a few more words the girls finished the conversation.
Rory went to the kitchen finally feeling like she could eat something. Thinking about it, she had barely slept at all, she hadn't eaten since last night. That was probably why she was being so emotional. She was over Jess, she had been for years. She had moved on, she was happy now and her life was great. Why she had been so devastated to realise that Jess actually loved Cate, she didn't know. It had probably just been a temporary moment of insanity, caused by shock… or something.
In Chicago Lane was still sitting down thinking that this was going to be interesting. And not necessarily in a good way.
*Rory and Pete's apartment, Saturday 7.30pm*
Rory was lying on the couch with a book in her hands. It was an old one, it was Jess's. Oliver Twist. She hadn't read that book in years, not after she'd got together with Pete.
The doorbell rang just as she was starting to feel a little num from lying still for so long. She got up wondering who it was and again she got to experience a shock seeing Jess standing in the corridor.
"Jess!" she said and knew her face revealed her surprise
"Is this a bad time?" he said and looked at her apologetically.
It took Rory a few minutes to respond, again she wished she would have been warned before he came, she felt somehow very unsure of what to do.
"No, I was just reading. Come in, please"
Rory closed the door after Jess and they went to the living room. Rory sat down on the couch while Jess sat on an armchair. He was wearing khakis and a black coat and he looked at Rory somewhat uneasily.
"So, what were you reading?"
Oh great, Rory thought to herself. It was so obvious that she'd been thinking of him when she showed the book cover to Jess. The look in his eyes was softened when he looked at the book, then he smiled and looked at Rory.
"I actually came to bring you some papers that Cate said you needed before Monday" he said and took out some documents laying them down on the table beside his chair. "She would have brought them herself, but she's having a migraine. And I wanted to come and thank you for the other night"
"Oh, well, it was great having you here. Shocking, but…" Rory grinned and was glad to see Jess smirking, too.
It was pretty awful for both of them to realise how uncomfortable they were in each other's company. It seemed neither of them knew what to say and what to do. Every word seemed calculated, and every gesture carefully thought through.
"Actually, I was just thinking that I have something that belongs to you"
Jess looked at Rory slightly curiously and when she got up he followed her to a small room next to the bedroom. It seemed to be her study, and it was a lot like his. A desk, a big armchair and bookshelves. Shelves filled with books.
"Wow" Jess said and smiled slightly looking around.
"These are yours" Rory said and pointed at the shelves on one wall.
Jess turned and looked at the books, then at Rory and again at the books. Yea, they were his books. He remembered all of them. He remembered where he'd got them ages ago and where their places had been, first at Luke's and then at his dorm in college.
"They're yours now, Rory. You've had them longer than I ever did" he said and looked at her seriously.
"No, they're not mine. I know how much you loved these books, Jess. They're yours"
Jess looked at the books again and took a deep breath. Rory sat down on the desk and looked at him attentively.
"You know, I've always felt like I have a piece of you with me when I have these" Rory said quietly. "I think you need to take them with you"
Rory seemed serious. Things were just so mixed up, although everything should have been okay. They had both moved on, their relationship was in the past, but still… Jess was right there.
Jess looked at her and found himself really confused. Rory was sitting there on that desk. She was Rory, the same Rory she had always been. It didn't seem possible that it had been seven years since he'd last seen her. It felt like it had been yesterday.
Jess continued staring at her and Rory stared back at him, neither were really aware of their actions. If things were okay, then why did they both feel like their lives had suddenly turned upside down?
~Flashback~
"Is it possible? For me not to wait"
He was standing behind Rory, she was sitting on the steps of the porch. Her words made him hold his breath.
"I don't know how it could be" he said and sat down next to her. "But it has to be"
Rory looked at him, the look in her eyes was blurry. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he draped an arm around her.
"I don't understand how it could be possible for me to stop loving you just because I can't see you. If I stopped loving you like that, then this wouldn't have been love at all"
Jess listened to her and wondered why the hell he was doing this. This was a person he worshipped, he would have died for her and still he was leaving her.
"You do believe that I love you?"
"Yes" Rory whispered and took a deep breath.
Jess wanted to say he wouldn't go. He didn't want to go. It was like something beyond him was forcing him to leave, and he didn't understand what it was.
"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds"
While he said the words he felt Rory tremble lightly beside him. He pulled her closer, but he felt that no matter how close she was to him, it was never enough. He couldn't get enough of her.
~End of flashback~
"Rory?" Jess said when he came back to earth.
"Yea" she said and turned her gaze to the books again. The tone of his voice made her heart race, it made her want to
get away.
"I'm sorry"
Rory was scared to look at him. She was afraid that he'd see the pain in her eyes. Although there wasn't supposed to be any pain left.
"You don't have to be sorry" she said trying to sound reassuring
"I hurt you, Rory"
"Not intentionally" she replied and now she looked at him.
The silence surrounding them was at the same time comforting and unbearable. It seemed they communicated not by speaking but with gestures and their eyes. They were both afraid to use words, maybe because there were no words. And even if there would have been, they didn't know which words should have been used.
The doorbell rang. Rory got up and went to the door of the study. Then she turned, only to see Jess looking down, the expression on his face was pained. She closed her eyes for a minute, then got out of the room and took a deep breath as she opened the front door.
"Mel!" she said surprised as her friend hurried past her into the living room.
Mel threw herself on the couch.
"My date cancelled on me! The idiot!" she cried out and rolled her eyes.
Rory couldn't help but smile, but when Mel looked at her again, she tried her best to look sorry for her. Mel had at least three dates every week and usually she was the one doing the dumping.
"I'm sorry, Mel. The guy was probably an idiot"
"I just said he was" Mel said and sighed. "Anyway, I thought that since you're home I could come and pester you.
"That was very nice of you" Rory said and then saw Jess entering the room from the study.
Mel saw the look on her face and turned to see Jess who was now standing in the middle of the room.
"I didn't know you had company" she said and swiftly got up.
"Yea, this is Jess. He's Cate's fiancé and an old friend of mine. And this is Melanie, one of my best friends and a colleague"
The look on Mel's face was definitely worth seeing. It was a mixture of amazement, curiousness and confusion. Actually, she looked like she could choke any minute.
"Hey, Jess. Nice to meet you" she finally said when she went to him and reached out her hand.
The two shook hands and Jess smiled at Mel slightly then glancing at Rory quickly.
"I was actually on my way out" he said and took a few steps toward the door. "It was nice to meet you, Melanie"
Jess and Rory went to the front door and stopped before Jess opened the door. They looked at each other silently, very aware of the fact that Mel was staring at them further away.
"You'll come and get those books sometime?" Rory said and looked at him kindly.
"We'll see about that later" Jess said and opened the door.
"I never really congratulated you on your book. Being published and all. What's the book about?"
Jess didn't say anything for a while, then he shook his head and said it was hard to explain.
"You'll just have to wait until it's finally published"
"Well, I wouldn't miss it for the world" Rory said and smiled. "And tell Cate I hope she feels better soon"
"I will. Good night, Rory"
"Good night, Jess" she replied when she watched him step out to the corridor and close the door behind
It took Mel just about a second to run to Rory. Mel was excited, it looked like she wanted to scream.
"I can't believe this! I mean that's just why I came here. Cate said that his fiancé was your ex-boyfriend and that she'd surprised both of you and then I figured it had to be Jess and it was!" Mel took a breath after the explosion she'd just let out of her mouth. "He's gorgeous, Rory. This is so exciting! And why was he here?"
Mel was breathless when she followed Rory back to the living room.
"There's nothing exciting about this, Mel. I'm married, he's engaged and we're both happy in our own lives"
Rory sat down on the couch and looked at Melanie looking rather annoyed. Mel was now calmer and more serious. She knew Rory well, and she also knew about Jess. It wasn't something Rory talked about often, but Mel knew exactly how much he had meant to her.
"I saw the way you looked at each other, Rory"
"Drop it, Mel" Rory said without a hint of amusement in her voice.
"So, you're as happy in your life now as you were when you shared your life with him?" the tone of Mel's voice was serious.
"I really don't wanna talk about this, Mel" Rory repeated and her voice was so serious that Mel decided to drop the subject. For now at least.
A/N: "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds", that's Shakespeare, not me, unfortunately…