TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day

PAIRING: R/J

SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)

SPOILERS: None that I know of

DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.

RATING: R (PG again, for a change)

A/N: I've read a lot of great fanfics, but really often the stories don't really concentrate on what the characters are thinking and why they act the way they do. With this story, I'm really trying to bring out what's going on in people's minds and why they make the decisions they do. Therefore the story is moving on rather slowly, so I hope you guys are patient.

And thanks so much for the reviews! I really enjoy reading them, especially when you point out what you've liked (or what you haven't liked) about the story. I'm really happy whenever I see I've got feedback..:)

This chapter has more Jess in it. You asked for it and I hope you like it!

Chapter Five

*Jess and Cate's apartment, Saturday 6.30pm*

Jess pulled on his coat and glanced at himself from the mirror. He took a deep breath after asking Cate if she was ready.

"Just about, give me a minute"

Jess sat down on an armchair in the living room, he felt hot having too much clothes on inside. He shifted himself uncomfortably, in addition to it being too hot, he was anxious and tense. He didn't have a good feeling about this. When Rory had invited Cate and him to have dinner with some of their friends, he'd been surprised. He'd thought Rory didn't want to see him, and he was pretty unsure of the fact whether he wanted to see her. Well, he did want to see her, but in this situation… it was going to be another night sitting across the table to Rory and her husband.

~Flashback~

She was engaged. Rory was engaged. Rory was getting married. He held the phone to his ear, his eyes closed. The silence had lasted for a while when he heard Luke's voice again.

"Jess, are you still there?"

He nodded, and then realising that Luke couldn't actually see it, he mumbled something as a reply.

"Are you okay?"

"Is she…" God, how hard was it to say a few words. "She's happy?"

After a while Luke's reply came and it made Jess both happy and miserable at the same time. "I think so" Luke said.

Jess opened his eyes and stared on to the lake. The water was sparkling in the sunshine, it was so bright that he could hardly see.

"So, you're doing fine? I mean, where are you?"

"In Italy. Lake Garda. But I'll head toward Florence soon, I got a job there for a while"

"Sounds interesting" Luke said and tried to clear his voice quietly.

"I have to go" Jess said slowly, feeling that he couldn't listen to Luke's familiar voice any longer. He took a deep breath before he said the next words. "Don't tell anyone I called"

With that he put the phone down on the table, just as the waitress brought him an espresso. He thanked the woman and then covered his eyes with his hands. He had never hated anyone as much he hated himself right now.

~End of flashback~

Cate tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to see her. She looked beautiful, as always. He got up and helped her put on her coat.

*Rory and Pete's apartment, 7pm*

Rory and Lane were finishing up their makeup in the bedroom. Pete and Mark were still in the kitchen, they had again been in charge of making dinner, the girls had only been responsible for setting the table. It had actually been Lane's idea to have a dinner party. As soon as she had heard that Mark would be able to come to New York for the weekend, she had suggested that they'd have a little get together with friends. Rory had agreed that it would be a great idea, and she had added also Cate and Jess to the guest list, which usually consisted only of her and Pete, Lane and Mark and Mel with her ever-changing date. The fact that also Jess and Cate had been invited had been a surprise to everyone, maybe even to Rory.

"That was the doorbell" Rory said while applying the lip gloss. "I'm gonna get it"

Going to the door, Rory peaked into the kitchen to find Pete and Mark talking lively about sports. She continued to the front door feeling pretty distressed. She knew that if she hadn't invited Jess and Cate the night would have been far more relaxed. But she had invited them. In spite of everything, or maybe just because of everything. 

She took a deep breath while she opened the door and found four people standing in the corridor.

"Come in, please" she said as Cate, Jess, Mel and an unknown man entered the apartment.

Lively conversation soon filled the hallway and Rory withdrew to the living room giving her guests some room. When they all sat down, Mark and Pete came from the kitchen to say hello to everyone. Rory did the introductions after finding out that Mel's date was called Patrick. Rory introduced also Mark and Jess to each other, but while the two men shook hands Mark said that they had actually met each other before.

"Years ago, when I first started dating Lane. That was just before you…" Mark stopped speaking and glanced at Rory quickly not quite sure if he should continue.

He was saved from an uncomfortable situation when Lane entered the room. She almost froze when she saw Jess. He had changed a lot but still he was practically the same as before. Pete went to the kitchen to get some wine for everyone and Lane stood beside Mark and Rory.

"Jess" she said and continued looking at him attentively. 

Jess looked at her and smiled. He had always like Lane, and it seemed to him that eventually Lane had began to like him, too. To both Lane and Rory's surprise he came to kiss Lane's cheek thoughtfully.

"You look great, Lane" he said and smirked in exactly the same way he used to do years ago.

Lane looked at him somewhat amazed, it was a bit of a shock for her too to see him right there, even though she'd known that he was back. He was just so… right there. 

"It's weird to see you back, Jess. But you look great, too"

"And you're married" he said kindly when Lane sat down next to Mark. "I talked with Melanie the other day and she filled me in on your life"

"Yea, things have really changed around here while you've been gone" the seriousness of Lane's voice didn't go unnoticed by anyone.

*10pm*

Lane and Mark had volunteered to clean up after the dinner, and when Rory peaked into the kitchen she found the two cuddling in the dim room. Pete and Patrick had found a joined passion for hockey, and Jess and Cate were talking to Mel until she got up and left the pair by themselves on the couch.

"Rory, could I borrow your computer for a second?" she said and Rory nodded leading Mel to her study and removing some of her papers from the desk to give her more room.

Mel sat down beside the desk, but didn't look at the computer but instead at Rory who had sat down on the armchair.

"I was pretty surprised when you invited Cate and Jess. I though I'd noticed you avoiding Cate at work"

Rory looked at her curiously and then shook her head.

"No, I like Cate"

"So you didn't ask them here just because you wanted to see Jess?"

"No" Rory replied and thought that her voice sounded really strained.

In all honestly, Rory had been avoiding Cate at work. She felt really uncomfortable around her, mainly because… Well, because his fiancé occupied most of her thoughts.

"This is a really strange situation, isn't it?"

Rory looked at Mel and looked like she didn't really get her point.

"There's so much tension in this apartment, even though everyone seems to be getting along so well. Jess isn't really talkative, Pete is acting somewhat weirdly, mostly glancing at Jess pretty frequently. Lane keeps watching you and Jess, and I've been keeping an eye on everyone"

"You make it sound like some murder mystery" Rory said and chuckled. She tried to sound casual, but she knew Mel saw right through her.

"Everyone can see that there's something wrong with this situation. Everything should be okay, and officially it is, but still if you just look around you can see that people are restless"

"And this speech came from our psychoanalyst, Melanie Wiltord" Rory said with an annoyed voice.

"Rory. The facts are here for you to see. And maybe you do see them, but you just won't admit it"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mel" Rory said while getting up to leave the room.

"Cate and Jess aren't getting married"

Rory stopped, but she didn't turn. She needed a minute to process Mel's words.

"Cate said that he'd asked if she wanted to get engaged, but he hadn't asked her to marry him"

Rory turned to look at Mel, the expression on her face was confused. 

"So, if you won't admit it to me, I guess I just have to say it out loud, Rory"

Melanie's voice was so serious that it made Rory stare at her attentively. Rory didn't want to hear her say it, but still she so desperately did. She needed to hear someone say it, although she knew she shouldn't.

"Everything I've heard about you and Jess, and everything I've seen has made me sure. The connection you have with him doesn't end. The kind of love you two share doesn't end. It doesn't end in seven years or twenty years. I know this because I had that connection with John. He's dead and I still love him just as much as I did the day he died"  

Rory looked at Mel seriously. She knew that Mel had really loved John, and that she hadn't really been able to move on after his death.

"I know you, Rory. You try to hide it, and maybe even deny it from yourself, but you love him. You love him more than you love Pete"

After a long silence, Rory finally said "You're wrong" but her voice cracked making her words practically inaudible.

"You have a second chance, Rory. I know people who'd do anything to have a second chance"

Rory left the room, but went straight to the bedroom not being able to be with the others just yet. The room was dark, but Rory saw a figure beside the window. His figure. He turned, he looked at her. She was still standing in the doorway, trying to decide whether she should get out of the room or go further in. The decision wasn't easy, so she remained still.

"I'm sorry for coming here. I just wanted to be alone for a while"

Hearing his voice in the dark room, made shivers run along Rory's body. She took a step forward and said it was okay.

"I wanted to be alone, too" she said as her eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness and she began to see his features better.

They stood still for a while, then he walked toward her. Instinctively Rory pressed herself against the wall, trying to find some support in it. Now she could see him properly, and she swallowed as she felt it harder and harder for her to breath. He took a step closer. He was so close, almost touching her, but he wasn't. Jess saw her shiver as he continued looking at her. He hadn't been this close to her in a long time. He wanted to be even closer, but he couldn't make himself touch her. He remembered what it was like to touch her, he remember exactly how it felt like to touch her. He knew what it was like to miss touching her.

~Flashback~

Jess was lying in bed, it was 5am and the room was slightly chilly. Not that he'd complain, it had been too hot the whole summer. Jess couldn't understand how the Italians managed to sleep at night. He turned to look at Cate. She was sleeping peacefully, her dark hair was messy and she moved slightly in her sleep. She was beautiful, really beautiful. Jess lifted his hand to touch her bare shoulder, he did it gently, careful not to wake her up.

The feel of her skin on his fingertips. He continued looking at her, and then pulled his hand away. The expression on his face was frustrated, he still couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel the way he'd felt before. Ages ago. He shifted himself a little. He closed his eyes, thinking about touching Rory. God, why can't I just forget, he asked himself. Why couldn't he just stop thinking about her, forget what it was like to touch her? But it was all stored in his memory, they way she affected him. The way he felt when he touched her. And the way he felt when she had her arms around him. He'd thought writing the book would help. He'd thought that if he wrote it on a paper, I would disappear from his mind and stop torturing him. But it hadn't. He'd just relived everything. Every insanely happy and painful memory.     

Jess sat up hastily, shaking his head. Stop it, you're gonna go insane, he told himself and then got off the bed. He walked to the living room and opened the door to the tiny balcony. He stepped out and looked at the quiet street below. There were little stores as far as he could see and he read the signs absentmindedly. Then his gaze stopped at one shop, l'oreficeria, a jeweller's. He stared at it, he really needed to stop thinking about her. He needed to move on. After over six years, he had no choice.   

~End of flashback~

Rory's eyes were so incredibly blue. Even in the dark room, he could see how blue they were. The look in her eyes had always seemed so innocent, but now her eyes seemed tired, and restless.

Rory was standing tightly against the wall. His was looking at her so attentively that she felt naked in front of him. She felt he saw right through her and she didn't want him to see her. Mel's words kept playing in her head 'I know people who'd do anything to have a second chance'. Yea, Rory knew people like that, too.  

Jess looked straight into her eyes until she lowered her eyes. She couldn't make herself look at him, it felt like he was blinding her.

"Hey" Lane voice was suddenly extremely loud and Rory turned to see her peaking into the room. "Hope I'm not interrupting, but we were hoping you'd come and fix us some good gin'n tonics" Lane's voice was perky, but the expression on her face was everything but happy.

"Yea, of course" Rory replied with a forced smile and raised her gaze to Jess again.

He nodded slightly, the expression on his face softened as he saw her distress. Jess stepped back to give her more room and without another word she left the room.

*11.00*

The guys had headed out to check out a new pub that had been opened just around the corner. Now that the girls had been left alone, they were lying on the floor with their drinks. By now they were all somewhat drunk.

"Why don't we play truth or dare" Melanie suggested.

Rory glanced at her threateningly and shook her head. She could see where Mel was going with this, and she wasn't about the play along with it.

"Yea, it would be great!" Cate said and laughed. "I haven't played that since I was a child"

"Well, it is a bit childish" Lane agreed after noticing the exchanging of looks between Rory and Mel. Lane wasn't really sure what was going on, but it wasn't really hard to guess what it was about.

"I have to agree with Lane on this one" Rory declared and turned to see her friend. "Anyway, I noticed you and Mark were a bit more cuddly tonight that you've been lately"

Lane grinned and the others laughed. After she had given Cate a small briefing on her relationship with Mark and their current setbacks on getting pregnant, she admitted that a few days away from Mark had done her good.

"And I guess it was good for Mark, too" she concluded and Rory nodded saying it had seemed he couldn't keep his hands off her.

"Yea" Lane said and seemed to be moving into a dreamland staring into the distance.

"What about you and Jess?" Mel asked Cate who was sipping her gin. "Plans for kids?"

Cate smiled and said they hadn't really gone that far in their plans yet.

"So, do you think he's changed much from the way he was when you knew him?" she asked and looked at both Rory and Lane curiously.

"I don't really know" Rory said smiling faintly while she got up. "I'll be back in a minute" she said and walked to the direction of the bathroom.

Lane watched after Rory and them turned to see Cate. She wasn't really sure how much Cate knew about things, and she wasn't really sure what Mel was up to.

"When I first got to know Jess, he was a rebel. He'd had a tough life and I guess because of that he was really… hard to reach. He didn't seem to care about anyone, or anything"

"He's still like that sometimes" Cate said pensively.

"At first I didn't really like him, but then he sort of grew on me" Lane said and chuckled.

"Didn't you once say that being with Rory really changed him, for the better" Mel's words made Lane look at her with suspicion.

Mel was definitely up to something, Lane thought and wandered why she was saying things like that in front of Cate. Eventually Lane just nodded at Mel's words.

Cate looked at Lane for a while, then she just nodded silently. While the three girls continued talking about everything between heaven and earth, Rory was sitting on the bathroom floor. She was pretty sure about the fact that she had entered hell. And she had no idea how to get out.

*12.30*

Pete and Jess were walking toward the apartment, Mark and Patrick who had been on the middle of a heated sports discussion had said they'd follow them in a minute.

"So…" Pete started, but he didn't know how to continue. He knew what he wanted to say, but he did think that asking Jess whether he was still in love with his wife was a bit too frank.

Jess took a quick look at Pete but then turned his gaze to the pavement again. It was definitely awkward, walking around with Rory's husband. He was Rory's husband. It seemed weird, it seemed inconceivable. Come to think of it, Jess would have been anywhere in the world rather than here talking to Rory's husband.

Pete seemed nice. He seemed like a good man, a good man for Rory. And Rory seemed to love him. And be happy with him. And Jess hated it. How could Rory be happy with him? He wasn't the kind of man to make Rory happy. There were a million things in him that Jess thought Rory would never like. But still he seemed like a great guy, so there was no way Jess could hate him. Just thinking about all of this made Jess want to hit himself. He was responsible for all of this, so there was really no point in thinking about these things. He had left, he had told Rory to move on.

The two men walked in silence to the apartment building and while they were waiting for the elevator, Pete turned to look at Jess.

"Did you come back for her?"

Jess stared at Pete. It took him a while to realise what Pete had just said, but getting himself to reply wasn't that easy.

"No, I didn't" he finally said

"But you wanted to come back for her"

Jess didn't know what to say, what was he supposed to do? Tell Rory's husband that Rory had been on his mind every day after he'd left? That he still loved Rory more than anything in the world?

The elevator came to the ground floor and the men stepped on it in silence. Going up, Pete got together the courage to say what he wanted to say.

"I've always felt like you have this hold on her, I don't know what it is, but…"

"I didn't come back to take her away from you" Jess managed to say quietly and looked at the man standing next to him.

"But you still want her" Pete voice was quiet and Jess closed his eyes briefly. There was nothing he could say.

When they reached the floor where Rory and Pete's apartment was, both men were silent until they confronted a laughing group of women sitting on the living room floor.

Pete and Jess were slightly drunk, too, but it was nothing compared to the state the women were in. They were laughing hysterically and Lane was rolling on the floor.

"We should head home, Cate" Jess said as he went to his fiancée.

"I'm not really tired" she replied grinning and rubbed her eyes after managing to stop the laughter.

Jess chuckled kindly and took her hand pulling her up. Cate managed to thank everyone for a lovely night and Jess then took her to the door helping her put on her coat. Rory sat down on an armchair, yawning as Lane and Mel tried to get themselves together as well. Rory glanced at Pete smiling a bit and then her gaze met Jess's. He was so serious and so familiar. Rory blinked fighting the tears when she saw the looking his eyes. Noticing her reaction, Jess turned away and helped Cate out of the door. Pete saw the effect Jess had on Rory, too. And Lane and Mel saw Pete's face when he turned away. The room was filled with silence for a minute, until Mark and Patrick rang the doorbell.    

A/N: The next chapters: Stars Hollow and more stuff happening. Reviews, please!