Author's Note: I had originally meant this to be a one-shot but after seeing the first seven episodes and rewatching what I have of the Kyoto Arc, I kind of came up with what might be Kenshin's thoughts that night, the first night back in Tokyo. I also see Kenshin as very introspective, and especially after what happened in Kyoto and the realization of his feelings for Kaoru that Ryunoske's story brought to light.

KENSHIN'S REVERIE

Kenshin slid the shoji to his quarters open and stepped into the darkened room. Smiling, he slipped his sakabatou out of his hakama waistband and propped it up on the far wall, within reach of where he had set out his futon earlier, the day's revelations making his heart light. In the darkness, his eyes, with sharp manslayer vision, sought out the window that faced the courtyard and he stepped to the sill to gaze out upon the continuing light show of the fireflies, seeming to compete with the stars. He noticed that Kaoru had gone inside the main hall of the dojo, the square of projected light gone from the grass as the shoji was now closed. His keen hearing picked up the sound of shuffling footfalls as he heard Kaoru slide open the door to her room open then closed it, signifying that she had retired.

Kenshin sighed as he continued to idly watch the gliding points of light as the fireflies waltzed about the courtyard, mesmerizing him as he again thought of the story of the wishing fireflies. Like the former swordsman Ryunoske, he was haunted in the ten years of his wandering, as he was pursued by the images of those he had slain and paid little attention to the beauty of his surroundings. Filled with the guilt of his crimes, he would often relegate whimsical thoughts of fireflies and idyllic things of that nature to bedtime stories of innocent childhood, far beyond the realm of the bloody reality of fighting for misguided ideals of the Revolution.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the fateful night in May he had left Tokyo to fight Shishio in Kyoto. That was a night that had followed a day of horror and fears that permeated the populace as the assassination of Lord Okubo was splattered across newspapers, sending Japan into a state of potential chaos. He had returned to the dojo, his aim clear, to become a wanderer once more as he readied himself to fight Makoto Shishio to the death to save the peaceful Meiji era. He had intended to disappear into the night, without explanation but found that there was one very precious person he could not leave without saying thank you and good-bye…Kaoru.

Kaoru…from the day she approached him in an alley his first day in Tokyo and bravely brandished her bokken to defend the name of her father's sword style, she had dazzled him. First with her courage and beauty and then with her unconditional acceptance of him, a penniless wanderer into her home and life. She was a fiery vixen, yet had a ladylike angelic compassion that touched the lives of those surrounding her. She captured his heart and caused feelings in him that he had not felt since his wife Tomoe's untimely passing. That night, he had found her as she had promised him that morning before he left, at the riverbank among the tiny fluctuating glows of the fireflies.

The night by the river as the fireflies encompassed them with soft blinks of light was a night of heartrending sorrow for Kenshin. After he had said good-bye, he turned quickly away as Kaoru's deep penetrating sobs tore at him, echoing in his ears as he continued walking slowly into the dark. He fought the almost overwhelming yearning to turn back and enfold her in his arms again, this time to comfort and hold her with all the love in his heart. All his years as a hitokiri had taught him well to subjugate his emotions and desires to his resolve and as usual, his iron will won out and he continued walking. But that night with the curtain of fireflies encircling them, the feel of her petite warm softness in his arms and her scent of jasmine burying itself deep in his soul, would remain etched in his thoughts and memories as he traveled the lonely road. During the journey to his battle with Shishio, in the nights that followed as he stared stonily into the leaping flames of his campfire, Kenshin would see Kaoru's face, her eyes, and hear her voice as he would convince himself that she and the others hated him now, encasing his heart in the veneer of emotionless ice to deaden the pain.

Kenshin continued gazing out the window, his mind playing back memories of what had transpired in Kyoto. He had sought out his former master, Hiko Seijuro to learn the final attack of the Hiten Mitsurugi style and was surprised by the arrival of Yahiko and then the pert figure of the assistant master of the Kamiya dojo. As he left with Hiko to train, she had asked him if he was angry and he answered half of him was and the other half was relieved.

Relieved? Truth be known that half of me was actually overjoyed. To realize that the farewell I had said among the fireflies that night by the river was no final good-bye and that Kaoru had in fact followed me to give her support was more than I had ever dreamed possible. I had left to protect her, Yahiko and everyone else that had become my family but instead both followed me and wanted to offer me their help. I may be Battousai deep down and a rurouni by choice but I was no longer alone. I worried for their safety still, Shishio was a cold murderous madman and as his predecessor I knew him well enough to know that he would try to hurt them to get to me. So I begged a favor from Hiko, to protect those who allied with me and especially the one I loved. And as usual, he kept his promise to me and did. The Juppengatana, Shishio's own private army of master assassins, was defeated at the Aoiya but not without a price. The scene I came upon when Sano and I returned to the Aoiya made my heart drop in fear as I beheld the nearly demolished hostel. Then I saw that Misao-dono, the Onewaban, Yahiko, and Kaoru were battered like I was but alive and I thanked Kami above for their safety.

When I battled the demon known as Makoto Shishio, I became weakened by the prior battles against Aoshi and Seto and he had tried to squeeze my throat and finish me off. As I struggled for breath, my mind wandered back once again to that night of fireflies when I held my Kaoru in my arms for what I thought would be the first and last time. Her tears wetted my gi, dampening my shoulder and searing me like a flame as I pulled away and then the sound of her deep, gasping sobs, burning me in the pit of my stomach as my heart tore more with each sob. As Shishio tried to break my neck, in my ears I heard her sweet voice calling my name and at that moment I chose life over death. Life meant more to me at that moment then anything, life where I would once again hear the voice that was like a delicate melody playing on the strings of my heart. Life, where I could see the sapphire jewel eyes that lighted the darkness of my soul and savor the scent of jasmine that was my Kaoru, my koishii.

Yes, Kaoru, you are my koishii, the reason for me to keep seeking life over death. Without you I would be nothing but a shell, a flesh and bone entity with no heart and a cold lifeless soul. I know that Battousai lies buried deep within me but you are the equalizer, the buffer that helps me keep the manslayer inside me at bay. When Jinei Udoh took you from me, I was ready and willing to become the manslayer again, but you broke out of the spell he had cast on you to suffocate you and prevented me from splitting him in two with my sword. You helped me to keep my vow of never killing again even with your own life at risk. And you risked your life again when you fought the Juppengatana with Misao, Yahiko, and the Onewaban group, to vanquish Shishio's soldiers of chaos. We may not have been literally side-by-side, but when I heard that you all at the Aoiya were victorious, I knew that you were with me in my battle and that thought sustained me and carried me to the ultimate victory. Arigatou, koishii.

I still have regrets of my past, Kaoru. I have too many sins and too many that died by my hand; a rushing river of blood that still flows, which has its source at my hands. They are as stained and tainted hands as a man could have yet a forgiving Kami has seen fit to bless me by giving me an angel, a blue-eyed, raven haired angel with a quick temper and a heart to love and feel for those in need. You say that I am a light but you are my refreshment, like a spring shower that brings life to the new leaves and flowers you bring life to me. I picked that iris for you at the river as the sun set today because it was like you, beauty and life defying all odds to exist in oppression yet remaining as fresh as always, a blessing to others and a blessing to me.

Kenshin sighed as his thoughts again turned to his vast feelings of unworthiness but then Ryunoske's words of the swordsman returned to him. "…he cannot change the past but he has learned that a man meets one woman that he can never forget and that it was his wish that the woman's glimmer of light, fragile as a firefly's, would live on in the heart of another." As he thought of that statement, the clusters of blinking fireflies in the courtyard seemed to gather together among the brush, like a constellation in the dark evening sky, casting their individual glows like a tiny light show. It was a phantasmagoria that imprinted itself on his mind like the unforgettable night he was able to hold a dream even for a fleeting moment, a dream that was like a delicate flower illuminated by the fragile glow of fireflies.

END