TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day

PAIRING: R/J

SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)

SPOILERS: None that I know of

DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.

RATING: R (PG again)

A/N: My computer is driving me crazy! Still not working, again updating at school… Anyway, I got some great reviews for the last chapter, so thank you everyone. And I was particularly glad to read your review, Knowhere, I'm so happy you like this story despite first impressions.. And those reviewing for the first time, great to know you're reading this and those reviewing very faithfully and taking time to give me feedback, thanks!:)

Also to anyone asking me is this going to end with Rory and Jess together, I really don't want to answer that, you'll just have to be patient and see.

And I want to warn you that at the end of this chapter there's gonna be another author's note with me babbling on and on about sex and fanfiction. I'm sorry for bothering you with my opinions, but sometimes it just gets to me… But here's my new update, written in a hurry (meaning spelling errors and probably the worst chapter ever), but I hope it's readable.. Today was my only hope for updating this week.

Chapter Eight

*The Gilmore House, Sunday, noon*

Rory was sitting by the counter at Luke's, she and Lorelai had headed there to have some coffee before Rory had to drive back to the city. Jess and Cate had already left, too, actually they'd been out of the house even before Rory had got out of bed. Apparently, Cate had had a lot of work to do and so they had headed back home, although promising to come again soon.

Lorelai had been acting strange all morning, and right now she was babbling about something completely irrelevant. Rory glanced at her watch and thinking that she should already hit the road she turned to see Luke with a pleading look on her face.

Luke nodded at her, but Rory noticed how stressed he seemed. Jess's return had been a big thing for him, Rory knew that, but Luke seemed surprisingly exhausted and tense.

"Mom" Rory said when she looked at Lorelai again. "I have to get going"

Lorelai looked at her and stopped talking. She opened her mouth so say something, but then closed it again and turned to see Luke. He nodded at her and Rory looked at them suspiciously.

"Okay, what's going on here?"

 "Um, why don't we go and talk outside?" Lorelai said and Rory nodded kissing Luke's cheek for goodbye before she went out with her mother.

"So?" Rory crossed her arms before her chest and looked at Lorelai curiously.

"Well… It's just that… Luke told me something last night…" Lorelai didn't know how to say it, in fact, she didn't know whether she should say it at all.

"What, mom?" Rory asked Lorelai and the expression on her face changed in to a concerned one.

"Last night Luke told me something about Jess"

Hearing his name made her heart beat just a bit faster and now she was definitely more worried that curious.

"What? Mom, really, tell me" Rory's voice was quiet, but serious. 

"Jess called Luke two years ago"

Rory looked at her mother, trying to process the sentence she had just heard. Two years ago, that was when she had got engaged to Pete, and Jess had started seeing Cate.

"He had asked about you, and Luke had told him that you were getting married and… Luke said that Jess wanted to come back"

"Two years ago? But he didn't come back"

"You were getting married" Lorelai said quietly and saw how her daughter's eyes were soon filled with anguish.

"Yea, I was" Rory whispered and looked to the ground. "But why didn't Luke tell me?"

"Jess had asked Luke not to tell anyone that he'd called. Luke just told me last night, he feels… Luke thinks that if he had told you that Jess was about to come back, things might be different now"

Rory raised her eyes to her mother again, and looked at her pensively.

"Jess had asked if you were happy"

Rory didn't say anything, she just pecked Lorelai's cheek quickly and went to her car. Before Lorelai even realised that she was gone, Rory had already driven off.

*Jess and Cate's apartment, 4pm*

Jess was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd been tired after the drive home so he'd thought he'd get a few hours of sleep. He looked at his watch realising that he had been in bed for a few hours, and still he hadn't slept. He sat up and rubbed his face. He and Cate hadn't talked all day, they hadn't talked at all after previous night. After Cate had told him that she knew about Rory, she had gone to bed saying she didn't want to talk about it. Jess had lied beside her, not able to close his eyes for a minute.

Jess got up and went to the door. He heard the tv in the living room and then found Cate in the kitchen making herself some tea. Jess stood in the middle of the room, trying to think of something to say.

"I'm sorry, Cate" was the only thing he could come up with.

Cate acted as if she hadn't heard what he said and got a teacup from the cupboard.

"Cate"

"What? What are you sorry about?" she cried out and turned to see him.

Jess took a step toward her, but then stopped not sure if she wanted him near her.

"Are you sorry that you wrote a book about her? Are you sorry that while we were living together, you were writing a book about her? Or are you just sorry that you're still in love her?"

Jess didn't know what to do, he knew there was nothing he could say or do to make this better. He had never wanted to hurt Cate, but only now he understood how wrong he had been when he had got together with her.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. About any of this"

"Well don't bother. You already managed to make me feel like the biggest fool in the world" Cate looked at him and the look in her eyes was a mixture of pain and anger. "Do you have any idea how I feel? Everyone else around me knew what was going on, but not me. I was here thinking that life was good, things were just perfect and then it hits me in the face"

"Nothing has happened between me and Rory since we've been back, I wouldn't do that to you, Cate"

"You're still in love with her, Jess. That's not nothing" Cate's voice was quieter, and slightly softer.

She looked at Jess. She was so hurt and so angry. She loved this man, and now she knew he didn't feel the same way about her. It had all happened overnight, but the worst thing of all was that she knew he wasn't a bad man, she knew he hadn't wanted to hurt her. But he had, and he should have known that the whole thing would end in a disaster. He should have known that it would never work. He should never have told her that he loved her.

"I don't know what to say or do"

"That's because there is nothing you can do" she replied and sat down beside the table.

She buried her face in her hands and mumbled something.

"I just… I just wanna be alone, Jess" she said when she looked up at him.

Jess nodded and left the room. He felt alone, and he didn't know if he had anyone he could turn to.

*6pm*

Rory was standing behind her apartment door. She'd been there for quite some time now, preparing herself. She knew that Pete was already home but somehow she just couldn't bring herself to go inside.

During the drive from Stars Hollow, she'd been going through the events of the weekend in her mind. The closer she had got to New York, the more confused she'd got. The calm feeling she'd had at Stars Hollow had been replaced with the same chaos that had been with her before the weekend.

Rory was just about to open the door, when her mobile phone rang. She answered it quickly and then heard Lane's perky voice.

"Hey, Lane" she sighed and leaned against the corridor wall.

"Hey, and a very late happy birthday. I would have called you yesterday, but I had an incredibly busy day. So, did I catch you in a bad time?"

"Well no, unless you consider me wondering whether I should enter my apartment or not a bad time" Rory laughed. "Lane, I'm pretty messed up"

"Yea"

Lane wasn't her best friend without a reason. She knew her, and Rory knew Lane.

"I was at Stars Hollow this weekend, Jess and Cate came there. I don't know, I was feeling great on Friday when I went there, I was finally clearing out my thoughts and then Jess appears on Saturday morning and… Pheww… Anyway, babbling again, sorry. What about you? You certainly sound happy"

"Yea, well… Things are going really well. We've almost finalised the deal with the store and Mark and me… We're doing well"

While Rory was listening to her friend, she could hear her smiling. And it made her smile, too.

"I'm glad to hear that, Lane. I really am. You haven't sounded this happy in a long time"

"I know. I just wish that you would… I really want you to be happy, too, Rory"

Rory closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I've got to get inside, Pete's waiting. I'll call you tomorrow so we can talk properly"

"Sounds good"

Rory put her phone into her bag and then took out the keys. When she opened the door, she heard the sound of the tv, and put her bag down on the floor. This was her home, but in all honesty, it wasn't a place where she wanted to be. Rory went to the living room and saw Pete lying on the couch.

"Hey" she said as he turned to see her.

Pete sat up and looked at her seriously. Rory smiled a bit, not quite sure of how to act around him.

"You don't look a day over 26"

Pete's words made her laugh, suddenly she saw him for who he was. Her husband, whom she loved. He smiled at her and Rory saw just how much he actually loved her. She went to take off her coat and her shoes and then walked to the couch and sat next to him. He looked at her attentively, then kissed her. Rory wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly against her. It felt good being near him. They didn't talk, they just were close to each other.

*Jess and Cate's apartment, midnight*

Jess shifted himself on the couch, adjusting his pillow and pulling the blanket to cover him properly. He'd moved to the couch voluntarily, he knew Cate didn't want him near her right now. And who could blame her?

"Did you think about her when we made love?"

Hearing Cate's voice startled Jess and he sat up to see her standing in the middle of the room. Her voice had been quiet, but in the silence her words had seemed sharp. Jess didn't say a thing, she had caught him off guard.

"I guess you didn't… I guess when you made love to her…" she didn't get a chance to continue when Jess cut her off.

"Don't, Cate"

Cate went to an armchair and sat down to look at him properly.

"We have to talk about this, Jess. I have to understand this or I'll go crazy. I mean, you hadn't seen her in seven years and still you love her"

Jess was not sure of what to say. Telling her the truth would brake Cate's heart, but she'd know if he was lying. So, he had to choose the truth.

"I didn't want to move to Stars Hollow when I was seventeen. I hated the place and I hated everyone there. Except Rory. It feels like it was just yesterday when I first met her. She was the complete opposite of me, but I… I'd never loved anyone before"

Cate listened to him, realising that this was the first time Jess had opened up to her. Just now Cate was starting to see Jess for whom he was, and she hadn't had an idea.

"And you haven't loved anyone after her"

"It's not that I don't love you, Cate"

"It's just that you love her in a completely different way"

Jess couldn't deny it, he couldn't say anything.

"I guess in the back of my head I was… I knew that I didn't know you, but I just loved you and thought that it would be enough…" Cate tried to sound calm and rational, but her voice trembled when she spoke.

Jess wanted to hug her and hold her, but he knew he couldn't do that anymore. He just had to sit and listen to her, try to make this better somehow. He just hoped that he would be able to take her pain away.

"I want to ask you things and I want you to explain things, but I know it's no use because… because nothing is going to change the fact that you want her"

Jess remained silent, he was mixed up. He was feeling a million things, pain, guilt, loneliness, relief…

"I just need to hear you say it"

Jess looked at her. Her dark hair was loose on her shoulders, her brown eyes were black in the darkness. She was so beautiful and he cared about her, he really did.

"I want her"

That night was a turning point for both of them. They realised that their life together had come to an end, and Jess said he'd move out the next day. It had all happened so quickly, but when Jess lied down on the couch again, he felt that for the first time in ages, he was really able to breath.

*Rory and Pete's apartment, 2am*

Rory was lying in Pete's tight hold. Her back was against his chest, his arms clutching her to him. When she had come home, she had seen just how much he loved her. And just how desperate he was, fearing that he was going to lose her.

That's why Rory had found it hard to return home. Being away from Pete and their apartment, being at Stars Hollow with all the memories, and Jess, she'd forgotten. Or allowed herself to forget, for a few seconds at least. She'd felt free when she'd been at the bridge, at the diner, the places she loved, the places that were a part of her past. Everything had seemed so different on the outside. But on the outside of what? Her life? Rory didn't really know.

They had made love. They hadn't made love after Jess's return, but now Rory had felt… compelled wasn't the right word, but maybe she had felt that it was something she needed to do, in order to get close to Pete again. They had drifted apart, more truthfully Rory had drifted away from Pete. But she had come back, told him that she wanted to make love. And he had held her tightly, wanting to make sure she knew how much he loved her, wanting to make sure that she knew how good they were together.

Rory lifted Pete's arm off her, careful not to wake him. Then she sneaked into her study and sat down by the table. She picked up the phone and dialled Mel's number. It took just a few seconds for Mel to answer, but instead of the usual 'hello' Rory heard her mumbling something half asleep.

"I'm sorry I woke you, but I have to talk"

"Yea, I'm awake, no problem, talk" Mel said while she turned on a lamp on her nightstand. 

"My mom told me that Jess had wanted to come back two years ago, but then Luke had told him that I was getting married"

"So he didn't come back. Why did Lorelai tell you now?" Mel suddenly seemed to be very much awake.

"Luke only told her this weekend, cause Jess came to Stars Hollow to see him. And I was there, too…"

"Okay, give me a minute. You were at Stars Hollow and then Jess came there. Just start at the beginning"

"Pete had to go to Washington this weekend so I went home to… think and clear my thoughts"

"About Jess?"

"Yea" Rory sighed and leaned back in her chair. "And Friday was great, I was… And then on Saturday morning Cate and Jess showed up and I was… Jess was… I was happy to see Jess"

Mel listened to her, how her voice softened when she spoke about Jess. That was a good sign, definitely. But she also wanted to know what had happened with Cate, that is, if Cate had talked to Jess about his relationship with Rory.

"Mel"

"Rory?"

"I wanted to be with him, Mel. I just wanted to sit by the bridge and look at him, see him smile and listen to him talking. He came to my room in the middle of the night and he touched my cheek and I wanted… He pulled away, but I wanted him to stay, Mel. I really just… wanted to be with him"

"I know" Mel said kindly.

"I didn't wanna come home, Mel"

"Yea"

"Pete and I made love tonight"

Mel was silent. The way Rory had been speaking had made her think that things were heading where she'd hoped they would, but now…

"I came home and I saw him. He's… he really loves me. And I do love him"

"I know you love him, Rory. And I'm sorry for pressuring you on this Jess thing. I just want you to be happy"

"I know that"

"So, we can go for lunch tomorrow and talk properly, right? We need to get you sorted out, Rory"

"You're incredible" Rory said and chuckled.

"Just do one thing for me before tomorrow. Think about this: If you had to erase either Pete or Jess from you memory, which one would you keep?"

A/N: If you don't want to read me babbling on and on about sex, please just skip this author's note!!!

I've joined many Jess and Rory groups on the net, and I read a lot of fanfiction, but it never seizes to amaze me how so many people can be so narrow-minded when it comes to R/NC-17 fics. I consider myself to be a very open-minded person, I think that sex is a very natural thing, it's nothing earth-shattering or terrible, just a natural and important part of life and relationships. And I guess most of you guys agree with me since you are reading this fic..;)

But just the other day I was reading a fic where Rory had had sex with Jess, and afterwards there were about ten pages written about the fact that she then felt like a whore. I was stunned, really really stunned. I hope that the writer of that story or anyone else for that matter, hasn't been raised with the idea that sex is something ugly and filthy. Of course, when you have sex for the first time it's a big deal, and it should be, but it is still very normal and nothing to be ashamed about. I mean, we get to see violence and people killing each other on TV and films all the time, but sex is still a taboo. I don't understand it and it makes me so angry!

Sure, some R/NC-17 stories are just about sex, but I can say that in my stories sex is never the main subject, although it's definitely an important part of the relationship between Jess and Rory in both stories that I've written. Thankfully, I've only been flamed once for the rating of my stories, so this ramble was just me pissed at people's intolerance in general.

So again, sorry, I just had to get this off my chest. I hope you liked this chapter and please send me feedback!!!:)