Shinku no En: The Crimson Bond
by UltraM2000
Disclaimer: Don't own Saiyuki…yet. Severe fluff, M2000 style and slight PWPness. More hopeless angsting by Houran. Crimson En is not meant to imitate Ah! My Goddess.
This chapter of S.N.E. is dedicated to the amazingly impatient Firnheledien, who wanted to have SOMEthing to read while online. *sigh*
It did not take long for winter to set in, with its biting winds and bitter chills. The mighty rivers that watered Tougenkyou slowed and iced up, their rushing sounds silenced. The trees were mere black skeletons against the sky, frosted with snow. Chouan was soon blanketed in silent white.
Every day, the snow would fall gently; every day for the past three weeks a set of heavy boot-prints would have crushed its delicate ice crust before the sun could even rise, and every night the same boots would crunch through the snow that had lain still throughout the night, glittering in the faint and frosty starlight. Snow, the boot-wearer did not mind, because he had seen many winters like this one shower down the soft, white beauty, but when he saw the children engaging in snowball fights in the streets, it reminded him of times of old, in which every single child, rich or poor, boy or girl, banded together, cast aside their differences and had a rollicking good time together playing 'pelt-the-taboo-child'. The target? Why, none but himself. Snow stung. Snow hurt. Snow mixed with stones could draw blood. Stones by themselves did even better, he recalled.
Yes, winter was not exactly Gojyo's favourite season.
For the past few weeks, the half-demon had taken to keeping very much to himself. He left the apartment early and returned late, sometimes so covered in snow his eyelashes were encrusted with ice. He looked almost dead on his feet—bags forming under his eyes, cheeks hollowing—but he refused to tell anyone, not even Hakkai what he was doing. Quick calls by the latter to Sanzo and Goku revealed nothing, as the other two hadn't a clue about the erogappa's doings.
Gojyo blew on his hands and shoved them into his jeans pockets as he trudged along. They stung mercilessly, but at least that was a sign the digits were still alive. It was cold, colder than usual, it seemed. He let his mind wander, and it immediately reminded him of some happenings he hadn't quite registered back at the apartment.
"Where are you going, Gojyo?" Hakkai had asked.
"Out," had been his short reply as he'd grabbed his bunch of keys. "Don't wait up, Hakkai." He had unlocked the door and pushed it open, wincing as a blast of cold air slapped at his face.
"Can this not wait for better weather? You know it always storms like this during early winter," the green-eyed demon had pressed on.
"Nothin' doing," Gojyo had muttered gruffly. "I'll see you later."
Houran had appeared then, her hair loose down her back. "Are you really going out in such weather?" she had asked worriedly. Receiving a curt nod in reply, she then crossed her hands in front of her and bowed.
"Gojyo-san, itterasshai." [2]
"…"
With nary a wave or even an acknowledgement of the greeting, he had stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him with a firm click.
Gojyo tched, feeling rather irritated, and ran his fingers through his hair. Damnit, you heartless old bastard, he thought. You could have at least returned the greeting. Even so, deep in his heart he knew why he did not look back—the look in her eyes, that lost, confused look would be enough to kill him.
Oh, damn me to Avici…again, he thought gravely. I don't know what I'm doing or why, or even what I mean to achieve from it. The only thing clear to me now is how I really feel about her, and I have to do something about it. Houran, I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you worry, or hurt you more than needs be, but…stay with me just a little longer. I'll have an explanation for you soon enough.
Houran stared out the window disconsolately. She liked the rain, and she liked the snow, but she didn't like the idea of getting stuck in the swirling, formless drifts of white outside. Where was Gojyo, and what was he doing in such weather?
"I think Gojyo should be all right," Hakkai replied her unspoken worries. Smiling kindly, he passed her a mug of hot chocolate. He didn't seem to mind the snow as much as the rain (At least snow fell quietly).
Houran accepted the mug silently, taking a few small sips before gazing through the frosted panes again. "Hakkai-san…does Gojyo always act like this in winter?"
"No, not that I've noticed in the time I've known him," Hakkai replied, hands curled around his own drink.
"Oh…" Houran suddenly seemed very interested in the melting mini-marshmallows bobbling up and down on the surface of the chocolate.
"On the other hand, Gojyo is that kind of person, so you shouldn't worry."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You must realise, Houran, that for almost all of his life, Gojyo's been a loner and he's not used to the idea of someone staying by him for a long period of time. It doesn't compute, you might say. He prefers very much to be alone, to do his own thing…"
Houran's expression was growing increasingly distressed, and Hakkai realised his accidental foray into the art of oral podiatry: opening your mouth, and jamming your foot right into it.
"Could I…am I trouble to Gojyo…?"
"No, no! That's not what I meant!" Hakkai laughed nervously and set his drink down on the window ledge, waving his hands frantically. "What I mean is that because Gojyo is such a loner, he doesn't open up easily to people. It's hard for even myself to tell what's on his mind at times. I know he still cares deeply for you, though, Houran. Believe me. He will return home safely."
Houran tried to smile. If Hakkai's words were true (he hadn't lied to her yet), then perhaps her worries were unfounded. Silly girl, she was. "I hope you're right. It's snowing terribly out there."
"Oh, he'll be back…"
Words, however, are unfortunately fragile, and the trust inspired by them equally so. All it takes is one incident, the perceived closing of a once open door, to dash it all apart.
Dinner came and went, and still no sign of Gojyo.
Late night. Houran lay quietly curled up on the couch, the TV's faint murmurings lulling her into sleep. She rubbed her eyes and valiantly fought her weariness—she had promised herself she would wait up for Gojyo, when and if he was going to come home tonight. She looked at the big clock hanging on the wall. Five to two. Where was he?
There came the distinctive click, clatter and jingle of keys entering a lock. Houran got up and turned towards the door. She stifled a gasp when a most bedraggled figure dragged himself into the apartment, almost unable to stand on his own two feet.
"It's damn cold out there," Gojyo managed to squeeze through his chattering teeth. He was covered in a light powdering of new-fallen snow, his lips were a decidedly pale, bluish shade and ice even coated his brows and eyelashes.
"Gojyo! Are you all right?" She shut the door and grabbed on to his arm to support him. "You should change out of those clothes before you catch cold!" He shrugged her off, steadying himself on a nearby table and taking a few deep breaths.
"I'm fine," he muttered weakly, walking right past her and collapsing on the couch. "Just need to…get my breath back." He closed his eyes and moaned softly—whether from pain or relief, Houran wasn't able to ascertain. Still, first things first.
Gojyo soon felt the couch shift slightly with the weight of another person, and a warm hand nudging his shoulder. "Anou[3]…I made some coffee. At least drink that to warm you up." He reluctantly opened one eye, gazing wearily at Houran. She looked so innocent, so trusting…a spark of guilt flared quietly within Gojyo's breast. He really shouldn't be doing this. Without a word, he accepted the hot mug she was holding, but his icy hands were trembling too much to hold it properly. The coffee spilled over the rim, and slopped onto the floor, not to mention Gojyo's hands. Gojyo winced, swore and stood up abruptly.
"I'm sorry. Perhaps I should have made it a little cooler. I'll clean that up…" Houran began tentatively.
"Leave it be."
"But all I need is a rag…"
"I said leave it be, Houran! I'll do it myself!" He got up, entered the kitchen and wet a cloth, wrapping it first around his throbbing hand before reappearing and mopping up the spilled coffee himself with short, furious movements. When he got up to rinse the brown-stained towel in the sink, Houran followed.
"Gojyo-san…"
"Didn't I tell you to drop the -san?" Scrub, scrub.
"…Are you angry at me? What is going on?"
"What kind of talk is THAT? Nothing's the matter." Scrub, scrub. Must get the stains out. Stains bad.
"Then why the late nights? The secrecy, the silence? Gojyo, please, if there's anything I can do to help…"
"You can start," he began, dropping the wet cloth onto the drying board with a sloppy splat, "by cutting out all those questions, and quit worrying so much about me. It is driving me up the bloody wall. I don't need anybody's sympathy." His speech was clipped and tense, and he realised it. Gripping the edges of the sink, he sighed and passed a hand over his face. "Bloody hell. I'm sorry. I'm swearing like nobody's business at you and…It's just…look, what I'm doing, it's not the time for you or anyone else to know. Ask no questions and you'll receive no lies. Trust me, it's better I don't tell you yet."
"But Gojyo-s…" Houran opened and closed her mouth, but nothing further came out.
He heaved an exasperated sigh. "What?" Gojyo's alizarin gaze, dulled with fatigue, bored through her.
"N-nothing. Nothing, I suppose." She hung her head.
"Go to bed, Houran, I'll lock up," Gojyo muttered gruffly. "Pleasant dreams."
"All right. Sleep well." Houran turned her back on him and walked slowly towards the bedroom. She lay awake for a little while longer, feeling very uneasy. If only she could find out what was going on…
A high series of notes pierced the silence, notes which she recognised as Gojyo's handphone ringing. She listened carefully for a while, and heard quick footsteps coming into the living room. What she heard Gojyo say made her freeze completely, as if she'd been the one walking out in the snow and ice.
"Hello, Yin-chan," Gojyo's rough-around-the-edges voice greeted the caller pleasantly. "How are things? Yeah, she's asleep, she doesn't know about this conversation…"
Yin-chan, he'd said. A girl? Another woman?! Everything sort of dulled to a low hum after that, but she soon snapped back to her senses. She had to make sure, once and for all. This would, perhaps, at least tell her what he had been up to for the past few weeks.
"…It's all set. I have the money for both of us, and I swear things will begin happening any day now. Eh? Wossat? That is GREAT NEWS!" His voice had taken on an exuberant glee, a new energy. "When can I come over? Your place? Tomorrow? Hell, I'd go over there now! No, the snow is not too heavy. It's never too heavy when I'm dealing with you, Yin-chan."
Houran stifled a whimper with her long sleeves.
"All right, all right, tomorrow. Can't wait. Thanks for everything. Yeah, you too. Goodnight."
Houran stood behind the half-open door for a while, trying to process what she had just heard. Gojyo was seeing another woman—he seemed quite close to her. The name sounded familiar somehow, but she couldn't quite place it. How could he? How could he do this? She had thought that she meant more to him than that…after all, he meant so much to her. So much…
A sharp pain in Houran's palm startled her into consciousness. Four small, oozing crescents of blood had been cut into her palm by her nails as she had clenched her fist tightly to stop from crying out. She stared at them for a long while, then her legs seemed to give way under her and she slumped down by the door, burying her face in her hands and crying softly. The winter winds masked her sobs easily.
Yin switched off her handphone once she was finished with the call.
"Come soon, Gojyo," she muttered smilingly. "I'll be waiting for you."
[1] Parody of the title of GS' 39th episode, 'Misty Rain', or Ame (Rain). Yuki, if you haven't guessed, is Japanese for 'snow'.
[2] Itterasshai—polite, somewhat honorific form of 'Please go and come (back)'. Reply to the phrase Ittekimasu, meaning '(I) go and come (back).' The phrases are equivalents of 'I'm off!' and 'Come back soon!'.
[3] Anou = 'er…'D-chan -- Yay! I have found the person who does not get diabetes from
my ficcies! ^_^ No, drunk guy was not in the manga.
I did think since Gojyo's in new territory, he might be a teeny
bit awkward. And you just saw why in the last chapter, methinks.
Gojyo: In short, this little squirt is crimping my style.
UltraM2000: This little squirt can inject some MORE ANGST into The
Crimson En when she wants to.
Gojyo: Help. Charat abuse.
ceres17 -- Excellente! Nah, me's not mad...Gojyo has to learn there
are some women he CAN'T impress.
Firnheledien: Such as myself. ;)
Kairi-chan -- Glad you liked it.
Azzie@Az -- I would be most honoured. ^_^