TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day

PAIRING: R/J

SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)

SPOILERS: None that I know of

DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.

RATING: R (PG, once again)

A/N: I AM SO SORRY! I tried to update every day last week, but apparently fanfiction.net wouldn't let anyone update, plus today is the first day in weeks that my own computer has allowed me to access ff.net. So, here is chapter twelve, finally! And since I'm leaving for my holiday in a week, I won't be able to finish this story until I get back (the end of July). I am so sorry about that, I really am. Hopefully, if I'm lucky and fanfiction.net and my computer keep working, I might be able to post one more chapter before I leave. I'm am sorry about this, please be patient with me and keep reading..

Chapter Twelve

*Rory and Pete's apartment, Monday 1am*

She didn't look tired although she had just got home and she had a long flight behind her. Pete saw her looking at him alertly and she seemed to be very aware of what was happening.

Neither of them was able to say a word. Neither of them wanted to do this, but both knew it had to be done. They hadn't talked about this situation once, so how was it possible for them to agree to split up now, when they had never even discussed the option before?

Rory's hair was framing her face and making her features seem beautiful and her skin ever paler than it usually was. And her eyes seemed so big, and they were this magnificent shade of blue.

~Flashback~

She smiled and looked at him warmly. She was standing there in the park, in the middle of a windy day. Her hair blew on her face and every time she patiently adjusted it behind her ears again.

He walked to her, feeling impatient. Getting to her seemed to take him forever, but when he was finally there he immediately reached out his hand. Her smile faded, she looked at his hand and then moved her gaze to his face again. She seemed to be going through some kind of an inner struggle and the confusion was apparent on her face.

Suddenly she reached out and took his hand into hers. The feeling of joy and contentment inside him was something indescribable. He held her hand tightly, and she nodded at him slightly with a shy expression on her face. Then they began walking, hand in hand, for the first time.

~Flashback~

Mel had told him not to tell Rory about the book. Mel had said that it was time for Rory and Jess to work things out for themselves. Pete wondered if he was a complete idiot for letting Rory go like this. Weren't husbands supposed to fight for their wives and not to help them get started again with their ex-boyfriends? Well, this case was different. And it was even harder than Pete imagined, and he had imagined it to be impossible.

Rory couldn't take her eyes off him. How was it possible that he seemed so different now? How was it possible that everything around her looked so different? He didn't look like her husband anymore, he didn't look like the same Pete she used to love seeing when she came home. It was scary, scary to realise that the images she had had in her mind for the past years had changed. 

She didn't want to let go, although she knew that there was something incredible waiting for her. Well, at least she hoped that there was something incredible waiting for her. But it was hard to let go, sort of erase the past years of her life and start at the beginning again. She had done it before, and it had been incredibly hard. But now that things were changing again, she was giving up something that she had been trying so hard to get used to.

~Flashback~

It was raining, she could hear the water hitting the window and it seemed extraordinarily loud. She was standing by the bed in nothing but her bathrobe and he was standing in front of her. She felt her whole body stiffen when he took a step toward her and placed his hand on her shoulder lightly.

She looked down, held her breath, but tried desperately to relax. His hand pushed the bathrobe off her shoulder and then stroked her skin gently. She knew she looked vulnerable, and in reality she herself felt like she could brake into pieces at any moment.

It wasn't like she had never done this after Jess had left. She was a human after all, and as her mother had often reminded her, the need for physical intimacy for natural for everyone. So, a few years after Jess had left, the need to feel someone close to her had become too hard to repress. But it hadn't felt the same, she'd known it wouldn't. She always closed her eyes, thought about Jess, trying to forget the fact that when she'd open her eyes it would be someone else. She now knew what Jess had meant when he'd told her that before her he had only had sex, never made love. 

But right now, this was supposed to feel like something. This wasn't just someone, this was her boyfriend. This was supposed to be more than sex, this was supposed to bring their relationship up to a new level. But when she felt his touch on her skin, she simply wanted to close her eyes and see Jess.

But she got herself together. She was focused, she was determined. She looked up at him, he seemed to be lost in touching her, admiring her. And she took his hand and led him to the bed. And she didn't close her eyes once.

~Flashback~

Rory reached out her hand, and he took it without hesitance. He squeezed it tightly and she had tears in his eyes, when the past four years of her life flashed before her.

*Monday 2pm*

Rory had the day off since she had arrived home so late the previous night. Now she was sitting in her study, looking at the books. She had boxes on the floor, all she had to do was put the books in the boxes. Her home was where her books were, but she wasn't quite sure if she was ready to take them away from the place that had been her home for the past two years.

She got up and then went to the shelf where Jess's books were. She took a few copies from the shelf, but then hastily put them back. If she'd pack his books, the next step would be to take them to him. And she wasn't ready to do that. She wanted to do it, but she just wasn't ready to go to him. And she wasn't sure she should, but gosh, she really wanted to. She wanted to talk to him, she had a million things to tell him and a million things to ask.

Rory picked up the phone and dialled. After a while Michel answered at the inn and soon, Rory had Lorelai on the other side of the line.

"You're back?" Lorelai asked and Rory felt that her words had a double meaning. 

"Yea, I'm back" she replied and smiled a bit. "I'm trying to pack. You know, get things together, but it's sort of... hard"

Lorelai listened to her daughter, realising that she was telling her that her marriage had come to an end. Lorelai wanted to know more, wanted to know how it had all happened, but she figured this wasn't the time.

"Of course it is" she said kindly. "You're gonna stay with Mel?"

"Yea. Until I find a place of my own" Rory replied and was grateful for the fact that her mother understood her so well.

Lorelai wondered if she should ask her whether she'd thought of visiting Stars Hollow, but again she decided it was best not to bring that up. After all, it did equal with the question whether Rory was gonna see Jess.

"Despite everything, I feel pretty... okay, I guess"

"Yea, I though you might be"

"Yea. I might come home sometime. I mean a weekend or something…"

"That'd be good" Lorelai said and then mumbled something Rory couldn't hear.

"What?"

"Um, nothing. I've just… gotta go, honey. But call me once you've settled in and… Love you" Lorelai said hastily and ended the call.

*Stars Hollow*

Lorelai put the phone down and looked at Jess who had just walked in. She had never expected this day to come, that Jess would be back and Rory would be free. Jess saw her by the desk and walked to her.

"Hey" he said and saw Lorelai's confused face. "Everything okay?"

Lorelai nodded and smiled. Like Rory had said, despite everything, despite the pain and disappointment that came with the split up, things were actually pretty much okay.

"So, what made you come here?"

"Um, I just wanted to look around. You know, haven't been here since I came back" Jess replied with a smile.

"Yea, that's true. Well, look around and then got to the kitchen to say hi to Sookie"

"I will" Jess replied with a smile and let his gaze go around the room. He was just about to walk to the dining room, when Lorelai's voice stopped her.

"Jess, Rory called"

He stopped but didn't turn to look at Lorelai. If he had, she would have seen a million emotions on his face.

"She'd gonna be staying with Mel until she finds a place of her own"

Jess felt like he couldn't breath. Something was pressing on his chest, making him feel nauseous. He stood in the middle of the room, his back facing Lorelai. He felt really sick, really mixed up. He felt he had a chance, a real chance. And at the same time he felt bad, thinking that any of this would never have happened if he hadn't…

He turned to look at Lorelai. She nodded slightly and Jess took a deep breath when he walked out of the room. He went to the backyard, sat down on the terrace steps and closed his eyes. He wanted to see her so much that he didn't know what to do. The thought that he might get the chance to talk to her, tell her how he felt and how sorry he was, that was overwhelming. The possibility that he might be able to touch her again, see her looking him in the eyes. But was it possible? Was it possible that she still wanted him, after everything? Jess though she did, the way she looked at him was so intense, but still… He didn't want to expect too much, after all she had every right to hate him. And he didn't know if he had the right to want her back anymore.

*New York, Wednesday 5pm*

"I feel awful. I mean, I know I haven't done anything to hurt her, but still I know that I'm a part of why she's hurt" Rory looked at Mel while they were walking toward her apartment after work. "I mean, I haven't seen her once after I came back from London, and I don't have the courage to go talk to her"

"And I don't think you should. At least not yet. She didn't come to work last week at all, and now she'd avoiding you and that's natural. It's not that much fun to hang around someone whom the person you love loves"

Rory looked at Mel silently, pondering about her words. When they reached Mel's apartment building the two got in the elevator and Mel asked if Rory had thought about going to Stars Hollow.

"I told my mom that I might go there. I could take some time off from work since I've never used all my vacations"

"So, you wanna see Jess?" Mel asked and Rory looked at her with a knowing look. "Of course"

"But that's not gonna happen any time soon. I mean, I can't get over this guilt I have over Pete. He's so alone right now"

"He has friends, Rory. He's gonna be fine, and he's gonna move on"

"Yea, I guess so" Rory replied when they reached the right floor and found a man standing in the corridor with a package in his hand.

"Rory Gilmore?" the man said and Rory looked at him curiously. "I have a delivery for you"

Rory went to the man and he gave her the package.

"And could you sign here?" the man asked and after Rory had scribbled down her name, she and Mel went inside.

"So, what is it?" Mel asked when Rory sat down to look at the package.

It was a rather small box, and it took Rory a while to read the sender's name from the label attached to it. Her grip tightened and she realised that she had stopped breathing altogether.

"Rory?" Mel asked curiously, but with a worried expression on her face when she saw Rory's reaction. "What is it?"

"It's from Jess" she said so quietly that Mel wasn't sure she had heard Rory correctly.

Mel went to the couch and sat next to Rory. They both sat there silently, just staring at the box and the name on it. Mel turned to see Rory's face and then smiled a bit.

"I have some work to do, so I'll be in the bedroom if you need me"

Rory lifted her gaze to Mel and smiled appreciatively. Mel left the room and after a while, Rory opened the package with rather trembling hands. She gasped when she saw a book, a book with his name on the cover. It was his book, his novel. Rory stared at it, wanting to open it, but still fearing what she might find inside it. Finally she adjusted herself better on the couch and opened the novel cautiously. 

A/N: A shorter chapter than usual, but I just wanted to make these events an entity of their own. The R/J interaction is getting closer, and believe me, I've been waiting for it as anxiously as you have. So, as always, please give me feedback!

And csk8-20, I read your bio and you said in it that you want to come to Europe. Okay, I'm European, so not really impartial about it, but Europe is great, wonderful, beautiful, just lovely! So incredibly versatile and there are a million places here that would be worth seeing and visiting, it's just really hard to choose… Okay, I got carried away, I'm just so excited cause I'm going to Italy myself. I love travelling!:)