TITLE: The Harsh Light Of Day

PAIRING: R/J

SUMMARY: Rory's 27th birthday is approaching, and Jess, who seven years before left her life, suddenly enters it again. But things are very different from the way they were before… (yea, I know this summary sucks, but I'm no good at these things)

SPOILERS: None that I know of

DISCLAIMERS: I don't own anything you recognise from the show. Basically just the characters I've made up, e.g. Pete, Mel, Cate etc.

RATING: R (PG, once again)

A/N: First I wanted to reply to 'imonadiet's' review and at the same time clear some things for everyone. I'm not in any way offended by the review, that's why I ask for feedback, to get both criticism and praise when it's deserved. Your feedback however alarmed me in the way that I never ever meant to portray Rory as, and I quote "a heartless, selfish, weak person". But even more alarming was your view that "this story is disrespectful to women and to marriage and does not give the respect that both deserve."

There were two points in this story that I wanted to make. The other was that there could be love that's so strong that it overrides everything (it's an idealistic and romantic view, but hey that's me). The other point was that Jess never dumped Rory, he just wanted something different from life than Rory did. Just because society thinks that going to college is normal and wanting to explore the world isn't, it shouldn't make Jess's choice less worthy. So, Jess wanted to travel and Rory wanted to go to college. Both aspirations were equal, the other wasn't in any way disrespectful to the other, they were just different. I was trying my best to make that come across in the story, I guess I didn't do it too well. 

There's no one in the world who supports equality between the two sexes more than I do. I have nothing against marriage, I didn't meant to down play it with this story. However I also have nothing against divorce when it's needed. In this story it was, I myself would not want to be married to someone who loved someone else more than me. If Rory still loved Jess then maybe she shouldn't have married Pete, but she did. People make mistakes in real life, too, so they make mistakes also in this story. I guess we all have a different perspective to what those mistakes in the story are. I was, and am, pretty much identifying myself with Jess, I guess that also had some influence to the outcome of this story.

Okay, I'm sorry this author's note became so long. Just wanted to clear out these things for all the readers. Here is definitely the last chapter before my holiday, I'll be back home in Finland on July 23rd…

Chapter Thirteen

*Stars Hollow, Friday 9pm*

Rory sat on the bridge, her feet dangling near the water. She'd taken her shoes off, it was an exceptionally warm night, it felt like summer and it was only April. She had driven straight to the bridge when she'd got to Stars Hollow. She hadn't called her mother or anyone else to let them know she was coming home. The only one who knew where she was, was Mel who had been quite surprised when Rory, all of a sudden, had declared that she was going to Stars Hollow for the weekend. 

Rory kept replaying the verses of the novel in her mind. The way he wrote was beautiful, he could have written anything and made it beautiful. It seemed incredible that he had remembered so much, so many little things that even Rory had almost forgotten. And he'd written them down. But even more special than reading things he remembered of her, was to know his thoughts, his feelings, what he'd been going through. While reading the book, Rory had felt closer to him than perhaps ever before. She'd got to know what he'd been thinking, and how he had been, simultaneously, excited and completely lost.

So, earlier that day Rory had decided to come to Stars Hollow. She'd felt that lately she had thought too much. She had been thinking and thinking and thinking, but now she had felt like she needed to act. She wanted to see Jess, talk to him and just be with him. In New York she'd thought that she would have the courage to do that, but at this moment, when Jess was so close, she couldn't bring herself to go to him.

Rory got up and walked to her car. She drove to her mother's house and found Lorelai enjoying the warm night on the porch. She was sitting there with Sookie and the two women were definitely surprised when Rory stepped out of her car.

Lorelai was much more reserved than usually, she didn't scream and laugh like she normally did. She knew that Rory had had a tough time, and now she simply wanted to make sure that Rory felt her old home to be a peaceful and calm haven for her. Rory hugged both her mother and Sookie and then sat down on the porch steps.

"It's a really warm night" Sookie said and observed Rory kindly.

"Yea, a beautiful night" Rory said and smiled.

She was slightly stressed about the fact that she would have to see Jess this weekend. Her original plan had been to confront him, but now that she didn't have the courage to do that, she wasn't quite sure of how to behave around him. 

Lorelai went inside the house and got Rory a wine glass. Then she poured some wine for her daughter who nodded gratefully. Lorelai now knew about Jess's book, she knew that Jess still loved Rory and Rory still loved Jess. But she didn't know that Jess had sent his novel to Rory, and she was afraid to say anything of the matter fearing Rory's reaction to her prying.

"So, you've settled in at Mel's?"

"Yea. Although it's hard for Mel to have me there cause now she can't bring any of her dates back home for a nightcap" Rory smirked and both Lorelai and Sookie enthusiastically started to ponder about Mel's phenomenal success with men. It was, without a doubt, good to talk about a subject that had nothing to do with Rory or Jess.

A half an hour later, just as the three women had managed to relax, they saw two men approaching the house. Rory froze immediately, Lorelai poured herself some more wine and Sookie continued babbling, but even more energetically than before.

The feeling of uneasiness seemed to descend upon all of them. The girls on the porch seemed to be in some kind of a panic, and Luke and Jess who were now only ten feet away from them stopped and stared at the girls on the porch. Jess felt like a five year old, his self-confidence flew out of the window the instant he saw Rory. He felt helpless, like just one wrong word would be able to crush him for good. He needed all his strength to get himself together, and Luke tried to eye him supportively before they walked to the house.

"Hi, Rory. I didn't know you were coming" Luke said with an incredibly tense voice, which was actually kind of amusing since everyone knew that he'd tried to sound as casual as possible.

"Oh, this was just a spur of a moment kind of thing"

Rory was staring at Jess, she knew she stared, but she couldn't turn her gaze away. Jess nodded at her slightly and she could see that he was unsure of her and her thoughts. He didn't know why she was there, he didn't know if she actually hated him or if she appreciated the fact that he'd sent the novel to her. Or maybe she was angry with him for writing about her at all. Or maybe she was happy and she'd come to Stars Hollow to tell him that. Jess was going through all the scenarios in his head, when Sookie suddenly got up and declared that she'd have to head back home. After a quick goodbye, Luke, Lorelai, Jess and Rory went inside and Luke went to grab two beers for himself and Jess.

When Luke returned from the kitchen, he found the other three sitting the living room silently. The situation seemed unbearable, right now Rory couldn't even look at Jess much less say anything to him. She just kept thinking that he still remembered everything about them, he still loved her. Well, at least she thought he did, since in the book he did. There was no way that she would be able to ask him, she couldn't put herself on the line. If she'd find out that he didn't love her anymore, she'd be…

Rory tried to stop thinking about him, but it seemed to be impossible. Lorelai tried to make some kind of small talk and Luke tried to play along with it, but the situation was still as hell-like as before.

"I think I'll go and get some chips from the kitchen. Luke, would you mind going to the guestroom and getting sheets for Rory's bed?"

Rory felt like strangling her mother for her so transparent attempt to leave her alone with Jess. Luke coughed and said he'd get right on it and when Lorelai got up, too, Rory said she'd come and help her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, mom?" Rory whispered when she was alone with Lorelai in the kitchen. "Don't even think of leaving me alone with Jess!"

"What's going on, Rory?" Lorelai asked the question even though she knew it was a stupid question.

"Just promise me that you won't try to leave us alone again"

"Okay, okay. I just… Why did you come here if you don't want to talk to Jess?"

"I came here to talk to him. I just… lost the courage" Rory mumbled, not feeling energetic enough to tell her mom about the book. "Mom, I just need everyone to back off. If I'm gonna talk to Jess, I'll do it when I feel the time is right and without pressure from anyone. There's already been so much hassle over this and as much as I do appreciate everyone's help…"

"I know" Lorelai said kindly and went to her daughter. "You have all the space you need, Rory"

"Thanks, mom " she replied with a relieved smile and just when they entered the living room again, Rory's mobile rang. "It's Lane" she said and looked at everyone apologetically. "Um, I'm gonna go and talk outside"

Rory went to the porch when she answered the phone. She took a deep breath, thinking that she'd have to tell Lane about her split up with Pete. She hadn't had the guts to tell her before.

"You're a good luck charm to me, Rory"

"Excuse me?" Rory said and laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"I wanted you to be the first to know, well the first after Mark"

Lane's words didn't make any sense to Rory until she really thought about them. There was only one

thing that Lane would talk about like this.

"Are you saying that…"

"I'm pregnant, Rory!"

The grin on Rory's face was huge when she heard her friend's words. She hadn't thought that it would be possible to feel so much joy for someone, but it was. In fact, Rory was speechless.

"Rory, are you still there?" Lane sounded so happy.

"Yea, yea" Rory said and sighed. "I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you"

"Well, you're sort of responsible for this. The baby was conceived when we were staying with you in New York"

"Wow" Rory said and grinned again. "So, it's still pretty early"

"Yea, that's why I'd like it if you didn't tell anyone before some time has passed and we know that this is going to…"

"Yea" Rory said more seriously and just then the front door opened.

Rory turned and saw Jess step out. He was apparently heading home, but he stopped for a minute to look at her. The look in his eyes made Rory want to hit herself. He wished her goodnight and the pain and disappointment was apparent in his voice.

Rory cursed to herself, wondering why she didn't have the courage to talk to him.

"Good night, Jess" she replied and then watched him walk down the street.

Lane's voice was now curious when she asked Rory if she had heard her say Jess's name. Rory shook her head, thinking that she didn't want to spoil Lane's good mood with news of her upcoming divorce.

"Yea, I came to Stars Hollow for the weekend"

"Oh" Lane said and Rory heard the confusion in her voice.

"But Lane, I am so happy for you. I can't… I'm speechless"

"Yea, I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling either, Rory. I just… I could ask for nothing more, I mean, I never even dreamed of being this happy. I didn't think it was possible"

"Well, it is. And I know no one who would deserve happiness more than you"

"Yea right, Rory" Lane said laughing. "But I'm coming to Stars Hollow next weekend with Mark. You're gonna be there then?"

"I really don't know" Rory said absentmindedly and after some more giggling and happy words Rory threw her mobile on the bench next to her.

She sat there, staring at the street that Jess had just walked on a while ago. She was so happy for Lane, and at the same time so anxious and tense about the 'Jess-situation'

"It's getting colder"

Rory turned and saw her mother by the door.

"Yeah" she replied and then turned to look down the street again. "I'm so tired of this, mom. I don't want to go on like this anymore. I mean, these past years have been nothing but getting hurt or hurting others. I'd just like to have… I'd like to have a life that isn't as complicated as this one"

Lorelai listened to her daughter and then sat down next to her.

"Are you sure it's so complicated?"

Rory looked at her mom hesitantly and then shrugged. She stood up and said that she would head to bed.

"In the end, it's gonna be okay, Rory"

"Yea. Goodnight mom" 

*Saturday, 1pm*

Rory walked toward the diner rapidly. She stared ahead with a determined look on her face. No one could have guessed that it took all of her willpower to keep her feet going and she had to tell herself constantly not to throw up.

She pushed open the door to the diner and went to the counter. Luke came from the kitchen and Rory smiled at him.

"A burger?"

"Yea, thanks" Rory said and glanced around quickly.

"He's upstairs" Luke said as thought it was the most natural thing in the world to say to Rory, and then disappeared to the kitchen.

Rory knew that this was it. This was her chance, she had to do it now. So she got up and went to the stairs. She looked at them for a while, then climbed up slowly and quietly and found the apartment door open.

Jess was sitting by the table, his back facing Rory. He was apparently just typing and Rory closed her eyes when she started to speak before she even realising it herself. 

"I'm sorry, Jess"

He got up instantly and turned to look at her. The look on his face made Rory want to run to him and hold him tightly. His eyes were filled with shock and surprise, and he looked really tired. They were both standing still, just looking at each other until Jess sighed quietly.

"What are you sorry about?"

Rory closed the apartment door after her and took a few careful steps closer to Jess, making sure they still had a sufficient distance between them.

"I don't know. I just… I'm sorry about everything"

The expression on his face didn't change. He just kept on looking at her, but eventually he nodded and she continued speaking

"Everything is just so crazy. I hadn't seen you for seven years and then you came back and absolutely everything changed. And I don't know anything about anything… I don't…" the words had simply floated out of her mouth, but now she knew she had only one thing to say. "Now I don't know what you're thinking or how you feel"

Jess saw the most beautiful woman that had ever exited on the face of the earth standing before him. She was looking at him after all these years, giving him hope when he had given up ages ago. He had so much to say, but it seemed impossible to start talking. How was he to tell about is feelings now, after all the time that had passed and everything that had happened?

"I don't… I think this is the hardest thing in the world to talk about. Did you… get the book?"

"It was beautiful, Jess" Rory said quickly and then smiled. "I mean, you were always a good writer, but this was incredible… I can't even begin to tell you how I felt while reading it. And I thought that I have to come to you, and… And I came here and I didn't have the courage to do that"

Jess didn't know what to say. He didn't know where to begin, and that's why he'd sent the book.

"Everything I'm feeling and thinking is in the book" he said quietly, feeling that he had bared his soul out to her. "And the only thing I know right now is what I feel. But I don't know what to do, or say"

Rory took a step closer to him. Her heart was beating incredibly fast, being so close to him, finally talking to him. And everything he said was true. She knew how she felt, too, but she didn't know what to do or say. But then she realised that there was something to say, she could tell him the truth in its simplest form.

Again she stepped closer, now she was standing just a foot away from him. She looked into his eyes, feeling overwhelmed by the proximity to him. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, her words were soft and quiet and even more importantly honest.

"I've never missed anyone as much as I miss you"

A/N: This wasn't the best place to stop, but I guess there isn't a good place considering that you'll have to wait such a long time for the next update. Thank you everyone for the reviews and all the feedback, keep it coming… I'll get back to you in approximately one month with Chapter Fourteen!:)